Hegira (n.) - "A flight, or journey, to a more desirable place."
Life is a series of choices. When two worlds collide, choice becomes more difficult, and nuanced. A dying planet has a peculiar way of reshuffling people's priorities.
For a long time, humanity has only had three options: Ignore the inevitable, risk the unthinkable, or become the unimaginable.
All that is about to change.
Everyone knows the Ponies of Equestria fairly well... But here, there be Gryphons.
Book One of the Hegira Trilogy - This story only takes MLP G4 Seasons 1 - 3 as cannon, and ignores 4 and onwards.
Chapters (48)
Now THIS is a CB story I can get behind.
Adding the Griffons in is a really nice twist, and its nice to see that all sides/species involved seem to be painted as "the good guys", at least somewhat.
"If she had anything to say about it, Humanity and their achievements would not go quietly into the void of death."
And this line is what sold me. I'm kind of tired of the "we'll erase humanity cause we're bastards" motivation for the ponies. For Celestia to have a (so far) genuinely noble intention is a breath of fresh air.
Liked, tracked, and faved.
That description has me hooked.
This will be the first CB story I will ever read. Wish me luck.
EDIT: 13 WEEKS LATER
I regret precisely none of this. To all of us here in the future, I say: Read Option Gamma. It is very good.
Love the idea and how its done so far.
Could use a proof-reader, but I'm picky that way.
Your description had me from the start. Like 631068 here, this will also be my first CB story.
yay Griffins
Ok, this is going on my read later list cause I don't have time to read now, but why is it called option gamma? Like gamma radiation? Only reason I ask is cause it seems like a "plan a, plan b" type of thing. It would have been more likely been called option gulf as per the phonetic (idk if spelled right XD) alphabet for the letter "G" but I guess option gulf doesn't sound as cool.
631290
Gamma is the third letter of the Greek Alphabet.
(Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, etc.)
The meaning is that it's supposed to be a third option, along with stay human and become pony. (I guess)
631304 well, something is learning everyday.
In its original Greek, "griffin" starts with gamma: γρύφων
an interesting premise, looking forward to seeing where you take it
631046
Wait, did Celestia say that? If so...I'm scared, cause this might be one of the few TCB fics where Celestia isn't a total tool, but I'm also okay with that.
What? No dragons?
631450 Congrats, nailed it right on the money.
Later in the story the symbol Delta with an inscribed gamma is used now and again.
Delta is often used as the symbol for change, gamma standing for Gryphon; a delta with inscribed gamma is literally a shorthand symbol for 'change into Gryphon.'
631087 I wish I had a pre-reader (or pre-readers) but I don't know anyone well enough who isn't busy as all heck over the summer.
I hope that, punctuation errors aside, I can do this universe justice.
I already have about 30,000 words worth of story, and I'm not through what I'd consider act I (in a three act plan).
I don't release it all at once, by the way, because I like to give each section two or three passes in order to ensure continuity, grammatical correctness, etc.
It also gives me a buffer to alter any unpublished chapters to suit changes even further down the line.
Dang. I was gonna do something along these lines but with Diamond Dogs... Either way, I really like the premise, and so far its great! Keep it going!
That's not good...
Issac seems like a cool guy, and great battle scene!
Sweet jesus. This is great. Celestia's not a total ass, and that battle was AMAZING! The technology is plausible enough to not break suspension of disbelief, and the characters are very well written. I need moar.
Yay, is good, author is not a complete doo-doo head!
me gusta
632291 Ain't read this yet but hey I'll volunteer to be a prereader for ya.
wait that means I'm actually going to have to read it
but I gave up TCB
oh well
Whoa.
Faving. Liking. Don't let this die.
World building, I want more of it. It is simply excellent.
632291
I could do some proofreading for you, to at least polish it up to a format that's easier on the eye.
If you wanted to make this chapter more effective, (on its own and in contrast to later chapters) one way would be to focus on telling the story and describing things through Wrenn's eyes. Yes, the fake ones. This would mean very limited color description unless the subject was next to him, and add detail on how he tells the difference between attackers and civilians via how they move. (Perhaps his prosthetic vision includes something that incorporates IFF transponders worn by the other security types) To put it another way, make Kansas black and white, so the fact that Oz is in color is a bigger shift.
You've already touched on a number of points I wanted to include in my own TCB fic idea, and I'm really interested to see where you go with this.
Okay, that description? Hooked. Totally saving for later.
I've found that these days, I'll typically put a new story I'm interested in "on watch", and wait for a few more chapters before I commit to the "Favorites" click.
Not this one. This one goes on the gold-star list right away. Very interesting start here.
You've got me intrigued. Also, it's spelled "prologue."
The Conversion Bureau: Unoriginality is Magic
"If she had anything to say about it, Humanity and their achievements would not go quietly into the void of death.
She had already offered them the best escape from their collapsing world that the combined achievements of their species could devise, now she would put aside personal pride in her kind and arbitrate a new evolution of humanity’s future."
And this is why you are among the few good CB writers. You're good at writing, so far fantastic at world building, and don't coat your pancakes in horrible and sticky misanthropy syrup.
For some reason, I see the PER as the stereotype CB writer. The HLF is, of course, the stereotype anti-brony.
633864 That was uncalled for. In some ways I agree though, the concept of gryphon converts into alien to the conversion universe.
For critique, there's one MAJOR rule you should mind when writing paragraphs: Every time a different character speaks... start a new paragraph. I'm guessing it was a mistake, but just letting you know. (You should probably go back and fix that)
Also might want to double check paragraph spacing, it will make your fic look a lot cleaner.
Hope to see more, your story has a good start.
And now chapter 2...
I think whether I like the way your story goes and keep reading it or not doesn't matter. Either way you're getting a thumbs up for it being well written, original, and originally well written. The CB genre doesn't deserve the kindness you've done it with your story here. You're cutting it close by including the 'loss of aggression' that most hate the CB concept for, but you're doing well just by acknowledging that it is a loss; you did a great job in laying out a doomed world but not railing on humanity for it; you presented both terror groups well as equally bad because of their methods and not their ideal, specifically the PER, showing who exactly you don't wish to side with and why; you've shown resentment by former humans whose choice was removed; you've presented Celestia as not being an all powerful goddess of humanity's destruction and not a total ass, but instead showed her some nervousness and apprehension. You've done quite a bit right.
Simply put, you made a CB story that defies the genre but still cares for it. We're all tired of the hate for humanity but I don't think we needed another parody of the genre (though Shader did a nice job with Still Human). We needed a reboot. So thanks. As someone who started reading these fics with an interest in the premise, only to be angered by their fairly immature attitude, I'm glad to finally take an interest again.
Now I'm curious how far the world building will go. I've always felt that the CB stories would benefit from a former human, with whom we can more easily relate, seeing the wonders the fantasy world might hold beyond Ponyville and Canterlot. Sadly they all seem to focus on earth more. Chatoyance is the only one who has delved into the Equestrian world, but of course there was a significant lack of imagination in all those fics but Teacup (which if you ignore the misanthropy was actually a little sweet, but I feel the author went downhill from there on). She completely killed any interest in the fantasy world by revealing it to be artificial in its construction and lacking in any real history, and here I am whining about Chatoyance again. Speaking of this genre always sets me off.... Hmph. Anyway, back to my point, I hope it's not expecting too much for this story to eventually show us a slice of griffon culture first hand and get us off the dying rock of CB earth. That's all I really want more of from writers, some decent exploration of the unknown.
Now I'm thinking of an even more simple summary of your fic: It's a Conversion Bureau but not a Chatoyance, and it takes pride in both those fact.
634305
hey, I did this link about two-three weeks ago
in normal circumstances I wouldn't read a story with Gryphons in it as a main premise....... but you actually made them sound not like Complete jerks... interesting, tracking
and those who read a TCB story before KNOW what will happen to Wrenn...
Gryphons will respond to his act of courage, give him the new serum and *hop* first Gryphon convert, and it WILL be close enough to that if not directly that
Gah! Holy Comments-Batman!
Let me see if I can cover these by subject:
The PER and HLF: Definitely bad guys for the reasons stated above. Neither is meant to come off as overly sympathetic. You're meant to see where they're coming from, and understand how/why someone might become polarized to their viewpoint, and even sympathize with the situation of some individuals, or respect some of their arguments...
...but in the end they're both still doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons, and there's no question about it.
(The interesting bit comes from the variance in the way they are organized, the way they are lead, and the way they go about perpetrating attacks)
The World (Earth/Equestria): Its going to feel like I spend alot of time on Earth. That's because a large chunk of the main good/vs/bad plot has its initial threads here. Those threads absolutely positively do lead to Equestria though, where I have every intention of delving into many things including;
)
*Past Equestrian history (of several species)
*The potential future ramifications of the events we've seen so far (no cookie cutter 'And Equestria was the same... foreeeeeverrrrrrr
*Gryphon culture, art, science, leadership, warfare, and their changing relationship to the other species (Ponies in particular)
*The true nature of our as yet unseen big bad hidden hand (and that is ALL I will say on that matter for fear of spoilers)
My current plan for easing this out into something more interesting and less polar is to take the story to Equestria earlier, follow some threads there, then bring it back to Earth for a stint, before returning to Equestria.
Plans change though, no promises. Sometimes a story writes itself and its hard to argue with it, even when you buy it a nice cup of coffee and talk it out.
Ponies and Conflict/Violence: As mentioned in a blog somewhere, and alluded to in the story in several forthcoming spots, this is not being played 100% straight. Its a vast decrease in the scale of conflict and violence in the psyche, but a Pony can still go to war if provoked. They just hate it, and their heart will never be fully in it all the time. A single act of (even lethal) defiance to save a threatened family member? Completely plausible, and extremely probable. And like all beings lashing out to save what they love, their heart would be in that action. Woe to those who threaten a Pony's family sufficiently.
(Theres a nice upcoming conversation between Wrenn and a Pony where they cover alot of this. 'You can't just make friends?' 'You can't just shoot somebody?')
Wrenn's Conversion: You probably can all see this coming, but I'm not headed into overly tropish territory yet. Yes the Gryphons respond to his act of bravery, but I wanted that to lead to more than just 'suddenly rewards' in the style of a game; instead its meant to lead to friendships which make the calling in of favors and pulling of strings more plausible. And just when that is about to happen, suddenly problems. Because nothing can ever be that easy. Or to put it another way, I have 30,000 words down (all told counting description, prologue, ch1, etc) and the Conversion is still another 4 to 8k words away at least. Some 'stuff' happens.*
(*stuff may or may not include alot of gunfire, jumping out of VTOLs onto buildings, blowing things up, a weaponless melee duel in combat armor, and a dash of political fisticuffs to ice the cake. Stay tuned.)
634305 So that explains my feelings to see the world covered in a thick layer of potion.
Hmmm. I'm awfully leery thus far. For all that the description promised it wouldn't be misanthropic, I can't help but notice there is no human representative sitting in on a discussion of the future of humanity. The way both leaders are discussing humanity makes it sound more like a prize to be divvied up than an intelligent free-willed race.
Personally, if I was in on that meeting, I'd make it clear that any and all conversions happened on humanity's terms, or not at all - and if they didn't like that, they could sit on it and rotate.
Me likey. I love the aggressive and crazy PER and HLF, I'm believing in your gryphons (I actually play them similarly) and will be following this one and wily yet caring Celestia tweaks my buttons. Keep it coming!
Dibs on the dragons, though.
635577
The implication, which perhaps I should re-enforce as things progress, is that Celestia is arbitrating between Gryphons and humanity. So the discussions they're having should be seen in light of the fact that some agreements have already been forged on mutually agreeable terms between Equestria and Earth.
I'd also point out the line about how Celestia was to mediate a summit, on Earth, between the Gryphons and humans. So the accords we have now (created offscreen between prolouge and CH-1) were just as much on humanity's terms as Gryphons'.
635808
Hehehe I think I have my claws full with Gryphons, so the Dragons are aaaalll on you. :p
(I'm a firm believer in noble-yet-wily-lestia )
So glad to see a Cb story NOT dripping with cynicism and misanthropy.
There's SO much I could say about ponies RE: violence, it's hard to sort them down to something I can quickly type up... But my feeling is that ponies are more comfortable with dying to protect that which they love, than killing to protect it.
But killing, in any military context, is much more than the deed itself, there's planning it, and the effects on the psyche afterwards. Training humans to be psychologically ready to kill strangers is non-trivial, and far too many combat veterans are afflicted with PTSD. I'm guessing that finding ponies ready to serve in combat is hard, and the wounds done by killing are deeper for them as well.
I can see the Pony military providing mostly logistic/medical support for the griffin military, which would handle more of the combat duties.
Still good, although I noticed quite a few more grammar errors than normal. Who's your pre-reader?
so he is contemplating gryphonization?
636797
I've got several volunteers now, but they haven't had time to give everything a full once-over yet.
I'm just jumping the gun is all.
I'll be going back to correct grammar/paragraphing errors in existing chapters at some point, but I'd rather keep releasing roughly one chapter a day until I start approaching my current writing position in the story.
Also, I hope you guys like purple.
There's going to be alot of purple, all over alot of things, next chapter.
You have a real knack for writing dialogue; I loved the juxtaposition of the gory scene in the warehouse (real Nightmare Fuel there, with the melting pony), and Wrenn's chatting with the pony.
So he's looking to get Gryphonized? This should be interesting...
I'm not entire sure how the pony died during the two-being Ominous Council of Vagueness. Well, I assume it was nanobots, but I'm not sure how they were introduced...
In any case, good transitory chapter. I hope Wrenn gets the fast track to gryphonization. Should be interesting to see him adjust.
This is brilliant, I am highly intrigued by this, I was kind of hoping to see what he would be gryphonized but that'll have to wait.
If you need any other pre-readers I am here from 4pm-12pm most nights (heh heh heh)
Please put the author notes that the end of the chapter. I was half a second from hitting the x when I noticed there was more to the chapter. (and I imagine other people were too) There's also the spacing between paragraphs... please fix?
my friend were may i sign up
for if you don't know my OC has always been a griffin.
I see now let me see if i can figure this out
So someone/pony destroyed the maglev just to get to the box and it's contents.
That pony was a pony, who was rather uncerimoniously "melted."
The human responsible is the second richest man in NYC.
So...why would he need to access the potions?
His last words in the story were "Humanus Pro Vitus", latin for "For Human Life"
So clearly he does not approve of ponificarion nor grifonizing.
So why would he want the contents? Destroying it would do him no good. Simply make more.
Unless....OH YOU ARE CLEVER SIR!
638892
Actually, its even more complicated than that.
I left a little hint. Just a little one.
Lets just say both the PER and HLF want the new potion for different reasons, and there is a clue to the reasons in their methodologies.
If the Gryphons got into a war with the Humans... I imagine me/Prescott charging and rage screaming while charging a bayonette rifle towards the King.
Of course he would be stabbed in the gut, lifted into the air, and flung off the bayonette like a rag doll since Humans are so irrefutably powerful.