• Member Since 24th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 23rd, 2014

Mazamis


Im 17, and I play, Terraria, Team Fortress 2, and Battlefield.

T

After a war with Equestria, humans were forced into hiding, all that remains of them are myths and stories about horrible monsters. But what happens when Jace and Alex manage alert their presence to everypony and release a hoard of monsters in the process. It's time to quit hiding in the shadows and step into the light..

I'm trying to make this story as reader interactive as possible without ruining it so if you guys have any ideas, OCs, thoughts, scenes, you know... that kind of stuff send me a message and I will adapt the story to how I see it fit. I will readjust the tags accordingly when I update.

This is my first OFFICIAL fan fiction, it contains sort of a steampunk theme but very lightly. Reviews, feedback and anything else helps. Thanks.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 106 )

Not a bad start. The "zany, klutzy geek guy with snarky, competent girl" thing has been done, and it's making the human characters a tad cliche, so you might want to spend some more time developing them.

Keep writing!

Next chapter please!:pinkiecrazy:

It's rather interesting, But I feel as though the second chapter was rushed. I'll watch to see where it goes.

595473 yea I did expect the second chapter to be short, I kinda wanted them to blow up the ball as quick as possible ill go back and see what I can do to make more sense.:twilightblush:

595276 Jace isn't so geeky as he is smart, although he can be dense, imagine him as someone who doesnt want to grow up but intellectually does, he keeps to himself but is open to those he trust like alex, he doesnt care for knowledgeable much ad he cares for tinkering with things, you don't have to be a geek to tinker with things. as griffin the griffin says I may be stupid but I'm not an idiot, that kinda describes him better I hope

Alex is more like rainbow dash, she's loyal to her friends but kinda a hotshot; she likes to show off but still respects people's judgement and choices, well except for jace, because he can be so... Thick sometimes. She kinda like a big sister to jace, and will follow him to hell and back, well that's what loyal is but... You know... I plan to do more in depth character development a little bit later when they are... Stranded from... Help.

FIRST HAHAHA :trollestia:

Good chapter, but it could've been a tad bit longer.:raritydespair:

600443 ya i wrote a blog about my short ass chapters its my one flaw, at least i can get them out quick :trollestia:

Ok this is starting out really cool! Plus humans might be able to use magic, that's so awesome! :rainbowkiss:

OH, if anyone has questions or is confused, i will answer to the best of my ability without spoilers. :pinkiehappy:

denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4765-c8d.gif

:flutterrage: 618715 YOU WILL NEVER LEARN THE SECRET TO MY CREAMY MOSSY PEANUTBUTTER JESUS NIPPLES

618769
Ah, that's too bad, I still have my recipe for catlike unusual steel hats though.

:raritydespair: 618780 Damn, i've been looking for that...

618802 well seventeen bad! Because two is too damn low!

618823
I am SO re-using that on my friends.

618847:rainbowlaugh: where did you even find that?

618944 I have my sources, cant give away all my secrets now can i :ajsmug:

619090 Give up all your secrets you must.
If survive you will.

619399>>619388 this chapters comments are just a conversation between you two?!:pinkiegasp:
pretty cool.:pinkiecrazy:

625600 ya I'm swag like that, plus I don't mind, not like the comments are being used for actual story comments that much, :raritywink:

For the plants, Deku Babas inspired me

:ajbemused: Y'all better be sending me all your ideas and things if you want them in the story.

I can't wait to see what happens. :rainbowkiss:

632554 oh you know, twilight pops in and saves the day with the magic of friendship....

BUT WHERE THEY'RE GOING, THEY DON'T NEED FRIENDSHIP... wait... :facehoof:

632836 no its a downdate :trollestia:

633386
Seriously dude, not funny. Don't even joke about things like that.
Not.
Cool.

633462 let me remove the last 2 chapters :trollestia:

honestly i have no idea what a dawndate is, i just found it witty, up down you know
sometimes when people say go right, i saw no go wrong. its kinda like that, didnt mean to get you all rectal damaged...

633612
That is a very inappropriate word in Native Iroquois. Very inappropriate. No direct translation though.

You should add spycrabs :3 everything is better with spycrabs EVERYTHING!

634262 GOD DAMNIT YOU RUINED MY SURPRISE :flutterrage:
oh but don't worry, I plan on adding tf2 references soon enough

:flutterrage: 636467 YOU WANT A SANDWICH MY GOOD MAN, I'LL GIVE YOU A SANDWICH. MEET ME AT THE NEXT CHAPTER AROUND UPDATING TIME AND YOU'LL GET YOUR SANDWICH!!!!11!!!one1!

639255
wait, are you offering free sandwiches? :pinkiegasp:

639466 Well you said sandwich and I take all ideas and put them into consideration about the story and honestly a sandwich isn't that hard to add to this... :twilightsheepish:

639255 Give me a time and date and I be they (i'm in the uk so I might need with the diffent)

:rainbowhuh: 641176 lol wut? you want a time when the sandwiches will be available? update time maybe tomorrow, it is 7:13 PM when I posted this so no clue what time it will be for you

Uh...I don't want to sound mean, but there are quite a few grammatical errors.
That's really the only major complaint I have though, the rest is pretty interesting. :twilightsmile:

650901 GOOD SIR I DO SAY... honestly just point them out because I suck at grammar :twilightsheepish:

I finally got off my lazy ass (even though I didnt move at all :scootangel: ) and finished writing this I was going to continue it when Jace woke up but I didnt have a long enough idea to go from there so I didn't want to make this have a weird finish and I thought this chapter was long enough for one of my short ass chapters. :twilightsheepish:
ALSO, to whoever requested a sandwich, the next part, where Jace wakes up (again... :ajbemused: ) was going to have that sandwich. So as you can see I had it originally planed to be in here but I'm moving it back to next chapter, sorry (or am I? :trollestia: ).

Yes, I majored in the study of dragon language at Harvard with the help of professor Skyrim... but seriously I got the language straight from the dragons mouth... no
joke. WELL SHIT BALLS ON A CHEESE COVERED CRACKER WHICH IS RESTING UPON JESUS'S NIPPLE. I FORGOT TO ADD THE PONY PART OF THIS CHAPTER. Well lets make it simple right now, right here. They don't go outside because of the plants and Flutershy is passed out, oh and that creature from chapter 3 comes and kills them all after a epic fight scene, well Pinkie survives because she's Pinkie...

The usual, any ideas about the story like what you want to be incorporated into it will be worked to the best of my ability (as long as I approve of the idea, which shouldn't be that hard because I'm weird. As long as it isn't cupcakes shit.) yada yada, Just for all the new people out there because I saw a couple who favorited this while I was taking a break... well sort of... not really... I have a job and DC universe is fun ok so shut up...

Forgotten updated yeah!

wow skyrim dragons im expecting something along the lines of dragon civilization alies to humans or maybe only a few do. So can we expect more oblivion things like idk deadra? oh and what tech are they based around I mean looks and functions. anyway great chapter small but good keep up the good work!

683038 Dragons talk in FIM... Dragons talk in Skyrim... I wanted dragons to have their own language... they dont have cities or technology they just talk and live their lives in caves (this one lives on the mountain... slightly convenient :scootangel:) it makes more sense that different beings that can talk dont all speek the same language. I dont want to incorporate any other elder scrolls things. honestly I've only played skyrim but I digress. The tech (for humans) is much like the elder scrolls tech (although I never intended it to be that way) sorta like advanced mid-evil or early Renasconces (<- Lol wut is that word) BUT WITH METAL COMES GEARS... Jace ether makes his own gears or does things for the blacksmith so he can get things for his failures- er- I mean brilliant ideas :raritystarry: Magic is the power of the machines although they are very simple machines like opening doors... no super robots (at least not yet :trollestia: ) Anyways for clothes or like apearances thats up to you. If you noticed I never described Jace or Alex, it lets you imagine who you want to be in the story, I imagine Jace to have a sandy blond hair that has that messy spike kinda style and for some reason i cannot see him without jeans... jeans look good on anything... so much for consistency, honestly if you want jace to run around looking like batman in my story then by all means imagine it that way... oh god... all seriousness i had is now gone.... but back to tech... its VERY LIGHT steam punk if you didnt get that yet, I havent explored that part because they havent gone deeper into the castle, mostly wooden doors but when they find the use of dramatic convenience that lets them do what ever the fuck they want you know how that goes... as for dragons to humans relationship... how do you think spike walks on two legs most dragons have 4 feet.... nah im kidding... think who made all this so simple shit that they have been going through, honestly you dont think the ponies did, did you? no the castle was built by one human who discovered magic... when he did he became a mixture of chuck noris, bruse lee, and twilight... super bad ass who loves to learn well that dragon lives on the mountain that happens to be not far from where the castle is... dragons live a long time according to the unwritten laws of dragon knowlage so he must been around for some of that shit... now what have we learned :rainbowkiss: super badass who wants to know everything.... dragon.... think you can figure that out... NOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT ALL THIS TEXT. I would review this to make sure there are not too many mistakes and I got across what im thinking (which is hard for me) but TL;DR TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL... wait... am I trolling myself :rainbowhuh::applejackconfused::trollestia::facehoof::derpytongue2:

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