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theRedBrony
Joined April 2012
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theRedBrony
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Joined April 2012
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Don't use 2nd-person. I learned that the hard-way. I wrote a 2nd-person fic and it was complete shit just because of the sentence structure and the over usage of "you." Just a tip; do whatever you want.
Note: Not to say 2nd-person writing can't be successful, it just needs practice. Fuck 2nd-person man, just fuck it...
no offence though 
>>628504 I think I'm gonna publish a fic I wrote in 2nd person just for practice sometime. I easily identify with characters and put myself into stories with or without second person pov, but I'm fine with them either way. If it feels like you are using too many "yous" adding more detail helps.
Reading this whenever I get to a computer. 
ide also like to point out lyra was completely okay with him coming there like she didnt even question that the protagonist didnt question the situation which is really out of ordinary but like i said this is one of the many faults here AGAIN no offence just giving you tips for if you want to right an amazing fic
Usually good 2nd person fics are good despite being written in 2nd person. I've never seen a GOOD second person fic and thought, "You know, this couldn't be improved upon by going to either 1st or 3rd person." I do not get why this fandom is so gun-ho about such an awful way of writing.
There aren't many that's for damn sure. I consider Alteration by AimBot to be a cut above the rest for the creativity of what he wrote, even if he could use another pre-reader (which I'm told he's working on).
Dusty Traveler by BradMayFan is amazingly sweet and touching for such a short one shot.
I got 2 others than I'm on the fence about but of ANY of the stories there's not a single one that couldn't be improved by writing it in something other than 2nd person. I'm totally with you though that 90% of them are awful garbage. I suppose if it's a clopfic than whatever but even STILL, I'd rather not have it in 2nd person.
>>629200 I guess I'm awfully used to making choices based on the opinions of other people. In fact, I would say that I'm programmed to do so. It's a long story. But still, the story is for the readers, not the author (although this one was a personal challenge).
>>629325 Untruuuuuue! Unless you are writing for money. That is a different story entirely.
But definitely write some stories/chapters for yourself, and others for the readers. Don't let others run every single show you put on. But as you said, if you felt uncomfy with this to begin with (I still have trouble, myself, but I like to experiment) fix it in whatever way you sleep on best. 
As much as I hate 2nd person with an unholy passion, really writing is all about what you want to do. I personally think writing in 2nd person is a horrible habit to get into but a good quality story is a good quality story. Also I'm convinced that 2nd person gives authors bad habits but that's just me.
Edit: So seriously, write what you want.
Edit^2: But seriously don't do 2nd person, you're better than that.
Nope, not me, I'm definately not a fanfiction-writing cyborg or anything like that!
I like this significantly better this way. I hope you go into a bit more detail on the protagonist, especially as it's first person.
I'd also like to say that this is probably one of the first "brony goes to Equestria" stories I've read that didn't make me want to drink to forget what I read in a while 
2nd person is ALWAYS bad. We're trying to get our writers to improve here, not pick up bad habits .
Doing better Red. I know you ended it for good reason and didn't know if you planned that from the beginning. I'd like to see you revisit this in a similar vein (Lyra goes to earth, drags someone back with her). It's a less done take on the HiE genre. Make sure to take more time in doing things (again I'm not sure if that's just because you wanted to end it) because the beginning of it felt rushed. Also make sure to weigh the pros and cons of having the protagonist become a pony, there's a lot of uncovered territory in keeping the protagonist human at least for a while. Ponification is usually done without a lot of good reason and without considering the moral/philosophical issues of taking away a person's species.
I like having the character being a bit older as well, too many college student bronies in the HiE category for my taste. While I can enjoy a margarita that man needs to get better taste in your first drink though. I mean if the lightweight pony is doing a martini then he needs to take a good look at his drinking priorities .
Overall I like you as an author, I'll be following (hounding?) you 
>>640969 Ok, well first, being new to fanfictions, I was unaware that there was such a negative connotation to 2nd person. Lesson learned: readers don't like it. Second, I had a lot more planned for this, at least 3 more chapters, but after the thumb downs and the negative comments, I decided to just end this one. I wasn't particularly attached to this story anyway, it was more a writing experiment. The results were useful. I would have had the protagonist stay human for a while, if not the whole story, and would have explored that whole issue a lot more. The drinking thing was actually supposed to be a joke in itself, you kinda picked up on that. And you are indeed correct, too many kiddies putting themselves in HiE stories. Look forward to my upcoming stuff... 
You should take it as a compliment. HiE is my favorite genre and so people who try and improve and those who produce incredible works are always on my 'radar' so to speak.
Indeed on the drinking, I was making a joke too 
I'm watching you now and looking forward to what you do next. I hope you don't give up on the HiE genre as a whole though, I would really like to see you explore it more
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