Twilight's journey

by Skarsnik

Chapter 5 - Tears

“This is not good, this is not good.” Spike was pacing in his room after Emerald had woken him up and told him what Twilight had said.

“That’s bad?” replied a nervous Emerald.

“Haha, it’s worse than that.” Spike took a deep breath to calm himself. After another nervous laugh, he looked at Emerald, “Can you soundproof the room?”

“Yes, but-”

“Just do it!”

“Give me a minute.” It was not a common spell, mainly because it was just easier and convenient to enchant a room permanently. Using the spell directly was not easy and had another major fault, “Done, we have like five minutes.” It didn’t last long.

“I will try to be quick. So you know, Twilight and her friends defeated Nightmare Moon freeing Princess Luna. What you probably don’t know is she had no real friends before that day. You could even say she had no life outside her studies.”

Emerald was shocked. He had expected Twilight Sparkle to be studious, being Princess Celestia’s student, but not to lack a social life, especially since she saved Equestria with the help of her friends.

Spike saw the look of surprise in the unicorn’s eyes, but he continued, “I am not kidding, the only ponies you could see as her friends before that day were her brother, Princess Celestia and me. And maybe Cadence, being her foal-sitter.”

Emerald had given up being surprised and shocked at how every important pony seemed involved in Twilight’s life, one way or another.

“Princess Celestia would say that it was after this day, that Twilight’s real life started. I would not phrase it like that, but it’s close to the truth. She met five amazing friends, learned a lot about friendship, and she became more social. I was glad to see her happy about something other than books or magic lessons.” Spike paused before adding, “So, do you see how bad it is that she doesn’t remember Princess Luna now?”

“I…am not sure.”

“The other bad news is she is smart, very smart, and I am not sure what I will do when she starts noticing something other than the fact she has wings now.”

“Er, like what?”

“Do I look like a baby dragon to you?” Spike still had some child-like features in his face, but he was taller than most ponies. Still, he did not have an intimidating bulky form as Emerald had expected the first time he was told he would work with a dragon.

“Oh…Oh...” Until now, Emerald had not realized losing memories could be a real issue, but now, he was worried. He shook his head. “What should we do?”.

“Hope for -” Spike gulped fire and looked at the letter that had appeared in the flame that followed “- something like that.” Spike quickly broke the seal on the scroll. “Emerald, take care of Twilight while I read this. Try to distract her!”

Dear Spike,

Thank you for the puzzling letter. Shiny was really confused at first, although he sometimes manages to think like the Prince he is now. But again, thank you. He knows that I know something important that I don’t want to tell him, and it would have been the worst way for him to find out that his sister is alive.
But you didn’t write to hear me complain about Shiny. The letter you received was more from Luna than me. It was just a way to help you immediately, and it was meant to be found by Twilight. You can even give it to her. I think you deserve to know more, but don’t keep this letter. So here is what I know.
Five years ago, Luna came in my dreams to show me something, and she didn’t want to tell me what until I reached it. There was a blank area with a small lavender alicorn filly crying. She looked exactly like Twilight, and it felt like Twilight. Obviously, I asked Luna what was going on. She told me it was a projection of Twilight’s dream, that Twilight was neither dead nor injured but in a state like a deep coma. I was both happy and worried. I asked if I could help. Luna told me it was exactly why I was here, but she made me promise to tell nopony about it, even her sister. I didn’t care, I was so happy to have Twilight back.
I thought Luna needed my power as an alicorn to perform some spell, but no, what she needed was worse: she needed my memories of Twilight. Her mind was shattered and the blank in the projection was her memories. Luna didn’t know Twilight enough, so she had turned to me to create some seeds on which the rest of her memory could grow back. I said I wasn’t the right pony, surely her parents or you were a better choice, and I started arguing why I had to tell nopony. And Luna did something completely unexpected: she threatened me. She said she could force me, and it would not be pleasant for me, and I will never know.
I thought only Celestia had seen her sister angry like that, and it was only on dreadful circumstances. I have to admit, I had never been so afraid before. What Chrysalis and Sombra did to me sounded like nothing compared to Luna’s wrath. She gave me time to think. That’s when I saw something in Luna’s anger: there was no evil intent, it was like a mother protecting her child. So I accepted. That made me think about Celestia’s behavior and I realized, she really had changed after Twilight’s death. I had always thought it was her sorrow for losing somepony so precious to her, but there is something else, but I don’t know what.
I don’t know much more, I’m afraid. I expected Luna to tell me what happened the day of Twilight’s death and where Twilight was all these years, but she never did. There is something you have to know about Luna, she has an erratic behavior towards most things, but on serious matters, you don’t want to argue with her. She is rarely wrong. Celestia told me it took her forever to get her sister accept letting Twilight and her friends take care of Sombra, and I have to admit as grateful as I am to Twilight, I would have preferred she didn’t risk her life for one of Celestia’s lessons. So I trusted Luna’s choice of not telling me more.
But I have no regret now, I am happy. Your letter seems to confirm that Luna did not lie to me, and Twilight is alive. If she really is an alicorn, you don’t have to worry about her health. To clarify, I spent one month in the crystal caverns under Canterlot without food or water and barely sleeping. But don’t expect her to recover quickly, we are not Goddesses.
The bad news is I have no idea what Twilight remembers exactly. Luna told me her foalhood will probably be intact, but the rest will have a lot of holes that she has to fill herself. Otherwise, she could fall back into a coma if her memory is forced. After sending the first letter, Luna was very worried, because she could not reach Twilight’s dream now that she is “awake”, but she will try to prevent any nightmares from entering it.
On the matter of your assistant knowing all of this, it was probably unavoidable, and all I can do is again: trust you. If you want us to take drastic measures against him, let us know, and we will do it. Otherwise, I will do nothing. Try to tell him as little as you can about Twilight. You will see that sometimes, knowledge is a curse, and the lack of it is a blessing.
Don’t send me letters too often, Shiny will be more suspicious, and don’t send letters to Luna. Celestia never told you, but she knows every time you use your dragon fire to send letters.

Sincerely,
Cadence

Post Scriptum : Don’t forget to destroy this letter, and when you think Twilight remembers enough, bring her to the Crystal Empire, I really want to see her.

Spike read the letter twice before burning it. “Thank you Cadance, but that doesn’t help me at all.”

Meanwhile in the living room Emerald was panicked, ‘Distract her, distract her with what? Food seems to work, but she’s not an animal. I can’t just give her raw vegetables like that.’ Twilight’s glass was empty, and she was finishing the second apple.

“Miss Sparkle, how about I make you a sandwich?”

Twilight’s ears twitched, and her eyes went wide open staring at Emerald at the mention of a real meal. She dropped her almost eaten apple. “Yes!”

‘Wait a minute, how do I distract her while I prepare this damned sandwich?’ Emerald took a glance at his book on the table.

“Want to take a look at that while I make it?”

If Twilight’s eyes could have opened wider than they were already after the mention of a sandwich, they probably would have covered her whole face.

‘Wow, she really must love books. That was a good idea’. Emerald started making the sandwich, taking the bread he had bought this morning, along with some salad and random vegetables, fetching some oil, vinegar and spices to make the sauce.

In the middle of slicing the salad, Emerald heard a stomping sound from behind him. He turned his head to the sound.

“Gah!” Twilight was stomping her right hoof on the book.

‘What is she doing?’ though Emerald. Twilight had given up on stomping the book, and had switched to slide her hoof across the page. ‘Is she… trying to turn the page?’

“Gahh, I feel like a filly.” Twilight had gotten back to stomping the book. Emerald sighed and used his magic to turn the page for her between two stomps.

“Thank you...”

Emerald sped up the preparation of the sandwich. He didn’t want to be “Twilight Sparkle’s personal page turner”. He grabbed a plate after putting the last piece of bread on the sandwich and went to put the plate on the table. He stopped when he looked at Twilight and almost let the plate free from his telekinesis when he heard her muttering.

“I...understand…nothing...” Twilight’s voice was more unsteady than usual, and Emerald could see moisture forming in her eyes.

“Hm, maybe you’re too tired to read yet.” ‘Ok, the book was a bad idea,’ Emerald thought. “Do you still want the sandwich?” Emerald levitated the book away and put the sandwich in front of her. This time, she didn’t smile seeing the food in front of her, but the tears were still not there.

“What... is happening to... me?”

Emerald tried to avoid her slightly inquisitive glare, “I am sorry, Miss Sparkle. I don’t know.”

“Why… do I have wings? Why... am I so hungry? Why... am I so tired?” Each question from Twilight was punctuated by small sobs, but the last one made the dam of tears broke. “Why do I feel so… empty?”

Emerald was frozen, watching the alicorn cry for what was felt like hour ‘What can I do?’

“You’re alive, Twilight.” Spike had watched the entire scene from his door, but could not hold it anymore. He rushed to hug Twilight, and she buried her face in his chest. “You’re alive.”

Emerald went into his room, leaving the dragon and the alicorn to have their moment. He didn’t feel good. ‘It’s my fault, I couldn’t find the words.’

***

After twenty minutes, Spike knocked at Emerald’s door. “Emerald? Can I come in?”

“Err, yes,” replied the stallion. After letting Spike enter the room, Emerald asked him, “Is she alright?”

“Yes, she is sleeping again. I put her in my bed this time, but what are you doing?” Emerald had put his traveling case open on his bed.

“I am packing, I’m leaving tomorrow. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anypony,” the unicorn simply replied after levitating a book into it.

“Huh? I thought you wanted to stay?”

“I changed my mind. I made her cry. How am I supposed to help if all I can do is watch her cry?”

“You think it is easy for me? That I have the answers for everything?” Spike’s voice was carrying a bit of anger.

“I don’t understand. You know her more than I do, and you know what to do with her.” Emerald kept avoiding Spike’s gaze.

“I already told you, I am like you. I have no idea what to do. I am not even sure if she’s the same Twilight that I remember now.” Spike’s face held a sad frown. ”I need your help.”

Emerald turn his head toward Spike hearing that, and he was surprised. He had never heard Spike sounding so lost. Being his assistant, he had always seen Spike as strong and confident, but now, his confidence was gone. Emerald could see the doubt through his sadness.

“You need my help?” Emerald’s voice was hesitant.

“I watched you put the blanket back on her after the fridge accident. I watched you bring her water. It may not seem like much to you, but it helps me a lot.”

“Anypony would do this. Do you think I’m a cold-hearted pony?!”

“That’s not what I mean. I don’t need help from you as anypony or my assistant. I need help from you as my friend.” Spike was now shaking.

“Huh.” Hearing Spike call him a friend was both reassuring and baffling for Emerald, especially after their talk at lunch.

“But what do you want me to do?”

“I... don’t know, I just can’t do this alone,” and Spike’s downcast expression turned into tears. This time Emerald had an idea when he saw the childish face of Spike crying.

He hugged Spike, “You’re still a baby dragon crying for his mommy, aren’t you?”

Spike broke the hug choked by the stallion words, he looked at Emerald “Huh?!” then started laughing.

“Thank you, I needed that. And yes it’s kinda true.” Spike gave a small chuckle after clearing his tears with one claw, “So will you help me?”

Emerald sighed, “I don’t know, but I can’t stand making you cry too.” Emerald paused offering a small smile at Spike. “So the letter?”

“Oh, hmm.” Spike cleared his throat before speaking, “Cadance’s letter was very interesting for not helping.”

“Sorry?”

“I will give you a short version: she doesn’t mind that you know about all this, Princess Luna is probably the only pony that knows what happened to Twilight, and I can’t contact her.” Spike clenched his claw. “We are basically on our own. Why am I not even surprised?”

“So no good news?”

“According to Cadance, Twilight is in no physical danger. Sorry, I know nothing more.”

“Good.” Emerald relaxed, “Good.” Before thinking of something else to say, Emerald’s stomach grumbled. “I’d rather have dinner now. I hope we can have a normal meal today.”

Spike and Emerald went in the main room. Emerald placed the uneaten sandwich in the fridge, and Spike made something for both of them to eat, and they discussed while eating. After that, Emerald went back to his room, while Spike headed into his own to watch over Twilight.

Emerald grabbed the piece of paper he wrote previously and copied its contents into a blank journal. He then completed it with:

She woke up again in the evening. I tried to humor her calling her Princess Twilight Sparkle. She wasn’t really aware of being an alicorn. She said she doesn’t know who Princess Luna is. I gave her something to drink and eat, and then fetched Spike. When I got back, I tried to make her proper food and offered her to read a book while waiting. She wasn’t able to turn the pages. Is she too tired to do magic? She said she couldn’t understand. I don’t know what she means by that. After that, she started crying. She doesn’t know what happened to her, she feels empty? Is she aware of her lost memories?

Author's Note:

Next chapter will have more Twilight, I promise.

I started editing the first chapters, but I will seriously need an editor. If someone is interested, feel free to send me a pm.

Comments

[Cross Lament]

Luna kinda sounds like she needs a punch in the nose.