• Member Since 25th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

JumpingShinyFrogs


An Irish girl who reads, writes, reviews, and occasionally draws. Don't worry though. My hair isn't black, my eyes aren't blue, and I'm not from Galway, so you won't be losing your heart to me.

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Deep beneath the surface of Equestria lies an ancient and untouched kingdom. A place no surface-dweller has seen for thousands of years. Even the alicorns of the sun and moon are unaware of its existence.

This kingdom is inaccessible and isolated, leading to a vast and colourful culture completely different to the world above. Once a disastrous encounter with the world above leaves the kingdom wide open, they may just have to abandon their isolationist policies.


Also contains Slice of Life elements, but Fimfiction won't let me have both.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Well I'll be your first comment.

Let me say this; just from the front page alone nothing is jumping out at me. The picture doesnt tell me much and while the description could lend itself to a good story (which im sure you can do) it just has no hook to lure readers in. The oc tag is also a disservice. This is a fan fiction website, we come here to read stories about of favorite little ponies, if its all OC's then it might as well be a tellytubbies story for all we know.

If the fic is written well and the oc's are fun to read and relatable, people will read it. We're not all Kkat so we cant all base it off of fallout, but all i can say is rework the front page to really give readers something to bite into

6281330 Cool, thanks. I suck at writing descriptions, and I don't have a cover yet. The OC tag is only the one tag for a short while. After the first act, the mane six will be playing a big role, at which point I'll add their tag. For now, the story is just focused on introducing and building up the world.

You have a good premise, a good take on events too. I hope that everything works out in the writing here.

This was a good chapter, in my opinion.

I liked your use of various monster species, your understanding of council debates was pretty great, and the idea of Chrysalis being part of a council is pretty cool too. :twilightsmile:

My advice would be to go over it with an editor or a friend. As I didn't notice a lot of mistakes, but a few that you may want to address. The most noticeable for me being:

Deadpanned Chrysalis

I'd swap the words around if I were you, but that's just me. Still, I enjoyed it enough to leave a like. Best of luck in the stories future! :twilightsmile:

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