More! The ending seemed a bit sudden, and a bit rushed, but this is quite excellent. You have a great writing style. Have a star.

..Well that was certainly a cheerful ending. Couple grammar mistakes, nothing major.

"Daisy...not again!!" I hear Lily whine in that cute voice of hers. I'd like to be able to hear it again, only with my own ears. If I don't make it in time, I'll die, and so will Minuette. I couldn't let that happen.

~

Colgate to Minuette, then back to Colgate. Good story..I guess. It felt..rushed.

"This is really, really good! There are only a few spelling mistakes, but they're easy enough to fix.

I was saving someponies' lives!"  Perhaps "some ponies' lives" instead.

"Colgate asks as If I knew what she were talking about." "If" shouldn't the capitalized in this case.

"How long were we in here?"  I ask, trembling.

"About seven hours."

"Well, now that your up to speed with everything rocky-"

"How come I can't remember anything?"

It's a bit confusing when you seperate a piece of dialog from one character into two paragraphs. The general rule of thumb is that if the character speaking hasn't changed, it should go into one paragraph. The rule can be broken of course, but only in special cases, most of the time with a long monologue or something of that nature.

"The name only catches my attention because it's said in my ear as If it were being directed to me." Again, if shouldn't be capitalized unless it begins a new sentence.

"The whole way their I became more and more anxious." "Their" is used for possesion. You probably mean "there", which is used for a location.

"Alright, Alright," I ay in Berry Punch's voice." Did you mean "say"?

"It's a liquid so powerful, Berry Punch has refused to every try it again." Did you mean "ever"?

Other than that, this story is perfect. I may be just a little bit punctilious about the spelling and grammar, so don't take any of what I said personally. But I love the concept of this story. I also love the way you describe things in such a way that I can imagine that I'm there. You're a talented writer. Keep up the good work!

This is so good! I can't wait to find out what happens.

I thought this good, it was a bit rushed, yes, but the ending was quite the twist!

What the hay just happened?

Seriously, though. This was a really good story. I certainly was not expecting the ending. It was really funny. Good job!

What the fuck? That was ridiculous.

There were more than your fair share of grammar errors and issues, but it wasn't enough to completely detract from the story overall. There isn't anything wrong with your style overall, and the emotion and tone throughout the story was believable. I even found myself getting a little suspenseful. So, good job there.

The ending was stupid (and a little rushed), but I guess that's because it's supposed to be cute, which it was at the very least. So, meh. Not bad.

Wait, did she die as Octavia?

And why doesn't Colgate have to keep explaining the situation?

The story felt a little rushed, but overall it was still a good read.  Keep up the good work.

thats it?

>>890488890488 Thanks! I'll never understand how people notice a work rushed, but yes, I did rush the ending.

One day I'll work on that.

.>>890500890500 Thanks, I'll fix that. o.o

Yes, It was rushed.

>>890641890641 Thanks! I'll fix up those pesky errors.

Honestly, being a proof reader for others, you'd think I'd catch those mistakes. Then again, I rushed this to high hell.

Thank you. :)

>>890942890942 For the 3rd (or so) time, yes, the end was rushed. Thanks for the critique.

>>891362891362 No. She didn't die, so she didn't have to explain. She only died once.