Thump. Thump. Thump.
On the outskirts of Canterlot, the sound of marching hoofbeats and rattling armor echoed in the early morning air.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The Royal Equestrian Army was marching back from battle towards Canterlot, their home. Their latest endeavor against the changelings was a success, as they had defeated the enemy and, most importantly, captured their leader, Queen Chrysalis. The soldiers of the Royal Equestrian Army were escorting her back to Canterlot so that she could be brought to trial for her crimes against Equestria. Although some were bloodied and bruised, all were elated to be coming home as war heroes and to be embraced by their loved ones. With their heads held high, they marched with vigor. The younger bachelor soldiers were ready to show off their war wounds to any mare they could find—or colt, if they were into that.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Queen Chrysalis, on the other hoof, was in no mood to celebrate. Her hooves bound, her mouth muzzled, and her magic restrained, she could only wait in her cage as she was carried to the enemy's capital and her former invasion target, Canterlot. The rocking of the wagon and the cadence of marching hoofbeats did nothing to ease her growing anxiety. Left solely with her thoughts, she could only imagine her inevitable fate at the hooves of her captors.
Oh, how she regretted her failed invasion. She had only wanted to take a small amount of love, just enough to survive and feed her changelings, but after tasting the love of Shining Armor and Equestria, she had become intoxicated—she had wanted everything Equestria had to offer. In order to satisfy her cavernous hunger, she had decided to invade Canterlot, and after her conquest, she would then taken over Equestria so that she could feed to her heart's content. Chrysalis had thought her plan was foolproof, but in the end, her overconfidence was her weakness.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The marching became slightly faster and more erratic as the soldiers became more excited; the offbeat of the monotonous tempo awakening Chrysalis from her previous thoughts. She looked up and ahead to see the drawbridge to Canterlot open. She gulped in anxiety. This is it, Chrysalis thought to herself. Her parade through Canterlot, the crescendo of the beginning of the end. Her march to the scaffold.
In the early morning, the streets of Canterlot were relatively empty. Only a few ponies were up at this hour, beginning to prepare for whatever the day would bring. It was the sight and marching of the Royal Equestrian Army that began to rouse the citizens from their early morning stupor. Upon looking at them—and, more importantly, what they were escorting—they began to cheer. A few citizens ran ahead to spread the good news and prepare a hero's welcome.
As the soldiers marched on, the cheering and celebrations began to increase as more ponies came out to celebrate. The effects of the celebrations and fanfare were most evident among the younger soldiers, puffing out their chests, raising their chins, and shifting wings or pieces of armor to show off their battle injuries as their pride swelled.
Chrysalis, however, could only feel the cold, hard glares from the crowd that were directed at her. Luckily they were short lived, as the citizens of Canterlot were more focused on the safe return of their loved ones. She was thankful that they were not throwing any garbage at her.
The soldiers continued to march, slowing slightly in order to savor the citizens’ welcome, the intensity of the cheers increasing. The celebrations and fanfare reached their climax at the town square, the entire city now well aware of the Royal Equestrian Army's triumph. The square and surrounding streets were packed with celebrating ponies, cheering on the soldiers and shooting the occasional glare at Chrysalis. Marefriends and wives broke through the crowd, hugging and kissing their returning lovers.
As the Chrysalis entourage made their way out of the town square, they began to enter the upper terrace of Canterlot, home of the elites and nobles. Chrysalis instantly sensed a dramatic change in the atmosphere. The Canterlot elite and nobility were cheering not for the soldiers’ safe return but for her blood. Even the soldiers themselves began to feel uneasy among the bloodthirsty crowd, neither expecting nor wanting such a welcome. This was not what it meant to be in the Royal Equestrian Army. The soldiers began to quicken their pace towards the castle entrance, eager to leave such an unruly crowd. Chrysalis cringed slightly, the atmosphere and shouting unnerving her, but that moment was short lived. She steadied herself—she would not look weak in her final moments.
As short as her tenancy in Canterlot had been, she had already come to despise its nobility. The love she could feel from the nobles was not only small in amount but also tainted and foul—she could tell they were more interested in selfish gain and indulgence than love. In addition, she hated how they carried themselves—the nobility and elite always thought they were above the "common" worker pony. They viewed the lower classes as uncivilized, always turning their noses away from them, and yet here they were, a barbaric mob calling for her blood. To her, they were just a food source like anypony else, nothing special about them. She sneered at them. Chrysalis had always hated the idea of nobility—during her rule, she had treated her changelings as equals, no individual above or below the rest.
Chrysalis looked ahead, trying to tune out the unruly mob around her. As Canterlot Castle drew closer and closer, gleaming white like the face of death, so too could she feel the final act of her life approaching its finale. As the castle doors opened and she was taken inside, Chrysalis turned around, taking what might be her final opportunity to behold the light of day.
SLAM!
Chrysalis winced as the castle doors slammed shut. She could hear the celebration outside continue as they lauded her coming fate.
This chapter is based off of the 4th movement of the musical piece Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz. The title of this story and this chapter uses the same title as the 4th movement, March to the Scaffold. It is highly recommended to listen to the movement and read the program notes.
I commend you on finding such a unique and interesting source for inspiration. you get a bonus for that.
Definitely tracking, hopefully it has an end worthwhile.
So are Changelings Communist?
While I dislike the canon character of Chrysalis, I have been allowing myself to allow for some creative licence recently in her favor, the perfect manifestation of evil and vanity. One of the most poetic beauties is the defeat and capture of a once great and prideful king or general, especially when juxtaposed with the elated and triumphant pride of the victorious.
When reading this, and things of its sort, I cannot help but think back to Satan's speech in the book of Isaiah 14 when he said, "I will ascend to heaven/ I will raise my throne above the stars of God./ I will sit upon the mount of assembly./ I will be like the Most High ." But he was stricken down and made low that all the nations mocked him. I compare this to Chrysalis' situation.
Of course the difference is, as you do well to depict, Chrysalis' failed invasion of Canterlot was not out of pride or desire for conquest, but to feed herself and her subjects. Thus you do well in invoking pathos in this story. I, myself felt sympathy for her both because it is a pity to see such a mighty foe fall and be made low, paraded in the city that she failed to invade, and because in part because you portray her as a victim of her own desire.
I look forward to seeing how this will develop.
Love the piece of music, played it with my County Youth Orchestra last year!
Great inspiration, interested to see how this goes...
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Wow thanks
This is the first time I wrote something that did not offend some people XD right off the back.
At first I was thinking of making this a one shot, but I do have an idea of how I can incorporate the 5th movement of the piece, the "Dreams of a Witches Sabbath" and actually make a story out of this.
Problem is, I am not a good writer. I need a proofreader/editor. I am bad at writing dialogue and I have problems with pacing (what other people told me).
If anyone could help me I could extend this story. I would like to try to get this featured and submit this to EQD.
625720
I was not planning on making them. I was more trying to put the idea that Chrysalis views all of her subjects as equal (like a good leader should). The same way Celestia and Luna do.
But you can view them like that if it makes it more interesting. I put the slice of life there to keep it open, so other people can guess.
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Well, I'd be glad to proofread and edit for you and provide some ideas.
I hope that you'll be writing a lengthy public trial scene. Between that, you should maybe write two dungeon scenes: One before and one after the trial, but in which Chrysalis introspects. Then end it with either an elongated poetic description of her execution or her unforeseen escape. That's how I would write it.
As far as getting this into EqD, get in line, mate. I've been trying to write a piece good enough to get in for too long, though I suppose there's no harm in trying.
Firstly I'd like to say what an excellent job you have done with this!! I listened to the music while reading and it really was quiet powerful. Although being short and straight to the point you did a very good job referring to Chrysalis's feelings and how the other ponies treated her! this defiantly holds great promise. Defiantly deserves a like!
I'd be happy to proof-read this story in the future - although the next few weeks are chaos for me - afterwards, should be fine. I'm not saying that your spelling; grammar etc. are bad, it's just that a fresh pair of eyes always helps iron out the last of the small mistakes!
Please PM me if you want to follow this up!
ImmortalScientist
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Something like that, but I do have my own ideas on where I am taking this. I want to someone incorporate more music and I already have two pieces lined up.
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Thanks, I am not used to the compliment. This was my third piece of work. Lets just say the other first two did not go well at all. I told myself I was going to do this again, but being awake at 4am and drinking vodka changed my mind. But really thanks for compliment, it is motivating me.
626857 Np!! also I was in the complete same situation as well not long ago with failed stories, but at the end of the day I learned from my mistakes and eventually It payed of in the end! But this is very well writen and I think you and this story has great potential, Keep up the good work!
I will work on the next chapter soon. To those interested in pre-reading/editing the rough draft send me a PM. Ill try and think of something on who to share it.
PS: If you like the story I would greatly appreciate if you gave it a like (trying to get this featured lolz)
Good enough story. Minor grammar/spelling problems. Otherwise and over-all good start.
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Yeah thats why I need an editor, I really am unable to catch those. My brain is hardwired for numbers and science, not grammar XD.
Wunderbar. Not going to ask why, if your brain is hardwired for math, you chose to be a writer, but whatever!
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Actually, even though my brain is hardwired for something, I do like to explore different things. Plus I had this idea in my head and I just had to write it down. I got a lot of free time right now, school is off and my job does not start till June. I can only play Diablo 3 so much. I want to do SOMETHING productive.
'Something productive'... writing Ponyfics is productive?
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Can you think of anything else? I am on break from college, research does not start till June, already worked out and took a nap. The only thing I have not done is drink, but I will probably do that later. Writing keeps me busy I guess, since it is hard for me.
Just being facetious man. 629458
Second Chapter done.
Special thanks to Letedwend and Ponysopher for their patience and editing. Ponysopher also added some beautiful lines in the second chapter.
I like the premise of it. I like to think about how it would have been if the whole Chrysalis incident was a war campaign rather than just a single day.
So far 4 out of 5 Fluttershy roars
> It is highly recommended to listen to the movement and read the program notes.
Passive voice, Stunk and White are rolling in their graves
> against the changelings was a success as they had defeated the enemy, and most importantly captured their leader, Queen Chrysalis
"most importantly" is distracting - omit needless words.
Your writing is full of passive voice - this article is a quick start on fixing it up, but I advise reading through a copy of The Elements of Style(do note that the grammar part is somewhat outdated).
Chrysalis is hardly in a position to call anyone's love tainted; she's the evil queen of evil draining monstrosities, after all.
And the idea of the mind-controlling queen being disgusted by the Canterlot elite is more than a little ironic, no? They're better beings than she ever will be.
Can't say I've read that many stories based on musical scores, in fact I'm pretty sure this is the first.
Excellent job by the way.
OH MY GOD!!!! Is Chrysalis seriously going to the scaffold???!!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Well at least this shows Chrysalis has some decency
Also... Musical Piece?
For some reason I think of pre-revolution France society with how you described the canterlot elite.
I never liked them much myself, but man that's quite a description, but what about good guy Fancypants? He was nice guy, oh well looks like I need to keep reading it then
or colt, if they were into that
As Cleveland often says: "That's just nasty..." But funny. LOL
Long this fanfiction is in my Read it later-Section. Now I´ve found the time to begin it and what can I say? I´m impressed. This whole beginnings doesn´t feel like Equestria, it reminds me on the triumphal processions in the roman republic/empire where defeated and humiliated enemies were brought through Rome to show the peoble, but here it is Canterlot and not Rome. That is no minus, rather it shows where you got your inspiration for this whole scene. Great job so far. Let´s see if the rest is as great as this too.
621228 I played this piece last year, along with the 5th movement. Finally, a reference I can understand!
An enemy of Celestia's is a friend of mine. It's one of the reasons why I like Chrysalis. I also like her cause I can relate to her in multiple ways. Only difference in one thing was that her changelings were loyal to her. Nice chapter by the way. Gives us a good feel and also doesn't make Chrysalis look like a pure evil black villain. By black I mean the saying of you're either black or white. You allow her to be the grey area.