*BRAIN EXPLODES*

+ ??= Seems legit.

Interesting premise, but your grammar and prose need some work.

This could likely be very good if expanded upon and maybe cleaned up a bit.

huh. makes sense. they're both bad fliers.

How did I see that plot twist coming?

Anyway, it's short, well written, and knows what it's trying to do. I like it.

good plot,  kept me engaged, but i feel as though the writing leaves something to be desired. and it's been said a million times to everybody on this site, but grammar. each error is like  a burst of static when watching the show.

>>621461621461

Think about it, Fluttershy is a pegasus who can only fly to certain heights, and can't fly as freely as most pegasi

Chicken = a bird that can only fly to certain heights, and can't fly as freely as most birds

Makes perfect sense

Faved.

Needs heavy grammar fixes.

Sugarcube Corner

sugarcube,

about

wan't

And many more that I'm too lazy to sort through.

I'd say get a prereader and sort through this, clean it up, and smooth out some rough spots. It has the potential to be really good, but it'll need a nice buff to make it presentable.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png

Very nice one-shot, like the idea of her being Scoots mom. Really short, sweet, and good. Could see this becoming the beginning of a longer story. Good Job!

it kinda of does make a little sense

And this is complete?  Why?

Image: http://lookatmyhappyrainbow.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/why.jpg

Dude.. its bunnIES... 'IES'

Now the gist of my critique is the same as everybody else, I really like the idea behind it, like ,very much, its totally new. But the execution was a bit less interesting. The dialogue is very hit and miss and overall it should have been longer to accomodate more subtelty.

Keep going !

What a twist!

>>621455621455

Precisely...

It's like you read my mind

Apart from the grammar errors, the story's pretty interesting - good ending too! Now my mind is full of derp

I suggest getting "White Smoke" to help you out with your grammar.

"It's Scootaloo"

I literally fell off my bed at that! (My laptop was on my bed)

WAHT A !!

Okay I wasn't expecting that.

Though I did see the ending coming as soon as it mentioned "adoption".

Looking toward to what happens next.

Vet school-- chicken-- IT ALL MAKES SENSE

OK that ending, we need a sequel now. Shy and scoot must be reunited!

Actually now I'd like to know how old the mane 6 are I'm thinking somewhere between 16 and 21

Wait, but... I... And Fluttershy, she... Condoms... Scootaloo... Buh?

On a more serious note, that was really well done! I wish it was a bit longer, it felt a bit rushed. But it was a solid story, and you wrote well!

Four Scoots for you!

.....*BSOD*

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yh1aP7MH-UE/Tfg8BiLCN8I/AAAAAAAAF6w/WLMkujKkGX0/s320/24519+-+artist+kloudmutt+fluttershy+scootaloo.png

Whoa!! Did not see that coming!!

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL  SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

Wait... Why is this in the Flutterdash group?

Fluttershy is Scootaloo's MOTHER?!

Oh buck it all makes sense now.

Well that threw me for a loop.

Failure to know the difference between 'They're,' 'Their' and 'There'; failure to know how to use an apostrophe, (it does not mean look out, here comes an 's'!); so overall grammar fail, and pacing feels off.  But I love the plot.  It needs more.  You can't end on that line without a continuation.  Get to woik!!!

>>626471626471 That's what I want to know!

WAT

WAT

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF

Anyways'um, this Scootaloo/Fluttershy daughter,mother thing would be such an experimental stride into fanficdom that there's no way it wouldn't get featured.

...

I CALLED IT!

>>626471626471

Yeah, it's in Flarity too. That's screwy.

Sequel please

Hilarious premise, but damn you need to go back and fix it up.  Your spelling, grammar, sentence structure, they're all over the bloody place and it makes the piece hard to read.

Wasted...potential...that's all I see.

This story had a REALLY good idea and then...it...it has errors...all over it.  So many errors...  I suggest an editor.

Also, I'd like to see it continued, it doesn't really feel like a one-shot.

Don't get me wrong, I liked it, but I still could barely see past all the errors.

PLOT TWIST!

+ ???=

i could see that