"If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, I could be flying up there right now. With her, with them, the Wonderbolts. But... would I be better off for it?"
After being expelled from the Wonderbolts Academy, Lightning Dust traveled around Equestria in search of herself. Then, many years later, after a hard day of working she went to a bar and ran into the last pony she ever expected to meet again.
Who is jealous of who, though?
Written for the Everfree Northwest 2015 Iron Author Competition
Chapters (1)
You most certainly have a knack for the Slice of Life side of fics.
Nice work, man.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I think it should be 'Wonderbolts' in this instance.
Anyway, excellent work on this story. I'll admit, I wish I had the talent you had when it comes to writing stories like these. I like how you characterized Lightning Dust and Rainbow Dash, particularly in regards to the rivalry aspect. Also, the prose was smooth and clear and Lightning Dust's thoughts did add to the story in my opinion. Nicely done!
Very nice work. I really like this take on Lightning Dust's future and how you bounced it off the very real costs of achieving a goal like joining the Wonderbolts.
6063824
Why thanks very much. I wanted to try something a bit different then most stories I see on this sort of subject. Any ways you saw that might have improved it?
6063803
Drats, you saw through my clever plan!
6063738
Fixed, thanks for that catch! I really like writing these simple Slice-of-Life stories, they're a good break from bigger and more complex fics.
6063720
6063839 You're welcome! And yeah, I agree with you when it comes to writing slice of life one-shots. Anyway, best of luck on your future stories!
You manage to say a lot with very few words. Nicely done.
Everyone knows Lightning Dust is best pegasus anyway
Always wondered what happened to Lightning Dust, and I like this interpretation of how her life went after the Wonderbolt Academy, and it's great to see that even though she didn't get what she really wanted, she was able to find happiness, and that even Rainbow Dash's life wasn't quite the dream she expected it to be, which makes for a nice duality there. Personally, it would have been great to see LD fly with Dash again there at the end, but that's a minor nitpick in what's otherwise a great one shot. Nice work!
6065095
Thanks very much, I was tempted to do that, but the premise of the story was that she found a different path in her life. I felt like it was more pointed that she took the support role, content to sit back and watch. Besides, I had her marry an earth pony and had her son be an earth pony, it'd be pretty rude of her to leave them behind
6064989
Thank you!
6065094
That's not how you spell Iron Rain
Brilliant! This is absolutely brilliant!
Good read.
However... "She was silent for a few minutes" - I don't get it. Was she just standing there for 2-4 minutes or what? I have a feeling that in said situation it must be "She was silent for a few seconds".
We all feel like Lighting Dust sometimes, but not all of us stumble into a happy ending.
cute
See, this is the quality of stories I want to put out.
Instead, I put out... Things. Thingy things. The thingy kind of things.
Fairly sure that 'Again I shrugged' and 'I shrugged my wings' should be swapped. Other than that odd typo, great job.
This is quite good! I do feel though that there's a little bit of mismatch between the setup and the delivery - which is to say, our introduction to Lightning Dust implies things that are not true. The bar setting and the disheveled appearance and attitude imply someone barely scraping by, rather than a moderately successful mother. It's not Dust's attitude toward RD that's the issue, certainly - that makes sense regardless of her life since.
I suspect that in some ways you wanted to do that, in order to set up the punch, but the precise way you did it is just a little bit off IMO. However, other than that, the pitch on this is pretty well perfect.
So I put the song of repeat while I read the story (figured it had been to long since I listened to the Gin Blossoms). Of course its not perfectly in line with the story, but i just let it play as I read... no idea how many times it looped be as I finished the last word of this story the song came to and end and all i had was that last guitar strum.
Great story, normally not a fan of 1st person in fanfic, but I think it fit this story well and you were able to pull off lightning dust's voice and thoughts beautifully.
This was good.
We need moar post-academy Lightning Dust fics.
This story was beautifully written, however you seem to have made a mistake many people make. Jealousy is not synonymous with envy. Jealousy is when you are afraid that someone will take what you have. Envy is when you desire something that someone else has. They are/were envious of one another, not jealous.
~KBO.
Sigh. We REALLY need a Lightning Dust redemption episode already. When people explore her character you can see the redeeming qualities she has and the ability to tell a great story! Gilda finally got her episode so I'm just hoping my favorite pony will get hers soon to.
This wasn't just good...
It was awesome!
Like everypony else, I always wondered where Lightning drifted off to after the Wonderbolts Academy episode. I like this version the most.
Instead of her simmering in her jealousy/envy and barely scraping through life, she's a well-to-do mother with a family. I loved the interaction between Dash and Lightning.
You earn a like.
6063839 Nothing, sorry. I feel like I remember seeing a few little bugs and slightly awkward word choices, but I did not take notes like I sometimes do so I do not remember where they were.
6067144
No worries, I just always enjoy asking. Thanks and glad you liked it!
6067022
Thanks very much, I try to do unique spins on things when I feel like I've got an idea that works.
6066969
I was tempted to do a LightningDash fic, but that would mean leaving my precious DashFire >.>
6066969
Originally yes, but in modern parlance the terms have largely become synonymous. Still thanks for leaving a comment and I'm glade you liked it!
6066238 6066205
Thanks very much!
6065940
I quite like this cover of the song, but yes, Hey Jealousy is an awesome song and I also played it on loop when I was writing it for the contest.
6065939
Oringinally writing it for the contest I had planned for Lightning Dust to be working as a mail mare and a bit more cynical. About an hour in though, I realized that I was descending rapidly towards a bad shipfic setup and switched to the current direction. I justify her initial actions as being on the heels of a particularly rough week at work. The kind that just makes you utterly burned out. But yes, I agree it could be a bit smoother in hindsight.
I blame the two hour writing time
Thanks for the awesome feedback!
6065883
Fixed, thanks!
6065780
If you ever need ideas or pointers feel free to PM me anytime. I'm by no means the best writer around, but I tend to think I know what I'm doing some of the time.
6065648 6065440
Thanks!
6065349
Probably should read "moments" ^^; thanks!
This right here is what slice of life is all about.
6067296
Like how literally now also means figuratively because so many people misused it so much that the people in charge of the dictionary said "f
it, these people are never going to get it right," and added it as a secondary definition.
I know I typed "people" a lot, but this is a everyone rated story and I did not want to use salty language.
6067296
Fuck it, I'll do it, it's up there with Raridash for me.
It's always great to see a top quality story about my favourite pony. I can only give you one upvote but you deserve way more! Fabulous work indeed!
been wondering when you were going to post this
6068711
I had to add some stuff to it and whip up cover art. Thanks for the follow, it was awesome meeting you at everfree!
6068774 I'll be going back next year come hell or high water and I'll be letting Xephyr know of any cons I'll be going to, so we'll likely meet again.
>scrollin' around on FIMFiction
Huh, top 10 stories...*click*
Interesting story, wonder who wrote it--oh, it's Ruirik.
*drops everything and reads*
...It's interesting how the same author can hit the whole emotional spectrum in 5 minutes.
Since hearing the title and the honorable mention it got at the contest, I've been eager to read it. Now I've got that chance.
This is one of the best "Lightning Dust moved on" stories I've seen. It seems like a normal story of someone who couldn't get their childhood dream, but found a good life anyway, rather than a story about broken dreams.
Best lightning dust story I've read
Hey Jealousy?
I find it funny you use envious correctly in the story, but jealousy wrong in the title.
Anyway, good story, and I'm glad no one was jealous in the story. It would have been an entirely different story if Lightning was afraid Rainbow was going to seduce her husband, or if Rainbow was afraid of Lightning joining the Wonderbolts and taking her place.
Good work.
6068774 Also, there's a typo in the title.
You know what? I entered this story skeptical, because I never really liked Lightning Dust. I always saw her as a contrast to Rainbow Dash, who despite being willing to do all she can to achieve her dreams, never wanted to put her friends in danger to achieve them. (Tanks For the Memories aside, that is. Keep in mind, that episode is an allegory for loss of a loved one, and no one is rational in that situation.)
But reading this story drew a new perspective on Lightning Dust for me. I never thought of her past the Wonderbolts Academy, and most fanfictions I read with her in the distant future after those events always either had her super depressed or out for vengeance against Dash. I found your approach to be much more realistic and enjoyable. It was refreshing and well written, and it definitely made me like Lightning Dust a lot more...at least, it made me like the fan interpretation more.
All in all, a well-crafted short story with great flow. Well done!
Now THIS plot seems very interesting, I'll have to read it sometime.
I didn't know you could do that to lights. There would be a lot of glass...
Missing the n on lightning there.
Good story overall.
I know this is complete, but damn... I finished this and thought... I want more. :P
This was nice
I really liked this. Really rare to have a story give Lightning Dust some depth of character.
Glad to see this getting so much attention. It was one of my faves from Iron Author (and my Honorable Mention.)
6074286
Didn't know you could push rain clouds around like freight containers, either, yet there we are.
Ok, this story got my upvote! it starts out reading like the same old "successful character meets old friend who's a failure" story, but then for a twist, the "failure" has long since got over it and is doing well somewhere else! Character development all over the place!
It doesn't explain why Lightning Dust was drinking (more than a few mugs of cider, implied.) alone, but it's not too much of a stretch to imagine she had her reasons.
6070640 This guy gets it.
I don't often open feature box stories on a whim...but this was really good!
I'm glad I gave it a shot. Finally, a believable Lightning Dust story!
This was a lot of fun to read! Nice to see Lightning and Rainbow get some closure.