• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2021

honeyhoneyhoney


Whu~! O-O

Comments ( 19 )

Let's see where this goes...

See where this goes

Let's see what happens...

The romantic subplot and the confusion that Applejack is experiencing with a contradiction of acceptance is over the top for me.

No reaction from the parents during or after this...escapade? And while I understand Applejack might have the knowledge, with only a foal's strength the course of action taken is folly and prone to not work at all.

Also, this is literally an alternate universe where she is given the chance to save her parents and I'd recommend an AU tag to allow leeway. Just some thoughts.

I don't mind continuing to read.

6230553

:twilightsmile: Thank you for the feedback.
Lots of your points make sense!!!

There's no plans for a romance. Definitely none between Rarity and Applejack.

Applejack's confusion is fun, imo. Ah'm sorry that it felt too silly. Haha.

Foals shouldn't be that strong? Now that's the biggie. The intended plan was to have Chapter 2 start in a hospital, where AJ realizes she now has broken bones because of her actions. In hindsight, I could describe how AJ's body breaks as she attacks the Timberwolves, but ah dunno. *ponders*

Alternate Universe? I think for now, "nah." Mostly cause there's a lot of fimfic stories out there without the AU tag that are comparable to the antics I have planned.

I do appreciate your feedback! I fault myself for not accompanying this chapter with its second. It's where we touch on the consequences of her actions, broken bones and broken lies, before giving Applejack a goal to strive toward. Hopefully when I start updating, the chapters will have a regular schedule.

Still, I'm glad you had some fun. :heart:

No reaction from the parents during or after this...escapade?

I had to delete it. ): It felt out of place in this chapter. It flowed and looked funny.
Luckily, I tend to save my deleted scenes.

Deleted:
Mint and Tangerine shared a stunned look as they held Applejack. They didn't understand. Yet, with no reservation, they embraced her. They would always accept their little miracle.

Oh wow, I actually started writing a fanfic where AJ goes back in time to save her parents, although I think mine is different enough that people will still be interested and won't think I'm copying you. I'm waiting until I finish my first "act" before publishing my fanfic.

Anyway, I'll definitely be tracking "Two Apples" in the meantime. Your writing shows promise, and you have a nice, big vocabulary, at least by fanfic standards. However, your story could use some editing or a beta reader. There are several grammatical errors, and some sentences that don't seem to fit the rest of the story. For example:

Rarity ain't supposed to be real!!!

Did AJ think she was dreaming, and Rarity wasn't supposed to be in her dream? If so, it should have been mentioned. As it is, it confuses me.

Also, who was that strange stallion? Hopefully it'll be answered by the end of the fanfic.

P.S. I love this site and community too; it's so much better than that other fanfic site.

An excellent start, a strange stallion, her parents saved and Rarity already suffering a massive shift.
Well done, will be looking forward to how you will develop this. :twilightsmile:

6520519

Aww. Thank you!!
Here. Have a deleted scene. This was a possible idea that I scrapped. Mostly because it flowed funny.

DELETE SCENE
With a blank expression, Applejack stared in the mirror displaying no emotion. She let her “Mommy” brush her mane. The smooth strokes… A ruby-colored ribbon tied in her mane… They were alone in her parent’s vanity. She loved that large golden mirror, but Granny had her sell it.

“Jaqueline, what’s on your mind?”

“Thinkin’ about death,” bluntly stated Applejack.

Applejack’s eyes watched her Ma’s face, and impressed at her continued calm demeanor.
“How so?”

“Ah remember bein’ at yer funeral,” she replied honestly.

That got a reaction. Mommy went rigid, before resuming her brush strokes.

“Granny told me how you died too. Timberwolf bit yer head clean off.”

“Jackie,” she sternly interrupted her creepy daughter. But the filly eyes were glazed, as she spoke aloud. “Stop.”

Applejack slowly nodded. Soon after, only light brush strokes echoed in the quiet. The filly let Mommy continue to hug her.

oOo oOo oOo

“Ah heard yer actin creepy. Talkin’ about death and all them apples,” spoke the stallion. He thwacked his hind hooves to the tree. The apples dropped in the buckets. “Heck. You look or sound no different.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ah haven’t even said nothing.”

Pa looked at her. “Then speak, Jackie. Ah’m willin’ to listen. We all are.”

Applejack feigned disinterest.

“Ah think ah’m dead,” spoke Applejack. “Ah just don’t know how ta feel or act.”

Pa paused and then poked her chest. She squirmed at the sudden contact. "You feel that?" Applejack caught herself nodding. "Then yer alive."

Applejack frowned. "It ain't ever that simple. Subjectivity and whatnot."

Pa couldn't help but laugh. "Mah little Jackie. Talkin' like an uppity scholar." Applejack rolled her eyes, and was suddenly caught in a strong hug. To her dismay she was assaulted with tickles. Despite her protests. Applejack couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled so hard.

6521275 Yeah I get what you mean, it really wouldn't have fit in right with the rest of the chapter.

Seemed a might strange for Applejack to up and go from "Mah parents are alive and ah'm a filly again" to "The last decade of mah life must've ah bad dream".

I mean, there's shock, and then there's... uh... "Nothing is real, I'm in the Matrix! Watch me jump off this skyscraper and fly! Wheeeeeeeee *SPLAT*" :pinkiecrazy:

Eh, but she got over it soon enough. :twilightsheepish:

Anyway! 't was a fun read, will follow this story. :twilightsmile:

I do wonder if she'll tell her parents the full truth... And if they'll believe her. :applejackconfused:

Is this dead? :fluttercry:
I was going back through my tracking list, removing stories that haven't been updated in a while and amidst them I re-found this.
I remember thinking it was a very good and interesting intro, but it's been well over a year since you published this... :applejackunsure:
Please give a shout if there is still hope for this.

She'd had peaked in the kitchen.

She had peeked

lavender mane,

Not to nitpick, but Rarity's mane is mulberry, indigo, or blurple.

Tangerine had thought time had stopped as Applejack burst from the foliage and leaped overhead and snapped the Timberwolf’s neck. Her daughter yanked her lasso, and detached its head.

The filly nimbly slipped around the snapping wooden teeth, before raising her flaming torch while spewing out hard cider. The remaining Timberwolves were engulfed in flames. The monsters shrieked as the blazing fire ate away at their limbs.

Tangerine shivered under Applejack’s glare. “Nopony is dying.”

I just wanted to say you are an amazing writer and I love you. :rainbowkiss:

8412705
I plan to! :heart:
My goal is to complete all the chapters of Applejack's first arc before I update. Daily updates are the best. :)

8412734

I hope you complete them soon then.

I just watched "The Perfect Pear" now. Are you going to change her parents names to Bright Mac and Pear Butter now? Might be for the best to do.

Hope to see more of this soon!^_^

Will this ever continue? I love this.

8412734
I hope you finish the arc soon! I’ve just read this and I’ve already fallen in love with the story! :pinkiehappy:

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