Pyre
Joined 13th Nov, 2011 ·
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WOW.
A lot of words.Liked it anyway!
A+ very well written and so very enjoyable
keep up the great writing
Well, I've seen quite a few variations of this story around. However, this one was good. I mean, really, REALLY good.
Great writing, very well done.
Thanks so much!
That was beautiful. Thank you for writing this, it's among the best fanfictions I've read for a looooong time.
Dear god...
Its Brilliant! I honestly can't think of anything else to say! The pacing was excellent, the emotion realistic, the plot flawless, the grammar and punctuation damn near perfect! An amazing interpretation on relatively rarely found concept. And dat length... dat length!
I usually always try to find something significant to point out to writers to help them improve, even if it is a 'short'. This is one of those rare times I got nothing. I'm sure I could find something to nitpick if I looked back, but nitpicking's are not worthy if they are not present in any significant amount to bring myself to care. I'd probably just get swept back up in the story and forget to look for them irregardless.
Bravo good sir(?), bravo indeed!
Thanks very much, again! I wouldn't call it perfect myself - there are stylistic issues that bother me - but this does represent about the best I'm capable of: I'm thus a kind of quietly ecstatic that people are finding it so enjoyable.
Yay
about covers it, heh.
I cried when I saw that the leader of the uprising was Polaris. I didn't see that coming, but it should have been obvious.
Also, Polaris had a black-blue coat. Does that mean that he was like Pipsqueak, with two colors? Could they be related? It would be funny to know that Luna finally became aware of Polaris admiration, even with it taking 1000 year to the message to be delivered.
Nice fic, seriously. A incredible way to explain the Nightmare thing. 5 stars.
117175
I had actually intended that to mean that his coat was a mix of the two shades - think a variant of Luna's in the Luna Eclipsed episode. However, I also intentionally styled this story so that people would be able to draw their own conclusions about what certain things connected to, especially as far as Polaris is concerned. So if you see that association, I am certainly not going to say you are wrong.
well damn. i can't find a single thing to correct.. and you made me cry. well played?
another thing! "Twilight. The link between night and day" DAT SENTENCE! blew my mind. thanks for that <3
TL;R
Excellent story
I never, ever cry at fics. Not even the famous sad ones. But this one struck some strings. It was amazingly well-written and I hope you do a sequel.
This was beautifully written. I never thought I would see the day where one would use a "Jekyll and Hyde"-quote in a mlp:fim fanfic
Absolutely brilliant, and I hope you'll continue with stories like this
-Glassed
I feel a little subversive actually - both of those lines are from Jekyll & Hyde the *Musical*, not the original story.
Amusingly, I didn't even realize the correlation between the quote source and one of the primary characters in the fic (Nightmare Moon) until after I was finished writing it. I just used them because one of the first things to pop into my head when I was considering the story was that opening quote.
And thank you!
That wuz so sweet, and SO AWESUM!!
it is so sad but good.
twilightsmile::corporatism:
:scriptable:
it is so sad but good.
twilightsmile::corporatism:
:scriptable:
Wow. I positively hate reading and hate it even more reading very long stories. For some reason I could not look away. This is such a wonderful and touching story. A+++
That... was beautiful.
As I see this is nothing more than a stupid story to justify Celestia's faults. Sad to be frank but none the less just a fanboy's attempt to eliminate the flaws of a character. Now I am no fan of Luna either, as I see it they where both at fault. Luna threw a huge hissy fit over something pointless and meaningless while Celestia overreacted. I hate when Luna fan place the blame of her actions on some silly imaginary demon that never existed, get over it guys. I also hate how this author basically made a story to eliminate the flaws and mistakes Celestia committed. Sure banishing some one for trying to bring death to everyone and everything is all right. I fully support her on that, but still no reason to let others grow and resent y sister. In her place I would of let the ponies remember Luna like the princess she was. And blame her death on the fictional monster. There problem solved, all ponies that cared about her will remembered her as a nice pony and not question why the heck she is no longer there. Overall, like a said, a pitiful attempt at making a story to fix the character flaws of the authors favorite pony.
Your story is truely awesome, the best one-shot I've read. the only piece of criticism I could come up with was this:
At the physical fight between celestia and luna, I didn't feel like celestia was desperate enough to banish her sister to the moon, and that the fight was too rushed. (or was that because she banished luna accedently?)
Again, your story is the best one-shot i've ever read and you are a great author, consider a professional career in writing if you aren't already in one.
Also, do not listen my sugestions if you think I'm wrong, you are the expert and it is your story
There I just made an account so I can watch you
@Erinyes
Excellent trolling! Or is it paraspriting in this fandom? Either way, well done, though you might want to make it look like something other than, well, really obvious trolling next time for that true "Five star" touch. Showing comprehension of the story would help in that regard (I mention at least once directly, and show strongly in the writing, that I took the "Nightmare Moon was created directly BY Luna's issues" approach, rather than the external sources many prefer).
@Squarepony
The fight was so short because of two things: the minimalist approach I wanted to take to the story (the idea was to let the reader fill in what the fight had been like in their own heads), and my reluctance to insert my own take on their fight into the fic (it would have rendered it a Teen rating at least).
As to a professional career, my problem there is that I generally lack the patience and focus to complete larger works. One reason I'm so proud of this story is that I was actually able to start AND finish it.
117950
That said, I AM planning perhaps a single fic more. Knowing someone's following me now, I shall have to give more effort to getting it completed
I'm going to refrain from equine-related puns; that story was fucking amazing. Really, really good.
Which is why I do hate to nitpick, but I reread the passage three times, but nowhere does Nightmare Moon call herself that when she first emerged, and please, correct me if I'm wrong. It doesn't take away how powerful your story is in the slightest.
Bravo. Fucking bravo, my friend.
Does the show CONTAIN the scene where she first emerges? Unless you mean specifically in my story, in which case that's another victim of the minimalist approach I used - the implication I meant to show was that Nightmare Moon had named herself as such sometime during the not-shown fight.
118234
I meant specifically in your story. Hey, that's okay - I can respect minimalism
. It's like I said, though, it didn't take away from the fact that your story was extremely touching. I felt myself tear up at the end of it, and the parts where Princess Celestia was reacting to the Mane6's ordeal in Everfree was very deftly executed (especially her reaction to Pinkie... priceless).
118444
Loved it! This is among the best of this kind of story and, believe me, I've read a lot of this kind of story. I always appreciate it when Celestia is portrayed well, and this was most excellently done. Thank you very much!!
Good work.
I really liked it.
I really have to say this is an excellent approach to the story. This is actually a bit ironic to me because I'm writing legacy, a what if tale if a third alicorn that represented the balance between sun and moon existed. And reading this I got a few things out of your writing.
1. Its alot better if the dialogue is minimized to allow the character to be more focused on what there thinking and not what there saying. This makes every character feel personal.
2. Use metaphors, I don't use them often and this reminded me why there important.
3.When using a royal character or a person of high powers you always have to remind yourself that these people would be incredibly busy and would eventually have to make a shell of emotional state that allows them to continue there work, this is natural for anyone who deals with severe grief but doesn't have anyone to turn and vent to.
4. If your going to write a story about the alicorns, it has to be focused on them. The mane six can be there but at a minimum. There stories are very structured in canon and is hard to deviate.The alicorns on the other hand are very malleable as we only have a tale and thats it, we don't know there characters (atleast there deeper emotional sides), we don't know where they came from, there just there. And thats where a writers fun begins.
5.And did we not learn anything from Luna's lament? The idea is that Luna didn't just go to the dark side because it sounded nice. But she did it because she felt tired and unsupported. I like the way you put it with what was it... I can't seem to remember. But it was a demon that played off of Luna's fears and anger and finally made her snap. This shows weakness but also allows the character to not be felt as a full on villain, but as someone who's forgotten the way, and can be redeemed, giving an easy plot path.
Anyway thanks for that, you definitely spiked me to think of my tale at a different angle and thats worth more to me than a thank you. I really do appreciate it.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing...
This is a phenomenal story, I was really impressed while reading it (and still am!).
You took a story we all know (at least, more or less) and turned it into something beautiful. I mean, I knew from the beginning where this story was heading and how it would end. But that wasn't the point. The point was the journey towards that end. And that was one hell of a ride! :)
You did a great amount of world building with this story. The founding of the magic school and subsequent other schools as well, the advancement of technology and science, the way Euquestria is run as country - just to name some. All that with just a few lines instead of endless walls of exposition text. There wasn't a single part, that bored me.
But the best part of this story was the insight you gave us on Celestia. You used her POV not only to tell the story, but really showed how she differs from her mortal subjects. I could really sympathize with the way she kept up her mask for all those centuries, trying to be a genuine ruler and not giving into her grief and anger. And the way her mask slowly ceased to be just a mask once Twilight entered her live, that just warmed my heart. Your Celestia is now part of my headcanon!
My only (and very minor) gripe was the battle between Celestia and Nightmare Moon. She remembers it as this world shattering fight that cursed the Everfree Forest and what else. Yet when I read that scene, I see Celstia dodging a stomp by Luna and then banishing her to the moon - not much of a battle. But as I said, just a minor gripe. Nothing that could devalue your story in my eyes.
So, thank you for writing this ans keep up the great work! :D
NTL
Excellent. Very good interpretation of the story.... adds a layer of Fridge Brilliance to things like Nightmare Night and why Celestia let memory of her sister slip away... because she needed Equestria to forget her in order to save her.
A very nice read. enjoyed every bit of it, and hope to see more from you in the future
117705
IMPOSTER! 
Wow
this is pretty amazing work!
It was amazing. I won't linger on all the good points as they all have been said already. Know that I relish Celestia & Luna's backstory and this was pretty nice !
Thank you !
I teared up at the end. This is so damn good.
I recommend chapters next time, but good nonetheless. I wonder if my emoticon plug in works here. Let's see. [](/b10)
Awesome!^_^
I loved this!^_^
It's just great!^_^
Oh so good!^_^
I hope you write more.^_^
More stories here that is.^_^
I look forward to them!^_^
An absolutely phenominal story my friend. I love the minimalism you use. I especially like how you did it for the fight. It starts off looking fierce, but instead of describing a full length fight you time skip from the begining to the end, allowing the reader to imagine their own fight scene. I also love how you made the conection with twilight's name, that Blew. My. Mind!!
A very strong story all the way through with wonderul character developement. Cpongratulations on a fantastic fic, one of the best i've read. 
This was amazingly well written, in fact, the best fanfic I've read. I'm just going to accept this as the way it actually happened in the series.
That was amazing.... 5 stars.
Incredible... easily one of the best fan fics, if not THE best fan fic, I have ever read. I accept this as cannon when watching the show, like Discordant.
Bravo!