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Featherweight has had a crush on Scootaloo for as long as he can remember, but he never did anything about it. That is, until the fateful day where he is given the challenge to kiss her before nightfall.
You took my advice 
!
Good story and agree with the above, this definitely has potential for fun. Have to admit, was totally banking on it being Rainbow Dash to kick things off (she seems like the kind of character who'd take an interest in a foalhood romance just for the giggles), but enjoyed your use of Pipsqueak.
Awesome story! Although it's categorized as "Completed", why don't you make a second chapter? I mean, it's not truly finished, and I wouldn't consider peck to the cheek "snogging". A quick kiss on the lips could be just as D'awwwww as this, maybe even more =)
Stream of conscience
> The three fillies, --a pegasus, a unicorn, and a small earth pony--sat around, huddled as they talked to each other and drew crazy plans in the sandy ground.
I've recommended June Cassagrande's It was the best of sentences, yes? You can do better.
>> The three fillies--a pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony--sat in a huddle, talking and drawing crazy plans in the sandy ground.
- Don't combine em-dashes and commas for a paranthetical; it's one or the other. In this case dashes are better since commas might be confusing.
- Describe new details in independant or non-restrictive clauses. "As" introduces restrictive clauses.
> (PMS)
You do know that mares don't... you know. That's kinda an ape thing.
Nitpicks aside, this is a sweet little story so far. Oh, the horrible advice of little colts.
>His face flushed a deep red as he approached her, smelling the breezy, natural odor of her. His face flushed a deep red as he approached her, smelling the breezy, natural odor of her.
That can be said so much better. "Odor" isn't really a nice word.
- as he approched her; she smelled like summer breezes.
>Each individual feather preened
So, technically this is a correct usage of "preen," but darn if it doesn't sound like they're not each whipping out their tiny combs.
--
Mmm. It would be better if you elaborated the school work more. One of the paradoxes of romance writing is that the actual mushy stuff usually doesn't do a whole lot to bring the characters to life. (Unless you go for epic sexual drama - like really far out stuff with a complicated who's-laying-whom chart and embarrassing kinks and so on...) That means that nearly all romance has a major slice-of-life element. In this case it should be the "special biology project" - which could be made really awkward by the way - but it barely even happens.
That aside, it's not a bad first shot. The parts where it's supposed to be awkward are nicely awkward. Don't worry about finding lots of different ways to express blushes, by the way. If you feel you need more variety, you probably need different gestures to communicate the emotion.
This comes across as more negative than I'd like. I really did enjoy this story, it's just that I'm better at ranting than raving.
I thought the story was very well written. Especially since it seems to be a bit different your other writings. I really enjoyed how Featherweight's friends were egging him on to kiss Scootaloo. Reminds me of kindergarten... good memories.
Only thing I would point out.
- It seemed like they just began on their science project without really any explanation as to what the project was. It felt like it suddenly had to do with wings. A sentence or two describing the nature of the project would clear that up. Perhaps while they are all in class?
All in all it was a very well written, and quite funny, story.
(internet crashed while posting this. Sorry if it gets posted twice.)
D'awww and HNNNG. This is fucking adorable. I shall track this fic. Also Pip and Chowder/Truffles(whatever people call) are both awesome and thank you so much for not using Snips and Snails. At least Feather Weight's friends are good "Swag" coaches.
Peace Out.
Featured in the last slot... posted today. FEATURED BOX, Y U NO MAKE SENSE
But hey, neat, it's up. I enjoyed this one. You did a pretty good job of hitting that "OH GOD THIS IS SO EMBARASSING" vibe that every child of a certain age has felt.
I really need to pay more attention when it comes to proofreading, though. I agree with what Eustatian Wings and Synx said, but didn't really pick it up as I was going through. Must try harder.
Not bad at all, so far. ScootaWeight (which sounds wrong but is debatably better than Featherloo) isn't a ship I've seen before, so you get a point for uniqueness. Very d'aww-inducing and such, with some nice comedic awkwardness. I do agree that you might want to edit this chapter a bit, though, and add more explanation about the class project. It's really vague as-is, and as a major plot element should definitely be fleshed out a little more.
That minor gripe aside, though, I'm looking forward to more. Especially the consquences of Pip and Chowder's advice, should Featherweight be dumb enough to trust them. 
Thumbs-upped and Tracked.
>>645372 I would be quite ashamed of an author if they ever got to the point where a feature doesn't excite them. I have only been featured in the 5th slot for about an hour (and I slept through it 
), and it was so exciting knowing this.
But back to topic, the story seems to be paced well enough, you seem to describe Featherweight and his friends pretty accurately, and the story itself is interesting.
Definitely deserves the feature box. 
AWWW YEAHHHHHH this story is full of d'awww and fun to read!!!!!!! MUST HAVE MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay... sorry to be the voice of negativity here, but you might want to take this one back to the drawing board. It was definitely a step down in quality from the last chapter. First, (unless I've missed something) you're getting inconsistent. The original challenge as issued by Pipsqueak in Chapter 1 was “I’ll bet my signed Spitfire poster that you can’t snog her by the end of the day. --Pip” Well, Feather did get a kiss on that day. Not quite what was specified, but it was close. Yet that isn't even mentioned here, and now the challenge's deadline is on Monday. Did Pip extend the time frame, or was that accidental? That should be cleared up, either way.
Also, the whole chapter felt... pointless. Nothing really happened. We got a little background info on Feather's crush, but otherwise this all felt like pointless filler. And hastily written filler, at that. Some sloppy wording, lackluster dialogue, etc. I'd advise taking more time to perfect future chapters before posting them.
To amend my earlier post, there was admittedly one significant development I forgot about, which was the discovery that Sweetie Belle apparantly has a crush on Featherweight. Heh. That should create some interesting conflict in the future. It might spell trouble for the CMCs, but at least puts Feather in an enviable situation. All of a sudden, the dude has options. And for this, he earns a 
oh god... Sweetie Belle is Tsundere? Pip what have you unleashed on ponyville in your search for knowledge! This can only end in glorious awkwardness...
Feathers remains adorkable and sweet with helpings of daww' 
- “No cutie mark for almost dying either...” oh scoots, if that was your special talent you would have earned that AGES ago
A beige blur streaked by her, smacking into her with an audible slap, before crashing back towards the ground.
Try to pay more attention to what you're saying. "The ground" could suggest the ground below the cliff, or it could mean the cliff edge. To be honest the scene setup didn't feel all that clear. (There's hills and a cliff...going up the hill...to the cliff edge...doesn't make sense to have a dragster run up a hill...)
It was a good effort though, perhaps you can rework some of the details.
Hey, I just wanted to voice my frustration with the lack of a featherweight tag in the columns. I don't do this normally, but after reading your fic, I am royally (
) miffed that I didn't see this earlier, and I think that part of the reason is the fact that if there was a tag relating to featherweight, this would've helped.
(PS) I put no fault on the mods for this. It just isn't high up on the list of priorities
(PPS) Please don't kill me Mods
...
Okay, this is great, but i think you may have a problem on your hands, this whole set up seems a little bit cliche, you know with the friend that gives all the romantical advice, the sort of love triangle that could potentially happen, and feather already hiding something from scoots. (the pictures) I'm guessing that pip will give him some bad advice that would potentially ruin his chances with scoots? Also I noticed that they said something about Feather not having his cutie mark yet? I'm pretty sure he does already, unless this was written before the bridle gossip episode.
Other than that I really like this story, Its pretty well written.
"cutesy wusty D’aww stuff..." indeed.
I found it adorable. I also found it funny how much your interpretation of Featherweight and Scootaloo is like mine in my stories. Mine is a little less (okay, a lot less) joyful, but several things are definitely the same.
I found it super cute!
An OC agrees. Smooth. One question though. I'm assuming that they are the age they are in the show. But will they stay that way? Will this possibly depict them in their teens and up? I honestly think that would be relatively cute. Well, hopefully Aringsor doesn't spontaneously wake up and kick me off again. He doesn't let me on much.
-Riku
I quite enjoyed it.
There comes a time for all writers were they have .to write something other than their norm in order to keep from getting burned out. Stephen King once said that a writer writing the same genre over and over again is like planting corn in the same field for years on end. Pretty soon the soil will be useless and nothing would be able to grow.
Pipsqueak and chowder's advice..... this calls for a facehoof of epic proportions. Sadly, I don't have a picture, so this will have to do.
I'm loving this already, and this is so far the only shipping I've found that doesn't either creep me out or feel like I'm insulting the characters by reading it. Seriously, I usually hate mlp shippings (I'm not a homophobe, I was in gsa and everything, i just don't like it, like i don't like 'dark' fics.), but this one sounds promising. You should be proud, my good brony, for finally making me, haters of all things shipping, like a ship
I felt the same way too, I read the fist chapter and I was totally in awe: it's really well written the story is really nice and the pacing is just right. Just to let you know it was the first time I thought Scootaloo was cute!
So I jumped right into the second chapter and to be honest I was a little disappointed, the story is hard to follow, seems detached from the first part and I got pretty confused on what was actually happening 
I'll wait and see, in any case I'll keep on reading
Silly colt if you want the mare then,
(music starts)
Just take out your tougue and roll it!!
And then take your tail and show you got
The Moves like Trixie
You Got The Grooves of Trixie
You Got to MOOOO-OOOOOO-OOOOVVVVEEE LIKE TRIXIE!! ;)
...
Well Trixie thought it was sound advice...
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