Yeah, this was written fast and furious, and some editing/revision will be done soon enough. There's a big flashback thing, so if that wasn't clear enough, my apologies. I have another fic in the works with the same song quotes, so yeah. Just puttin' that out there.

Enjoy! Sorry for any confusion, and constructive criticism is always welcomed!

~T3cHn0 K!tT3n

Marked to read once editing.  

In the blurb, though: friend's -> friends'

This was really beautiful, I have to say. And those lyrics gave the story some extra fire.

short but effective.

>>626576626576

Ooh, missed that! Thanks!

Going to edit tommorow!

*claps hands in that slow, head shaking clap that denotes extreme amazement* This is amazing and my heart was plummeting just putting myself in Flutter's place and imagining that happening.  I (for some reason) don't cry anymore which sucked for My Little Dashie, but I do get this immense feeling in the bottom of my heart and your story had me at that in the first part

I read this here http://youtu.be/EzRpfsU1Gog

>>870805870805

Oooooooh myyyyy gooooosh! Thank you thank you thank you!

(Posted a comment with my Youtube as well)

Kk, I advise you not read the first paragraph. Just as a warning.

Okay, first things first. If there happens to be any moron present that knows my standard reviewing style, and enjoys watching me inspire fanbrats to rage!quit and start flame wars, I highly recommend that you piss off, now. Stop reading this goddamn review. If you're expecting me to tear this particular young lady a new one with my normal vicious criticism, well, you can kiss my ass, because that is not what I'm planning to do. Disappointed? See previous sentence, specifically the bit that mentions kissing my ass.

Now, the actual review. I'll start by saying that I'm not much of a fan when it comes to the mushy stuff; I prefer my gorefics and horrorfics to anything with significant levels of fluff. That's just the way I am. With that said, let it be known that this little piece wasn't as gratingly sappy as I was anticipating it to-- aw, who the hell am I kidding, anyhow? It was one of the sappiest fics I've read on this site, and that's saying something. I'm not saying that it's the good sort of sappy, either. Shortskirtsandexplosions, author of some of the best MLP fanfics on this site, has a phrase that I feel fits this fic fairly well. No offense, but "amateur emotion porn" came to mind as I read this. It simply felt like an emotion dumping fic, without much substance in most other respects.

Moving on, I've noticed that you have a fair number of problems spread all across the board, which was more than a slight bit surprising, when one considers that you're a concritter. One of the more major issues is that your prose is clunky as all get out, and I get the distinct impression as I read that your first language is not, in fact, English. Do correct me if I'm wrong. Another problem is that you have a fair number of basic technical errors, in spelling and grammar, which detracted from the piece significantly. Run everything you write through a spellchecker, and DO get yourself an editor, as you certainly need one. Continuing with the list of problems, you also have seriously nasty bout of OOC and canon-breaking going on throughout this story, and I felt the need to ask: Have you even watched all of the show? Much of what is viewed as basic canon has been ignored in this work, and that was why I felt I needed to ask. I'll admit that I typically don't mind OOC-ness or canon-breaking, but in this case it was so blatant and grating I couldn't help but point it out.

There are a couple of other things I could gripe about, but I believe you get the basic idea. Keep writing, and do rewrite this, even if it is old news.

I judge an editor/critic not only by their reviews, but also on how well they write. Based on this, you could do with some improvement.

Respectfully and not in the least bit offensive (this time at least),

Din

>>10224861022486

Thanks for the review! And honestly, it was just kind of an emotional dump for me at the time. English is indeed my first language, just by the way. But yeah, this is an oldie, and I might rewrite it sometime. The plot needs it, that's for sure And yes, I do need an editor. I would have one of my friends do it, but they're not exactly that type. Anyway, thanks again!

>>10235681023568

You're welcome. And I suggest a rewrite, highly. Just ask one of the folk at Author Support. They know their stuff, sort of.