Let me tell you one thing. Fun time is over. No more mister nice Princess Celestia. Equestria obviously needs some drastic changes, lucky I'm in charge now. I'll just have to write something on paper, and every 'pony' recognizes it as a law. That's the power I currently possess, alongside my terrible magic skills of course. But that'll change eventually.
The first change I'm making is a pretty important one. It has come to my attention that nudity is an extremely big issue here in Equestria. The upper-class folk here in Canterlot do have the right idea and occasionally dress instead of walking around completely naked. Yet ponies further from here don't seem to have the decency to cover their shame. Therefor it is now required that all ponies wear clothing at all times. It is the law from now on, and anypony who doesn't respect or follows the law will earn themselves a one way ticket to the dungeons. Once those are filled I'll have to make some different plans on what to do with these 'criminals'.
So obviously I send Luna back to town to retrieve the orders I placed earlier than expected. Luckily they were already finished as the shop made me their top priority. Being the Princess has its advantages, that's for sure. But yeah, I do look pretty awesome right now with my newly acquired long black cape, and of course the red military peaked hat which I based of M. Bison. I still can't believe ponies thought I was referring to Hitler, oh well. Might as well make fun of it now. He he.
I stood on the balcony, overlooking the entire lands which I control now. As its ruler it is my requirement to ensure the ponies safety, and make life as enjoyable as possible. The current economy seems to do very well, and my pockets are filled with bits, so I'm leaving that as it is for now. I mean... I'm not very good with math, so I'm trying to avoid those difficult matters for now.
My priority still remains to get back my magic to its normal level. I have no idea what Luna meant by that, but still I'm gradually getting better each time I practice. Also flying seems to go a lot better than before. It now takes at least five seconds for me to crash down, but I'm able to lift off, that's something at least. Second priority is to trick the mane six which are visiting me today, to think that I'm actually Princess Celestia. I've been given this power with a goal. A task that I decided myself to show to Discord that I'm more than capable of leading an entire world. But I'm not letting those ponies find out about this fact or let them attempt to dethrone me. Yeah, that'll make an excellent episode for the show, but I'm not letting that happen. Nope. And last on my list of things to do. Seek out the real Princess Celestia, interrogate her and properly 'conceal' her from the world. I have no idea what I'm going to do just yet, but things can't be pretty if she does decide to show up here. In whatever form she currently possesses.
"But I'll be ready... I always am. Hmm... ha... HAHAHA!" I chuckled slightly maniacally. Some might say I started going insane at this point. I'd like to say that I became more jolly than ever before.
"Ah sister. It brightens my day seeing you laugh, even after the incident with Discord and partial loss of your memories. It's been ages since I've seen you this happy." Princess Luna suddenly appeared behind me. She has a habit on sneaking up on ponies apparently.
"AAH!" Obviously I reacted startled and prepared to give a right hook to my attacker. Luckily Luna was able to deflect my mighty hoof with her wing before reaching her. This made my lose my balance and land right on my snout.
"Oh my! Are you alright Tia?" Luna asked shocked by what randomly occurred.
I quickly regained my composure and lifted myself up to my hooves. I stood up tall once again, rubbed of the dirt and levitated my hat which I dropped upon falling. "Yes, yes. You just shouldn't sneak up on me Luna... I could've accidently hurt you, you know that?" I replied.
"Really now?" She giggled.
Is she... laughing at me? God damn it! I used to practice the arts of Jiu-Jitsu... for two whole days. I'm a damn professional fighter, there's obviously no doubt about that. Ughhh... You're making me angry by mocking me Luna. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
"Anyway. Are you getting ready to meet up with Twilight Sparkle and her friends?" Luna asked.
"Yes..." I didn't let my anger take over this time and acknowledged the fact that I was beaten in this meaningless battle by Luna. "But first I'm having lunch." I answered.
"You'd best hurry then. They already arrived in Canterlot and are scheduled to visit in thirty minutes." She replied.
"Yeah, no problem. I'll be finished in time." I said. You know, I'm one of those guys who does everything at the last moment. Always worked out for me, worrying about things gets you nowhere. Just act on natural instinct and go with the flow. I have no idea if that makes any sense, but it's my new life motto from now on.
I left the balcony giving Luna one final glare to ensure my dominance. One of these days Luna! I'm the alpha-pony and in command here. She better does not forget about that. Would be a shame if I had to get rid of her, because I actually think she's a really nice pony. But there are more important things to focus my attention on. The wellbeing of this world goes first.
I took the long walk through the huge castle halls passing countless more guards each saluting as I walked by. This always gives a great feeling of satisfaction. Eventually I arrived at my private chambers where I planned to have my lunch. I picked up the bell which I was given to call out my personal servant. A clumsy orange mare which name I keep forgetting anyway, so it doesn't matter.
As I rung the bell the servant immediately came rushing in, ready to obey every order I threw at her. "Yes P-princess! You called?" She asked.
"Hmm, yes. I have an important meeting in twenty minutes from now, yet I haven't had my well-deserved lunch yet. Is that something you could see happen?" I asked her.
"Oh, of course Princess! Any special requests?" She replied.
"Yes in fact I do. I want nine hay sandwiches." I asked serious.
"N-nine sandwiches Princess?" She asked confused.
"Are you disobeying orders? I said that I wanted nine sandwiches. I'm not paying you to question things!" I replied angrily.
"N-no... I'm sorry Princess! I'll get them right away." The servant quickly left the room, headed towards the kitchen and started preparing my lunch.
This left me to a moment to myself once again. I took this opportunity to continue practice my magic further as the rest of my day was as busy as it was. Tasks of a Princess are no easy ones, that's for sure. I stood eye to eye with the small candle which I was determined to lit. If I was able to do so from a distance without incinerating everything around it my magic will become more stable as it's supposed to. Then I can properly investigate the libraries for interesting spells I might want to use. Most importantly I want to be able to conjure or summon items. I just wondered if I was able to create infinite mass, or that I had to trade something in order to gain something else. Magic is still complicated, but I'll figure those things out when it's needed. For now... that damn candle!
"POW!" Doing magic was a lot easier if you made your own sound effects. Made it seem so much more spectacular. The small orb of fire I created soared through my room heading straight for the small candle.
Mother of god... A direct hit! I managed to hit the damn candle with a small amount of concentrated magic I conjured myself. Still the flames were just slightly larger than needed and still managed to instantly melt the entire candle. But it meant I was getting close. One, maybe two days and I'll be ready for much cooler things.
"HA! In your face stupid candle!" I spoke victoriously standing over the remains of my previous target. I raised my hoof proclaiming myself the most powerful wizard ever. Gandalf got nothing on me. But suddenly the dance of my victory was interrupted.
"E-excuse me Princess. I've prepared the lunch you've requested." The servant said nervously.
"Ah excellent. I'll have just enough time to fini- What is this?" Something was wrong with these hay sandwiches.
"I-I-is there something wrong? I've prepared the exactly the same as the other times." She got more nervous by the second.
"Can you count?"
"It's a very simple question. Can. You. Count?"
"Y-yes of course Princess? Why do you ask?"
"Then it is obvious you don't seem to follow your orders properly. Don't you recall what I asked of you?"
"Y-you... you asked for hay sandwiches your majesty?"
"Indeed I did. And I requested a certain number. Do you recall that number?"
"Y-you asked for... nine sandwiches Princess."
"And how many do you see here on this plate?"
"Ten. Your majesty. I presumed you were hungry so I made you an extra one."
"I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR NINE SANDWICHES. NOT EIGHT. NOT TEN! NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE!!!" Little did the poor servant know that nine was actually my lucky number, and anypony preventing me from having my exact number is considered public enemy number one.
"I-I'm terribly sorry Princess. I didn't know it would upset you this much. Let me just take one away and you'll have nine." She replied cowering away further by the second from my terrifying presence.
"NOOOO! It won't be the same. You've ruined it all!"
"I-I’m sorry Princess! I didn't mean to cause all of this!"
"It's too late for that now. GUAAAAAARDS!" I called out for my personal army.
"No please your majesty! It's all a big misunderstanding. Please! I really didn't mean for this to happen." She begged one final time as the Royal Guards came storming in.
"Guards. Would you kindly escort this young mare to the dungeons?"
"Yes Princess!" They all responded robot-like and immediately followed my orders without questioning anything. They started dragging the servant with them, who desperately clutched her hooves to the ground still hoping to escape.
"Please Princess! Please reconsider this I beg of you!" She screamed one final time with tears in her eyes. But the guards slammed the door shut, nullifying all the noise coming from outside my chambers.
Wow... all of a sudden I started feeling terribly bad. I just sent a poor your mare to the dark and scary dungeons deep below Canterlot for an extremely minor offense. The jelly guy belongs there, but this servant not so much. I guess I'll pull some string later and get her released. I guess I just let my emotions take over there for a moment. I don't want to be a dick just yet, but seriously, all these ponies are taking orders way to casually. Everything needs to be more serious around here. When I ask of something, I expect it to be done exactly in the way I requested. No side-routes or anything.
But these sandwiches... They're ruined! What can I possibly do with ten sandwiches? Eating them won't be the same. You probably wouldn't understand though, but I just can't eat something that was a certain amount of numbers, especially so close to my lucky number. It are those small things that keep bothering me.
"DAMN YOU SANDWICH! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" I shouted angrily and proceeded to throw my lunch across the room.
Unfortunately at that same moment the door suddenly opened and a group of ponies suddenly entered my chambers.
"Princess Celestia! It's good to see you again! Sorry that we're slightly early, but Princess Luna had let u-" Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the mane six entered my room but the purple unicorn was interrupted.
One of the sandwiches which I previously threw apparently was moving in slow motion, but it managed to hit Twilight Sparkle right in the face. Her horn penetrated one of the slices, so it comically kept hanging directly in front of her face.
A moment of silence followed. I wasn't sure how to react to their sudden appearance. Seriously! Even Rainbow Dash was there. What am I going to do? What do I need to say? Luckily there was one pony brave enough to break the silence of this awkward situation.
"Oh! Are we having a food fight! I'm next!" Pinkie Pie pulled a pie out of thin air and lobbed it straight into Twilight Sparkle's face.
"Gnnhghh..." I tried my best not to laugh.
Twilight Sparkle however was looking pretty damn pissed off. She used her magic to get rid of the sandwich and pieces of pie in her face. It was chocolate cake by the way, if you're interested. "Pinkie... Could you please not do that anymore?" She asked.
"Aww... I thought we were just having fun." Pinkie Pie answered.
"I'm sure Princess Celestia didn't mean to start a food fight? Did you Princess?" Twilight Sparkle turned to me and so did all eyes.
"Uhh... Yes! Correct my little ponies. Forgive my rudeness. I was just slightly upset about my lunch and perhaps overreacted a bit. It was not my intention for something like this to happen." I said. Let's hope they're buying it.
"Okay... Princess Luna told us you had lost some of your memories. How much of that is true?" Twilight Sparkle asked.
"Ah yes. When I first awoke my memories were all a large blur. But they've been gradually growing more stronger and I can remember quite a lot now. Still some parts in my memory remain dark, but I'm soon those will recover in due time. Yet my magical powers are still weakened and my wings are next to useless." I answered. That's the lie I'm going with from now on.
"But do you still remember who we are?" Twilight Sparkle and her friends wondered.
"Of course! How could I forget about the Elements of Harmony and my prize pupil Twilight Sparkle? The Element of Magic. Quite the talented unicorn even if I say so myself." I replied. You know that I need to sweet talk them to win them over to my side right?
"Aww... You're so kind Princess." Twilight answered.
But I turned to next pony. Might as well keep going when I'm at it. "Next up we have Applejack. The Element of Honesty. Very few are as strong-willed and determined as her." I said.
"Aw shucks. Yer being awfully generous Princess." She answered.
"And Pinkie Pie. The Element of Laughter. Ponyville's pink premier party pony." I nearly choked on the amount of P's in that sentence. "One that knows how to party more than anypony else!"
"W-what?" She reacted confused.
But I had to keep going! That was my destiny. "Rarity, the Element of Generosity. One of Equestria's finest fashionistas."
"Oh dear. I'm flattered by your praise Princess." She answered.
Yeah, that’s more like it. This is going pretty good I think. "Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. One loved by all, especially her cute little animal friends."
Fluttershy peeped. This was the reply I pretty much expected. Something has to be done about that and I have just the right idea. I've been reading up quite a lot in my free time actually.
But now Rainbow Dash. The most awesome pony ever. "Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty. A pony who never abandons her friends even in their darkest hours. One with flying skills that will impress any pegasus, including me."
"Yep! That's me!" She replied. I like her attitude.
"That finally brings us to our final Element. Wait a minute... Who the hay are you?" I got confused by the sudden appearance of an old lazy looking grey earth pony stallion holding a broom. I should also mention he had an amazing stache.
"Name's Scruffy, the janitor." He replied.
"Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't remember you." I said, hoping not to have offended the poor man.
"No problem ma'am. No one seems to do." He replied.
"Don't worry, I like you Scruffy! Reach for the stars and see all your dreams become reality!" I said encouraging him.
"Ok." He replied lazily, and proceeded to do janitor stuff. Like sleeping, you know?
Anyway back to the mane six. I'm sure I've been able to foal them with my amazing acting skills.
"Princess? You're acting awfully strange. Is something wrong?" Twilight Sparkle said narrowing her eyes.
Oh shit. They're on to me. Luckily if it comes that far I'll have a plan B to fall back on. Quite a devious plan even if I say so myself.
"W-what do you mean, Twilight?" I asked.
"Well... First we've seen you acting angry and throw bread at me. Which is already abnormal because we’ve never seen you angry? We've heard from Princess Luna that you imprisoned a stallion yesterday. Something that hasn't been done in years. And right now you kept talking a bit weird." Twilight Sparkle explained.
"What do you mean I keep talking weird?" I wondered.
"First you said 'anypony' which is something I've never heard before. The correct term is 'anypony'. That's can't be something that's the effect of your memory loss. A complete change of speech. And after that you said what the 'hell' to that nice janitor. That's also a term I'm not familiar with." Twilight Sparkle explained further.
Shit. She figured out that much already. This is not good at all. She's way too smart for her own good. Why did I mess up already? Why can't I think clearly? Oh dear god, what now?
"Yeah! Are you a spy?" My favorite pony; Rainbow Dash suddenly shouted right in my face. I guess after Twilight mentioned all these facts the rest of the ponies started to figure it out as well. Shit just got real man, time for plan B.
"Oh goodness no! I've just hit my head far too many times these past few days. I guess my speech still suffers from the unfortunate events that have occurred. I'm aware of these correct terms, and I apologize. But please, let's not make this event suffer from it. I've prepared some personal gifts for all of you upon hearing you were kind enough to visit me." I stated. That's right ponies. I'm going to bribe them.
The group of ponies started talking excitedly and seemed to have completely forgotten the things Twilight just stated. The purple unicorn herself kept narrowing her eyes and didn't seem to leave me for a single second. I'm going to have to bribe her extremely hard. Make her an offer she can't refuse.
"Oooh gifts! Where are they? Can I unwrap them all?" Pinkie Pie chirped.
"Oh Pinkie Pie, you misunderstand. The presents I'm offering are not something you can wrap up." I replied.
"So it's like a ghost? I don't think I like the idea of that..." Pinkie Pie answered.
"...What? No! It's not a ghost. Might as well start with you Pinkie." I said.
"Okay! I'm ready!" She replied.
"Pinkie Pie. I wasn't certain what I could offer you. Does unlimited access to the Canterlot kitchen at all times sound like something that might interest you?"
"What exactly do you mean with unlimited access?" She asked.
"I mean that you can personally use all the equipment and ingredients to create whatever you desire."
"Yeah, that sounds like something I'd like for sure! Can I go right now? Can I? Huh Huh?" Pinkie Pie seemed pretty excited for what I had offered her.
"Of course! I've already let the guards know that you're allowed there. Good luck!" I replied, and Pinkie Pie immediately flew off, brewing whatever she could make up. But I was ready to bribe to next pony to win their trust.
"Applejack, unfortunately I don't have anything that I can offer you. But there is something else that requires your help. The city of Canterlot has recently suffered from a severe lack of apples the past few weeks. I would like to place an order for three-thousand apples; I know that Sweet Apple Acres apples are the best. That's why I chose you over Flim and Flam. Is that something that can be done in about a week? Of course you will be rewarded greatly for this, in bits of course."
"How much bits yer talking 'bout exactly?" Applejack asked. "It's quite a large order ya know."
"Four bits per apple. And a bonus depending on the delivery time." I answered. I'm rich enough. This is important, shut up!
"Horseapples! That's more than.... many thousands of bits!" She answered excitedly. "Ah gotta get back to the farm, let Big Mac know we're workin' overtime." And with that Applejack was the next to leave.
This brings me to the next pony. I'm sure this one is easy as well.
"Rarity. I know the attire coming from Carousel Boutique peaks over any other shop here in Canterlot. I want you to become my personal stylist, creating beautiful original clothing just for me. You will also be paid generously of course." I said.
"Oh dear! I suddenly had a vision for a perfect dress for you Princess! I'll get started right away!" Rarity replied and immediately took off as well.
Wait, dresses? Well shit, maybe I should've thought this thought more properly. But at least she isn't suspecting me of anything anymore.
Next up Rainbow Dash. This will be easy.
"Rainbow Dash, I know what you most desire and will do anything to make it a reality. I've contacted the Wonderbolts and they have agreed to let you have an audition when they're back from touring Los Pegasus." I said.
"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh. I gotta tell Scootaloo!" Rainbow Dash replied obviously super-excited. She immediately flew through the window with light-speed towards Ponyville. Simply amazing.
The easily frightened pegasus is next. Well, that will change soon enough.
"Fluttershy, please don't think of me the wrong way for doing this. But you have to improve your confidence. I've read all about what happened with the Iron Will incident. But I'm certain that you can still be assertive without being mean. This will help you improve in a lot more things in life. I've found just the right group of ponies for this."
"Y-you don't mean..." Fluttershy peeped.
"Yes, that's right. I'm sending you to the Military School for Pegasi for two weeks. I'm certain that in this short time you will be able to boost your confidence quite a bit." I explained.
Fluttershy simply fainted upon hearing this. I quickly ordered my guards to prepare her to take her with them to the military base. I didn't know why Equestria even had one, but I don't question simple things as that.
This now left Twilight Sparkle. This one was most definitely the hardest one to convince that I'm Princess Celestia.
"Twilight Sparkle, what I can offer you is t-" I was interrupted.
"Don't try to trick me with you bribery. I don't know who you are. But the real Celestia would never send Fluttershy to military school. Combined with the other strange things makes it obvious that you're..." Twilight Sparkle accused me.
"That I'm what?" I wondered.
"A changeling!" She stated.
A changeling? Silly filly with her strange ideas. I'm a pony that's been brought here by Discord in your ruler's body. I can't help what happened. But I'm not letting her get away with this.
"GUUAAAR-" I paused as I saw everything around me was completely grey. In fact, nothing was moving at all. It was as if time itself stood still. I tapped Twilight Sparkle on the nose. Didn't get a response. She did crashed to the ground though.
"What's going on?" I asked to no one in particular, there wasn't anypony to hear it anyway.
"Oh you know, I've just frozen time and space to save your flank." A voice stated from above me.
"Discord!" I shouted as I looked up. There he was, standing deviously atop my chandelier. "Have at you!"
Discord meanwhile jumped down and started facepalming. "Oh cut the crap Jack. You pose as much as a threat to me as a harmless field mouse."
"I got tricks. You'll see!" I replied.
"Yes, I'll be looking forward to that suuuuure. Anyway, how is the new life been treating you hmm?" Discord asked.
"Oh, pretty nice actually. I mean it was pretty awkward at first but then I star-" I was interrupted.
"Blablabla, I was just making small talk. I'm here because you're screwing up Jack! You can't do something like that. It's only been three days and this purple one already figured you out. I expected better from you Jack." Discord said.
"Wait... What are you expecting of me then?" I asked.
"I like you Jack. You remind me much of myself, I just thought it'd be interesting to pass time." He answered.
"So you just put me in the body of the god of ponies?" I replied.
"Yes! Exactly. A man so much alike as myself is certain to make all the right decisions. This far you haven't disappointed me with your approach. It's chaotic enough for my standards. Yet you let your cover get blown to easily. You've been able to trick the rest, but this one is persistent. That's why I'm here to help." He explained.
"Pfft. I don't need your help. I was about to send her to the dungeons." I bragged.
"Exactly. How can you be so foalish? If you get rid of one of the Elements the others will most likely start questioning you as well. It's more important to keep her in sight." He replied.
"Then what do you have planned?"
"Know that I'm helping you only once. I've already injected the young Twilight Sparkle with a strong potion that will keep her blind enough to your actions for the time being. I also have a gift for you, between two 'good’ friends." He smirked.
"Whatever gift you have it's not going to impre- OH MY GAWD! IS THAT MY X-BOX?!" I jumped up excitedly.
"Yep. I figured you might like this. So we're good friends now right hmm?" He reached out his claw-like hoof.
"Yeah sure, we're bro's!" I raised my hoof for a shake.
"Good. I will keep watching you from the distance. Don't screw up again Jack. I won't be there to help you next time." Discord prepared to leave.
"WAIT! Wait... Before you leave. Where is the real Celestia? She's not in my body is she?" I asked.
"Oh goodness no! That would be far too predictable. No, I had something planned far more suited for her. But she's on her way. She'll come here eventually, and I'm most interested in how you're going to solve that. Consider it a small trial. That's all I'm letting you know. Keep up the chaos Jack!" Discord quickly explained and immediately left afterwards. Shortly after he left the time slowly started flowing normally once again.
I stood above Twilight Sparkle who was knocked to the ground after Discord's appearance. She slowly stood up looking groggy and her eyes were slightly red.
"Twilight dear? Are you alright?" I asked the purple unicorn.
"P-princess Celestia?" She replied.
"I really like your mane."
"Uhh, thank you?"
"Yeaaah, I'm really hungry. Can we get something to eat?" Twilight Sparkle asked.
If I wasn't so damn hungry from skipping lunch maybe I could've started questioning why Twilight Sparkle was starting to resemble a stoner. But that comes later, because for now.
We will eat cake.