Fira Flare
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The story itself is pretty good, but you've definitely made a lot of errors. I think you can learn to be a better writer with a few tips.
First, you really need to get an editor or use some kind of spell checking. You have way too many words misspelled. Some of the grammar isn't quite right either.
Second, if you're going to have chapters, separate them. Don't have them all on the same page.
Third, some parts of your story make no sense whatsoever. See the following examples.
I'm sure if a pony screamed like that when attacked at least a few others would wake up and come to investigate. Knocking him out somehow first before he had a chance to scream would have made much more sense. Plus isn't Ponyville a small town with a low crime rate? Wouldn't others start panicking when ponies suddenly started to go missing instead of taking things so calmly?
I doubt Paint Rose's mother wouldn't have noticed her daughter coming home beaten up that many times without talking to the teacher herself, and quite possibly reporting her for negligence. I also doubt ponies would have just stood by and watched Paint Rose kill another student without trying to pull her off or stop her in any way. Also they would have called only the police, not animal control.
They would NOT have simply let Paint Rose go home and just be under house arrest until she was eighteen for such a crime. She would've been kept in jail or under house arrest until she was put on trial, where she most likely would have been tried as a minor and most likely WOULD have ended up in a mental hospital. If she WAS temporarily put on house arrest, they'd probably either do a spell that would keep her inside the house, had guards posted on the property, checked up on her regularly, or at least had some sort of an alarm set up to alert them if she left. If a different judicial system is in place for this story, it needs to be brought up and explained.
These ponies have committed plenty of murders. I don't think they would have just suddenly taken off the duck tape that was keeping Diamond Tiara secure without holding or tying her down somehow first. They have too much experience to make that kind of mistake. Then Diamond Tiara dies just from having SOME of her hair yanked out? Chunks of flesh should not have come off from that, and I'm not buying it. It was pulled out. She wasn't scalped. It shouldn't have done THAT much damage.
Whoa whoa whoa. First you introduce an original alicorn and say she doesn't rule anything in Equestria. Then you say she took over the princesses old castle and turned it into her kingdom. A kingdom in Equestria is something she's ruling. It's either one or the other. It can't be both.
So Ink Rose just fixes the whole barn instantly? How? She's not as powerful as Twilight or an alicorn. I could buy her cleaning everything at once or fixing it all at once, but not both at the same time.
Either Applejack, Big Mac, or Rainbow Dash would have already run in and tried to save Apple Bloom if they could have, so why does Ink Rose think it'd be suspicious if she didn't?
Apple Blooms fur is yellow, not tan. Plus there's something odd mentioned about the crusaders cutie marks mentioned twice, but we never find out exactly what's going on about that.
No serial killer would risk putting real dead bodies in their haunted house and risk being discovered if they had any sanity or intelligence left at all. From what I've seen, Ink Rose isn't that crazy or stupid. At least not yet.
Cheerilie's head cannot fall off on it's own. Paint Rose didn't do anything to make it fall off.
Cutie marks are on a pony's fur coat, not on their skin.
Lightning does not tickle. Even a mild static shock is uncomfortable, and I doubt someone can get struck by lightning without being injured.
How did Ink Rose's hat fly off? What made it fly off?
What the heck happened to Apple Bloom?
Why were the cops there? Had they discovered something? If so, what?