• Published 22nd Jul 2015
  • 693 Views, 89 Comments

Ponyville confessions - Lunaexcelsior



This is Angelo. Angelo works as a bartender in a five star restaurant, the Hay Palace. There some of Ponyville’s biggest celebrities come in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets.

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Iron Will

So I’m sitting there, tending bar, when in comes one of my regular customers, Iron Will.

Now, Iron Will is a huge bloak.

You can’t miss that giant even if you wanted to.

He comes to the Hay Palace very often and rarely ever does he leave it alone. I don’t know what it is with him, but he just seems to have a certain way with the mares, which is very strange, considering he is a Minotaur and all, but hey, whatever floats his boat, I guess.

As he comes in, I immediately notice something strange. Every move he makes seemed to cause him more pain than the last and he grunted all the way.

So, the poor bloak barely walks up to the bar and sits down. As he sat down he closed his eyes and groaned in pain.

“You doin’ alright, Mr. Will?” I asked him.

“Shut up and give me some ice!” he began yelling.

I hand him over a cup filled with it and he pours the bloody thing down his pants. I am not even joking!

As he does so I saw vapor coming out of his crotch. At this point I am just baffled by all of this. I mean there is vapor coming out of a minotaur’s crotch! It’s not something I see everyday.

“Ahhh”, he said in pleasure, “That hit the spot. Now how’s about you get me some scotch. Make it the hardest you have”.

“Certainly”, I said, snapping out of my confusion and poured him his drink.

He took the glass and chugged it down.

“Sir”, I said, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what happened to yer crotch? There’s steam coming from it!”

“Oh that”, Iron Will smiled, “Pour me another round and I’ll tell ya. And leave the bottle this time”.

I shrugged and poured him another one. A bottle of scotch is what I call a Tuesday for this bloak.

So I leave him the bottle.

He downed the entire thing in two gulps and smashed it over his head. It was nothing out of the ordinary, considering the customer.

“Delicious!” Iron Will said, finishing his drink.

“Thank you”, I replied, “Now will you tell me what happened with you?”

“Sure thing”, Iron Will said, “You know how I used to brag that I could get any mare to sleep with me”, Iron Will asked.

“Yeah, I remember”, I replied.

“Well that got boring pretty quickly”, he said.

“Really?” I asked in disbelief.

“I mean, they are fine for a while”, he said, “but once you tried a few, they get boring, you know what I’m saying?” he laughed. I didn’t.

“Well have you tried minotaurs?” I asked.

“Minotaurs? Yuck”, Iron Will responded with disgust, “They are even worse than mares”.

I rolled my eyes at that comment.

“So what does interest you?” I asked him.

Iron Will looked at me with a smug smile.

“Dragons”, he said with pride.

My eyes were just to pop out of their sockets. I mean, I have heard some pretty weird thing, but nothing has topped that. At least, back then.

“Dragons?!” I repeat in shock.

“Yeah”, Iron Will said with pride, “Their females are just some of the most feistiest and vicious things in the bedroom”.

“Alright, but isn’t that kind of, you know, impossible!” I yelled in disbelief.

“HEY”, Iron Will pointed a finger at me, “Anything is possible if you work for it”.

I began rubbing my templates.

“Alright, Mr. Will”, I said, “but that still doesn’t explain your ‘situation’”.

“Well, I was getting to that”, Iron Will said.

“Alright, sorry for interrupting”, I said shaking my head from the thoughts of the minotaur-dragon mating ritual.

“Well”, he began, “I managed to find a fiery one. She was just so hot and not to mention down to a lot of weird experimentations. However, I soon found out why she was so willing”, Iron Will said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Let’s just say that her ‘satisfaction guaranteed’ plan backfired”, Iron Will smiled awkwardly. I winced at the thought.

“Ouch”, I said.

“Yeah”, Iron Will said, slowly getting up, “I think I might lay off the dragons as well. At least your boring mares never gave me such a burn”.

“You know what they say”, I said as he gave me the money for the drink, “Love’s fire burns hot”.

He painfully laughed at that and left my restaurant.

You see a lot of weird things as a bartender. You see a lot of weird things at the Hay Palace. So, I see a lot of weird things as a bartender at the Hay Palace. And that’s no lie. Swear on me mum.