The
Reasonably Adamant
DOWN WITH
CELESTIA
Newfoal Society!
By Chatoyance
2. They whose jimmies have been rustled
Bucket looked at the hard-packed dirt road as he pulled his cart. It was a large and heavy cart, and what it was filled with could loosely be called soil. 'Night Soil', Bucket vaguely recalled. Yeah, that was it. Night soil. His load was a loaded load of load. And it was full of it.
So was that fancy purple stallion with the whipdy-dipdy golden mane. He was full of it, and so were all the rest of those overly wealthified ponies at the meeting. Especially that Showers colt. 'Oh no no no... nothing so crass as bits!' Tain't nothin' wrong with bits. Especially if a stallion didn't have that many in the first place.
But the society was the only place Bucket knew to go. He felt cheated, and he wanted some amends made, preferably in neat, golden stacks. All the time he was on Earth, slaving away at his janitorial job in the nanotech factory, he'd heard and seen all the propaganda about Equestria. Brand new world. Green and lush. Plenty of sunshine and flowers. Everypony is your friend, and the food is the best and Celestia only knows what all else.
That ain't exactly how things turned out.
Oh, Equestria was green and lush and all, that part was right enough. And he was sure that the food was great, provided a pony could afford to buy some. At his wages, he was lucky to get a doughnut every day and a pie on the weekend. The rest of the time he did what all poor ponies did, he went out and grazed. Grass grew everywhere, along with flowers, herbs, and fruit, so it wasn't like he was going to ever go hungry - fact was, he was packin' on a few pounds. He had a thing for pie, he knew it. But swirls, what else was a pony of his... occupation... supposed to do? It wasn't like the mares were beating down his door. And it also wasn't like there was anything on the holovision to watch - because there weren't no darn holovision in the first place!
The bare fact of it was, ain't nopony done showed him how to BE a pony, exactly. What did ponies do for fun, anyhow? How was he supposed to spend his time when he wasn't sleepin', eatin' or doin' his job? It wasn't like he didn't have a nice place to live, or food to eat. It was just... he pulled a dung cart, and while that needed doin', it weren't exactly glamorous.
Bucket figured that, if he only had a big pile of bits like the others at the meetin' had, life as a pony would probably be pretty good. He felt strong, he felt healthy as a... no, he weren't doin' that joke again. Nopony laughed at that joke no more. But he felt healthy, that was sure enough. He never had muscles like he had now. He was built like a Britt Shickhouse, and that weren't no joke - once, just to see, he had bucked a tree right over, roots and all. It was like bein' Superman, only a pony. Superpony. Now that was a thought. If he were a pegasus, he could even fly. But he weren't. Bucket was an earthpony.
Sometimes that was mighty helpful, though. The berries'd grow back almost as fast as he could eat them. Probably another reason he was gettin' a little heavy, even if it didn't show none. Well, maybe as muscles. Maybe it weren't fat, maybe pullin' that heavy cart was the answer, and he was just gettin' muscles on his muscles. In any case, he was weighin' more on that scale they had in the store.
Canterlot was a convoluted old city. Twisty roads and tunnels through the mountain, all kinds of secret paths and whatnot. It had really strained his noggin the first weeks just trying to memorize his daily route. Smarter. Yep. He felt smarter too.
But he still felt cheated. Equestria had been sold as some kinda paradise, and he had ended up pullin' a dung cart and eatin' pie on the weekends, and there had to be more to life than that in paradise. So he'd up and joined those rich ponies little society. Somehow, he hoped, some of those bits might just rub off on him. He weren't really all that upset he was a pony, but they sure were, and it weren't nothin' to kinda... join in.
Bucket tried not to think of the other night, when he'd bothered to go to the local salt bar and see if he could meet somepony. He'd found what he thought were a right nice mare, but the moment he started talkin' about his job, that was plumb it. Good bye and don't let the barn door hit ya where your tail comes out.
All he'd done was try to explain the different kinds of soil. There was the big round lumps and the small, kinda sticky lumps, and the green ones that smelled like wet hay, and the sorta yellow-y brown lumps that were hard as rocks and he couldn't figure out what the cinnamon some ponies done been eatin' to make somethin' like that. It was basic, factual stuff, educational, even, and he'd been hard pressed to figure out why the cute filly had needed to take a permanent powder.
It was not that much different than his job at the nanotech factory back when he'd been a human. Night soil went in, and food and clothing came out. Also building materials. Wasn't quite as direct, here in Equestria. The night soil had to get made into compost, then put in a field, and then plants had to grow, and then you had to harvest stuff and... it was pretty inefficient, all things considered. Humans had done it better. Poop goes in, meal bar comes out. It's all just molecules!
But the pony way weren't so bad, really. Plants was pretty, and they tasted good - better than meal bars, to tell the honest truth. Loads better. To be truly honest, Bucket didn't think he could choke down a meal bar now, if any had existed anymore. Bucket reckoned that maybe the inefficiency had a point to it, really.
Bucket waited while the compost forecolt unhitched him from the cart. It was in place now, and could be tipped into the heap. While Bucket waited, he tried to figure out if he could afford another Oatburger meal to take to the meetin' tonight. Tonight was supposed to be important, a plannin' meetin', so they could decide whatever it was they were fixin' to ultimately do.
All-grain patties. Now that was eatin'!
Royal was at the podium, his immaculate hooves hammering at the tough wood to get the ponies to hush up. It took longer, this time, because there were more now.
Golden had brought his third butler, a native pony named Bitsworth who was very busy butling about, attending his employer. Royal had felt some concern about a native Equestrian being allowed in, but Golden Showers would hear none of it - his third butler was loyal and dependable and also his favorite, and in any case could be trusted absolutely. Royal had tried to point out that the focus of the society was 'Down With Celestia', something a native might reasonably be expected to take some serious umbrage at, but again Golden had reiterated the overwhelming discretion and trustworthiness of Bitsworth, and in any case there was no point in rebellion unless one could do it in comfort.
While Bitsworth trotted off to get the well-padded Golden another basket of aged cider and a plate of fine cheeses, Royal studied the other new ponies that had arrived. Chair had brought his wife and foals, because he couldn't bear to be apart from them, and apparently they were curious about 'his new playmates'. His wife, Honeybutter, was also a native Equestrian, but Chair had claimed that he had her full support in everything. Also, he wouldn't come if she wasn't welcome. Royal had just shaken his head - after Chair's impassioned complaint that his free human life had been replaced with domestic bliss against his will, it was beyond logic how any of this could possibly work out well... but what the hay. Chair's foals, Daisy Dew and Wildweed were seriously cute, but they needed to quiet down. They liked singing overly happy songs a little too loudly for Royal's taste - worse, Hot Topic and Argent had joined in, and it was entirely getting out of control. Especially since they had started clapping their hooves together in time to the beat.
"HEY! HEY! ALRIGHT! EVERYPONY... gah - EVERYBODY - SETTLE DOWN NOW!" Royal hammered his sparkling hooves down like hammers. The sound was lost in the clapping and singing. "NEIGGGGGHHHHH!!!!" It was an instinctive, animal sound, but it was also as loud as Royal could possibly be. It worked.
Argent, Topic and the foals looked up, frozen in place, surprise on their muzzles. Bitsworth remained unaffected, as he continued to pour cider for a startled Golden. Chair and Honeybutter looked at each other, then up at the podium. Bucket swallowed his bite of oatburger without remembering to chew first, and ended up in a coughing fit for several minutes. After a long guzzle of melonade, he was finally stabilized.
"Ahem!" Royal liked all the eyes trained on him, waiting expectantly. This felt like the old days, on Earth, with the board of directors waiting for orders from their chief. Oh, yeah, this was the stuff. Royal gave his golden, shining mane a toss. Yeah. Definitely the stuff alright. "Welcome, everypony to the..."
"EVERYBODY!" Even Bitsworth, Honeybutter and the foals joined in. It was like they had rehearsed.
"Um... yes. EVERYBODY..." Royal reached a hoof up to straighten a nonexistent collar, an old habit from his human days. Sheepishly, he put his hoof down. "Welcome to the second meeting of the..."
"THE REASONABLY ADAMANT DOWN WITH CELESTIA NEWFOAL SOCIETY!" the assembled group intoned, as loudly and clearly as they could. Then they started giggling, because, well, it had been remarkably fun doing that, actually. Especially with the look on Royal's muzzle after the intonation was done. Honeybutter needed some time to get the foals settled down again - they wanted to shout it a second time.
"Ah... yes." Once again Royal found his hoof at the side of his neck, sure enough, there was no collar and no tie. Maybe he needed to start wearing a tie, just to have something to fiddle with. "I suppose we all know why we are here, then?"
Golden Showers gave his butler a wave with his hoof, from his position reclining on a pile of silken pillows. Bitsworth cleared his throat and began to recite.
"To remind us all of the Earth's devastation,
To unite all Newfoals within the Equestrian nation,
To denounce the evils of ponification,
To demand respect and full restitution,
We are The Reasonably Adamant Down with Celestia Newfoal Society!
We bring the news of the Newfoal's plight,
Celestia respect! or prepare to fight.
The RADWiCkiNS gallop toward what's right!"
The haughty butler cleared his throat, then turned back to seeing if his employer required more exquisite cheeses and imported carrots.
"RADWICKINS!" Royal somehow squeaked when he repeated the acronym. "Are you serious?"
"Just something Bitsworth here tossed off when I explained our little group to him. Rather good job, don't you think?" Golden smiled at his trusted butler, who returned the compliment with a proud nod.
Royal stared open-mouthed at the plump, bright yellow earthpony ensconced in his fortress of silky pillows. Golden stretched his neck to sip at some cider. Royal's eyes rolled to Bitsworth, waiting patiently by his employer's side. Bitsworth gave a little, dismissive flick of his tail and a short flick of his ears - a pony shrug.
Royal slowly closed his mouth. Maybe there was more anti-Celestia sentiment in Equestria than he imagined. It was not something he would have considered possible in all of the four years he had lived here, since the end of the Earth. Nopony ever expressed anything except praise and absolute love for the princesses. Was Bitsworth secretly a Newfoal? That seemed unlikely too. Royal shook his mane. Back to business.
"Well, that was... fantastic... Bitsworth. Showers." Royal wished he had thought to bring a cup of water to the podium. He would have to remember for next time. "Still... Radwickins?"
"Is it not proper to add vowel sounds to complex acronyms in order to make them pronounceable, sir?" Bitsworth was ever so proper in his manner.
"Yes... I suppose it is." Royal hadn't a clue about such things, but it certainly seemed as if Golden's butler was on the ball. "Radwickins it... is, then. I suppose." Somehow the name did not seem as impressive as Royal had hoped. He made another mental note to consider acronyms in the future. Water cup, acronyms, he repeated in his mind.
"OOH! OOH! I have an idea for what we could do!" It was Chair's wife, Honeybutter.
Royal decided to roll with things - if a native butler could write the society motto, then he might as well hear out Chair's native-born wife. "The chair recognizes Honeybutter. Continue."
"Huh?" Honeybutter looked perplexed. "Do I look strange?"
Royal felt very confused. "Do you look strange?"
"I don't know! Do I?" Honeybutter glanced at her husband, worried.
"I don't think you look strange! Why would you say my wife looks strange?" Chair glared at Royal.
"I... never!" Royal moved straight from confused to befuddled. "I never said your wife looked strange!"
"Not in so many words..." Honeybutter considered the situation. She turned again to her husband "Do you know who I am?"
Chair blinked, not comprehending any of this. "Huh?"
"Do you know who I am?" Honeybutter seemed very concerned now.
"You're my wife. Of course I know who you are!" Chair was feeling frustrated by this, a sentiment shared by many at the meeting. "Why wouldn't I know who you are?"
"Well," Honeybutter pointed an accusing hoof at the podium. "HE doesn't seem to think so!"
Royal decided that befuddled was insufficient and nearly stripped his gears moving up into confounded. "I have NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!"
Argent looked over at Topic, who shrugged with his ears. Thunder Road started to say something, but then fell silent. Bitsworth wisely kept out of it all, and concentrated on searching through his basket for more cheese for Golden. Golden for his part nervously studied his cider. This was beyond him. Bucket thought he had the answer, but reckoned they'd all just glare at him, so he decided to stick his muzzle into the fry bag to see if there were any more hay fries in there.
"Listen, Royal." Chair was staring intently at the deep purple earthpony "If my wife says you don't think I can recognize her, then that's what happened." Royal swallowed, his throat dry. He couldn't afford anypony getting upset and leaving - the society had just begun.
Suddenly, he had an inkling, and his confoundment went down two levels to mere confusion again. "Honeybutter!" Royal put on his best smile for her "Tell me exactly what you think I said, please."
Honeybutter thought for a moment, and then spoke. "You asked me if my husband knew who I was!"
Suddenly it all made sense. Confusion was repealed in favor of understanding. "No, no!" Royal laughed. "I said 'The chair recognizes you...'"
"Well of course I do! She's my wife!" Chair was even more upset.
"No, no, NO!" Royal's head was getting that pounding feeling in the left temple. "The CHAIR! THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES YOU!"
"AND WHY WOULDN'T I?" Chair had stood up now, and his jaw was locked in place, teeth showing, ears flat against his skull.
"AUGHHHH!" Royal turned away from the podium and walked towards the wall behind it. He waited a moment in the nervous silence, then returned. "Wait, calm down, everypony, please."
"EVERYBODY!" the yell was almost deafening, and it set the room giggling and laughing. Royal found himself unable to speak for several minutes, every time he tried he began laughing again.
"He means the chairpony of the meetin'." Bucket finally decided to say something. Nopony would glare at him if they were laughing like that. "It's Robert's Rules Of Order, from back on ol' Earth. Th' Chairpony runs the meetin' and recognizin' is the way that other ponies get to talk!" There, that ought to finally get some respect.
Ten pairs of eyes glared down at Bucket. It was hardest seeing the glare from the foals. Yep, thought Bucket, that was definitely the worst.
Bucket felt stupid for speaking up. He should have known better.
Argent and Topic tried not to look at each other, they felt stupid because it was so muffin obvious now, and they should have spoken up.
Daisy Dew and Wildweed felt stupid because they had no clue what was going on, but mostly they didn't like the way Bucket smelled.
Chair felt stupid because he felt like his name had been made fun of, somehow. He wasn't sure how.
Honeybutter felt stupid because she had caused a big fuss in front of her husband's friends.
Showers felt stupid because something had happened, and he realized he really hadn't been paying much attention.
Thunder Road felt stupid because she hadn't figured it out, and she thought she should have.
Royal felt very stupid for letting the whole thing get out of hoof. He was supposed to be the chairpony - PERSON - here, and he was not living up to his own expectation.
Bitsworth didn't feel the least bit stupid. He had shut the swirl up, and came out smelling like a rose. Little smartie!
Bucket looked down. Bucket always looked down.
Royal stomped his hoof on the podium, giving three short raps. "Well, now, shall we return to the matter at hoof? Er... hand? Hoof. No use denying reality. Definitely hoof." He was losing them. "Honeybutter! You said you had an idea as to what we could do?"
"Um...." Honeybutter looked around nervously. "I do. If my husband recognizes me, of course."
Giggles rippled around the room.
Chair stood up. "Chair recognizes his wife." More giggles. "And she's real pretty, too."
That filled the room with choruses of 'D'awwww..." and Honeybutter leaned over for a quick smooch. "Thank you, tight flanks." Chair managed a rather fetching shade of red at that.
Royal's neck was getting bruised from his hoof digging into it. A tie. There had to be a shop that sold ties somewhere in Canterlot. "SO...." Royal shifted his rear hooves. It was very uncomfortable to stand up on hind legs for so long. "What was your idea, Honeybutter?"
Honeybutter stepped near the front of the podium and looked around the room. "I was thinking that... well..."
Every pony in the room leaned forward, expectantly. Finally, a plan. Some action. A way to achieve their goals.
"It just sort of came to me, really..." Honeybutter looked like she had a clear vision, a well considered concept. "After, you know, noticing how warm the evenings have become..." It was absolutely true. The evenings had become warmer, ever since winter had been wrapped up several weeks ago. It had been a major task, because the pegasai had been behind again, and the winter had needed to be a hard one to catch up. But the pegasai had overdone things, and so this summer was expected to be especially warm as a result. Those darn pegasai.
"Yessss????" The room collectively held it's breath, everypony ready for the revelation to come.
Honeybutter smiled, a big, warm Equestrian smile. "I figured... we could all go get ice cream together!"
The room exploded in happy, excited clopping and clapping of hooves. Smiles met smiles and grins faced down smiles forcing the smiles to upscale into full grins just to keep pace. It was at that precise moment that the hoots and hollers returned to claim their rightful place in the scheme of things.
"ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!" it was, after all, the perfect summer treat.
Royal hung his head. There was nothing for it, the will of the ponies had spoken. The first official act of the RADWICKINS had been determined.
They all headed out into the warm sweet-smelling night, diamond stars glittering above in the perfect sky, intent on bringing the tyranny of Celestia down through the time-tested subversion of ice cream.
Later, with sticky hooves, little Daisy Dew put it into perspective "Bestest revo... revu... rebel-vol-ution EVER!" Then she buried her muzzle in strawberry and sprinkles.
I will read soon but Chapter 2's name just makes me laugh.
Oh boy. here we go.
...I giggled purely at the name. This looks like it could be funny.
Wow, that is actually how a revolt would play out in equestria
I love the misconceptions and the innocence of it all, you should submit this to equestria daily once more chapters are up!
New chatty? *adds to watch list*
Oh our sides, our poor sides!
What have those ponies gotten themselves into, what madness can come of this innocent and misguided attempt at a revolt!
That just made our day and it is only 1AM.
My heart is bleeding for those poor, unhappy victims of Celestia. Truly, they are suffering a fate far worse I can imagine
Yes! New story from my favorite author!
643970
I am sooooo weary of the 'ponies are superior' thing. Listen: My schtick, my core premise is that Equestria is paradise, and ponies are angelic. That's the deal. That is what I saw in Season One, and it is what made me love MLP:FIM. The innocent kind, sweet, friendship literally is magic, better than life, lovely - but still exciting - Equestria is the one that caught my heart and soul. That is the only Equestria I write about. Equestria Prime, original Equestria, where the ponies only know love and kindness, and Celestia and Luna are deities that brought order to Discord's Chaos. THAT IS MY ANGLE.
Just accept it. That is my vision of Equestria - a world that would be worth being an afterlife. A world better and sweeter and kinder than our own in every way. There is no use complaining about it - it is the entire basis of any love I have for the show, for the characters, or for anything at all about these cartoon ponies. The second that dies in me, that is the day I stop writing here.
So, if you are going to read my crap, you are going to have to accept that my particular take on Equestria comes (almost) strictly out of season one, and purely out of the episodes where everypony is nice to everypony, and the only threats come from the Everfree. That is my deal, deal with it.
I deliberately contrast that perfect beauty with a realistic earth in order to gain contrast. Light and dark. Heaven and relative hell. That is my gig. That is what I do. That is the very core of my writing soul.
If you read Chatoyance, you read an Equestria that is fairyland, heaven, samadhi, dreamland, and perfect beauty. That's all there is to it. What they've done in season two to make the characters mean or cruel or human... that doesn't exist for me. It's all midichlorians to me, ruining The Force.
Accept it. That is MY Equestria. Just roll with it. It's a happy, fun place.
644010
Honestly, I don't...no Can't understand why people could complain about the way you treat Equestria in your universe. You have just as much right to see equestria through your own special color of lens if you choose it. Frankly, if someone doesn't like it then they should just stop reading, the story doesn't appeal to them in whatever way they'd like it to, and complaining about your stories as a whole just seems...wasted.
Anyway, I certainly enjoy your writing, and this one looks to be shaping up quite nicely.
644010
And that's why I like having every interpretation of Equestria represented in TCB.
My personal interpretation is going to start flowing out more in some side dialogue for my story, but to not try and hijack the thread I will just say that the Royal Sisters want controlled growth and dynamism in their society. They just want to make sure things don't get stagnant and boring, while ensuring things don't also get chaotic and uncontrollable.
In regards to this story and the general tenor of debate regarding others and you, I just have to say this:
My Jimmies are Eternal
What in the holy night's sake...
i4.ytimg.com/vi/oScCgxuId98/hqdefault.jpg
I can't be the only one who recognizes Team Rocket, right? Because bless you Chatoyance for that.
644121
I seem to be on a Team Rocket kick right now. I think doing my PER story made me remember how much I loved Jessie and James and Meowth, and their back stories and personalities. They were just my favorites, once the episodes that defined them as people showed. I always just wanted to hug them all and make it better, you know? Thank you for noticing that reference in there! Yay!
644010
or, a more simple explanation: the MST3K mantra; "It is just a show (or story in this case), I should really just relax."
644134
Yes, you are right! I should just answer such issues with 'it's a story, relax!' and not worry. There is no way I can please everyone. If some have a problem, then, well, they have a problem. I'm just writing happy little stories here.
Yeah. Thank you. That helps.
Bwaahahahahaha
Oh god. Chat, I vaguely recall hearing you say that comedy is a thing you found difficult.
I think we can check "laffs" off the list. I'm giggling myself stupid. Well done.
Radwickins - they are the 1%.
I got sick of your writing style, what with its complete seriousness on all topics and such, so now I'm incredibly leery of anything you write.
This was kind of the last straw. It seemed like a pleasant sidestory kind of thing, but the 'and Equestria was changed forever' at the end of the summary hints at some sort of overarching plot, and after Code Majeste, I don't think I can take much more of that from you.
If the organization was just this little thing composed of a few ponies in a backwater town not really doing anything except get into trouble, then maybe I'd read that. But as it stands, I can't bring myself to even click on the first chapter.
Just figured I should say why I'm not reading any of your stories anymore before I finally unfollow you or whatever the hell you call it.
Love this one too Chat.
This is a companion fic to your PER story, isn't it?
'scuse me while I giggle myself to death and start reading.
EDIT: 'umbridge', I think you may have been going for 'umbrage' there.
644258
"If the organization was just this little thing composed of a few ponies in a backwater town not really doing anything except get into trouble, then maybe I'd read that. But as it stands, I can't bring myself to even click on the first chapter."
That's... exactly what it is so far. It seems we should be expecting some slapstick.
Poor Bucket though! Poor, poor Bucket. Seems there are still plenty of rich schmucks even in Equestria. They just don't get to crush the spirit of their underlings quite so much, and everypony generally enjoys themselves. How awful for them!
Ahh, this really brightened up my day.
I did set out to analyze their point of view from a philosophical perspective; how their complaints are reminiscent of culture shock moving from a ‘Closed Society’ into an open one. That was, up until I reached the mantra and fell out of my chair laughing in nostalgia.
The aspect of whether Newfoals would actively 'rebel' (in so much as a pony can) is something I've wondered about for quite a while. Personally, while she is broadly righteous, I don’t see Celestia as exactly benevolent, cultural genocide and her over arching reasons behind Earth's annexing an avenue I'm probably going to pursue in the epilogue to akh. Either way, I find myself somewhat rooting for their underlying cause, even though I can see this becoming utterly silly as time goes on.
As a side note, I begin to wonder if ‘EveryBODY’ will become Equestria’s first meme?
644390 Chatoyance has promised, in the summary, to make this little organization into a world-changing thing. And that's precisely what I'm sick of. So I'm just not going to start.
I loved the Team Rocket reference, and I agree with Midnight. I'd give Bucket a hug if I could, the little guy's adorable
644427 You know what? I'm sick of, of... of stuff happening, too. People keep writing all these stories that have these crazy epic adventures, and when they only focus on one character, that character experiences these damn changes, just because of the stuff that happens in the story. Well, you know what? I'm not going to take it any longer, and I don't think you should, either. Let's make like a tree and blow this joint!
See? You can write comedy.
644587 Thank you for illustrating the futility of arguing on the Internet.
644638 Arguing? Who's arguing? I must mean, "Thank you for illustrating the futility of agreeing on the Internet." And you're welcome!
chat usually has the thought provoking contrasting story on earth side. midnight has the "newfoal adapting to equestria in a hillarious manner" side. krass blends the two together with his own sillyness
and me.. i see myself as more of a "what would this charicter do if this happened" type of guy..
a person may not like one or the other.. but with this.. miniverse that has spawned from a single,simple, and even now not complete story..
there is loads to choose from.
some play the humans as the heros and the ponies as the zombie invaders.
others play the ponies as the heros and the humans as the biggoted great apes.
out of all of them i think that chat has the fareist representation of the miniverse.
she has charicters that have struggled through the hellhole that mankind has created based on what has/is happening today. she shows bad humans and good humans, bad newfoals and good newfoals.. and even the bad equestrian every so once in a while (like the one who got the residents of summerland caught there.)
if the haters want someone to fight.. i say come to me.. because with chat you are fighting a losing battle.. at least on mine you can insult my spelling and grammar.
Poor bucket, he could use a shower.
Wow...just...wow. Most Honorable Lady Chatoyance, you've done it again. Another well-written, captivating and pleasantly quirky story. If you keep writing this well, I may never finish my own story! TAKE ALL THE DAMN MOUSTACHES!
Team Rocket mantra. Sniff... I started gaffawing after the first line. I said to myself "it can't be!", but it was. I read on and litteraly laughed out loud on the train. Other serious, near to fifty, working on their laptop, business men like me tried not to look at me. Let them. I laughed all the way through. And I read each word slowly, savouring ean one.
Thank you Chatty!
644010 for once chatoyance, we are in complete agreement. to quote the almighty GRRM "they can keep their heaven. when i die, i'd sooner go to middle earth." edit: okay, maybe not complete agreement. infact the only thing i agree with you about is the 'heaven' thing.
644134 that mantra only applies to some things. like for instance, try to sit through 'my little fetish' with that mantra. you'll end up trying to claw your eyes out in, ooh, about five minutes.
644608 technically, the term is 'his royal majesty the king.' highness refers to princes or princesses while your grace or your majesty refers to a king or queen.
It seems you finally figured out funny
Good on ya.
644375
My spellchecker didn't catch it. In any case, FIXED, thank you, noble!
644258
It's a COMEDY, silly boy. Luna's Left Hoof. Settle down.
645345
Thank you, Krass, that means a lot to me, coming from you.
I know this supposed to be a satirical piece, but Chatoyance is still rather effectively underscoring the common story element of ponification leaving parts of a person behind. Chair being physically unable to speak a certain word is rather horrifying in a 1984 sort of way, like he's a Martin Scorsese movie being shown on network television. It's like some kind of censorship of the soul, and the comedy for me lies in the fact that that isn't even what the ponies are mad about.
What they are mad about doesn't even matter that much. The fact is that they are malcontents, they feel something is wrong deep down inside them, and that something must be done, but they're not even able to know what those things are. They seem as though they should be happy, but they are not happy, and they're holding up different puzzle pieces to the hole to see if it fits.
In the meantime, though, hey, ice cream!
645240
Dude, you get a 'royal' when you can show me your face on some money. Elizabeth gets a royal cause she's on most of bills and coins in my pocket. It also doesn't hurt that she looks a lot like my mother, although that did cause me some confusion in my childhood.
BTW - "your grace" is for Dukes and Duchesses, (and Bishops, I think.)
645447
Do not worry, Defaloce, I will endeavor to show the deep, indecipherable emptiness that existentially crushes these poor Newfoal monstrosities as they confront the dark and insufferable horror that their ponified brains literally cannot begin to express.
That, or it's a wacky comedy and will end in laughter and friendship. One of the two. I give you my word. Pinkie Promise.
645581
So far it's ended in ice cream, so, if this pattern of escalation continues, I think you're on track to arrive at one of those!
I didn't really mean to imply that this is the pony version of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream*, but I like to share things that occur to me as I'm reading. As a further example, it was amusing to me to imagine Celestia issuing mandatory enjoyable, high-paying jobs and attractive romantic partners like some kind of bizarro caste system, and that is why the ponies are complaining about things one wouldn't normally complain about.
*the title of that would be I Have No Cake and I Must Party, © 2012 Defoloce Enterprises Ltd. All rights reserved.
645820
The wonderbolts are the best flight group in equestria, implying there are other groups.
645365
The way you say that makes me sound like I'm the tops when it comes to funny
Everyone knows I only Write the most serious of fics!
Also, I dont know if you actually take AAF as part of your universe, but you wrote him in before so wouldnt he be the second millionaire or higher? Forgive me if Im mistaken.
644159 "I'm just writing happy little stories here." Well, this one seems like that so far, but if one looks at your TCB-stories as a whole... I approve the complaints (though most, if not all, have already been disclosed weeks or months ago), because you yourself have made it clear that you, the author behind the fics, think your portrayal of Earth and its people is realistic if not even optimistic. Because of that you can't just say "it's not me but merely the characters I created" anymore. Now it haunts you, and you must live with it -- even with the (truly and truthfully) happy little stories.
Then there are the comments about the other end: how canon is your Equestria? Y'know, like I could start with: "TR eats all the pie and stays fit, WTH!?" You go: "You notice the amount of pastries Pinkie Pie consumes?" I say: "But she obviously has bulimia." You: "Listen to yourself. Bulimia, please be kidding." Me: "Twilight certainly threw herself back to shape, when she had that brunch with the Apples." Oh, and how about there's a newfoal, whose name had been (insert profanity [it could happen, I can picture a Bulgarian named Fuckwitzk])? Could anypony say, or even think, his/her name? This is a bit more dumb, but I approve the complaints about this as well, as well as the responses, of course (remember the mantra...).
Enough pointless rambling, I want to say something about this fic too; about these two chapters. When I began reading I thought to myself: "Let's see if there's been any development in her writing." I'm aware that you've written loads of other stuff before, but still we were all first time pony writers not too long ago. Then I couldn't come to any quick conclusion and stated: "Probably yes, but The Big Respawn is still my favourite, how 'bout that." But could this be my new favourite? There's the joy of putting such an adamant storyline into a framework of magical ponies -- and succeeding in it as well. The writing also is solid in other areas (excluding the rabid use of ellipses). That's a very nice first chapter. But then there's that mindboggling introspection right at the start of the second. Firstly: it completely turns the narration around to something that's not the first chapter that I just read and liked. Secondly: I could've just gone with "Bucket moves dung. He always looks down." Now I'm afraid we'll get more trivia about the other OGs too! I don't want that! I want to fill in the gaps myself (however, I am aware that this is fanfiction that most people gobble by the dungcartload, and that kind doesn't really want to spend their time with gaps)! The rest is good, not quite sure if the chair-part works, but surely some ice cream will make it better.
I hope this comment makes any sense.
645240 Read it. Found it bland and boring.
Trust me, it takes disturbingly much to disgust me.
Disturbingly, disgustingly much.
645820
FIXED!
Well I think one of the things they want most is to just be heard.
643970 Don't listen to Chatoyance, it's a misanthropic thing that feeds off of hate.
You know, as much I'm enjoying the comedy of this story, I really could see a serious version of it being done. AKA, a story where people with LEGITIMATE reasons to be pissed about being forcibly converted (really I want to slap the lot of them here silly, except maybe Bucket. He needs a hug ).
It could be worse. They could be Lilian Fogarty.
645240 "Just figured I should say why I'm not reading any of your stories anymore before I finally unfollow you or whatever the hell you call it"
& "Read it. Found it bland and boring. Trust me, it takes disturbingly much to disgust me. Disturbingly, disgustingly much. "
Okay, well at least the latter comment had some content in relation to this particular story itself, but really. You said you were going to un-follow, you said you weren't going to read it....and that you were leaving......
You stayed, you read.
No one strapped you down Clockwork Orange style and MADE you do it, you're eyes weren't held open against your will. (*) So to you, and to others out there who come here simply to insult the authoress, I have only two things I wish to ask of you. First off, if you don't like it, just don't read it. Simple. See? There must be hundreds of other ways you could be spending your time and energy, that do not include bashing someone you've never even met over a work of Fiction that you personally dislike.
*
pbs.org/wgbh/cultureshock/flashpoints/theater/images/clockwork_big.jpg
And in the words of Thumper: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I71cY9Ysy5U