Chapters (3)
- Member Since 27th May, 2015
- offline last seen Aug 16th, 2016
DimondDoggie
I'm a pegasister that loves to write fan fiction and draw lots of MLP fan art.
DimondDoggie
Joined 27th May, 2015 ·
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Hmm... interesting. An alright start to a story, if I say so myself. I look forward to updates and how this story evolves as you publish chapters...
6030697 Thank you, so much!!!
6031008 No prob.
Hmm, the preview is alright... Gotta say, I actually like this story, so I hope there's more to come in the future!
6055592 Thank you. Have you read the first couple of chapters?
Omg this is so engaging!!!
6067673 Aww, thank you so, so much!
I can't see the cover art. Does anyone know what happened to it?
6089904 Uh, I have no clue what's happened.
Hey you did really good with this, but one thing is that I have no idea where ur going with some of this. That's a good thing.
6091892 Perfect!
Must... see... moooooore...
6140133 I'm working as we... Type?
6140840 Yay!
Oooookay.
This story is... very disjointed, tells a lot without showing much, and moves too quickly to keep pace. There's clearly some interesting ideas in here, but they're not tied together very well...
There's a bit of advice I once heard: "Never write 'and then'. Write 'because'." The point is that a story is more than just a series of random events; it's a series of events that happen because of each other. If the readers can't sense a connection between a scene and what happened before that scene, they're not going to feel like they're reading a story.
6146171 Thanks for the positive critique, I'll try that.