Hey, names Midnight, rock star Pegasus, artist and aspiring story writer. Profile pic by me.
When Rainbow discovers that she has crush on Twilight, she as NO idea how to react. She believes there's no way it could work out, but keeping her feelings a secret is eating her on the inside. no idea where this is going, kinda just improvising at the moment 
Looking for an editor
If you are going to dislike, please, tell me why, I could us the constructive criticism 
Ships: TwiDash
LOVE AND TOLERANCE EVERYPONY PLEASE NO HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Tracking for now, this is a good story, you are following a lot of the Cliches for a romance, I say take your ideas and run with them, run far, run fast and don't look back, hater's gonna hate, so throw lemon-bombs at the haters and watch them dance!
Uh hey are you still looking for an editor?. 'Cause if so let me know 'cause I would be glad to help :) ( I have gmail as well so if your interested get reply :) )
Bad author!
i.imgur.com/jFjwTX7.gif
Bad for all your horrible cliches!
You know that even the short description is supposed to interest people in your stories, right?
Here's yours:
That does exactly the opposite. Not only does it not make me want to read your story, it actively warns me away from reading it because you admit there's nothing new here.
Oh, wait, I see... you're trolling. Never mind. Carry on, then, if you must.
5935471 Yeah, that and I was very sleepy and couldn't think of a good reception. I'll change it later
5935462 Uh, care to point them out so I can avoid them?
5934920 yeah I'm still looking. Sorry I cants use gmail, my mother watches everything I do on gmail and any emails I get, she gets. Yes, she is extremely overprotective.
5936326 Not really sorry to say, but that's too much work for a peasant like me.
i.imgur.com/oJMKjd1.gif
The bloody hell did this get so popular?
5937017 no idea. And this happened OVERNIGHT
5936752 ...-_- seriously?
Can you at least point out some of the big ones? Please, I really need the feedback
Okay, so, considering you look like you're genuinely trying to improve upon your writing and learn exactly how to write a good story, I'm going to read through this l'il fic and I'm going to be brutally honest with out. This is probably going to sting more than a little, but there is a lot of room for improvement here, and I see you asking for criticism in the comments.
First off, spellcheckers, editing, and proofreading your chapters of anything you write are all things you (and others if you can find help) should be doing ardently. Given how short these chapters are (I'll be getting back to that later), proofreading/editing really shouldn't take any time at all. The author's note you plunked down at the start of the story, for example, has the incorrect spelling of "consciousness." We also don't need that "guide" of yours there. Generally speaking, readers can figure out for themselves when a character is talking, thinking, or debating with themselves. You can also see really easy to catch grammatical errors throughout the prose. From the first chapter:
This should probably read "Okay, then, let's try this out," Rainbow said, opening the cover as she began reading.
Second thing is your "rationale" for why Dash seems to like Twilight, as per her inner debate from chapter one, which you succinctly summed up as "opposites attract." If you want to be taken seriously and want to write a serious romance, then you're going to have to give your readers a heck of a lot more than that. "Opposites attract" is a cop out and doesn't give me as a reader any reason to care about the romance or any reason to think that any invested thinking went into how and why these two characters should fall in love besides "they're opposites, so naturally they should attract!" (which is faulty logic anyways). Give us some substance here, Mr. Writer-Person. Give us a reason to care and get invested in the romance between Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. Even if this is meant to be a short story, there are plenty of short stories in the TwiDash group that do a great job of making readers care. If you'd like a list, I'd be happy to provide.
Third up is the conflict, which is arguably the most overused, tired, and boring conflicts that has been used for romance fanfiction in MLP. To put it in Rainbow's thoughts, this:
Stories about one of the two in the pair being "afraid to mess up" their friendship are a dime a dozen. I typically manage the incoming folder for the TwiDash group, and I've lost count of how many of the 764 stories in the group have used this as the defining conflict for their stories. Personally, it's a conflict I've grown to dislike considering how dull it is. If you insist on using it, however, then you'd have to come up with some way to spin it off in a different or at least in a less cliche, cookie-cutter manner, because right now there is absolutely nothing unique about what I'm reading. It's harsh, I know, but it's true. One other thing I wanted to point out about that passage I quoted up there is Rainbow's "solution." Books? Really? That doesn't sound like Rainbow Dash. Rainbow is a mare of action, who tends to act first and then think about it later. Reading a few romance books does not sound like something she would consider as her first course of action.
The last thing I'll talk about is the length of the chapters. While there's nothing wrong with shorter chapters, per se, there is a problem when none of the chapters are 1000 words long. Without even reading the chapters, this conveys to readers that there's going to be a huge lack of depth for whatever it is that they're about to read. The descriptive narrative throughout the story is lacking, if not missing altogether. Show us (don't tell!) what's happening in each scene of each chapter. Make us want to get engaged with the story, as overdone as it is, and try to give it some semblance of depth to make us readers want to continue to get engaged.
If you're serious about wanting to improve your writing, then I would recommend you take some of what I've said to heart and, more importantly, go read some of bookplayer's blogs on writing good stories. I would also recommend that you go out and go read, study, and even take notes on some of the better TwiDash fics. In a group with over 760 stories in it, there's a lot of not-so-good stuff, but there're also plenty of great stories that should be able to help teach you a thing or two.
I hope none of this was taken too offensively, as I did not intend it to be as such.
Omg please update
5938919 Hey, I'm just happy someone gave me some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, all I'v ever really gotten is stuff like 'This story is terrible for these reasons:' and then point out every single flaw in the entire thing.
Those are pretty good points, although the thing about getting help form books has to do with Rainbow not bothering to think properly and do the first thing that comes to mind. Since she's thinking about Twilight, it only makes sense that she would think of books, right?
...right?
If that's how you want to approach it, then that's fine. Characterization is always key, but if you can show how things shift and change dynamically, then you can get away with almost anything in narration. Take the clichés for this type of story:
1. Dash goes to a friend for advice.
2. Dash tries to hide it.
3. Dash gets scolded by a mentor figure into confessing.
There is nothing inherently wrong with these tropes in and of themselves—you can't write a story without clichés in them . It's impossible. You job as a writer, however, is to find new ways to string them together.
Dash likely wouldn't turn to books for a solution. However, she could given the right circumstances. When you deviate from expected character behavior, you have to show the train of thought behind their actions. For example:
Do you see how that feels much more natural and fluid? That's the dynamics at work. You need to make the reader feel as if this is an actual train of thought with real shifts in tone and subject in order to pull off an out-of-character moment.
I think this should be "calm and level headed"
you forgot to put the m on my
IF this is out-loud it should be "you...you have a crush on me?" but if this is in her head, you should put it in Italics so we can tell the difference. Also, this seems more like a Question than anything else.
Hope this helps you out!
other than those, you are doing a great job with this story
i like it and MidnightBlaze16 please make a epilogue for this story
And this is what I find strangely beautiful but strange :3
"The End"
and yet the story is still marked as incomplete...
Ah'm confuzzled...
5966861 I'm not sure if to make an epilogue or not.
5968259 Ohhhh... totally should....
(After all... every TwiDash fic needs to be longer
)
"Not much of a plot" you said? That was an understatement. If you find a better conflict, you could actually be a good author. You do have some potential, after all. It's kinda obvious, really....
But a sequel sounds like a good idea! It'll help, I'm sure.
I hear you're looking for an editor? I love reading and I happen to find grammar mistakes easily, even ones that no one notices for an entire day but me! If you're interested, just message me if you can via Fimfiction. If not, contact me on Wattpad. My name is Cloud261 there. I could also help you with writing if you want.
6026680 My name is ModMCdl on Wattpad :P
totally not taking advantage of my #1 fan here...
6519826 That was, like, so freaking long ago
6523561 Idc, I'm taking advantage of you.
6523637 um, how?
5938919 I wouldn't mind a list of TwiDash short stories - I've been having trouble finding stuff to read lately
This part reminded me of A Twidash Hearts and Hooves Day!
i hate this because it is not complete.
i liken nigguts and eating mc Donald’s and my little pony friendship is maghic😆