Octavia is looking for a new home in Ponyville and decides to check out Vinyl's available space. Of course, she would happen to come to town right when a major storm's about to hit, and that storm would drop a whole tree on Vinyl's home. Seeing their situation, Fluttershy kindly offers them shelter.
That might not have been the best solution. Can Fluttershy help these two musicians get along, or is a new storm about to form inside her cottage?
Takes place at the same time as the Season 1 Episode, Look Before You Sleep.
Pre-read by Mercurbee (formerly Mercury Gilado) and The Bean.
Third place entry for Skeeter the Lurker's Switcheroo! contest.
Cover art used with permission from Bukoya-Star
Now featured on Equestria Daily!
I am surprised and flattered to discover a new audio reading by Scribbler Productions!
I like it! Poor Flutters dealt with a lot but it worked out in the end. I think you pulled off of their characterisation quite well, the way the story was written made things quite easy to visualise as well. You certainly stayed close to the spirit of the episode but with room for the characters to clash together in their own unique way. I certainly look forward to your next fic in this style if you go ahead with your idea.
Entry noted!
Best of luck to you!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I still don't understand why Hasbro specifically said that Vinyl doesn't talk. It's weird.
Unless she's actually a videogame protagonist!
Emperor's New Groove reference?
Anyway, loved it!
Well, this was a rather daring take on the prompt, what with one third of the main cast being mute. Still, you made it work well from start to finish. I especially enjoyed the conversation between Vinyl and Angel. Nicely done, and it's nice to see someone else participating in this contest! Good luck.
I got to say I got a lot of good laughs out of this. I was looking for good Vinyl and Octavia fic and this fits the bill. Good work man!
6204035 Pretty sure someone at Hasbro realized there'd probably be a riot if Vinyls voice wasn't nowaking, who has voiced Vinyl in several animation shorts.
I certainly didn't except a PA story when I woke up(at 1pm)! I didn't even realize that the style had changed to fit the contest rules until you mentioned it, I think you did a great job with it. As my theater friends and myself would say, "break a leg!" with the contest!
6204035 - She could have been born mute, or something happened to her that rendered her unable to speak. My cousin had the umbilical wrapped around his neck as a baby, which caused a bit of brain damage. He can make sounds, but that's it as far as I know.
I imagine that working with mute Vinyl as a major character is a daunting challenge for any author. For a first attempt at such a thing this was very impressive.
This sounds like it would be right up the alley of the group "Unshown Canon" - Can't wait to give it a read.
Ok yeah, this works about 8.3 times better than the actual episode. Fluttershy as the mediator plus two ponies who weren't already friends to begin with equals goodness.
I've been waiting to see what the fandom would do with Vinyl being mute, and I must say you've done an excellent job handling this challenge. Only thing I would have loved to see is an explanation of how Octavia could understand Vinyl so well. Then again, this might be best saved for a sequel?
The writing also works well to adhere to the show style and I did get the impression that this could very well have been an episode from the show. Many props to you PaulAsaran for being able to adjust your style and have it work wonderfully.
Awesome job with this
A very enjoyable story.
Well done!
I can't help it! X3 i saw your title for this story and I was like(in a sing songy voice): One night at fluttershy's and the whole world tumbles!
6215632
*counter-singing*
Can't be too careful with your company.
I can feel an angel walking next to me.
...yeah, switching the lyrics was intentional. Now let's just see if we're thinking of the same song.
Okay, so this is the review of One Night at Fluttershy's.
A fairly solidly fun fic.
Reading the author's note, I can see where you were going for as far as mental thoughts and such. While I do see that, I frankly would have liked more. But for what we got, I did feel like there was enough there that it didn't really ruin it for me. I think that's mostly because I enjoyed what I got and wanted to enjoy more.
The choice to have Vinyl a mute? Is that a common thing in the brony community? Because I have never heard that before. I know about the Octavia/Vinyl thing, who hasn't, but... Her being a mute, I never heard of that. I'm not saying it was a bad choice, I think in this situation, it works. I think that the writing is strong enough that she doesn't really need to talk. It's just odd because I'd never heard of it. And maybe its a popular thing, I don't know.
But it was odd. Not bad, but it did take me out of the experience for a little bit.
What sucked me back in was the writing. It was solid and the story was very fun. The way the two musicians interacted was rather fun. Seeing them clashing personality wise and styles was rather fun. I like how they constantly switch back and forth between one of them being uncivil to the other, keeping an nice balance. It was good to see that instead of making one or the other just completely unbelievable. Instead, they both take turns being unreasonable. Which is nice because it makes them both more relatable in situation where they are basically living with someone they can't stand.
Not much to say about Fluttershy. She's done well here. The biggest nitpick, and this is a nitpick which in no way hurts the story, why does she have to call herself an 'Element Bearer' or feels she has a responsibility because she is an 'Element Bearer'? She can't just feel responsible because that's who she is. And I get it, she is the element of kindness, that's who she is, but it just feels like... that just because she has that title, she's the only one who can do the right thing. Maybe it's nothing and maybe I am reading way too much into that, but it bugged me.
I'll admit the way Octavia and Vinyl kissed and made up... felt a little rushed. But it's not a huge amount that it was really distracting. Again, I could be overanalyzing it, but it felt a bit rushed. That's not to say that I don't understand why they felt the need to try to get along. Upsetting Fluttershy, who had been so kind to them, would probably do it, but it didn't feel as urgent to me.
Another thing I wanted to point out was, I liked how it wasn't the episode. This could have been it's own fan fiction and is totally good with not being a copy of an episode. It totally works as it's own thing, even if you've never seen the episode. Which I liked.
Overall, a fun experience and a great entry into the competition. My favorite so far. I haven't read the other one so, maybe that will change, but even if it does, I liked this one. It was fun, it was well written for what we got, it had a fun little moral, a couple things I did harp on, but nothing that overall hurts the quality for me.
Thank you so much for letting me review it and I hope to hear more from you in the future. Take care.
6215841
Well, this is much more than I anticipated. Makes me think I should do more than merely throwing your story in my RiL. Perhaps I'll put it down in my Requests list.
Let's get into the "Element Bearer" thing Fluttershy said, because you definitely read too much into what she was saying there. Bear in mind that this is the Fluttershy from early in the show, back when she was still a doormat and not very confident in herself. The question, then, is of Fluttershy's mental position at that time. Lacking a particularly strong willpower, she simply needed to give herself a morale boost. It had nothing to do with "I must do this because it's in my job description and I'm the only one who can" and everything to do with "I don't know if I can do this and I need some encouragement."
Hope that helps.
As to Octavia and Vinyl settling their differences... yeah, that's fast, but I could think of nothing more appropriate to force them to see eye to eye otherwise. I kinda just went with what finally came to mind, knowing as I did that it would feel rushed. At the same time, that fits with my "episode" intentions, because many problems in the show are resolved with similar rapidity. In that light, I don't mind so much.
Regarding Vinyl being mute, how can you miss it? In the fandom, no, she talks aplenty, but remember that this is meant to replace an episode, which means it needs to be as close to the show as I can manage. And in the show, Vinyl does not talk. Period. It never happens and may never happen (I think Hasbro outright said so, but don't quote me on that). Because these were meant to be the characters as depicted in the show, Vinyl had to be mute in this story. That's all there is to it.
Anyway, thanks for the review. I shall be sure to slip your story a bit higher in my review schedule so I can return the favor.
6216029 There is no need to return the favor for any reason. I simply did this because I wanted to.
Like I said, I read into things too often and judge things that would bother nobody else. But in the end, a fun story that really makes me want to read more from you.
If you would like to do a review on my piece, go for it. But don't feel like you are being forced. It was my pleasure to read something from a talented writer.
6216056
Too late, you're already on my request list. Besides, being a contestant suggests that I should read your story regardless, and I review everything I read (see this if you don't believe me). Yours is slated for September 24th... I know, an eternity away, but I only do one request a week and you've got eight ahead of the story.
6216076 In that case, I am humbled and honored to receive a review from you. As for the date, I'm not going anywhere. Take all the time you need.
I really liked this! For some reason I feel like aiming to make a complete episode created a fuller read with better characters overall.
I felt like I was watching the show more then reading. I like that feeling a lot, and that makes this one of the best stories I've read in a long time.
This was nice.
Fluttershy has the patience of a saint, because as Octavia said and Vinyl... mimed, they'd have been tossed out on their asses with just about anypony else. Cute fic, sir.
6215734 ....you and I are so "in sync" o.O
terrible pun I know. yeah I thought of the Bangkok song immediately.
Im out of my box, I've broken the locks, and now I am able to roam free,
Get my revenge, I will not end, not until he is killed by me.....
It's me
Really fun story; all the characters were dead on and I liked that you've carried over the theme of the show where Vinyl Scratch can only speak through her through music. I also really love how Octavia can understand what Vinyl Scratch because she can speak her language. A 'musician's language', so to speak. I quite love the concept (even though I don't hold it against works where she's been given a voice before). Though honestly, the whole fic, as said before, felt like it was a script of the show written in short story form. Are you sure you're not secretly a show writer coming on here to test out ideas you wanted to pitch but didn't/couldn't ;)?
This is fantastic. :D You've proven to me that I do indeed like these characters, just not when they're shipped. I love how Fluttershy has no idea how Octavia understands Vinyl, but she can understand Angel just fine. That was brilliant. :D The whole thing was a great read!
(Also, I realize canon Vinyl Scratch is kind of like hanging out with the one Vinyl fursuiter I know. :B Y'know, cuz no talky.)
6230507
I was waiting for someone to say something about that! I thought it would be amusing to have Fluttershy not get Vinyl, but get Angel, and in the opposite direction, Octavia understands Vinyl but not Angel. It just felt like a fun little something to tack in there.
Anyway, glad you approve so much. I look forward to seeing your final word in your blog.
6231132
And they understand each other! :D
6231528
The ultimate conclusion to a running gag, or so I intended.
6204035
My head canon is that Vinyl actually can talk, but she talks too loudly when her headphones are on, and everyone can figure out what she means anyway.
This was a great idea with great execution! Makes me wish I thought of this character-replacement when I saw the contest. And the intent to emulate the show succeeded pretty well. The way you managed Vinyl's miming was the best part, it never slowed down the pacing.
However, I agree with a lot of 6215841 's criticisms (besides mute Vinyl, which I understood)
This line I just don't like. Especially the use of "Element Bearer" which is a pet peeve for me. The show avoids that, it's never used as part of the characters' identities outside of the rare world-saving episodes.
Helping others be friends is more like Twilight's role in the mane 6, not so much for Fluttershy. Using it in the plot of this story isn't a problem, since Fluttershy has to replace Twilight or else the moral at the end wouldn't exist. But it seems weird for Fluttershy to actually say that like it's her job. She seems more concerned with showing kindness, being a good host to keep them happy, and ends up blaming herself when things go wrong. Which I like very much, it just doesn't match up with what she says. I just think "bonding" is a lower priority here for Fluttershy.
Another problem when comparing it to the original episode is how the whole conflict gets resolved. In the episode, the characters created a problem with the fallen tree, and had to work together to clean it up. Sure it's rushed and silly, but it does show them learning a lesson about embracing each other's differences instead of fighting. Here, Fluttershy guilt trips them into becoming best friends? I'm not sure if it's actually teaching them anything about friendship. The moral becomes something very different. "Tolerate each other so you don't rock the boat"
It was a very enjoyable story that takes liberties in many right spots. Just these few areas feel lacking, moreso because it's intended to work as an episode itself.
6237925
They've got a Penn and Teller / Jay and Silent Bob / Phineas and Ferb thing going on.
I personally think they are sisters, that's why they tolerate each other's "my side" thing.
6238166
You make it sound as thought Fluttershy intentionally guilt tripped them into becoming friends. Where does this whole "Fluttershy is a manipulative mastermind" trope come from, anyway? To be fair, I knew that the 'event' which would make them see the light was a little weak. I could think of nothing especially powerful, though, and ended up going with this.
As to the whole 'Element Bearer' thing... put in that light, I kinda see what you mean. I suppose I never really thought about how the subject isn't brought up most of the time. It always struck me as important enough to warrant mentioning, but I can see why it doesn't get mentioned a lot. I still think it's understated in the overall, though.
6243680
Well, I think the "issue" you chose still could've worked, it just needed more of the cooperation part to make it stronger. They learn the lesson, then put it into action in some way. Delaying it until the denouement made it feel a little disconnected, which is why I got that weird impression of Fluttershy.
After the house was repaired they jumped the shark. . .
Well, it paid off. Nicely done. Good story.
6243680
For some reason that's actually what I thought you were going for. I thought that Angel's suggestion was for Fluttershy to pretend to have a nervous breakdown. But you're right. Having her breakdown be genuine would be more effective, especially since it's early in the timeline.
Besides, my interpretation of Fluttershy is that she's repressing her id!
This was written very well and I only found few mistakes in grammar and verb tense. You have a great talent when it comes to writing, so I hope you keep it up.
Also, you captured the characters' personalities in an accurate light, so kudos for that. :)
If at all possible, I want to see an animation of this. Heck, after a few more years of practice, I would animate it.
Thanks for writing such an awesome and engaging story. :)
After reading your author notes I think you did an excellent job reachin for a replacement episode. I feel this has the pacing and humor and characterizations that we see in the show. It worked very well for me.
I've reviewed this story (and the other contest entrants, minus mine) here. Good luck tomorrow!
6267612
Same to you! I'm going to be working all day long, so I probably won't see the results until long after they're posted, but I'm still eagerly awaiting them.
Thanks for the review! Most everyone sees the same flaw, and in truth I knew it was there when I wrote the story. I just couldn't think of an appropriate alternative. Oh well, I'm still proud of it, regardless of how it does in the contest.
Loved the characterization esp flutters on the "how do you understand her" bit ü
I reviewed this story!
My review can be found here.
6336874
A shame you didn't care for it, but that's okay. I'm glad to have received a review in the first place, so thanks!
Fluttershy : The Great REformer XD
Put two ponies who are angry adn upset in her home and the next day they want to go to the pub and share drinking stories like year long pals. XD
You did perfect in writing it in the style of an episode. It seems like a nice change from your other storys, though they were great too.
The story title made me thought it was a FNAF story.
But otherwise an enjoyable story