Lyra's Husband and the only one that can reality shift to any world there is
The CMC, Babs Seed , and Diamond Tiara are trapped in a dungeon in another world only problem is only four of them can leave as ponies and the other one as a stone statue that no magic in Equestria can cure who will be turned to stone in this tale of adventure? find out in The CMC:The Irunatums Gate!
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
1,007 users online
1,281,850 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
before any one comments i did this with help on edits with some dragon atlas friends of mine but the story line and idea was and is mine so if any one wants to make a sequel of this story i will let u and note for those that do final fantasy and mlpfim petrifaction cures will not work one for wrote the mlpfim would not in my story and final fantasy is to easy so if u have and other ideas hey go for it
I can't even finish reading this. It's messy, you need full stops in some places and...
I'm not trying to be rude, but you desperately need an editor
6014129 yes i know idk any one that would do it for me so ya
6014404 There's a group on here for editors, one sec.
6014404 Here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
Mostly just capitalization, punctuation and periods. You need to work on those.
Correction: (The stuff I highlighted)
"Uhg where am II?" One little pony in a dark dungeon said.
"Scootaloo? Is that you?" another pony said.
"Applebloom! Where are you? Is Sweetiebell with you?" The one call Scootaloo asked.
"I'm here Scootaloo so is Babs, she's OK, but out cold hang on I'm going to try the light spell Twilight taught me!" Sweetiebell said. "Nuhg!! I did it!" And no sooner then Sweetiebell had did they see Babs was the only one hurt.
The gray spot is bit confusing for me considering I'm exactly an A student in English. I am a hundred - if not - 99% sure that commas should be place somewhere around 'hang on'.
(something like these):
but out cold, hang on, I'm going
but out cold hang on, I'm going
This can also fit in there as well:
but out cold, hang on! I'm going
All-in-all: Keep a keen eye out for punctuation and capitalization.
Tip - A little something that helps me with writing is giving the work one last, good read-through before you submit it to find any little mistakes you might have made.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Serves her right! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7076398 so i take it u dont like diamond tiara any more then i do
7076553 no I don't...I hate her........hate her with a passion.....FRIEZA FOR LIFE