Source
<

Kickass222urmom 13166112

Joined September 2011
543 followers

    Groups

    Kickass222urmom's Stories (13)


    Imagine being in paradise, but be completely blind to it.

    This is what Travis McLuck has to deal with. Arriving in a world of pure beauty, and no way to actually see it.

    Being blind can be one of the worst things to happen to a person... but in some cases, it makes life more enjoyable.

    First Published
    29th May 2012
    Last Modified
    29th May 2012

    Comments ( 74 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    The stories of an independent black woman... I mean blind guy

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    cool

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    You got my attention.:pinkiehappy:

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662049

    Ok, this was my laugh for the day, thank you kindly.

    #5 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I shall be watching this with great interest.

    #6 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Hmmm... I'm not sure if it would be easier or harder to write without describing the appearance of objects... How easy was it to write this compared to a normal story?

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    You have caught my attention tracking

    #8 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Cool story so far

    #9 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662086

    It's a little hard. I had to back track a few times and fix some scenes.

    Compared to writing a normal story, this was very different.

    #10 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662114 How often did u accidentally write imagery and have to erase it?

    #11 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662049 ಠ_ಠ

    #12 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662114 From now, you need help along the way, I be there man.

    #13 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    i like were this is going

    #14 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662121

    Hmmm, six times.

    #15 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #16 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    this is gonna be epic

    #17 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I'm finding this very interesting

    :moustache: Continue sir

    #18 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is awesome and sad at the same time.

    #19 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Interesting, consider my attention gained.

    #20 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Original HiE story?!?!?!?!   IMPOSSIBRU!

    #21 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Hum. Well, speaking as a person who uses a cane and, in fact, read this using a screen reader, I'm kinda interested in seeing how this goes. I'm always overly defensive when someone writes something about "my people", but I'll give you a fair shot.

    Keep in mind, don't go dropping out descriptive imagery entirely. Blind people might not hear any better than sighted folk, but we do have more practise at recognizing and distinguishing different sounds. Tactile details are also very important to us; make use of these details in your story.

    #22 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Also, your very first sentence has an error in it. Should probably fix that, first impressions and all.

    #23 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662433

    Really? Would you mind telling me more? It will help me greatly in writing this.

    #24 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Man! :ajbemused:That was my OC's color scheme. Yours was blue and grey, mine is blue and white. And I was just about to make a story with him in it!

    Darn you!

    :ajsmug:But oh well. I was aiming for uniqueness, but oh well. Hmm.... maybe a dusty-colored red or a green would look good on my guy...:rainbowhuh:

    #25 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Definitely going to follow this one.

    #26 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    A blind man with his last name as "McLuck"

    OH, SWEET IRONY HOW I MISSED YOU.

    #27 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662609

    I made that comment so long ago... like a week I think.  When he put up the concept thingy.

    >>662515

    And the error is that 'to' should be 'too'.

    #28 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    good sir, you have my full attention. Great job so far! can't wait to see more! liked and Favorited!

    #29 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Interesting take on the 'Human turned into Pony' style of fic. Speaking as somepony who possesses all five senses (I've yet to evolve a sixth), this is rather well-written.

    Sadly, I believe people like 'Derek' are all too common in this imperfect world of ours. Which is why, yes, Equestria must seem like paradise. It's so cruel, to be taunted with such a world in television. Doubly so if you're there, but can't even see it.

    #30 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    1, I want to find out what happened with Derek with so many witnesses around.

    2, Why didnt the dog attack Derek? He had it coming.

    3, I'll admit, I was hesitant when i say the characters list, but this is fairly good so far. You have my trust as  a tracker. Dont squander it.

    #31 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662515 I'll happily answer any questions you may have, and if you wanna run any ideas past me, go for it. But, as I'm sure you can imagine, it's kinda hard to just describe being blind/very low sighted to someone who isn't. I can give some basic thoughts, though.

    He would be damn concerned about his dog (picture getting lost in a foreign country where you don't really know the language, and at the same time losing your map, translator, phone, and best friend). Unless you have some plans about this, maybe consider swapping the dog for a cane. You left the opening vague enough that it would be believable.

    He should have a really well developed sense of spatial awareness (knowing where things are in relation to each other). As such, learning where furniture is, and having a good idea of his neighborhood, would be high priorities.

    Probably hard to write for someone who's never done it, but he'd be good at telling others enough about his handicap to communicate what he needs from them. Don't write him as being too awkward about it.

    stuff like uneven cracked pavement is a pain, once. Sighted guides often don't notice it, and don't warn the blind guy. However, its the kind of thing that he'll only get caught on once; that spatial awareness thing? You remember places where you've faceplanted, trust me.

    Unfamiliar stairs suck. I'm sure everyone can guess why.

    As I say, it's kinda hard to think up specifics. I do think you did a really good job in the opener; I meant to praise that earlier but I guess I forgot.

    >>662794

    >>662760

    There are a lot of assholes in the world. I've had plenty of people hassle me, and games of keep-away were fairly common when I was younger. As for the dogs, people are assholes about them too. PETA is trying to abolish the practice of guide dogs, and lots of people treat them like normal pets, which is distracting and frustrating. As for why it wouldn't attack, it's highly unlikely that the dog would be trained as both a guide and a guard. The dog is extremely well trained and conditioned, and not being threatening is a part of that training. Who's gonna help a blind guy asking for directions, if his dog is growling at them? As for Derek, in this case (as he probably straight up manslaughtered a guy) he'd be going to jail. However, there are lots of cases of abuse that never get reported, and lots that are never resolved. It sucks, but it is a reality.

    #32 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    All i have to say is it sounds interesting, and i will continue reading.

    Just remember to pace yourself, and grammar! :twilightoops:

    It's really interesting though...

    #33 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Read 5-6 hours ago, then passed out after reading, so i forgot to make a real comment.

    Really want to see more of this :D

    #34 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    At the moment, I quite like it. As >>663356 said, pacing will be important for this story. I'm looking forward to the look at what exactly it would mean to be blind in Equestria, as well as if the world is adapted to fit. I'll be keeping an eye on this. :)

    #35 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Yay a new Story :pinkiehappy:

    Continue :D

    #36 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I REALLY can't wait to see how this one turns out...

    #37 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    oh this is perfectly perfect.

    #38 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This should be interesting :pinkiesmile:

    #39 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    He didn't have a cane to feel for things?

    #40 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>664210

    Well, he had a dog.

    Plus, as you'll find out as you read, Travis isn't like most people. He's slightly stubborn.

    #41 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Do want moar. :pinkiecrazy:

    #42 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    FIRST:derpytongue2:

    So is Hyper Bell like a Pinkie Pie? :rainbowhuh:

    #43 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>665034

    Not like her, but close.

    #44 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    First

    EDIT: third great story so far

    #45 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Gosh, Travis is more stubborn than certain applebuckers.

    :ajbemused:: Care to repeat that?

    Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, another good chapter, although Travis is coming off as a bit of a jerk. I look forward to more!

    #46 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>665073

    Well, he may come off as a jerk. But, you'll have to read further to understand him. :twilightsmile:

    #47 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Just realized something. How has no-one done a 'Blind Human in Equestria' story before this? It makes things so much more interesting. Or maybe that's because you're a good writer. Or both.

    #48 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Yay nice i like that Story. Really nice.

    Poor Travis :D

    #49 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>665049 Speaking of Pinkie Pie, will this only take place in Manehatten or will he get to Ponyville at somepoint?

    #50 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I love it

    #51 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>665295

    At some point in time, they will travel through Ponyville.

    #52 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Oh, this is quiet interesting.

    Just one thing: Add a little more detail.

    #53 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    this... i can see much funny and much sorrow deriving from this fic.

    #54 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Getting good, and the MC's name is Travis Mcluck? Nice name, although every time I hear the name Travis I think of a certain guy with a laser sword.

    Keep it up.

    #55 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is great! I like the idea of a non-brony (at least that's how he comes off to be) in Equestria. Makes me wonder how he will adapt to a world he knows nothing about. At least us bronies have the show to base Equestrian social life on :raritywink:

    #56 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    When I read the line, "'Unacceptable!' The male said loudly, 'We are going to help you find a place to stay!'" I read it as UNACCEPTABLE! In all seriousness, this story is really good.

    #57 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Very nice, Me gusta los libros.

    I'm interested to read on, but my mind is reeling, who are these pony??

    I feel blind when i read this. does that mean he's doing a good job? YES!!

    #58 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is getting good, can't wait to see more!

    Also, will we learn what his cutie mark is soon? Or if he even has one?

    It would be a good story element to have soon.

    #59 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I'll take that bet!

    #60 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 22h ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #61 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 22h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Very nice! Can't wait for more.

    #62 · Chapter 2 · 51w, 15h ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #63 · Chapter 2 · 50w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    The story feels a little empty, but I guess that's the intended effect.

    #64 · Chapter 2 · 50w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>662114 I've been following you for a while now because you were the first person I encountered on this website. Actually, I wouldn't have even found FimFiction if it weren't for Living the Dream.

    #65 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    So, Travis seems to have an independent streak. This will cause some trouble...

    #66 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>665693 the dudes blind

    #67 · Chapter 2 · 47w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I am actually liking this story. Please do continue kind sir.:twilightsmile:

    #68 · Chapter 2 · 47w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I won't say anything.

    #69 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 10h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    when can i get more of this?

    #70 · Chapter 2 · 39w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    is this story on the back burner?

    #71 · Chapter 2 · 36w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I like this story and your writing style, so far. So would you please write more of it? Your break was long enough :raritywink:

    #72 · Chapter 2 · 35w, 1d ago · 2 · ·
    Reply 

    WY U NO UPDATE

    :twilightangry2:

    #73 · Chapter 2 · 4w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *pokes head through door*

    "Hello?"

    *listens to echo*

    "Hello-ello-ello-ello"

    #74 · Chapter 2 · 4w, 14h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I'm sorry to ask but will this story be updated or is this story on the permanent back-burner?

    0 27724 89641
    Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments