Hmm…

I like this. The humor is so dry it's funny, and the concept is an interesting. You sir, deserve my fav!!

>>625018625018

Someone is pleased.

like it

Very good tracking

Before I begin I must say the following,

Hi hi hi my little droogies,  being a fan of the film and seeing this has me singing in the rain. But, will it live up to those expectations?

Now that I read it, no. Its not a crossover with a clockwork orange. But its ok, this is Good and I am tracking it.

>>625669625669

Yeah, it is not a crossover with A Clockwork Orange. But I will make a ton of references to it.

congrats LorenzoP this is epic

having him be a clot was very good, it keeps it new and interesting.

his equipment so far seams interesting as well, a rambo sized knife lol that thing must be nearly his own size, and the cubes role will be interesting to see what it is.

Aside from that not really much more to say, oh except possibly the fact he's Brazilian and speaks portuguese, nice to see something different than the protagonist being an american of from europe and speaks only english.

Ok, I can't help but do this...

"Begin, begin, begin..." It should be "Being".

"put some clothing" there should be an "on" between put and some

There was also a spot where "of" should be "off", not sure where though

So anyways... physics. It will screw all of us.

A random cube of platinum does seem like an odd thing to be finding coincidentally. Even if it's actually tungsten or some other dense metal it's unlikely that it is the work of chance.

Now, finding a strange foal with a huge knife in your clubhouse would be a pretty scary thing for a young filly, I imagine. Can't see that turning out well.

I would find some more minor edits, but it seems it's time for me to get a job...

Anyways, I look forward to the rest of the story.

>>626399626399

Corrections !

I honestly thought that there would be more mistakes; I am getting better at this.

More, please?

Love the concept; Please continue!

...This pleases me...

MOAR! MOAR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOAR!

If it's ok with you....

I loved the Portugese swearing, and the premise of him being in a younger body is a nice twist

There, chapter 2.

I recommend that you listen all the music pieces that I posted. It is quite relaxing (Except Wagner, that will probably give you uncontrollable desire to see napalm burning).

I will try to post the next chapter faster.

Also, a question: Is it narcisism to fave your own story? Because I tempted to do it, but I am afraid of looking like an idiot.

Wow this is interesting...

Please continue good sir.

I like this.

so he needs a cover story for his cover story?

This is a pretty good read, have a stashe

>>692557692557

Yes !!!

And then he will need a 3rd cover story for his 2nd cover story so that if his 1st cover story fails he will still have a backup cover story!!!

Image: http://www.oesquema.com.br/trabalhosujo/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/inception-jordan.jpg

You know, chances are that cube is just another white-gray metal with very high density instead. Most of them being worth much less than platinum. And maybe someone doesn't want him rich, but dead instead - and it is uranium (then touching it and then eating with your hands is a bad idea...).

excellent chapter

MOAR PLOX

You sir, scare me. I have the SAME taste in music, SAME tate in alcholohol, SAME taste in foods. Please don't tell me your a meme lover?

I love it when he starts shouting stuff in Portuguese and when he's done the only pony that would understands him is Pinkie Pie.

So, this chapter took longer than it should. That’s because I decided that Cheerliee would never buy his story, mainly because she probably has to deal with lying foals in a daily basis and knows when they are lying. And also because not all adults are morons/useless.

I had thought I had already favorites this story, do I'm glad I just saw it again.

What the hell happened to that guy?

so theres more then one human in equestria hmm, but this oter guy dident seam to have ladye lyck on his side.

as for him telling the truth for cheerilee didn't expect that but you did bring up a good point with her easily seeing through it, being a teacher and all.

awesome chapter, more please

>>810404810404

who the fuck is ladye lyck is she a polish porn star or something

poor guy though looked like LADY LUCK wasn't on his side

look out everybody!! it's the grammar police!! ↑↑↑

Hon, the first part of this chapter was... a disaster. It's a perfect example why people say 'Show, don't tell' when you're writing. Why did you write all that? It has no direct impact on the story, it's just stuff you're forcing your readers to slog through.

>>10247431024743

I am sorry; could you be a little more specific?

Do you mean "first part" as is the paragraphs before the first break or what? Also, give me some tips as in how to avoid this (apparent) mistake next time, please.

Cool story, actually. I don't remember how I got here, but you can have all my likes and favorites...

... a shame that this story seems abandoned.

I would rather stay a naked human

Ponies suffer from morning wood too.

That made my day.

Awww... It's an abandoned story

>>18301881830188

Not really, it is just on hiatus. I am typing chapter 4 right now, should be out in a week.

It feels a bit rushed. Try to slow down and flesh out the characters personalities a bit.

Not a bad plot, just give a bit more description about the emotions and the thoughts and the surroundings of the characters.

Hey! saw your comment in "The Serenade of Sweetie Bells" glad to know that not I alone, avoided becoming stupid as I aged, (I'z be 17 now) (yes I now I said I'z and it was fully intentional)

I have also written a story staring a foal with the mind of a older person in it... except that person is a two-hundred or so old god of innovation imagination and insanity... and it has amnesia... and it has the mind of a foal... Well on second thought our stories aren't that similar...

Viking Hooves out!

>>18304631830463 wow that was 15 weeks ago... BAZINGA!!... wait what? ... what was I doing?.... ohh yeah

... So this is dead, and while this might be odd thing to say. I really liked your story, but I won't beg for more chapters of this story. At heart I know how hard it is to write for a character that is a bit off... I would beg you to glance over my story and tell me what you think.

sooo ppplleeeaaaazzzzeee check it out (blegh)

Viking Hooves out!

>>23812772381277

Actually, not dead. I actually finished typing the chapter.

It just sucked. A lot.

I tried typing it again. Took me three weeks. The end result wasnt as bad, but still wasn't what I wanted.

I have been going on like that for all that time. MAYBE next time I can finally get it right.

Yay! You talked to me!

umm *ohh gosh* umm..

good luck! I hope many ideas hit your brain so hard it hurts in a good way! Uummm... that didn't come out right.

Okay okay... I'm calm now...

good luck for real my struggling compadre! If you ever desire a mind break, you could go read my story.. Cuz that would be super awesome... please?

More of him talking Portuguese to the ponies, please