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Dust has lived on the edge of Ponyville all her life, keeping to herself and studying. She knows Princess Twilight, and so when she realizes she's made a big discovery, she's eager to run to the castle and tell everypony the good news. But when she goes into Ponyville, they don't seem very happy to see her.
Why would that be? She didn't do anything wrong.
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I don't know what's going on...
I still feel the sad...
I had expected something against the typecast you presented...
Time to read more!
That was powerful.
I don't know what else I can say.
I feel my heart going out still, but, I feel good about it.
I don't know if this blows you out of a typecast or not. But I really enjoyed it.
I only regret not being able to see the discussion and final verdict being given.
Well written, well presented, and well done.
5947898
You were foolish to trust me.
5947931
...but thank you.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I left the final discussion ambiguous because, in the end, does it really matter? It's fun to see how Dust and the M6 feel about this issue, but ultimately, it's not the M6's story and it's not Dust's story. They're just the actors who made it happen. And it did happen.
5947937 It was still fantastic.
I still feel that tiny void of wanting to know.
I still feel the need to hear Twilight's final approval.
I...
I still feel the need to know how they could all afford it....
5947965
The same way you can afford to carry a computer 10,000x more powerful than the Apollo mission. In your pocket.
Confession: given that this story is about body modification, my first instinct on reading it was to think "Oh dear god, what did Dust do to Fluttershy? Why does she have multiple heads?"
That of course turned out to not be the case. I... think maybe you wanted it to be "How is your head?" Or something non-plural at any rate? Because right now it scans oddly.
5948004
My editors made the same mistake. Decided to leave it in there because I thought it was hilarious.
It's "heads" because she's talking to both Rarity and Fluttershy.
Lovely~
5948039
Thank you!
5948022 I thought the 'heads' thing seemed perfectly in character for Dust. Correct, but misunderstood.
5948047
You're very welcome.
Honestly, I think that your tone simply tends to be dark or sad. It doesn't change the fact that your writing tends to be exquisite, but I usually feel a sort of pall hanging over your writing. And you know, that's perfectly fine, because it doesn't keep you from writing happy, slice of life stories like this one. It still had a heartwarming ending.
But I felt that this story was a bit grey or sad, until the third part.
I suppose that I view you as having a +1 bonus to both [Dark] and [Sad], but not having negative modifiers to any other genre/type/thing that you write.
Does any of that make sense?
Alternate Title: A Tour of Logical Fallacies in Five Parts
Since you were nice enough to give one to each of Twilight's advisers.
Appeal to Tradition
Appeal to Consequences
Nirvana Fallacy
Ad Hominem
Argument from Incredulity
Given the blog post you made and the cover image I was expecting something bleaker. I was pleasantly surprised.
If people are saying you write dark, depressing stories, they're wrong. What you write are stories about ideas. Maybe they can be distressing in one light or another, but they're just that: ideas. Be it life-changing science, the way people manipulate each other, or what have you, your stories are working with some tough stuff.
There's a quote from the Bible one of my pastors really likes: after a particularly dense parable, the disciples opine to Jesus, "These are hard words." In a sense, that's how I feel about your stories. I'm not sure I agree or disagree with future!Twilight in "Modern Medicine;" I'm not sure I agree or disagree with Dust in this story. But I do feel challenged to think more about life and the way things should be. These are hard words, GaPJaxie. Thanks for writing them.
5948004
I thought that was actually sort of the idea there.
5948076
Oh thank goodness. I'm not the only one who imagines people as having RPG character sheets and then tries to assign stats to them.
I'm not crazy.
It does! And I'm glad you feel that way. This was, in fact, meant to be a story with a happy ending. Progress is good. :)
5948093
Double fakeout!
Yup! As an allegory for technological progress, I thought those were the big five "arguments against" I see cycle around a lot.
Interesting little slice, Gappie. Nicely done. I'd think Twilight would've been keener to monitor a series of long-term case studies before approving the research in case it cut a pony's lifespan by 2/3rds or something, especially given Dust's lackadaisical attitude towards safety.
Or maybe she is?
The Fourth Part: All the test subjects develop inoperable thaumaturgic lymphomas and GaPJ earns back the [Dark][Sad] Trophy.
i.imgur.com/yMRj5Au.jpg?1
5948115
Awwww.
This is one of the most flattering summaries of my writing I've ever gotten. Thank you! My biggest ambition as a writer is to create something that inspires thought -- something meaningful. It's good to know I'm making steps that way.
"Make some friends."
In a town full of xenophobic earth pony traditionalists, after she's been defamed by the top six mares in Ponyville, neigh, all of Equestria. Right. Thanks, Twi. You're the Hero of Friendship.
But she'll find some anyway. Because there is always someone you'll connect with, even if you're not one of Rainbow Dash's "cool kids."
5948256
That was my happy ending.
How did you turn my happy ending into an evil laugh?
5948269
Defamed is a strong word I would say. Certainly, she's not friends with AJ or RD. But Fluttershy and Rarity like her perfectly well! And Twilight respects her work, as we saw. That's three potential friends. :)
“No y’ain’t,” Applejack growled. “Learning to deal with hardship like that, with adversity? Not having magic to make everything easy? That’s part of being an earth pony. Only not for you.”
Just not enough facehoof in the world.
1. Earth ponies are repeatedly stated to have their own magic.
2. Applejack would have to be a bigot and a dumbass to live around Twilight Sparkle and Rarity and think that magic made everything-- or ANYTHING, short of turning doorknobs-- EASIER.
3. She lives on a gorramn farm that grows gorramn magic apples and her granny uses FOLK MAGIC every zap apple harvest.
*hands the writer a dunce cap* I think it's time for us to speak to your parents about remedial brony classes. See me after school at the Principal's office.
5948299
Ahem.
Winter Wrap-Up.
It's a good story, but I feel that the "solution" to the money problem aspect both came out of nowhere, and was only mentioned in a comment by the author, and not in the story itself.
The way it reads now (at least, to me), the money problem is insurmountable; both the ingredients are incredibly rare, and as it is a magical ritual using strange objects (clouds from a specific city? A golden apple?), it is very easy to construe that there are few ways of making it cheaper other than maybe something like more active mining for platinum. The fact that Dust never argues that further research and development would make it cheaper, and only that the monarchy find some way to subsidize it furthers that thought. Thus, the solution is not only not mentioned (as it is written now, it reads like a lot of ponies in Ponyville somehow got access to a million bits), but is out of nowhere.
If you put in a section discussing the possibility for advancement making it cheaper, either in chapter one or two, this would be completely fixed, as the mere suggestion of it being possible/plausible would let the reader connect the dots when they read chapter 3.
I... I have no words. Never before have I found something that so perfectly encapsulates the way I personally feel about things. Bravo good sir, this was beautiful.
Dust, you're amazing, and don't let anypony tell you otherwise.
And I don’t mean like she’s going to cover it up—of course we’re going to acknowledge your great accomplishment. You’d get your own shelf in the restricted section of the Canterlot library,
DAMMIT AUTHOR. THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF "COVERING IT UP." Putting it up out of the lowly commoner's reach...
5948314
That's more "locking it away." I think of "covering it up" as making it so most people flat up don't know it exists.
Like, ponies may not get to go to the restricted section of Canterlot's library, but they know there is a restricted section. Compare that to burying Dust's research in a vault somewhere and erasing her memory.
5948303
She is, in fact, awesome.
Also, highly anti-social. But Twilight can help with that.
5948302
That's intentional. With this story being an allegory for technological progress, Dust is meant to be a university researcher. She's out of touch with the common people, highly focused on her work, and has a few of the more negative stereotypes of nerds/geeks. She's not really concerned with practical implementation, but she believes the work itself is valuable. Researchers in such a position often pay little attention to money. It falls to engineers to dramatically reduce the cost so everyone can use it.
The other reason I didn't have her bring it up is that we often don't see such things coming. Sure, people know that computers are getting cheaper fast, but few people really appreciate just how fast.
5948302 All groundbreaking research and new inventions start out expensive. Ball point pens once went for $10 each. In 1945.
But as more people bought them, the creators had more money to invest in making a better, less expensive product--- now you get them in bags of 10 for a buck.
5948301 And that makes no difference. They still use their magically enhanced strength, stamina and natural gift with plants to get spring started...
errors aside, damngood story. And I like the ending, obviously, as I am very pro-progress. We didn't claw our way up ten thousand years of human development to sit around an animal dung campfire in homespun loincloths picking fleas out of each others' hair.
5948349
Yes, but the show (including AJ) refers to doing it the earth pony way as: "Not using magic."
Basically, while we know earth ponies have magic, and it's just as powerful as unicorn magic (just different), Equestrian's seem to use "magic" as a shorthand for "unicorn magic." We've ever had characters in the show acknowledge that the term isn't being used correctly.
5947983
And here is the major argument (to cover ONE of the objections) that I feel was missing from the last chapter. Sure it is expensive NOW, but the best way to make it LESS expensive is to allow it so that there will be a drive to find a more efficient way.
5948256 Syndrome was wrong. If everyone's super, then the bar for being truly great is just set higher.
Of course he was a spoiled man-child who thought that being famous and having flashy battles with flashy powers was what made someone a hero.... so you can pretty well assume he was full of horseapples.
Coincidentally on a quick re-read I realized that Applejack's explanation of how one was a "proper" earth pony was meant to be Applejack's, and not necessarily correct. Likewise Twilight's naive idea that putting a revolutionary discovery on "restricted" status was just as good as revealing it to the world freely. Apologies and kudos.
5948344
Real life doesn't have magical rituals that might not be ABLE to be simplified, as is extremely common in fantasy stories like this one. Computers would not have ever gotten cheap enough for every day consumers if they were absolutely required to be made out of diamonds and built over a magical leyline that only exists under a volcano.
Simplifying magical rituals isn't the same thing as simplifying technology.
5948336
Even if you planned to have Dust completely miss the possibility of making it cheaper, the final chapter makes zero reference to it becoming any cheaper at all. If you aren't going to have Dust bring it up, you should at least make a reference to it becoming more affordable.
5948365
data2.whicdn.com/images/121373048/original.jpg
Or, if you prefer.
i.imgur.com/msI2fOq.png
5948359
It was meant to be implicit. But I see your point.
5948371
farm3.staticflickr.com/2132/2448539617_7a5389f56e.jpg
5948380
So now you're calling me a child for reaching an entirely plausible conclusion, and coming to a wrong idea as to how the final chapter worked because there's no evidence that the conclusion was wrong had I not read an author's comment?
5948410
No, sorry. It's a meme. The last line has been changed from: "Warning, explicit content," to "Warning, implicit content." Meaning, implied.
I was trying to find a funny way to say: "I thought the story was better if what you're talking about was implied by the end, instead of my explicitly saying it."
5948427
I see. Well, I don't see any implications that everyone could afford it because it got cheaper. Ambiguousness is not a good quality when there are other possible options. I asked a friend to read the story shortly after I posted my first comment, and he had the same reaction Hyari and I did: "how the heck did they afford it?" I don't think the "elegance" of leaving it implicit is worth confusing a noticeable portion of readers.
Had you not put that comment about it being available because it became much cheaper, I would have assumed that either the government spent hundreds of millions/billions of bits subsidizing it, or they used an inferior version that only gave a horn or wings, but not both, and thus I would have completely missed part of the metaphor.
Was it ever implied that the resources were completely consumed by the spell? I just assumed that enough “sets” were made available to slowly fix up everybody with the enhancements, said treatment probably being administered by trained professionals to prevent inadvertently turning your lungs into bone or some such.
5948522
Intentionally left ambiguous for that very reason.
5948299
Not to mention, Twilight using her magic to complete Winter Wrap Up is NOT because it's earth pony way. It's because it's TRADITION to do certain tasks in certain way.
Pegasi still use their magic to fly to bring birds back and weather manipulation to move clouds away. And when Rarity was showing Twilight how to make these nests, she used her magic to move the materials, so it's not like they avoided magic completely.
i see what you did there
I really enjoyed this story. A nice take on the 'everypony becomes an alicorn spell is discovered' story, without the massive hike in power most of those stories have to deal with.
Well done.
And I did really like the touch with the epilogue being from Applebloom's POW. It really drove home what a life-changing discovery this had been even for a 'random' bystander.
Oh, and the implication that AJ is being stubborn was rather funny.
One thing, though. Right now, the name, the description AND the anatomy based cover made at least me think this would be a story where an researched accidentally turns themselves into an undead and have to deal with the consequences of frightening the whole town like that.
Wasn't actually disappointed with what I got instead —far from it, but I thought I'd mention it at least that I thought the story would be vastly different than what I actually got.
5948577
I regret nothing.