Life on the farm was dull for Little Pinkamena, until one fateful day changed her outlook forever. Now a young mare, she's come to Ponyville to seek two things: A new way of life, and every friend she can manage.
But there's two pegasi in particular who've caught her eye: One shy with a pink mane much like her own, and one brazen, whose mane just makes her want to smile forever...
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Awesome! An update!
Hate being on a phone, makes it more of a challenge to point out things.
"The lanky stallion didn't respond, and Pinkamena feared he'd be angry with her." The pharagraph this sentence belonges to is repeated, furthermore the first one uses her nickname which currently does not exist at that point in the story.
There are also a few spelling errors but i'm honestly glad someone finally shares their idea of how five of the mane six knew eachother before Twilight's friendship assignment. Even more interesting that it's not just everyone meeting Pinkie, but everyone meeting eachother.
All I can say really is; Me gusta.
Nice first chapter. I'll see where it goes from here.
The lanky stallion didn't respond at first, and Pinkamena feared he'd be angry with her. Instead he chuckled. "Don't worry too much about it. Mrs. Cake could use a hoof in the kitchen, so why don't you hurry on up? And the next time you feel like you need to talk to somepony... well, we're here for you, Pinkie."
The lanky stallion didn't respond at first, and Pinkamena feared he'd be angry with her. Instead he chuckled. "Don't worry too much about it. Mrs. Cake could use a hoof in the kitchen, so why don't you hurry on up? And the next time you feel like you need to talk to somepony... well, we're here for you, Pinkamena."
Seems you have almost the same paragraph twice. Other than that I like how this is going so far. Hope you go over how Rarity and Fluttershy first started going to the spa together and how it became a ritual for them.
Fixed the error. It was just a matter of getting rid of the first paragraph. No idea how it managed to get back in there after I deleted it the first time, heehee.
I always had the impression the Mane 5 didn't all know eachother before meeting Twilight, but this is definitely a well written story which I'll be watching with interest. The idea that Rainbow may remind Pinkie of the first time she smiled every time she sees her is one I've always been rather fond of, so it's nice to see it get turned into a plot point.
Whew, finally sat down to read this. I kinda like it.
thumbs up from me.
you've got a bit of prose in the beginning, a wordy sentence here or there, and a few cases of LUS, but overall a decent story.
not bad, I like it. It kinda bugs me that she doesn't say okie dokie lokie, but other than that I think it's great.
Oh and this:
>Dizzy Twister had been waiting for 'somebody'
I finally got around to clearing this off my read later. I can only hope you still plan to update this as I am quite enjoying it!