I have started living with the Apple family. I guess that makes Apple Bloom kind of like a real sister, in a sense. I go to visit Fluttershy who is teaching me, as best she can, how to fly. She's so unconfident in her own abilities, though, that she doesn't really know how to teach too well. Besides, I feel like I am just getting in the way of her and Shooting Star. She and Shooting Star are nice about it, though.
Shooting Star is almost as good as Twilight Sparkle when it comes to magic. He definitely knows his stuff, and came from Canterlot, as well. I still think that in a fight, Twilight would probably win, but I doubt that would ever happen. Shooting Star is pretty similar to Fluttershy when it comes to being friendly with everypony, but he's far more confident in himself. I think that's what makes him so good for her. He really helps encourage her. I'm glad, too. Some times I feel like everypony takes Fluttershy for granted. She'd help anypony in any way she can. The few days I've spent with her really show that.
I have a little bed in Apple Bloom's room. We spend most of the night chatting, and often don't get to sleep until late. One day we spent all night talking about our parents. She says she doesn't really remember her parents very well. By the end of the night, we were both crying. She doesn't even really remember what her parents look like.
I told her about a time Mama and Papa took me on a trip on one of the big fancy cruise ships that come into the dock every once in a while. We got to eat a bunch of fancy food and we had these big fancy beds. It must have cost a lot. Another thing I wish I could think my parents for doing for me.
I still have a hard time some nights after Apple Bloom gets to sleep. I stare at my snowglobe and locket. I just have these nights where I can't stop thinking about Mama and Papa and Auntie Raincloud. I feel like it's all my fault. I know it makes no sense, but I still feel it. It makes me so upset that I can't sleep.
Some nights, though, I think of good times we spent together, and even though I miss them, remembering them still makes me happy. I would never want to forget my parents or Auntie Raincloud. It may hurt, but I still loved them, I am still glad I was lucky enough to remember them, unlike poor Apple Bloom.
Staying at the Apple family's house is great. There's so much tasty food around. Lunch is good. I always have lunch now, ever since Auntie Raincloud first came to Ponyville. This food is delicious, though, and Applejack packs me and Apple Bloom the same tasty goodies for lunch.
Miss Cheerilee has been a great help over the last couple of weeks. She always comes up to me after school and asks if I am okay, and if I need to talk. She told me the other day that she lost her grandpa when she was very young and that they were very close. She says she knows what it's like to deal with it one time so young, and that I must be struggling a lot, having to deal with it twice, including losing both parents, together.
She's right. I act alright at school, but it's difficult. I've had so many days where I just don't want to get out of bed. I just want to cry and lay there. I just want to sit there and remember the times Mama and I would pick flowers, or when Papa and I would go to the park, or when Auntie Raincloud would bring me here to Ponyville and I just want forget everything else (well, maybe not Sweetie Belle and Apple Boom...) I've spent several hours talking to Miss Cheerilee and telling her how much I miss my parents and my aunt. She always sits and listens and tells me things will be okay. It's hard to believe her, but she made it. She's fine. In fact, she's great. So maybe things will be okay.
Applejack and Big Macintosh have also sat down with me and told me that I will be okay, one day. They've told me I will probably always hurt, but I will be fine. Applejack tells me everypony has to deal with it at some point. I believe them that I will be okay, but why does everypony have to deal with this? I don't want ANYPONY to deal with this. It feels so bad.
[The pages are tear stained once again.]
I ran away from school today. I'm in Port Mane now. I'm sitting at my parents' grave. This is the first time I have ever seen it. I came and told them how sorry I was that I didn't get to say goodbye. I told them I didn't know I wasn't going to be able to see them the next day. I told them I really wish I could have given them a hug. I told them I still do. I can't stop crying!
I ran away because of Diamond Tiara. She told me that I was alone because my parents didn't want me. She said my aunt was probably happy she was gone, because she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. Maybe she's right. Everypony does seem to leave me eventually. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should just be on my own. I can't lose anypony if I don't get close to them.
Apple Bloom heard the whole thing and called to stop me, but I just couldn't stay there. I had to go somewhere, and I came all the way here. I walked by my old house. A couple of unicorns moved in. It really isn't mine anymore. It never will be, again. Now that it's not mine, I want to be there more than anything. I want to go to my old room and wake up when everything was fine. I want to go into my old kitchen and smell the lavender on the windowsill. I want to sit in the living room and be with my parents. I want to tell them I love them. I want to hear them tell me the same thing. I want to lay beside my aunt as she reads one of her sappy romance books. I just want to be happy again.
It's getting dark. I keep hiding from ponies as they walk through the cemetery. I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want to talk to anypony. I just want to be here, with my parents. Maybe I'll just stay here forever.
[The page has a faded picture of a light blue pegasus with a gray mane. She looks to be older in age. She is standing with Celestia at the Grand Galloping Gala from an unmarked year.]
Applejack found me at the cemetery, asleep on my parents' headstone. She, Apple Bloom, and Big Macintosh found out where I went. Apparently Granny Smith can't remember names, but she remembers where Auntie Raincloud, Mama and Papa lived. They came and told me I had to come back home, that I couldn't stay there. I wish I could, I wish I could be with them, again.
They took me to my old house and asked the unicorns to let me go inside. They explained what had happened and the unicorn family let me come in for a visit. I started crying as soon as I walked inside. I walked into my old room on the second floor. The walls were the same light blue with the same clouds. The same dresser was there. The same little bed. It was now a unicorn colt's bedroom. He asked me who I was and why I was crying, but I couldn't get myself to say anything. He went downstairs. I'm guessing his parents or somepony explained what happened because he came upstairs again and told me how sorry he was about what happened.
Downstairs hadn't changed much, either. The table in the kitchen was different, the chairs were different, they were fancier than the ones we had, and the living room's walls were now a sandy color instead of the light green they used to be. The cabinets were all the same, though. The windowsill even still had lavender on it. The second I walked in I smelled it. Even though the table was different, I felt, just for a second, like I was back home. I even called out "Mama" and "Papa". I thought it was in my head, but Apple Bloom told me I said something out loud. I could've left this world, myself, right there and been a happy filly, but it didn't happen.
The unicorns gave us a few pictures that were left in the house when Auntie Raincloud left. I am so happy they gave me them. I have a picture to remember what Auntie Raincloud by. I also have a picture of me as a little filly. I don't think I've ever seen the picture before. I had huge eyes when I was little. I was really happy the family that moved in was so nice. The father said he promised the house was in good hands, and that I could visit anytime I wanted. I hope they take good care of it.
I'm back in town with the Apple family now, though.
I think I'm gonna get on my scooter, today, and try and get my mind off things. When I'm doing tricks and moving around fast, I am usually able to get my mind off my troubles. Maybe it'll make me feel, at least a bit, better. I still miss Auntie Raincloud so much. I should have stayed with her. I had so much time I could have spent with her. She must have worried about me so much...
I was scooting around town, doing tricks, and Rainbow Dash was impressed by my skills! Oh my goodness! Rainbow Dash thinks I have nice moves! Maybe she will take me under her wing! Maybe she will teach me to fly!
I talked with Rainbow Dash for a little while (well, more... listened as she talked. She is so awesome!) She told me that she saved The Wonderbolts and Rarity at the Best Young Flier competition! SHE saved the WONDERBOLTS! The Wonderbolts! That's so amazing!
I told Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, and Apple Bloom said she's going to try and get Rainbow Dash to come camping with her, and I'm invited! Sweetie Belle is going to bring Rarity (I wonder how that will work...)!
Sweetie Belle got her to come by telling Rarity they needed to spend time together. Well, it wasn't quite that easy. She said her parents had told Rarity, recently, that she needed to take a break from her work and spend time with her. Sweetie Belle, you're too smart for your own good.
Sweetie Belle got what she asked for... and more. She's hauling tons of stuff for Rarity. Rarity brought a cart stacked with all kinds of boxes. She's not really the camping type, clearly.
I haven't seen Rainbow Dash yet. Maybe she's not coming. Oh, why would she? I'm just some stupid filly. What would she care about camping with somepony like me? I still keep thinking about what Diamond Tiara said, maybe she's right, and if my family doesn't want to be around me, why would Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash met us at the first camping spot. We're going to make a campfire and tell stories.
That was creepy... I am afraid. I don't want anypony to know that, though! What if Rainbow Dash finds out and thinks I'm uncool? What if she never wants to be around me again? Besides, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle would make fun of me. I acted all brave when they freaked out, but really I'm just a lying filly, again.
I can't sleep. I keep having nightmares. But when I wake up, I have nopony to go to. I don't want anypony else to know I'm a liar. I'm so scared, though...
I'm so tired. We have to hike a long time, today, but I can't stay awake. I fell asleep on the cart Sweetie Belle was pulling. (As if she didn't have enough to haul. Some friend I am.)
I got spooked and offered to help Rarity, and I hauled the (very heavy) cart to this creepy stupid cave. We are sleeping in it tonight. This is awful. [A drawing of the cave fills the page, the entry continues on the next page.]
I have to go get firewood. We're telling more stories. I want to take over and tell a... happier story.
Rainbow Dash didn't like my story and took over. She told a story of The Headless Horse. She said that The Headless Horse is in these woods! I'm so freaked out... I need to stay brave, though. What would my parents think of me? I'm such a liar.
Princess Luna talked to me in my dream and told me I need to face my fears. I need to come clean...
I got all freaked out and ran away, I fell in the water (I lost the scooter I bought when I came to town. I brought it instead of the one Mama and Papa got me, because I didn't want the rocks to tear it up.) Rainbow Dash had to save me.
I told Rainbow Dash that I was scared, and she told me that, when she first heard the stories, she was, too. She even offered to take me under her wing! I have somepony to help me learn to fly and be like a big sister to me! I told her about all the other things on my mind, lately on our way back to the cave, about how I just can't stop feeling upset about what Diamond Tiara said.
Rainbow Dash sat me down and told me not to listen to Diamond Tiara. She told me that she was a brat with "no grasp of real life." She's right, that stupid filly doesn't know anything about how tough life can be. She lives in a nice fancy house with both her parents and more money than I will probably ever see. She's lucky. What's not fair is she's lucky and she'll never realize or respect how lucky she is.
The falls were amazing! They were even cooler, since Rainbow Dash flew me around with her. We all spent a long time playing around. After a while we just relaxed. I hope the trip back is fun. I had a great day.
The falls are some of the prettiest things I've ever seen. I bet Mama and Papa would have loved to have seen them. I bet Auntie Raincloud would have loved to see them, too. I miss them all so much. Even when I have good friends all around me, I still have a part of me missing.
I really had a wonderful time today, and I'm still so excited Rainbow Dash is going to help me! Maybe I'm luckier than I think. I may not have my family, but at least I have friends who will take care of me.
[Drawing of the falls.]
The last couple days of the camp out were a blast! Rainbow Dash said she would lay off the really scary stories, and told us about her time in Cloudsdale. Applejack told stories from when she was a filly. Rainbow Dash told us that she has been seeing this pony, Lucky Buck, recently, and Applejack made fun of her saying she never imagined Rainbow Dash being that close with anypony. I think she upset Rainbow Dash more than she expected, because Rainbow Dash didn't talk to her much until the fire went out. Applejack said Rainbow Dash took her too seriously. I suppose, though it did seem a bit mean.
I was able to enjoy the camping a lot more, since I was able to sleep. I also was able to enjoy what we were doing instead of worrying like a silly filly. Sweetie Belle didn't ever have much energy to do anything, Rarity's giant cart wore her out. I don't get why she lets Rarity push her around. Rarity should have carried all that junk, not her. Sweetie Belle needs to fight back a bit more, not let Rarity walk all over her.
Rainbow Dash said she would start helping me learn to fly in her spare time. She said if she doesn't have anything to do for weather, she'll find me after school some day. This all really helped me cheer up. I've been having a hard time dealing with losing Auntie Raincloud, still, so maybe learning to fly will help cheer me up in time. Having good friends really helped me deal with this a lot better.
Rainbow Dash and her new special somepony took me to get a treat. This Lucky Buck unicorn is a really nice stallion. He comes from Canterlot, where he went to school with Twilight. He said Twilight probably wouldn't remember him, since she didn't really seem to talk with anypony in Canterlot. He says he's seen her before several different times, though.
They finally got me cheery enough that I was able to start practicing flying. I was able to get off the ground for the first time! All I did was hover, but that's better than nothing! Rainbow Dash said I'm a natural. She told me if I kept practicing, one day I could be as good as she is! For a little while I didn't even feel sad. It was the first time in months. I felt like I was in the right place. I felt like I was making my parents proud, even if they weren't there to see it.
When I thought that, though, I became pretty sad. Lucky Buck had to cheer me up. He told me my parents would've been there if they could. He said they would've been very proud of me. He may not have known them, but he did make me feel a lot better. He patted me on the back and Rainbow Dash gave me a hug, and they walked me back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Lucky Buck is a policepony in town. He moved here recently. He used to be a policepony in Maneapolis. He wanted to move to a smaller town because, he was tired of how busy his job was, but he still wanted to be a policepony. Apparently Maneapolis is huge, and they don't have many policeponies. He said he felt bad about leaving an already small police force, but he said he just couldn't take it anymore. He said he was tired all the time.
I guess that makes sense. I wouldn't want to be tired everyday, either.
This evening, Sweetie Belle came over and she, Apple Bloom, and I spent the night camping at the gazebo. We spent some of the time talking about our big trip, and said we would have to do something to try and get our cutie marks, soon. With everything that has happened lately, we haven't gotten anywhere. I told them I was sorry for making such a big deal, and they both told me that I had nothing to be sorry about. They told me they wished they could have made everything better.
They decided to talk about what we would do, and told me we would get our cutie marks soon, and that I would be okay. They also both told me something that made me feel good, better than I have felt in quite a while. Apple Bloom told me that she was very happy to have me as a friend. She told me I was one of her best friends. I knew I was, but she had never told me that. Sweetie Belle told me the same thing. She said that the only thing she regrets about meeting me is that she didn't get to help me as much as she could have back when we first met.
I still don't know why she feels so guilty about that. I didn't let her know, because I didn't want to make anyone take care of me (well, and I didn't want to be sent home.)
Lucky Buck said we're going to see the Wonderbolts tonight! I haven't seen them since Mama and Papa took me (Well, and their fly over at the Summer Sun Celebration, I guess, but that's not the same) I can't wait! I can't tell whether Rainbow Dash is more excited or I am. I have started to deal with things better, lately. I've been able to smile easier.
That was so cool! I got to meet the Wonderbolts, and Fleetfoot even signed my old poster! I got all their autographs on a new poster Lucky Buck bought me. They recognized Rainbow Dash and asked if she was the one who saved them and Rarity at the Best Young Flyer competition. Of course she was! (Who else would be the one to do something so cool?) We got to hang out with them and go to dinner with them. It was a great evening. I got to sit and talk with the Wonderbolts!
Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck sat at their own table together. Rainbow kept coming over to the table every so often to talk to her heroes, but for the most part she and Lucky Buck ate at their own table. I told them I was just learning to fly and that Rainbow Dash was teaching me how. Soarin' asked how I was related to Rainbow Dash, since she was too young for me to be her filly. I ended up explaining what happened to my parents and aunt, and I managed to do it without crying. It may not seem like much, but it's never happened before. Usually I get pretty upset even talking about them, at all.
I don't know whether to feel guilty about that, or whether to feel relieved. Soarin' and the other Wonderbolts all seemed sad to hear what I told them and told me that things would be fine. They had all lost somepony close to them. A couple had even lost parents. They all told me they had dealt with it in time, and look at how successful they were! Maybe everypony really is right. Maybe I will be okay, after all.
Just woke up, the Wonderbolts thing really did happen, it wasn't a dream! Last night was so cool!
I'm going with Rainbow Dash today to practice flying again. I still can't keep myself in the air for very long at all. She told me not to get frustrated, that it will take time. She said that if I get frustrated I'll just mess myself up. I hope she's right about me. She told me I am doing pretty well for how little training I have had.
Flight training is tough! I haven't been able to lift myself off the ground again so far. [Small drawing of a pouting pony.] Rainbow Dash keeps telling me I'm working myself up too much. I just want to become a pony my parents would be proud of. She told me that they would always be proud of me. I almost started to cry. She suggested we give it a break for the day.
I have moved in with Lucky Buck. He and Rainbow Dash have taken to adopting me. That means so much to me. Rainbow Dash will never know how special that is to me. Applejack said she would miss me, and that she really enjoyed the time we spent. She pulled me aside and said I was like another sister to her during the time we'd been together. When she said this I almost started to cry. She was almost crying, too, when she told me I was welcome to stay over anytime.
Apple Bloom said it was going to feel weird being on her own at night again. She said she really enjoyed spending time with me. I won't be far, so I can always visit, I mean I'm not leaving town, or anything, I'm just moving to a new house.
Lucky Buck took me downtown this afternoon. We went for a treat at Sugarcube Corner while Rainbow Dash was up preparing the skies for an afternoon rain. Pinkie Pie was there and came up and talked (and talked and talked) to (at) us about nothing at all for way longer than Lucky Buck or I really wanted. By the time she left to go talk to (at) Berry Punch, Lucky Buck and I were exhausted. We walked downtown for a little bit longer before heading home. He bought strawberries and pears downtown along the way.
I haven't had strawberries in a long time. They used to be my favorites, but until today, I couldn't get myself to eat them. They make me think of Mama and Papa too much. They tasted sooo good, and I felt happy and sad at the same time. Lucky Buck asked me what was wrong, and I told him about how Papa used to get me strawberries as a special treat, and how Mama used to make delicious strawberry cake. He apologized and told me he didn't mean to upset me. It wasn't his fault, and I told him that, but he sill seemed a bit upset. I really am glad he bought them, they were good. Besides, they were a gift.
[The bottom of the page has a drawing of a strawberry, underneath it says "I still do like strawberries."]
Today I'm staying over at the Apples' house with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle! We're going to get our cutie marks this week for sure! We have a bunch of new ideas (juggling, hoofball, interior design--we're going to have to see if Applejack will let us rearrange Apple Bloom's room.)
Beds are heavy and noisy, so we're no interior designers (Applejack found out what we were doing after she told us no.) Also, getting hit with batons hurt, I don't think we're going to juggle. We scored for the other team playing hoofball, so maybe that's just not our game. There are only so many things in Equestria to do, we have to be figuring out what we're good at, soon, right?
Applejack showed us some cool lasso tricks today. I managed to get my back hooves tied in a knot. Applejack had to get Twilight to undo the knots. She says she's never seen a knot like that. Maybe that's my special talent, knots! After all, if Applejack hasn't ever seen a knot like that, maybe I make really amazing knots.
Knots are not my special talent. I can't even figure out how to tie anything. We'll figure something out, soon, I hope! Apple Bloom says we should get our cutie marks in "trying" since we keep doing all these different things and still haven't succeeded.
Miss Cheerilee told the class today that we're going on a field trip. I wonder where we're going. She didn't tell us much, just that we were going this afternoon.
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and I were kind of bored on the field trip, because it was a tour of Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack and Miss Cheerilee lead us around the place, and Applejack explained what kind of jobs she and Big Macintosh have. Big Mac was plowing a field and basically just responded "eeyup" and "nope" to a few things as Applejack talked about why he was plowing the field, why it was important.
I guess it wasn't so bad, I learned just how much Big Mac and Applejack have to do. I never knew working on a farm was so much hard work. I thought you just planted seeds and let the pegasi water them. Turns out there's plowing, planting, protecting the crops from animals, harvesting, and also things not at the farm, advertising, talking to businesses, delivering food. It's a lot of hard work!
Applejack gave all of us a big, tasty golden delicious apple. Mine was really good! Apple Bloom split hers and gave it to Sweetie Belle and me. Said she gets them all the time.
Rainbow Dash was busy again tonight. Apparently the pegasi missed a scheduled rainfall and had to make a big storm to make up for it. She got home late, she was dripping wet. She said now that she's staying in a house on the ground from time to time she has to get used to going home in the rain.
Lucky Buck can't fly, I still can't, either, so she spends many nights down here. She still owns her cloud house, but she tells me she wants to spend time with Lucky Buck and me.
I accidentally called Rainbow Dash "Mama" today... She doesn't even look like mama. Why did I do that? I'm so pathetic. Mama is gone. Rainbow Dash blushed and gave me a hug. She didn't say anything. Did I do something wrong? Me and my big mouth...
Sweetie Belle came and visited me today. She said Rarity has a big order and told her to stay out of the way. Typical Rarity, she just pushes Sweetie Belle out of the way whenever she's busy. She doesn't even care if Sweetie Belle is alright. If I were Sweetie Belle, Rarity wouldn't treat me like that. We hung out in my room for a while. I told her what happened this morning. She said she didn't see what the big deal was. Maybe I'm overreacting. It was just a mistake, wasn't it?
This afternoon we went to see Apple Bloom. She and I had a good idea! Maybe we could be animal care ponies! Sweetie Belle said she didn't think it was such a good idea. She said something about Rarity's cat. Rarity's cat is just a mean old fur ball. She can't be the way all animals are.
We're not animal care ponies. Shooting Star had to help us out after Apple Bloom did something to cause a hawk to start chasing us. He calmed us down and told us that we should try something we've done before, something we really like to do. What good would that be? If we've done it, wouldn't we already know it was our special talent?
He and Fluttershy (after she calmed down, we kind of made a mess of her animal pens. She was really worried) were very nice. They both suggested we try looking for less dangerous things. Fluttershy said she didn't start working with larger animals until she had gotten used to working with smaller ones. Shooting Star said he didn't start with tough magic, he began by moving around sticks and stuff before he started doing fancy things.
Maybe they're right. Maybe we're starting too big. I don't know though. If we just do simple things, how are we supposed to know if we're really good at them? I like their support, but I don't know that the idea makes sense, the more I think about it.
Rainbow Dash told me today that whenever I finally get to flying, she'd show me what it's like to be a weatherpony. That's going to be so cool! I want to be able to push around all the clouds and make it rain, just like Papa and Auntie Raincloud did back home.
Miss Cheerilee had to sit me by her today. I got in a fight with Diamond Tiara after she called Rainbow Dash worthless for making it rain too long. Diamond Tiara's so dumb. Rainbow Dash is the coolest pony in all of Equestria! She also told me I was stupid for thinking Rainbow Dash was so special.
Of course Rainbow Dash is special! She and Lucky Buck adopted me! They've been great to me, and they do everything they can to make me feel happy. Diamond Tiara doesn't know what she's talking about. Miss Cheerilee told me to stop talking to Diamond Tiara and talked with me until I calmed down.
After school Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle asked if I was okay. I told them I was fine. We're going to find a way to get back at Diamond Tiara. We'll show her not to mess with us!
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and I have to stay late after school today. It was so worth it, though. Seeing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon run screaming after we dumped buckets of frogs on them, that was so funny!
Diamond Tiara came up to me on my way back to Lucky Buck's house. She told me I would always be a blank flank because I was completely useless. It took everything I had not to kick her right in the mouth. I kept walking home and she told me I better keep running. When I got home, I started to cry. Why do I still not know how I am special? Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm not special.
Rainbow Dash came home and saw me upset. She said she's going to go talk to Mr. Rich about Diamond Tiara. I don't know what good that will do. She'll just make fun of me for telling on her. That'll just make things worse.
Rainbow Dash brought Diamond Tiara to the house with Mr. Rich and Mr. Rich made Diamond Tiara apologize. Mr. Rich seems like a nice guy. I haven't met him before today, but he seemed upset that his daughter would say such a thing.
Lucky Buck took Rainbow Dash out to eat tonight and invited me to come. I told them to go on their own. I don't want to keep getting in the way of them. They're so nice together, and I feel like they keep feeling like they have to include me. I'm just somepony they decided to take in and feed. They keep treating me like I'm their filly or something. It's so nice of them, but I just feel like I'm getting in the way of them being together.
I feel like they need a night just the two of them.
[The page has some tears stained into it.]
I ran away to hide in the clubhouse last night. I felt like Rainbow Dash needed a night alone with Lucky Buck. I thought if I was there when they came home, all that was going to happen is whatever fun they had would turn into them worrying about if I was okay.
It turns out all I did was make them even more worried. They spent an hour looking for me before Rainbow Dash found me sleeping in the clubhouse. She read my diary. I don't know how I feel about that. She did tell me that I was being silly for worrying about getting in the way.
After school today, Lucky Buck and Rainbow Dash told me to sit with them, that we needed to talk. Lucky Buck said that he and Rainbow Dash don't think of me as "just a pony they have to feed." He said that he and Rainbow Dash see me as their filly. Rainbow Dash told me that she was upset that I would call myself "just somepony they decided to take in and feed" and that she thinks much more of me than that. I feel terrible.
They aren't mad at me. I would be. I feel like I told them that everything they've done was meaningless. What they've done means more to me than they could ever know. They didn't have to take me in. I'm such a bad filly. I can't do anything right.
[This page is also lightly stained with tears.]
Miss Cheerilee talked to me after school today. She said I was unusually quiet today. I just didn't feel like talking. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. I lied to her and told her I was okay. I don't want her worrying about me, too. I already have Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck worried.
Why will nopony leave me alone? Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom came to see me when I got home and asked if I was okay. Why won't everypony stop worrying about me? I should have never run away. I should have just stayed with Auntie Raincloud and never met anypony here. If I had done that, they wouldn't have to worry about me. They wouldn't even know who I was.
[A somewhat distressed looking drawing of a pegasus pony with the label "always causing trouble" takes up the middle of the page.]
Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck are taking me to Canterlot this weekend. They said I need to spend a few days with them and calm myself down. They found me writing in my diary and told me I needed to relax. They said whatever was bothering me would pass. I don't know how. The only way it will pass is if I just disappear.
I spent the night sleeping on the couch. Rainbow Dash had her wing wrapped around me last night and I was just so comfortable I didn't want to move. I woke up and saw she didn't move last night either. Lucky Buck was already awake. I asked if he stayed on the couch last night, too. He said he went to bed, that he felt like Rainbow Dash and I needed this moment. I don't know what he meant by that. Now I really am getting in their way. Rainbow Dash stayed with me all night instead of being with her special somepony.
We just made it to Canterlot and checked into a really fancy room in the castle. Rainbow Dash says Twilight Sparkle had it saved for us when we got here. I didn't know that she had that kind of ability. I knew she went to school here, but wow.
I ran away during dinner this evening. I said I had to go to the little filly's room and ran out the door. I wanted Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck to spend dinner together. It was such a special restaurant, they didn't need me getting in the way.
Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck found me hiding in a café. Why won't they just leave me behind and enjoy being together? Rainbow Dash told me she was very worried about me. She doesn't need to be. I can make it on my own. I don't need to be in her and Lucky Buck's way.
We're on our way home this evening. The trip to Canterlot was wonderful. I just hope I didn't ruin it for Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck. They tell me that had a great time, but I just don't know. When I ran away, I wanted them to have a good time, but all I did was upset them.
Miss Cheerilee says this week we have another field trip. We're going to Canterlot of all places. I told her I just came from Canterlot this weekend. She said she already knew that. How did she know?
Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and I talked for a while after school today. We have some new ideas in the works for our cutie marks. Sometime this month we're going to try on bowling, and flower arranging. Maybe I could be good at what Mama did. She would be really happy if I could do that. Besides, I spent so much time around flowers when I was little, maybe it's my destiny!
Rainbow Dash and Lucky Buck took me to a restaurant this evening again. I didn't run this time. Every time I run, I just get them all worried. I still don't know why they brought me along, though. They're special someponies! Why would they possibly want an annoying little filly like me getting in their way? I just don't understand...