- Member Since 29th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen May 25th, 2015
GreatDragon AD
Just your every day otaku/brony who wants to write stories about ponies crossing over with known Anime series
GreatDragon AD
Joined 29th Apr, 2015 ·
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- Masterob · 117k words · 52 15 · 2.9k views
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This is awesome cant wait for more all we need now is a ah my goddess crossover and ill be happy love the fic
bout damn time a tenci fic came out
A Tenchi fic i am Happly surprised
Yes!
Sweet!
Now you've got me interested how this will play out. Looking forward to more! Though I feel it's obvious by now but I need to confirm. Are you following the No Need for Tenchi canon?
OK it started out great and I might have been expecting a bit too much, but you really need to consider a few things.
1) Get an editor or at least go though the first chapter a couple of more times. You have some work to do on your tenses. A few wrong tenses here and there.
2) Smaller chapters please. 14k words is still manageable but I at least am never going to find the time to read the 40k word chapter 2.
3) Correct me if I'm wrong about Ryukos parents, but I seem to remember Washu straight out telling Mihoshi and Ryuko about her being Ryukos mother. Specifically Washu crafted Ryuko from one of her own cells. I think it was in Tenchi Myuo OVA 5 or 6. Can't remember the exact one.
4) The girls proportions.
Sorry but to me at least that seems incredibly problematic and downright impossible. Just the weight of such breast would cause her serious trouble and make it almost impossible to even get up and stand and would make breathing while laying on her back extremely hard. We are talking about breathing problems on a level usually associated with obesity. Not to mention the strain on her shoulders. Those things would pretty much destroy her health.
Sorry but I just couldn't keep reading past that last one. Good luck with this story, we really have far too few Tenchi crossovers here.
59284069
thank you for sharing your critique. However I would explain to you a few things why my story came out like this. first off I already do have an editor. he is a friend of mine actually drew the cover art for the story and volunteered to be my editor for it. yes I reviewed that some slight grammar errors in my story but there were a lot more before he did his job on it so I still appreciate for what he did. Second, the story takes place in the Tenchi Universe series the first Tenchi Muyo movie but I made a few slight changes on it with some of the characteristics from the ova so this story is more like a hybrid of both.as for the body types and proportions for the Mane 6 human versions, they were based on my own versions of their human version from the Commission are I get from various artists. I know there are people might not agree to it but again those are my own versions and I'm happy with that. I just wanted to have my own chance of writing my own MLP story. But again thank you so much for your feedback and I will do my best in making this crossover great.
5928069
Editor here.
1.) Can you point out the parts of Chapter 1 that still need editing, so I can go back and take a look?
2.) I would agree with you, but I' would have to ask GD about shortening them in smaller parts.
3.) Again, this is set in Tenchi Universe (aka Tenchi TV) NOT the OVAs. So Washu is not Ryoko's mother.
4.) I too was a bit take back by the mane6's proportions, but this is GD's story, not mine. Plus, as he said, he's base the proportions on the human mane6 art commissions he's paying for. Plus, have you ever seen the anime OVA Eiken? the proportions of the breasts on those girls are the same. If you haven't heard of it, look it up.
5927680
Editor here.
We're following the Tenchi Universe (aka Tenchi TV) canon. Not the OVAs or Tenchi in Tokyo, or Ai Tenchi Muyo. Just Universe.
5928580 Ah Tenshi Universe. Ok then. I am more familiar with Tenshi Muyo but I know enough of Tenshi Universe to enjoy this story. Very good by the way.
Heck, yeah Hajime no Ippo reference.
If anyone masters magic in equestria. hahaha. I can imagine the chaos.
5929333
Glad you're enjoying it so far. I've been a big fan of Tenchi since it premiered on Toonami back in 2000. I've seen the OVAs, Universe, and Tenchi in Tokyo, and recently Ai Tenchi Muyo. All are very good in their own unique way, and each has a style all of it's own.
Anyways, once GD has written more and I edit it, it'll be posted.
5929930 Cool. Can't wait...... But I will.
Something tells me twilight and washu would get along well I can imagine those two talking about magic and science and having a friendly debate on those subjects twi being interested in little washu's tech and the science behind them while washu would be interested in magic with magic since it has many uses and the variations therein
But I'm not sure how celestia will handle the girls ether she knowingly or unknowingly gets into ryokos sake or they are going to banished to the moon 0-0
I haven't had a chance to read the story yet, but I will second the suggestion to make the chapters shorter. Remember that 40,000 words is a short novel, a better chapter length is more on the order of 3-5000 words.
Also remember that there is nothing wrong with releasing multiple chapters at once if you want to release the story in larger chunks.
5942362 Agreed, but GD said he prefers to write long chapters like this because he loves to write. I asked him if he would shorten them and he said no.
5942604
I didn't meant to imply that he should write less, just that he should add a few chapter breaks. A 40 kiloword 'chapter' is going to turn people off because of the "I don't have the time to read that" effect.
As his editor, one of your jobs is to say things like: "You have a major scene change here, this is a good place to put in a bigger gap and the words 'Chapter Eight'."
...was the comment about magically appearing wings a dig at the equestria girls movies?
I wanted to call it the dimensional link
HAH! that was a reference to the lost episode, wasn't it?
remove
woken
remove
Missing comma
Remove
sculpted
I hope you continue this
If I’m correct isn’t the pink and blue haired pony Miku?
Shouldn't Washu and Sasami be able to become Alicorns?
10186789
I recently spoke with the author on Deviantart, and he lost the motivation to do the fic back in 2015. But he's still itching to do more, he'll just need to go through MLP again. So cross your fingers and hope for the best!