Meh, I like the idea of the story, but it's just moving along to quickly. I also don't think that Alex would be accepted that easily, but I still like the idea of the story. Also I'm having a little trouble sometimes to understand who's talking, you should work on that a little. Although I believe you do have talent, remember that quality is over quantity.

>>676783676783 T'was written in day...but, I'll have to fix that later, busy at the moment.

Prototype/Ponies crossover?

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/8fa8e702f9dc4bf8b63c031a3b098966/113614%20-%20bit%20coin%20one_wat%20rarity.png

>>676953676953 I looked away for a minute, looked back and saw this pic, jumped two feet in the air.

Twilight not paying attention? Twilight not paying attention? That doesn't make any sense, and Alex's demeanor is a bit too... Soft, nice. He wouldn't refer to himself as human anymore, he'd say he's a monster, because that's what he thinks he is. He wouldn't kill Scoots, no, but he probably wouldn't flaunt his powers to her; one of his primary strategies is being inconspicuous. By the way, "Rainbow dash" is incorrect, it's "Rainbow Dash", as with all other pony names, both words are capitalized unless it's a combined word; Fluttershy for example, would not be FlutterShy.

Alex seems way out of character. Sure, he'd perform all this badassery, but he's far too verbose, and I can't imagine the somewhat reserved Alex Mercer from Prototype (I was playing the game less than an hour ago, coincidentally) being so mean to the Princess, using some of this vocabulary, or said Princess being very angry at him; she's just not one to be mean to anyone, even Discord she treated with more respect, and they're arch-nemesi.

>>677115677115 Don't want to sound rude but,

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/204/708/fluttershyandfucks.gif

I wrote this when I was bored, didn't put my all in to it. Didn't have time to get EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. I'm sorry if I sound douchey, but I type to type.

Y'know, despite all of my expectations.

This doesn't suck.

>>677140677140  

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIhMC2iv2RKoRVXdkd-jNS944Tv8bJ4n1uTX9jPNGtuYXy7Idh

I don't know if I should be thankful, or irked.

Yep i'm hooked

I crave for more chapters.

>>677169677169 You get one more! Maybe...

It's weird, this Alex Mercer just isn't the same character he is in the game. He'd probably live in seclusion forever, not even bothering to interact with anything that didn't try to kill him. He wouldn't adopt Scootaloo, but, after all, you did skip an entire year of the story without giving us any character development, so we can't know that for sure since you haven't told us. Then, after yet another skipped year, Alex has become even less of a hero, he's more like the villain of this story, and the Princesses are out of character as well. Celestia's got far too much tact to simply order him executed, and wouldn't bother trying to stop Alex. And Luna doesn't have power to 'Moon' someone, Celestia does, and how the hell did Alex move at some hypersonic velocity to return to Equestria so quickly? He can't even glide very fast. I'll stop rambling now.

>>677197677197

Listen, I'm sorry that Alex isn't completely in character. But, I wrote the batch of chapters in a day, they're rushed. I typed this so it would go away, it was blocking another stories idea flow.

HAH! FUCK YOU DIAMOND TIARA!!!

God, I love this story.

>>677213677213 Thank you

>>677136677136 That's fine, but when writing a non-serious fanfic, try to make it look like one, then it'll be more understandable. Anyway, good luck on all of your forays, even if you don't like me for giving some serious feedback, have my blessings, for what they're worth.

>>677197677197 And "How did he get back to Equestria so fast?"\

Well...Alex Mercer+ Gravity= Fuck fast things are going to be had

(This is before i read)

"ok, i expect Alex to: react harshly to anything that is mean or worse, not show mercy when shown opposition, and basicaly be an asshole. OK lets read!

>>677225677225 Terminal velocity still applies to Alex Mercer, I think. Bah, pay it no mind, logic can go jump off a cliff.

>>677234677234 Well...Alex Mercer+PONIES= go fuck yourself, Logic.

Write more please.

>>677307677307 Only two chapters left ...how does that make you feel?

Holy crap where did all these comments came from.

Here i am writing a comment on a prototype-mlp crossover i pass 20 minutes reading a doom-mlp crossover and BOOM comments.

Meh, it was..... hmmm whats the word

AWESOME, loved it have a stache

This story is hilarious, a few elements from Monster, for a unserious fic its pretty good.

>>677337677337Honestly? I just wanna know what the hell happens.

>>679945679945 Well, If I get in the right mood, the fic will be done today

>>680051680051Me gusta

There was a set of {foot-prints} but it lead into the Everfree. wouldnt they say hoove-prints? and rainbow was a bitch even if she was joking and alex like orange said is more stealthy

Love the new chapter. Love it

I agree with Freelance, this is

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTnC4ldXgirDTEimy2nl9JjM2cL2svqoixDA69-Im61seJQqj3T4A

>>681464681464 That pic made me lol

please make mercer piss somepony off and have him sing "cant touch this!"

>>681533681533 The final is already written, too late. Sorry

>>681543681543 Meh... i dunno, nothing wrong with MC hammer reference, but alright

It's good but I expected this to be, well different

>>681585681585 Explain?

>>681590681590 Well, I was kinda expecting that well... I don't know exactly what I was expecting but this was just different, still like it though

Tell me, Derpy or Lyra?

oh well forget my first comment I love this story and its not serious so fuck all i said before!

and than scoots killed hellar redeeming prototype 2.

I hated Heller from the start. Ugly, black ass son of a bitch. His wife is probably one of the civies I scarfed down to get my hp up.

>>681631681631 Also Lyra, definitely Lyra. May Scoots slaughter Heller and his worthless daughter ! Mercer.... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?

This chapter nearly ruined this for me.

First, that scene with Scootaloo was completely rushed. Alex never would have told her all of that, since it would just take too long. Seriously, they were there for over 3 hours, and no one found them, and Scoots didn't even think to find her friends? Also, even if you keep the part where Alex tells Scoots what she is, that would terrify her. After all, she's not used to such violence, and here's something which literally tears apart his enemies and consumes them.

Finally, the worst part was that last scene with Rainbow Dash. She would never say that kind of crap to anyone, let alone Scootaloo. Insulting her several times, not caring about how she was stuck in a dangerous place for several hours? No. That was completely OoC for her.

Everyone in this story is out-of-character. Seriously, I don't think I've seen a single character act like they should. The only time it even came close was when Rainbow Dash tried to save Alex thinking he was going to die. That got my hopes up, and then you had her act OoC too.

I mean, Alex wasn't even right when he talked about what he is. He said Gentek tried to experiment on him to make him better, but that's not even close to what happened. They didn't experiment or do anything to Alex, they just had him creating the virus to use as a weapon. In fact, the way Alex talks makes it seem like you think BlacklightAlex is the original Alex, which also isn't right.

Well, Princess Celestia is completely out-of-cha-

Forget it. I'll keep reading, but by this point I'm just trying to see if any character at all in any future chapter will at least be slightly in-character.

"'How would you know what it feels like? Made a monster by your own country, the same country decides to brand you a terrorist so the ignorant public will rally against you, the same country releases a virus, through you. They want to call themselves heroes, so they put the city under quarantine, start killing the citizens, and have the gall to call you a monster?! You know how that feels?'"

Well, another chapter of everyone acting nothing like they should act (although bonus points for completely destroying the characters of Luna, Celestia, and Twilight), but this part actually made me laugh.

You know, it's hard to feel sorry for someone when he's completely wrong about what happened to himself.

1. He was not made a monster by his own country. He wasn't even made a monster at all, because Blacklight Alex isn't the original Alex! How is this not clear? It's the main point of the entire game.

2. That said, his second point is also completely wrong. First, they did not release a virus through him. Alex Mercer (the original) took the virus, and threatened to unleash it on the city. When they took him down, he dropped the container of the virus, which broke and then consumed him, taking his form.

3. Why does he sound so upset with the quarantine? That's probably the least evil thing that Blackwatch did. That's what pretty much everyone does when there's a virus outbreak.

>>684936684936 Mr. Archive. I have stated before and I will say it again...ahem, I frankly, do not care. I wrote this because I bored and wanted to write. I respect your opinion, but this was not a serious story and I never meant for it to be. I know I sound bad, and I know you're trying to help. But I wrote this in a non-serious mind-set. Thank you for reading and have a nice day.

>>685573685573 2 questions : 1. Do you plan a sequel? Or maybe another prototype story [with a more serious mind-set, please don't make it a prototype 2 cross, Heller is unlikable in every sense of the word]. And 2 : Why is this still branded 'incomplete' ?

P.S. You should continue Darkness !

>>690805690805 I was planning a Prototype 2 cross as the sequel, seeing how this ended. How else would I do it? Scootaloo killing Heller? But probably not. An I am working on Darkness and three other stories at the same time, be patient please. And I changed 'Incomplete'

>>690838690838 Sorry, I honestly hate Heller's guts, can't stand him. Its an altogether a bad idea IMO, but if Heller ends up dead or worse, I will be as happy as I can be. I'm not asking you not to write and have fun, i'm just asking that Heller ends up dead and to never return. Also if you could, maybe click this link : PROTOTYPE Equestria. Good luck with writing and take your time !

this is interesting but it feels wayyyyy too rushed, I would advise giving us more time to actually show character development (ex: the adoption and leading up to it was completely skipped, I know it was a year in the story but I feel we should've seen a lot more of that time)

>>696861696861 Do I have to keep repeating myself? THIS WAS NOT A SERIOUS FIC!

>>684801684801

Dude chill enjoy the story so what if it isn't right out of the box. It is still an interesting story. And yeah i also noticed this in the third chapter but this shit is just too funny.

eff you diamond tiara

>>684670684670

Couldn't agree more, This whole story hit me as odd right from the get- go, this Fanfic Basically died in this chapter.  

By content, this fanfic is next to 'My Immortal' in how much it feels rushed

How I stumbled upon is anyone's guess

I enjoy

>>684026684026 i agree with you i hate Heller with a passion and hope he gets his ass killed in the sequel of this story.

and that's why you don't fuck with Alex

-slow down before you hit the ground!

-fuck that creating a huge shockwave is awesome.

short fast paced funny fic.

short fast paced funny fic.

The End is a clifthanger that want some

anyway just your story and it was really good... dont care about what the others says about. Cant wait for you start the sequel

YES....YES!!!! M. Bison reference.

>>808273808273 what the hell do you have against Heller. Mercer is a scientist, a fucking nerd. Heller is a former bad ass marine with military training. i'm glad that they took in a new character into the prototype universe.

>>11823511182351 i don't mind playing as a scientist it gives me this feel of intelligence. But playing as fucking marine gives me feeling of absolute stupidity and the prototype univers has no room for that especially a black shithead guy.

>>977413977413 rainbow just witnessed the new most powerful thing in equstria.

i dont think scoots and dash are going to be very good friends in this book.

Alex dose not take shit at all.

dont ever fuck with Alex mercer... its common senescence not to fuck with him. and Celestia you just killed shining armor because he aint gonna have it.

the power of a god.

aww shit he pissed off scoots now he's getting it.

gimme gimme

I love their reaction to the attack. (The first I'm not done with the chapter)

By this point story sounds more like "Everything I wanted to do in Equestria if I could"

Have a +1 fav, +1 like and +1 happy comment.

>>13331131333113 Thanks, maybe you'd enjoy my other fics if you haven't already read them.

Except A Secret Revealed

I don't like it, but others do for some reason

SAD ENDING D:<

>>977413977413

I have no other choice than to agree

You know what would have made me laugh? Alex morphing from pony form to dragon or something like That and saying: this isn't even my final form.

yeah i am going to start back on number two with your permission given now,author

>>17728681772868 Okay

WE DEMAND A SEQUILL

iv only read the comments so far and i feel like i should fav already.

You might want to try to pace the story better. It goes too fast, and every chapter is a bit random.

>>25176212517621 Dude. This fic has been done for nearly a year.

>>25178932517893 I didn't read this yet when I posted this but there should be a sequel. Plzzzzzzzzz