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  • 139w, 4d
    Slow Going

    In case any of you haven't noticed, there was no chapter of When It All Falls Apart this week (at least, I think there wasn't). I've been working on other things, swamped with homework, and haven't quite had time to plan out what the next chapter is even gonna be. Don't worry, I'm still gonna write it. Maybe a new one by, say, Wednesday. Not sure yet. But I wanted to keep you guys up to date so you didn't worry.

    -KE out

    1 comments · 86 views
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So things Ponyville are always a little... off, mainly due to Pinkie Pie's antics. But this isn't the normal Ponyville brand of weird. Ponies are doing things they don't normally do, there's somehow two of them at the same time, and they swear they had nothing to do with it. And when Lyra starts acting up, Trixie has no choice but to get involved. But what exactly IS going on?

A part of the Lunaverse created by RainbowDoubleDash. Set shortly after Boast Busted.

First Published
10th Jun 2012
Last Modified
21st Jun 2012

I'm still getting comfortable with comedy fics, my others were mainly darker. But, whatever.

This is more or less the Lunaverse's equivalent to Bridle Gossip, just not with a zebra and with more mystery thrown in. -SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT- Instead of a zebra, it's going to be changeling. -END SPOLIER- But I've MAJORLY altered changelings for the Lunaverse. They aren't evil, they don't necessarily feed off love, and there is no 'hive', so to speak. If you have a good name suggestion for a Changeling or just a cool name that I could use, let me know. I'm drawing a blank. It will be a female.

If you want to know what Trixie's 'phase' spell looks like, it's what Pumpkin Cake uses to get out of the laundry basket in Baby Cakes.

And there's two 'easter egg' ponies in there, if you feel like a good search.

-KErlend, out

Changelings! In the Lunaverse!

I got my bowl of popcorn at the ready.

Okay, nice. Rather funny, too. :pinkiegasp: A cool name? How's about... bedrieger paard. That's Dutch for trickster horse.

>>727486- I may just use that name. It has a cool ring to it.

>>727663- I actually considered that one, but decided Lyra would make it more obviously a part of the Lunaverse.

Prankster changelings? Oh my... :pinkiegasp: that can't be good for the whole 'Feeding on love' thing :trixieshiftleft: this should be interesting!

Also you might want to change your timing, this story referenes the books Trixie got from Twilight Sparkle's wagon, so this should be set AFTER Boast Busted, not directly after File Under 'I' for 'Impossible'.

You also might want to revise this sentence:

"How about why have you been pulling pranks more pranks than Pinkie Pie lately?"

there's an extra 'prank' in there. And you repeat the 'more tha Pinkie Pie' bit shotly after this phrase, a bit repetitive.

- Status changed to contributor;

- Will be adding this to the Lunaverse's canon chronology, though after "Boast Busted" due to Twilight reference.

This is very interesting. I like the idea of Trixie shuffling and playing with her cards to calm down; she doesn't seem like the kind of pony that can just count to ten or something.

One minor quip: While Trixie can learn any spell, she's really focused on illusion and glamor, messing with perceptions and creating false sensation or nonreal images. Phasing definitely fits in with the idea of messing around with perceptions (and cuts out the need for trap doors in a stage if she can just phase through it!), but it "feels" fundamentally different - namely because of years of D&D, I know that Trixie is an illusionist but phasing through walls is Transmutation. There's nothing wrong with this, but because it involves manipulating actual matter rather than glamors and figments, I think it should be noted at some point that phasing is somewhat hard for her, or will at least leave her feeling winded afterwards.

And a minor note - it might be best to leave open the possibility that while *this* changeling is just a trickster, it might not apply to *all* changelings.

As for her name...

...Doppel.

>>727936- Thanks for the tips, I'll fix it.

>>728097- Thanks! I usually do the card shuffling thing to calm down. And I figured since Pumpkin Cake was able to do it quite easily, Trixie should at least be able to do it, albeit it being taxing. I'll put something about her being drained of magic in the next chapter.

Changelings I guess are up to what you want to do with them, but I suggest leaving out the whole 'hive' thing. Have them be a more independent species. This one in particular is a trickster because she chooses to feed off mischief. The way I see it, they can feed off any emotion.

And that is almost definitely the name I will use.

And you both are right, I overlooked that part. Thanks for that.

ZINZANIE! Everyone's favorite daughter of Discord is BACK! Starring in an all-new LUNAVERSE STORY! :pinkiehappy:

Go Zinzan! Go, go, GO Zinzan!  

Now, write moar of this awesome story!

>>728449- It was more of a cameo appearance, but yeah. And I'm on it!

>>728097

'Actual matter'? Pfft, that building was obviously a mere illusion. How else could Trixie walk right through it? :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::pinkiecrazy:

Hmmm. This is a promising start to things. Let's see if this version of changelings is accepted group-wide.

Suggestion for allowing your plan to work without precluding the possibility of including Chrysalis and her hive in the future: Have multiple groups of changelings, some joining together in hives and some not. It could also explain why Chrysalis' whole hive eats love whereas the solo changeling eats mischief (which I'm not convinced is an emotion, but that's a totally separate matter). Basically, assuming my knowledge of how bee hives work is accurate and assuming that the hive-based changelings follow a not-too-different format, almost all of the changelings would be produced asexually and therefore pretty much be totally identical, which would presumably extend to preferred food assuming that it's a biological predisposition rather than just mood.

This is the sort of comment where I'm either going to sound like a genius or an idiot, but I'm not really sure which, lol.

>>733263- I get what you're saying, I think I'm gonna make this Changeling one that questioned the morals of what they were doing and branched off. I guess my wording was off when I said mischief was what was eaten, it's more of a mixture of laughter and confusion. Most people laugh at themselves when they are pranked, so it works. Mischief was a poor choice of words. The asexual thing kinda makes it confusing, I'll leave that out. I'll just have it that they can feed off any emotion, just some are more 'wholesome', so to speak.

And on record, you did sound like a genius, lol.

Off to an interesting start, looks very promising.  I'll definitly be keeping an eye on this.  Could use a good proofing, but I'm hardly qualified to do a proper job of that myself, nor in the mood if I were.

>>728097 >>728160 >>733263 >>733394

I'm going to basically agree that, trying to completely recast the entire changeling race as a whole is probably a big mistake.  The Lunaverse might be something of a Bizzaro world, but it's mostly in terms of the choices characters have made and how that has resulted in them living different lives, but the fundamental mechanics of the world itself are largely the same, so as a species changelings should still be exactly what they are in mane-line Equestria.

That said there's still nothing wrong with the premise of this story, just maybe tweak a few details.  The idea that it's just this particular individual works well enough, though I don't much care for notion that it's due to conflicting morality.  No amount of morals can change a biological imperative, and if the changelings seen in the show could feed on a wider spectrum of emotions than just love I'm sure they would do so.  Having this changeling be some kind of mutant could work, but I think it's still overcomplicating the issue.

At the most fundamental level, what the changelings are is largely a type of shapeshifting fey.  Fey can come in many varieties, and while some may have similar powers and abilities, they need not be all that related to each other.  So maybe the best idea might be to go looking for a type of prankster fey to use for this story.

One of the things not so great about Changelings is that they can fill just about any slot that involves feeding off emotion. Was gonna do something with a dopple-shamer, or something that feeds off of absolute despair, but not quite sure how to do it without it being a souped up changeling, windigo or otherwise in the Equestrian taxonomy, but "different." A broader hub or different tribes of changlings might fix that, or you have the elites and miscreants and standard deviance from the norm.

What is this 'Lunaverse'?

>>748229- It's an alternate MLP universe started by RainbowDoubleDash. There's a group for it.

Hmm, plot thickens. I love the cat and bits of meta, there. :pinkiehappy:

This chapter was a tad shorter. But, eh, what are you gonna do?

I kind of passed Pinkie's fourth wall breaking abilities to C. Went a little crazy with it, but again, what're you gonna do?

I also like having Trixie's window breaking being a running gag, so I put that in there for that reason.

Next and final chapter should be up within a week. Y'know, probably.

-KE out

>>735435

Well, 'exactly as they are in mainline Equestria' still leaves some room to say we've only seen one particular breed of changelings from one particular hive or something, and other changelings are different.

>>787466

Point taken, though Cadance at least seemed to express a rather broad and sweeping generalization.  Now we have noway of knowing if she has any expertise by which to accurately make that statement, but we also have no reason to doubt her either.

Hehehe fun chapter! :pinkiehappy:

Yay for the window breaking joke!

Hmm, this should be interesting.

--Pinkie Pie: 5 points

--Evil Cat: 10 points

--Windowpane Joke: 20 points

--Antagonist escaping: 40 points.

>>787355

I tend to frown on fourth wall comedy in general unless that's the whole schtick in the first place (and that tends to require a certain touch that not many can manage anyway).

I tend to cut Pinkie Pie some slack due to how utterly random she is in canon, but I honestly feel that way too many fic authors abuse the privilege with her.

Giving this ability to a changeling, particularly in a situation as serious as you made this out to be feels like you're trying to marry a fourth wall breaking with a cerberus retcon (or at least an ill-timed mood whiplash), and it just plain doesn't work.

>>789867

Honestly in this chapter it was just me having a little fun. I'll probably turn it off completely or tone it way down after this. I needed to fit in a temporary name for her in this chapter and not her actual name (it was getting confusing for me to keep track of :derpyderp2:), and I didn't see a good way to fit it in without it seeming random or awkward. So I bestowed some fourth wall abilities upon her for the time being.

>>791075

I'd have had her go the snark route personally and give the group an obviously false name, in a 'you don't deserve to know who I am' way, but that's just me.

>>794733 But she isn't snarky. She's mischievous and bubbly, not at all snooty or snarky. So I'm not gonna go against her personality.

>>805373

I can respect that, but there are still better ways to have her give a fake name than breaking the fourth wall in my opinion.

Ex:

"You can call me <ridiculous name>!"

:trixieshiftleft: "That can't possibly be your real name..."

"That's for me to know and you to find out!" :P

>>805406 Eh, it just kinda worked with the mood I was trying to set throughout the whole chapter. It was supposed to be serious, then completely turn on its head and be completely ridiculous.

Ex. -Sneaking around the house with Pinkie randomly there.

-Chase seen, the Trixie inwardly wondering yet again how she knows the first name of the window-repairpony.

>>805427

Those parts worked for me actually.

>>805440 I guess it was just that the confrontation was the most serious part, but also had the most ridiculous part. It's a comparison thing, I suppose. Like I said, I'll probably tone it down from now on, I just abused it here to make the scene fit.

So 2 things:

1: You may want to polish the first 1/3 or so of chapter 1. It's nothing too specific, but the quality of writing is overall lower than the rest. A lot of "Trixie did this, then Trixie said this, than Trixie did this".

2: I really recommend you drop the 4th wall stuff. It's very jarring and out of place.

Otherwise, this is hilarious, can't wait to read more.

I finally remembered to read this chapter, and I'm going to have to agree with some of the above.  The quality is low, typos abound, and the forth wall stuff is just off-putting.  Also, I'm just not feeling any tension at all, and now you're saying next chapter is the conclusion when as of yet there's hardly even been a story.  I like your setup and all, but so far it just doesn't seem to be leading to anything remotely resembling a satisfying payoff.  Just random stuff happening for random reasons.

On aother note, Pinkie randomly out of nowhere is cute, but without any actual exchange where she provides even the most nonsensical of reasons for her presence, it just comes off as a bit too random.  If you insist on keeping the forth wall stuff, maybe give it to Pinkie.  Something sort of like this...

:trixieshiftright: "Why are you sneaking around behind us?"

:pinkiesmile: "The author needed me to be here."

:trixieshiftright: "What the? I don't even... Oh just be quiet while I check my office."

:trixieshiftleft: "Why hello there me."

:pinkiesmile: "Alright, so before the readers start getting all confused I'm naming you C"

...or better still some series of Pinkie like nicknames akin to those her M! counterpart guessed at when meeting Nightmare Moon.

I'm also going to have to agree with Crisis, DPV and Emeral. That 4th wall stuff really didn't work for me. It was really good up until that exactly. I don't understand why you needed to do that; sure you don't want to give out her real name, but I think Crisis's method works a lot more cleanly. And yeah, maybe a bit more story needs to happen before you finish.

>>805440>>805814>>821691>>830220

I think I'm going to revise the second chapter alongside the release of the third and final one. So chill out for a bit, I'll fix it.

Rereading this one... and you need to replace "bits" with "jangles" to fit Lunaverse canon...

>>748229

Imagine, if you will, an Equestria where Celestia went insane from greed and paranoia, believing herself the only defense mortalkind has against all the threats to its existence, and from that belief, desiring to rule alone over Sun, Moon, Day, Night, and everything in-between.

Also, why in Heaven's name has this not updated yet after a whole year? :rainbowhuh:

I totally call changeling.

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