Freefalling gives a person a lot of time to think. That was my philosophic thought as I descended through the sky. Well, let’s do a quick recap of my day. Get punched into Equestria by a crazy bitch, woke up as a wolf with wings, got attacked by a racist pony, and then dropped out of an airship. Definitely worth it…wait a second, I have wings. With that I spun around and spread out my feathery appendages. Of course I had no idea how to use them properly, but at least I can glide. How hard could that be?
Apparently very hard. I didn’t last more than a second before the strength of the free fall blasted my wings straight up, causing them to flap uselessly in the wind. Well shit, glad to see I managed to last long enough to learn I can’t fly worth a damn. If I was going to fall, I was going to at least do it comfortably with some style. I threw my arms behind my head and did a quick flip and leaned back as if I was on a bed. Just as soon as I got comfortable, I crashed into a bright pink cloud.
So much for style...but on to more important things, like I'm a cloud.
“Ok, looks like I can move clouds and stuff. Sweet!” I exclaimed to no one. Then the more pressing matter decided to kick my brain into gear. Why the hell was a cloud pink? Wracking my brain of all pony information, it quickly came up with an answer that got me even more excited than having wings.
Actually, not really. Wings are still the most badass thing in the world, but realizing you are sitting on a cloud made of cotton candy that rains chocolate milk? That’s pretty awesome in its own right. It also gave me a great idea as to the time frame of me being in Equestria. Just at the beginning of season 2.
“Horse Apples, that means my cloud will disappear in a while. Time to start eating it then.” I Take a huge bite out of it, and give a small gasp as it starts to fall closer to the ground. Looks like I figured out how I was going to get down to the ground.
Pain, that’s all I could feel. Eating an entire cotton candy cloud was a really shitty idea in hindsight, but I needed to get out of the sky. Damn you stomach and your lack of ability to eat a massive cloud of sugar. Damn you to hell.
After rolling around on in pain for about another 30 minutes, I heard a pair of hooves heading in my direction. Perking my head up, I saw two ponies heading in my direction, and got a nice big scent with them. One was a rather fancy perfume, and the smell of the other was that of booze and sweat. Now that’s the weirdest combination of smells to be traveling together. I tried to get up and meet the travelers, but my stomach had more plans for my suffering. Stupid stomach, I feed you and this is how you respond?
Within a couple of minutes though as the sun started to set, the two ponies are close enough to recognize by sight, and I let out a fanboy squeal. Yes, I had a huge nerdgasm right there in the open when I saw Vinyl Scratch and Octavia approaching me. Yes, the famous musical duo; the proper amber gray coated, light purple eyed cello playing earth pony, and the eccentric white electric blue maned DJ unicorn. Can’t say it gets much cooler than that. Minus my wings of course, that’s been established.
I attempt to get up once again, but the fiendish stomach beats me back down, so I do the only thing a pained wolf does. I whined loud enough to catch the duo’s attention. They stopped and stared at what I can only assume was a pretty bizarre sight in front of them. A winged wolf with cotton candy surrounding his muzzle sitting on the side of the road, yeah I’d keep walking myself.
Fortunately for me though, I can pull off the puppy dog eyes even better now that I am a wolf. Within seconds Vinyl was trotting over towards me. “Hey there pup, you don’t look so good,” she stated with compassionate violet colored eyes. Oh, this could be fun. They don’t know I can talk; time to mess with them a bit. I simply whine again and nod my head for the concerned unicorn.
“Hey Tavi, can we keep it?” the DJ turned and asked her friend “At least for the rest of the trip?” Wait, could that possibly mean that all those crazy shipfics of the two are real? Eh, wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen. I mean I am in a different universe turned into a flying canine listening to colorful ponies talk. Turning my head to the uptight earth pony, I make my best puppy dog face and whine slightly. Octavia is hesitant at first, but no one can beat the power of a puppy dog face. She muttered something along the lines of “fine as long as it gets a bath” before she kept walking.
“Come on pup, let’s catch up before she decides she’s better off without us,” Vinyl said laughingly. She helped me get up and then went to put a cord she had in her saddle bag around my neck. Yeah, fuck that.
“Are you seriously going to try and put a leash on me? Cause I swear I’d rather get thrown out of an airship again then be humiliated by wearing that. Also not my style, kinky yes, but not for me,” I said rather sharply as I swatted the cord out of her hoof. Thankfully, Octavia didn’t hear me, so I still had the ability to prank someone. Glancing over to see Vinyl’s jaw hanging open, I couldn’t help but attempt to stifle a laugh. Waving my paw in front of her face didn’t help either, so I flicked her horn to snap her out of it. “Yes, I’m a talking flying wolf, though I haven’t figured the flying part yet, but deal with it. Now don’t let your little friend over there know. We can still prank her pretty good don’t you think?” Vinyl just nodded dumbly and followed me as we went to catch up to Octavia.
Anyone who hates Rarity but loves Octavia is a hypocrite. Octavia seemed even prissier than I had imagined. Take Rarity and up that a few notches and you got the lovely cellist of Canterlot's attitude. She didn’t bother to look at me when Vinyl and I caught up to her. “So Vinyl, do you like the mongrel that you found? His smell is simply putrid,” the snobby earth pony stated. I instinctively raised my lip flashing my pearly whites and released a nice low growl. I hated dealing with snobby upper class people back home, here was going to be no different. It also didn’t help her case that she appeared to be racist too.
I have to admit though; Octavia didn’t batter an eyelash at that threat. You gotta have a nice set of cojones to not be afraid of a wolf the same size as you releasing a nice death growl. So I decided I would go with phase two of my plan. Nothing like a good mind fuck right? Clearing my throat with a cough got her attention, time to lay the icing on the cake. “I do say my fair lady, tis a lovely night for a stroll, but I cannot fathom why a mare of such high class and standing would be in the company of simple rabble such as a DJ? Or why such a beautiful gem such as yourself would not be in the company of a Prince” Yes, I can do the whole high class snob voice; I went to an acting camp for a couple years.
The desired result was immediate. Octavia almost fainted from shock that should a “mongrel” could compose such a proper statement.
Then she resorted to stammering for having insulted such a proper sounding individual. Finally she got mad after noticing Vinyl and I on the ground laughing at her. “How dare you make such a mockery of me! I am Octavi…”
I cut her off before she could go on to large of a tangent. “I don’t care who you are. If you can’t take a good laugh, then you are obviously too high strung for me. This DJ on the other hand, is a pretty likable pony. So I think I’ll stick around for a bit more. The name’s Zeta by the way, nice to meet ya,” I extended my paw as a sign of good faith. Vinyl extended her hoof and we shook. Octavia hadn’t moved since I cut her off, looking like she was going to kill me.
All of a sudden, I caught a whiff of something different from tree wood floating down from the woods. Perking my ears up, I could hear the breathing coming from the tree line as well. As soon as I was starting to realize what was going on, a pack of six timber wolves charged out to have a nice little feast. I leapt over the two mares and met them head on. That’s when I felt a nice surge of adrenaline and just let my body take over. I don’t need much thought fighting match sticks and natural instincts will keep me safe.
The lead of the pack tries to gash me open with his claws, which I managed to quickly dodge. Spinning my head around I bit right through his extended arm and proceed to go straight for the timber wolf’s throat afterwards. With a slight shudder, the first one is dead. I notice another one flanking me from behind. I flared me wings to boost myself forward and right into the body of a third timber wolf; my claws ripping right through the wooden creature. With a quick back flip, I pinned another beneath my paws as I ripped out a chunk of wood right behind its skull. Three down, three to go.
Looking over, I noticed that Vinyl set-up a barrier to protect the two ponies. Good thing too, because the other three timber wolves were already setting up a circle trying to find a way in. Unfortunately for the wolves, I decided I wanted to get more toothpicks. I charged into two of the wolves with my shoulder, I ripped out their throats before they knew what hit them. The last of the pack just turned tail and ran off.
My adrenaline wore off as I watched the last timber wolf scamper back into the woods. First thoughts to cross my mind after killing 5 vicious predators with nothing but my fangs and claws went a little like this; HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT. Yeah, I’ll say it. I was freaked out by what I could do in this new body, but also excited beyond belief. I've killed stuff before, but this time was different. Doing it without any tools makes all the difference.
A smirk started to grow on my muzzle. Back on Earth I really couldn't do to much with all the shit that had been dropped on me in the past few years. All the commitments and rulings from court battles stole almost everything I had. Here though, was different. I decided right there and then that I was going to be doing whatever the hell I wanted and see what happens.
A cough coming from my left reminded me I wasn't alone. Looking over at the two mares questioning faces, I could only assume how many questions must have been flooding their minds right then. I decided I would answer some before they could yap my ears off.
I had but one answer that would work. “And that was without a single drop of rum.”
Oh Captain Jack Sparrow, how I can quote you at any moment in time and have it work.