Fallout: Equestria - No Holds Barred

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Requiem Mori

Requiem Mori #1 · Jun 23rd, 2015 · · · Prologue: The Cold Shoulder ·

Will have to check it out!

Requiem Mori

Requiem Mori #2 · Jun 23rd, 2015 · · · Prologue: The Cold Shoulder ·

Ok, analysis time:

First the pros - Overall an enjoyable read. There's immediate action to catch interest, and it give exposition without seeming to give exposition. The descriptions were good, giving a clear understanding of the environment and the surroundings. Not everything is explained, but it's just the prologue.

Now the cons - The action sequences are a bit quick. At least at the start. They tell, rather than show the action.

Five of them never got the chance. Two on the immediate left and three on the right fell as mother’s pistol sang out, the thick, heavy .45 caliber slugs slicing through their skulls with surgical precision as they struggled and shoved through the same snow that had impeded my journey onward.

He dispatches them relatively easily, which either implies a high level, or a very incompetent group of raiders.

More importantly for me, the pacing feels a little rushed somehow, though maybe I need to read more to get a better feel for it.

Overall, it's a minor issue, and I look forward to seeing more.

Shenanigans

Shenanigans #3 · Jun 23rd, 2015 · · · Prologue: The Cold Shoulder ·

for a prologue, it feels weird, because I have no idea what your story is going to be about. The raider encounters can be fun, but they devolve into mindless fighting scenes. It is something that a lot of FOE stories suffer from. Your main character comes off as arrogantly powerful, being able to take on a small army by himself. It also seems a bit weird that these raiders seem to be tripping all over themselves. In the old games, getting outnumbered made even the least threatening foes formidable.

It is certainly a good start. The action can be nice, if you are fine with it being a little long winded at times, but I know that a lot of people don't mind. I have to ask, What are the character's goals? Where is he coming from and where is he going? If the crystal north was a frozen wasteland before the great deluge, what made him think that it would be fun to travel in after the great deluge?

Celestial Petrichor