woot! first to comment! Anyways, great story. i am really looking forward to what you can bring.

Well written, just one error I noticed, just forgot to space out some dialog. I really want to see where this goes.

"He was pretty sure that his horseshoes were filled down to pretty much nothing by now."

Replace "filled" with "filed"

There are a couple sections where speakers get cut off like "I said-

You need to end the quotation when that happens.

Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?” Pinkie asked. “Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.”

“You didn’t?” Pinkie blinked. “Oh well, never mind then.”

Break this up, every new speaker gets a new paragraph.

“Yes, off course.” Velvet sniffed. Replace "off" with "of."

Those are the mistakes I noticed. Don't feel bad, you actually have better English than most native writers. You might want to look into getting a prereader if you want someone to help you catch these sorts of things before you publish a new chapter.

And now, on to how I feel about the story:

Image: http://www.deviantart.com/download/273713686/fluttershy_squee_by_yourfaithfulstudent-d4iymty.png

I love the whole idea behind this story. Your first chapter is very well done, and I am certainly going to be keeping an eye on this.

(That Fluttershy came out just a tad larger than I expected.)

Yes, yes it was. Now the hard part comes building off of what you started. You take all the time you need to make the next chapter as good as you can, we all will wait.

is she a halfbreed since she got her own unique cutie mark like other ponies do

Interesting. Please, continue.

>>618171618171

"'Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?' Pinkie asked. 'Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.'

'You didn’t?' Pinkie blinked. 'Oh well, never mind then.'

Break this up, every new speaker gets a new paragraph."

Also, the section where the mystery-mare swapped in Twilight for the stillborn was italicized, not cursive.

Anyway!  Even though this story's far from perfect, it's a far cry better than a lot of the stuff on this site, and I look forward to reading more of it.

Ahh, I want to see what happens so bad.

intersting...and you did good on the writeing jsut a bit confusing when they were talking to each other but nothing major. MOAR lol

intersting...and you did good on the writeing jsut a bit confusing when they were talking to each other but nothing major. MOAR lol >>618171618171 no your worng....you can never make a pic of flutershy to big

I like what I'm seeing and look forward to where it could go.  An interesting, and scarily mythologically accurate, take on a changeling.  Was that what somewhat lead to the plot of this story or is it a happy coincidence?

Love this stories idea, can't wait to see more.

Oh interesting idea love it can't wait to see more.

Really looking forward to how this develops, shame about the foal though.

Oh it can't be true! I hate changelings!

I must be dreaming... Or reading a PURELY fictional story...

That's totally gotta be it! Right Pinkie?

Yuppers!

Oh good. I guess in that case, i'll just read on and enjoy what promises to be rather intriguing!

Just a story... Just a story...

Looks interesting so far. Tracking this to see where it'll lead next -- I have this feeling Shining Armor's wedding may jump off the canon track pretty quickly here.

On man so many possibilities.

Will she be able to enter the dome?

How will everyone react?

You still have some minor dialog snafus... You've got some speaker changes not marked as a new paragraph.

...More please?

Thanks everyone for reviewing!

>>618159618159 Thanks for pointing that out. I'll change it when I put the next chapter up

>>618171618171 Huge Fluttershy is best Fluttershy! Thanks for pointing out the errors!

>>618180618180 I hope I can deliver

>>618187618187 patience, the next chapters will reveal all... probably

>>618290618290 Yeah, my bad. In Dutch, Italics pretty much translates to 'Cursief,' which I thought translated in English to 'cursive'

>>618583618583 that's what lead to this story. With Changelings stealing children and replacing them with their own. I thought it might make for an intersting story.

>>619840619840 don't worry, it's just a story Pinkie says so and she's always right

>>622276622276

Easy mistake.  For future reference, cursive is a particular form of writing where the letters in a word are stylized and linked together by continuing to write without lifting the pen, shown here:

Image: http://schoolfonts.com/printnew/_ZWriting.gif

On a side note, you write very well for using a second language.

>>622436622436 Learning something new every day

Though I'm wondering whether I should leave it as cursive or if I should change it and make a pony version of Italy or something. Itally Ho perhaps?

And thanks for the compliment.

>>626639626639

>Itally Ho perhaps?

...That was really bad.

>>626706626706 What? It works! Sort of...

I've noticed you said off course instead of of course on a few occasions.

So went with some form of headache in place of the shield stopping her eh? Seems to run more smooth after all. Along with the description of the way the shield works.

Truly interesting story. I can't wait for the next chapter

Oh My Celestia... This is... I just.... *suffers a heart attack from too much awesomeness and dies*

Okay so this is my soul sending this is and I have to say this is really really intriguing. ESPECIALLY the end and how Changling Queen (forgive me but I don't know how to spell her name) is acting. I can't wait to see what happens next. Suspense is killing my soul.

Why do i have the feeling that twilight isn't a pony? And is a certain bug thing?

Off course should be of course. Also unkowingly - unknowingly.

Other than that is nice to see that this Chrysalis is at least trying to play her part right. I wonder though if she meant she was pregnant or if she was talking about Twilight being her child?

Oooh, a chrysalis playing nice? now THAT's spooky.

This is amazing, and I think that Cadence and Chrysalis are talking about two totally different things. I give you my thumb and can only say that this is one that I will wait eagerly for updates.

If this doesn't play up more or less the same at least up to the end of the the Canterlot Wedding episodes you probably should add an alternate universe tag.  I am also guessing Twilight is really Amaryllis, Chrysalis's daughter, and this will all prove to be a nasty shock for Twilight, but I don't see a tragedy or dark tag so this can't end to badly; Twilight is probably going through an identity crisis but realize it doesn't really matter what species she is her friends will still care for her.  Also with Twilight really being Chrysalis's daughter that would make her a changeling princess probably giving her some control over the hive with her own independent will if she gets fully connected to it, and possibly the ability to disconnect herself from it as well.

Also as an unrelated side note, sence she was so anti-social before the Nightmare Moon incident I guess that would make her an anorexic changeling.

>>632423632423 I keep making that mistake...

>>632656632656 Glad you enjoyed it

>>632675632675 'Pulls out defibrillator' Clear! 'zap!' Glad you enjoyed it that much. I really like writing that scene.

>>633047633047 I'll fix that the next time I post a chapter. And that was one thing that bothered me about the episode, that she didn't act the part. But then Twilight would never have known something was up either...

>>641115641115 You're right, I need to update my tags. But I'm not sure if I should add dark or tragedy to them. I'm not planning on really killing off ponies or gore and stuff. Maybe add an adventure tag or something. And I doubt the alternate universe tag will be necessary. The story will follow the episode somewhat, at least untill the end o the wedding. Thanks for reading!

Love how Chrysalis is trying to actually act like Cadance acting like a jerk in the show was what gave her away in the first place. Twilight is in for a nasty surprise how will she take the truth of what she really is for that matter how will her friends and 'family' take it?

This is well written with only a few minor errors. The concept is unique and relevant to my interests. Please continue.

The only thing I don't like about this is how you can't spell of. I do love how you've done Chrysalis so far, keep up the good work.

Also, why can I only give you one thumb? I have two of them.

This is completely amazing! I love how you're doing Chrysalis here, she's very believable. I like how she's making more of an effort to keep her disguise in tact. Can't wait to see more of this !

Woah.

Just... woah.

You are a diabolical genius. Utterly '

Image: http://i479.photobucket.com/albums/rr157/antpogo/pony/11724020-20artist3Arlyoff20brilliant20letter20spike.jpg

Please please please make more? I have got to read more of this one.

Alt universe in which Chrysalis isn't a lunatic but a brilliant schemer? This is good. Twiilght having a mysterious heritage? Even BETER.

How long must I wait for this story to continue? How long...

*Holds up a bowl* Please sir I want some more...

Said 'off course' instead of 'of course' again.

And oh my, Luna taking charge! And you don't mess with Big Mac's suit.

...I'm curious about how Shining Armor will fare though, and also curious as to the reason Twilight was given in the first place, and her reactions of course.

Loved this chapter, so much going on, keep it up.

Great chapter what will happen next. How will everypony deal with the revealation of what and who Twilight really is? For that matter how will she deal with it? What is the story behind Starlight? I really enjoyed the Spike and Big Mac part's. Spike part was very  humorous and Big Mac's very action filled.

Oh, wow! This is really exciting! I can't wait to see more!

Can't wait for the next update!

Holy Fucking Shit I love this story. Keep up the good job. Like really. And that ending WHOA... My mind equals blown....

If you work in Word, you can replace every instance of "off course" in a few seconds, so it's not as big a problem.

That said, why the hay was Big Macintosh's suit covering his hoof?  You realize the hoof is just the horse's toes, right?  Not the rest of the leg.

Damn, it's nice to see a competent villian.

I love this story

Well, i got to say that this is probably one of the best Changeling stories out there.

First: In the prologue we get to know that Twilight really is a Changeling, but i don't believe we get any clues that the mother is Chrysalis by that point.

In the first Chapter we get to see that Chrysalis has been changed dramaticly from canon, she actually uses Cadence to figure out how to act, and what to do so that her disguise holds true.

But its here in the second chapter Chrysalis really shows herself off, not because she drops the diguise, but because she actually announces that she wasn't there to take Canterlot, but her target is to get her daughter home, and acts much better than in the show, though that also drives a question: Why didn't Chrysalis get Twilight from Ponyville instead, where it would be considerably easier without the princesses and all the guards nearby. But ! That might be because Chrysalis didn't know she was there atleast, and when she heard about the Royal Wedding with Twilights brother ( She probably knew the names of the family prior to everything happening, considering she put her daughter into their hooves), she figured that would be there, and therefor took the disguise of Cadence to get close enough to Twilight to take her home without rising suspicion.

But now this is just me thinking, GREAT CHAPTER and a GREAT STORY. Keep it up.

Oh and i think the pacing might be ALITTLE fast, but that is probably because you just want to get past the events of Wedding and onto the real story.

And maybe make smaller chapters and update in a shorter intervenal ? or is it merely that you write at random points in time and just update whenever you feel like it? either way i love the story alot.

So cheers from the local idiot: CLAPPIE .

Oh great i have been typing too much.

Loving what you did with the wedding; Chrysalis is just awesome here and I can't wait to see where your "Twi is a Changeling" idea goes.

Yes. I am so glad I didn't have to wait as long as I'd expected. This story is very drawing. I can't wait to find out just what Chrysalis is planning.

Also, dang when did that changeling get so SMART?!

So Twilight is Amaryllis is Chrysalis's Daughter... IDK that just doesn't make sense name-wise. Amethyst was Chrysalis's mother though... meh I don't see the pattern. Where is the naming pattern!? It's like the unwritten law that all entities in Equestria have a family naming pattern! GAAaaaaaahhh...

I would personally change that alone out of the entire story as of yet, and that might just be personal taste. Other than that you have a fantastic story here, one I wish had some art.

hmm... I believe there is one unwanted enter though, right about here:

She said with in a tone of voice bordering on arrogance before she continued. “The

Night Guard and their commander are all asleep, out of town might I add.”

There. That will ab all, save for "Wait a sec Big Mac is Con Mane?!"