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enigmaMystere
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7
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Joined March 2012
397 followers
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44w, 1dEpic Pony Rap Battles
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29w, 4dPonies in Our heads
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31w, 3dSt. Xavier Bronies
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25w, 4dstill reading
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The battle between Rainbow and Twilight soon became well known. Other ponies considered the possibility of using them to settle disagreements.
It wasn't long before Vinyl found herself facing an upset Pinkie at the local cafe. She raised an eyebrow at the magenta mare, confused. "Wait, so you want to have a rap battle with Rarity ... Rarity ... because she refused to come to your party?"
"Well, yeah! But it wasn't just that she refused!" Pinkie slammed a hoof against the table, growling. "She said that it was uncouth and filthy! Can you believe it? My 'Beach Party', uncouth and filthy? The nerve!" She leaped to her hooves, pacing back and forth in front of the white unicorn, upset. "There's going to be a sand castle building contest, not to mention beach volleyball and a muffin-eating contest! I can't believe she's going to pass all that up because she's afraid of getting a little sand in her fur or being exposed to warm air!"
Vinyl sighed, shaking her head at Pinkie. "Fine. Just let me finish my meal, okay?"
Pinkie grinned, bouncing in joy. "Oki doki loki!" She quickly headed towards the square, leaving the DJ to finish her hay fries in peace.
Soon enough, Vinyl had her equipment set up, ready to begin the rap battle. Pinkie stood there, sternly glaring at a mortified Rarity. Vinyl checked to make sure her microphone was ready and the illusory backgrounds were up before she started the music.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
VS.
BEGIN!
My name is Pinkie Pie and I am here to say
That I'm the best pony and that's how it'll stay!
You really think you can beat me, Miss Aloof?
Hard to imagine when you hardly ever lift a floofy-hoof!
Element of Generosity? I doubt that's true!
You never do a thing that doesn't somehow help you!
I vow to shoot your marshmallow flank into the sky -
Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!
Oh, it ... is ... on!
This will end worse than your party of one!
A lady never stoops to violent acts.
She also never lets herself get so fat!
If you got any bigger, you might just explode,
Or maybe get a personal ZIP code!
Rarity is always in high demand;
More so than a mare who eats as much sugar as she can!
You say that sugary goodness is something super-duper bad,
But it's the energy from those sweets that lets me rap so fast!
Besides, didn't you eat half the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness?
Everypony in town agrees that I'm the one who is the baddest!
"Baddest" isn't a real word, you foal!
It's ponies like you who wreck other's souls!
Not only are you portly - you're a huge tart!
How many ponies have you given private parties?
You think I'm bad? That last one didn't even rhyme!
I could beat you at any given time!
You weren't thinking when you opened your store.
No one in Ponyville wears clothes for the glamour!
My designs have made quite the splash in Canterlot.
Tell me, Pinkie, just how is Lints-a-lot?
Everypony in town runs when you begin to sing,
Because it is the ... worst ... possible ... thing!
Watch it, Rare, Pinkamena's on the case!
Why don't we put a smile on that face?
Challenging me like this is a huge mistake -
Leave! Before I feel like making cupcakes.
There was a long, awkward pause. Nopony there understood what Pinkie had said, but the tone of her voice worried them greatly.
Vinyl cleared her throat, breaking the awkward silence. "Okay. I think it's best if we stop for now." She turned to the magenta mare nervously. "Please put that away. Who knows what harm it can do?"
WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
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Very nice. The intro worked really well here. Considerably less jarring than the previous one. Just a note that you accidentally left the final two lines in Rarity's white text.I think you might benefit from adding an image card of the ERB logo or a modified one. Even the simplest image is better than no image and the ERB logo should be instantly recognisable to fans. 
I'm siding with Rarity on this one. 
Pinkie better stand back because Rarity's classy brand of burns is here to stay. 
I love it keep up the good work 
Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gifand and the way i think twilight won for sure
@Romeo Love
Pardon my intrusion about what you just said
But to think Pinkie lost you must've lost your head.
Rarity failed to rhyme once, that's worst than taking a long pause.
So pardon me sir, I do believe Rarity simply lost.
Okay, i was tempted to write that when i saw your comment....sorry. 
As for the author, i love you for making this. 
(Don't say it if it don't rhyme b
tch!)
enigma I challenge you to a rap battle.
rarity and pinkie?
the hell you be thinkin?
neither of them rhyme
neither keep in time
this battle was wack
it just lacks impact
what the hell was that?
some kinda faux phat?
the twi and RD
that shit was for me
it had wit and rapping
this show just had bitching
so what ya gonna do?
remake this pinkie brew?
coz anything's better
with rapping letters
Image: http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/010/b/2/let__s_put_a_smile_on_that_face__by_rogercomics-d4ly1xp.jpg
Yo, enigma's out, so I guess I gotta fill in,
but what can I say, this rap is far from thrillin'!
Rarity and Pinkie? That's called "creativity".
But that's not even a word, according to your stupidity!
I rap faster than Twi and Dash combined!
By the time this is over, you'll be left behind!
The brew doesn't need remaking; it's one of a kind
If you ever think that, you might have lost your mind!
Pinkie's awesome alone, she doesn't need speed!
We're all in a race, but Pinkie's in the lead!
And Rarity can't rhyme? You must be joking
At least she's doing better than what ever you're pokin'!
So if you know what's good for you, you might as well quit
Cause whatever you're doing isn't doing shit!
that logic was wack
your reasons just lack
you think good rhymes good times
come out of pinkie's speedlines?
hoenie please! get out of the party wagon
get out and pull
because clearly you be speaking bull
thats right. you speak. not rap
your just a food thats asking for mah pimp slap.
you aint got class and got no game
when you think speed talkin's the game we name
it's all about the craft
all about the wrath
hoes ragin and burnin
trollin and flamin
but not like that
those words they shat
they were juvenile and weak
compared to RD's winning streak
Twily spoke true and from the heart
and that why RD wasn't left unhurt.
this was same old same old
the burns you hear everyday
if you find mundane entertaining
then your taste is just gay
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltmadGYdf1qha245o1_500.jpg"Your taste is gay?" That's the best you can do?
Get back to school boy, if you stay here, you're through!
Class is in session, now take your seat,
and I'll show you something that can't be beat!
RD was pathetic; her rhymes were just lame.
But Pinkie was furious; only she has game!
Twilight was off-beat, no rhymes to show for,
yet Rarity was swift, you can't ask for more!
Your "rhymes" are nothing but sick little jokes!
I'm just getting started, so buckle down folks!
Flip to page twelve, we're skipping a chapter.
At the pace this is going, you're gonna have to move faster!
You're pathetic, you aren't even worth my time.
For what you're worth, I can sell you for a dime!
You're rhymes are useless, don't even make sense,
You can't even hold a steady defense!
This battle was over just when it started.
It's obvious who won, don't act so retarded!
This is just another check on my list.
This battle is over!
Class dismissed!
bane wins my vote by far
you question all that I can can do
when you yourself is a parody of those before you
you vomit out this and vomit out that
repeating the jazz that was old even way back
you say my defense is weak when you can't attack
drawing from straws, you argue with brains of a short stack
you repeat your rhymes
you repeat your retort
the same old same old
like a broken record.
Think you schooled me
when you haven't even touched me?
the heck kinda brain you got
if you think you win with your worthless lot?
connect the dots, put two and two together
because as you are you'll just go on forever.
You're going no where fast
if you think slander will save ya ass
compare contrast
show some evidence and class
I made my points and you barely marked them
its game over for you, oh brain of an atom.
*very tempted to save this convo
!
wish i could. it's harder than i thought to find somebunny to help with that. 
like i said, never read it, never will. i dislike slasher-style plots without some kind of story behind it. 
final destination gets away with it...but just barely.
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png
Pinkie
"Watch it, Rare, Pinkamena's on the case!
Why don't we put a smile on that face?
Challenging me like this is a huge mistake -
Leave! Before I feel like making cupcakes."
Now, see, this is where I jump in as some random as sh
t OC and help Rarity...
OC
"Watch out, this battle just turned into a rap war!
Classy ponies over here versus a masochistic WH
RE!
But a reference to a sh
tty little Sgt. Sprinkles story?
Btch, you try that on me and I will re-define gory
Pinkie
Well--
OC
Shut up b
tch, I am NOT. DONE. YET.
You think you'll come out on top? You should go to the vet.
'Cause I'll go Sweet Apple Massacre on you AND the twins,
Before I'll drop the mic and let you walk with a win.
Pinkie
You got two on one? Well that's hardly even fair!
You should have grabbed all your friends to have a chance at this mare.
You think that you can be Big Mac? Please, you don't have the d
ck,
and with a face like that, you couldn't get laid turning tricks.
Rarity
Oh, and YOU'RE one to talk, with that frizzy foal's mane?
Plus that low IQ smile that you'll always wear in vain?
Face it Pinkie, the only reason that you make ponies laugh
is because you make them think that they're not so much of an ass.
...Then someone else's OC pops in and continues the rap on Pinkie's side...
...Anyone?
I don't know what you just said,
but apparently I can rhyme in my head.
Honestly, I'm good at poems, and not raps.
It works really well, as my brain runs laps.
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
To CeresBane and Burritoburger
Dude, your guyses' rhymes just suck!
I could hear a better rap from a duck.
Me? Im the rappin' hero.
On the rap chain you guys are below zero.
BOOM, fools, you just got spiked!
Before I destroy you Imma step away from the mic.
P.S: pinkie won
I have a sudden urge to rap battle.
*Storms into comments*
"All right! Y'all what'sup?.
Ima here to rap you the fuck up!
Listen in carefully, I'll be representing
All those dovakiins who scream unrelenting! 
I ain't got no reason to be shouting today
But god-fucking-damnit I'm rappin', what else do I say!"
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