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Apple Bloom had always dreamed of the day. She just never dreamed that it would be a nightmare.
Aww, that was really cute. I saw a few minor grammatical errors that I'll send you in a PM. I wasn't looking very hard so I probably missed some more, but it might at least give you an idea of what kinds of things to look for if you do a revision. Other than that, this was very sweet. Excellent story as always, Mr. Rainbow.
I liked it! The writing was great, and the emotion was wonderfully done as well. The only thing I found odd, was that since this is first person, I have trouble buying that applebloom would tell her story the way she did (extensive vocab, ability to express complex emotions effectively) unless she was recapping this as a teenager or older. Other than that minor thing, this was great! It deserves more attention.
Yeah, Apple Bloom's older in this (around young adulthood to full-on adulthood). I almost pictured this like a future Cutie Mark Chronicles with Apple Bloom telling her story to a filly in the same situation she was in when she was a filly (without a cutie mark and all that).
Still, glad you enjoyed it.
>>630954 Me too
I'm glad I read this.
That synopsis and the matter-of-fact narration sent my imagination into hyper-realism mode - I was ready for the worst. But instead, I got a short, concise, emotionally sound, and intellectually mature story about risks and uncertainty.
Thank you for writing it. I enjoyed it.
This doesn't even make a connection, my heart is unfaltered. But I am happy, but you still ruined it. They accepted her. If it would have gone downhill, sadness, oh such sweet sadness, would have made it top notch.
It's one of those stories that I see as an emotional sharp. Takes an emotionally sharp turn from sadness and fear to happiness, a -13 degree sharp....
Very good indeed.
Short stories like this usually interest me, and this one just grabbed my attention at first sight.
"The Mill? Sad picture of AppleBloom? Recently wrote a chapter where your description is similar to it?"
I'M IN! I'm so glad I read this. It warmed my heart right up after breaking it again.
After reading this story, I gave the most accomplished feeling sigh of relief I'd ever breathed.
Seriously, when I breathed that sigh, it felt like a 20 pound sack just got lift off of my chest.
I don't know why, but this story made me feel sad in the good kind of way.
The "I'm sad, but happy for you" kind of way, like when you have to give something away that you love dearly, but know it's for the best.
..I love stories like this.
This deserves a fave, a thumbs up, and all the positive praise it can get.
~Peace, out. 
Thank you. After the tidal wave of (undeserving) praise I've received for this, I'm glad to see someone being upfront and honest about their opinion (though such honesty is to be expected from an EQD pre-reader).
Nope, sadly this was written post S2. I really am this bad.
However, this was written in one-sitting, at the library, with only a couple of proofreads by me, myself and I (very biased proofreaders if I do say so myself). Looking back, there are a plethora of things I could do to make this story better (expand on details, give the story more depth, make the story feel more show-like etc. etc. The number of problems and missed opportunities are innumerable). I mean, this fic wasn't meant to impress people, it was simply me releasing some pent-up emotions in the form of a pony fanfic. The popularity is far greater than I expected, as well as far greater than I think I deserve. Believe me, the fact that this has more thumb-down ratings than any of my other stories is telling enough. This is far from my best, maybe even my worst (well, okay, it's not as bad as my first two "stories," but still).
So, yeah. Thank you so much for the comment. The more positive comments an author gets, the more the praise goes to their head. It's great to have someone out there who's honest with their opinion; it brings me back down from cloud nine, and back to earth. I only wish that more people were as upfront as you.
I wasn't just trying to mindlessly praise you, though I probably got happier for you than necessary. But that's only because I respect you as someone with a brain that actually seems to function. Or maybe I just have awful taste, I don't know. I still think NAWWAL is better, and I never said you were the best writer ever, but I do sincerely think you're decent and full of potential. This does deserve its spot in the feature box right now; its competitors these days are trollfics left and right, and I for one am glad to see something written by someone who cares take a spot for a change. No, it's not some magnum opus and it has its share of problems, but you know, it still made me smile, something no trollfic has accomplished yet. You can acknowledge that you didn't do a bad job without letting it go to your head; just remember that you can always do better, and never become complacent.
TL;DR: No, this isn't your best work. It also isn't your worst. You actually gave a shit while you were writing it though, and I think the result was a cute little one-shot. That's my honest opinion. I'll stop stalking you now.
Oh, believe me, Keeria, that comment was not aimed at you. Far from it. You provided me with honest, critical feedback. I simply wish that there were more people like you or Ninestempest. People who give their honest opinion and/or are willing to provide criticism. I don't know... I think I'm just a little disappointed that I got a comment from an EQD pre-reader as brutal as that. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a bit
I think it's because despite saying what he really thought, he didn't quite bother to explain himself to even a minimal degree. That's just criticism; there was nothing constructive about it, and that's probably why it sucked. You're also the type of person to hear a hundred compliments and one insult and then fixate on the insult. I can understand that, being the same way. It can hurt, but at least it keeps you striving to better yourself.
It may not have been the most polite form of criticism, but at least he was being honest.
Of course, if he comes back later and offers more feedback now that you've answered his question, then I'll eat my words here. But in its current form, there isn't anything you could take from his comment apart from, and I'm paraphrasing sarcastically here, "Write better."
Hooray! It makes me happy to see 'The Mill' sitting on top of all them trollfics and in the feature box.
Maybe it will help you understand, RazedRainbow, if I explain that I watch MLP for its earnestness and sincerity? If you insist on completely ignoring your own earnestness and cast about for fault-finders, seeking to be abused, you'll find them (though not as many as you'd get if you blustered and boasted).
ALL things have virtues and failings- especially a piece as unlabored as this. If you pursue a course of seeking to please faultfinders and making your work 'technically correct and flawless', you're a fool and wasting your best virtues, which are emotional openness and sincerity. I've also read your Scootaloo-caused-death-of-Rainbow-Dash piece. You've also got delicate, fastidious handling of bold and shocking concepts (which is mighty Rarity of you, if you ask me). That's more virtues to emphasize. Your instinct on that is good and very effective.
Work that harnesses the spirit of pony-ness and the lack of cynicism we've come to love in our show... is no blight. 
So go ahead and try to better yourself, through whatever ways work for you- but use some of that caution and carefulness of yours, to evaluate the grounds of incoming criticism. YES, you must have feedback to define where you stand, not just lots of tasty applause, but you can't just accept any complaint as if its rarity (heh) makes it valid. Nopony writes for 'everybody'. You're fortunate in that your writing can reach a nice broad audience and move them emotionally. Have gratitude, before returning to th' grindstone. 
I swear, I'm happy to see you doin' well, because I think you're worth it. 
As for NinesTempest, I've been looking over his work and don't see a great superiority in grammar and English usage- what I do see, however, is greater emphasis on drama, on more complicated motivations, multi-layered characterization (at least that's the intent!), perhaps more cynicism, and extraordinary, gritty detail. That is a far cry from what you seek to do. I think y'all should be friends and not worry about whether you like each others' writing, because you'd be ruining many of your good points if you worked to appeal to NinesTempest by emulating what he does- and vice versa, I think.
With that portrayal of Dash with a mangled wing, suffering agonies from internal injuries, and being tough right to the point of collapse and impending death, NinesTempest might even have been the pre-reader that approved my gritty broken-legs chapter of 'The Old Castle' for EqD without a single edit request, raw and undiluted- something that killed me with the actual site readers, where your work would go down much more smoothly with the Equestria Daily audience.
Can someone summarize, without spoiling things too much, what this story is about? I tend to try and get a feel for a story by its comments, and while all the ones here are good, I've found fics lacking that seemed good from the comments themselves (without said comments really saying much other than "fantastic" or "brilliant)
Apple Bloom discovers an decrepit old watermill and begins spending her time there, much to the worry of her friends. One night, after several months of visiting it almost every day, something happens while she's there that makes her afraid to return home.
Honestly it's a short story, and there aren't too many details I can give away without spoiling the entire thing. I worry I've already said more than you'd be happy with.
I thought this was adorable and completely in character for Apple Bloom, especially as a later-in-life-looking-back fic. I will agree about what you said regarding execution. It seemed to jump from one emotional extreme to the other a little too quickly, but that was just my impression. Overall, great work and well deserving of the feature box. :)
Oh, I'm not looking for enemies, nor am I angry at Ninestempest for expressing his opinion. I'm fully aware that some people just don't like certain genres. I've just never received a comment positive or negative from someone at his position (pre-reader) and for it to be a negative one did take me by surprise just a tad, but I'm not offended. If a writer can't take negative criticism, they shouldn't be writing.
Also, thank you for all the encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. 
You know, after reading this, going through the comments, and going through the fic again, I think I understand this fic and it's response.
The reason you get so many good reviews is because you write with a style that simply draws in the reader. You've managed to pull of an evocative, meaningful first person introspective [/bigwords]
It's beautiful in an odd way that I've seen this fandom's writers do quite well before, and you should be proud of it.
The reason you get NinesTempest's dislike, is because the actual content of the story is lacking. The analogy I would make, is that of an amazing photographer taking a picture of a boring scene. Go look at Nines fics and you can tell he values content without clicking on a single one. Just look at their word counts. While simple ideas aren't necessarily bad (they're often amazing), this one wasn't the best.
Your a very good writer who took a relatively uninspired idea and got it to the feature box. I'd say give yourself a pat on the back, but you've been getting plenty of those. Your mission now, should you choose to accept it, is to go find an actually good idea, and give that your time. I'll be looking forward to it.
Personally, I think that it could have been done a little better, but given the sheer amount of trollfics these days, I like that this one has some actual emotion. I'll list some of the problems I had here.
I don't get why Applebloom regrets doing what she did. Is it because she lied to her friends and relatives?
The story doesn't quite fit Applebloom's style of speaking to me. First person seemed pretty much the only choice though, so I'm not sure what you can do about that.
A few missing periods:
"Yet the most prominent emotions were the negative ones"
"a voice in my head told me that it would all be worthwhile in the end"
"“Ya ain’t mad?” I asked"
I actually felt that the execution was pretty nice, but I don't know if there's something I'm missing. I liked it nonetheless.
Well, I'm glad you can at least see there are issues that could help improve it, and if you don't mind I'd like to elaborate what I didn't like. It has nothing to do with the slice-of-life genre. I also don't think you should beat yourself up over the popularity of this fic -- just think of it as a way to encourage people to see your other works.
The first thing I'll say is that while reading this, I was floored by how much of it is invalidated by S2 canon. After watching cutie-pox, the idea that AB getting her cutie mark would upset anyone is a little ridiculous. The crusaders weren't upset (they thought it was cool), and the Apple family was supremely happy (Big Mac's very happy "Yup!" even testifies to this), so the idea that AB would be worried in any way is already ridiculous.
Being show-like isn't really an issue with this story. Despite being tagged everyone and slice-of-life, it provided a little too much build-up for too little; yet it still had too little build up. That sounds contradictory, but I'll explain it. If the fic were longer in total, more build-up would have made me actually worried, or less build up could have played the pay-off as a lot smaller of a deal: if AB wasnt' so paranoid about being excommunicated from her friends, but was more just doing it happily and then realizing her mistake afterwards, then I think it could have been better. I've heard several people say that they thought it would go some horrible gore route, just from being 2k words of angst, and that it might be some AU thing that no one can really predict.
Mechanically, it's okay. There are far too many single-sentence paragraphs for my taste, and it's a rather broad summary of things going on. I was confused for a while as to why AB is "bruised and bleeding" from working on a mill, but I guess I read too far into that or something (despite never having bruises from doing house-work before).
It's overall really an issue of dealing with canon. This fic simply isn't possible and it bothered me the entire time I read it. All these people saying they felt "relieved" need to go watch Cutie Pox again.
That's my .02, I suppose.
I can see where you're coming from, especially the part about the the crusader's being upset (although, really they're more shocked than anything — or at least that's what I was attempting to get across).
Also, yeah... looking back at Cutie Pox, this fic is about as cannon as Romance Reports. Looking back, it would probably have been better if I had just used an O.C rather than a canon character with an established canon surrounding them. Maybe it's just because I didn't particularly enjoy Cutie Pox, and haven't re-watched it since. If I had, I would have seen that this story violates cannon at several points (particularly near the end).
I do thank you on expanding on your reasoning, however. Your reasons are valid and your criticisms are understandable.
Mm- I don't wish to argue with you in Razed's thread, Nines (but apparently I will anyway- kindly, I hope)
In Cutie Pox Apple Bloom is shown as brooding, worrying and not opening up to her friends (adult or filly). If she'd been shown cheerful throughout, I might agree- but the whole opening sequence before Zecora's hut establishes that she's brooding and being negative, and in Call Of The Cutie it's established that she worries about what others will think of her (around cutie-mark issues). Razed has her brooding and worrying about what others will think of her- over her carpentry activities, which she has not been open with her family about (just as she told none of them about visiting Zecora in Bridle Gossip).
I found it absolutely plausible. Just because canon Apple family would never reject Apple Bloom doesn't mean she's not a worrier who gets caught up in her ideas of what others will think of her. If her family hadn't accepted her, THAT would've been a book-fling moment- but they did, of course.
I just feel it's a dangerous game claiming anything is invalidated by canon. And I found her being 'bruised and bleeding' odd too- but then I was taking a seat out of my car the other day, the wrench slipped, and I slammed my arm against the door-sill of the car and ended up bruised and bleeding, so at this point I'll call that one 'confirmed'
I don't even feel the need to reply to such a contrary post in the face of such an obvious theme of the episode. The Apple Family was happy. Her friends were happy. Applebloom was totally content in showing off. Saying otherwise is being contrarian for no reason.
I'm only referring to where Apple Bloom's head was at BEFORE she squared the loopty-hooping cutie mark with her folks- yes, obviously in that episode she was delighted to show it to her friends, after the Zecora's hut scene. "The Mill" is a departure from what's in "Cutie Pox", but I feel it's a departure on just one detail, and it draws on a lot of other stuff which rings true.
I'm sorry my sticking up for this fic (and my delight in it) seems contentious. I think I've said my bit, and that's still how I feel about it. 
This.
I could hardly agree more. I should also like to add that personally I find the fics overall lack of details, another of Nine's complaints, to actually be one of this stories greatest strengths. It's a minimalist approach, and while sometimes that's just the sign of a lazy author, I very much feel that in this case it is an artistic merit that adds to rather than detracts from the narrative impact.
Is this the best written or strictly accurate story, certainly not, but it is what is; an artistically simple and thought provoking character piece that stands on its own regardless of what will happen or has happened on the show, and I would like to thank the author for sharing it with us
I really liked the concept behind it, however at no time did it feel like it was Apple Bloom narrating the story, even an older Apple Bloom. The voice you're writing in is a very 'generic narrator' voice, but in first person it's vital to capture the personality of the character speaking.
Sometimes it's important for a piece of art to leave a lot blank. You can tell if it's that kind, if folks project themselves into it, and begin to fight for their own interpretation of it (good, bad, whatever) and care a lot about their point of view being validated. It means there's something there bigger than what the words would suggest, and that people cannot agree on what that bigger thing is.
Again, well done, Razed, and sorry about startin' fights in your foyer...
It's fine. I expected a rather mixed reaction from this (minimalist pieces are a very volatile form of art/writing. Some people like simplicity and being able to fill-in-the-blanks, some don't; it's as simple as that). Am I saying that those who don't like are in the wrong? No way. Honestly, I expected this fic to be like a tumbleweed — blowing through the town of FiMFiction with barely a notice from the population. I guess the tumbleweed wound up being made of gold silk (or fool's gold silk), and people got drawn in (somehow). The 365-7 ratio proves that this isn't a "bad fic" Maybe a bit more popular than I expected, but still a well-received story.
A lot of this story is open for interpretation. For me, I tried to make Apple Bloom's struggles and anxiety a representation of my own feelings. I've always been worried that people wouldn't accept me for who I was, that I was a disappointment to my family, etc. And that's the point I tried to get across here. However, I also hate hammering stuff like that into the reader's skulls (I'm a fan of simplicity), and in making this fic open for interpretation, I opened it up to critics. Some saw it as a violation of canon (I'm not disagreeing with their opinion; it is, after all, their opinion), while others saw a much deeper meaning. That's the beauty of art; it's open for interpretation. You can see the forest for the trees, or you can see it for the tiniest hole in a single leaf. Either way, you have your viewpoint, and that viewpoint is valid.
And don't fret over any debates. They're entertaining to watch from an outsider's point of view.
Sorry for the long-windedness. I am a very vocal guy (usually this leads to me talking in circles, so if I did, I apologize)
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but im just to
..... really good
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because of the ending. And now you get 
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