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JuyUnseen 56027

Joined August 2011
94 followers

    JuyUnseen's Stories (5)

    • Life in a slower lane.
      After another rejection Scootaloo begins to rethink her role models.

      14,966 words · 11,451 views · 602 likes · 14 dislikes
    • An unexpected home
      After a bit of divine intervention, Trixie gets a fresh start in a new town.
      4,386 words · 1,078 views · 20 likes · 0 dislikes
    • The Alicorn's Pride
      On her deathbed Princess Celestia tells Twilight Sparkle a forgotten piece of history
      26,731 words · 2,369 views · 30 likes · 2 dislikes
    • This forest Prison
      On a moonless night, a mysterious pony explores Ponyville.
      1,021 words · 2,777 views · 20 likes · 1 dislikes
    • Stable 17
      1,665 words · 910 views · 6 likes · 3 dislikes

    After being brutally rejected by Rainbow Dash once again, Scootaloo is left distraught. that is until a kinder pegasus comes into her life and shows her some compassion.

    Picture by Kloudmutt http://kloudmutt.deviantart.com/

    First Published
    11th Nov 2011
    Last Modified
    23rd Dec 2011

    Comments ( 294 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    D'awwwwww!

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Wow.  Incomplete?  Finish it up.  You've got something special here, though it is quite rough.

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>29889 Incomplete is reffering to the fact that i'm tossing around some ideas on how to continue the story. I dont want to leave it this short :scootangel:

    also, i would like to blame the roughness on the fact that i wrote it in an hour :derpytongue2:

    and you have no idea what reading 'You've got something special here' meant to me.

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    daaaaaaaw!! trackin!:fluttercry:

    #5 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    After seeing so many pieces of fan art taking pot shots at Scootaloo, I agree she needs some love too. I haven't seen one like this before, replacing Rainbow Dash with Fluttershy, so far I am impressed and I hope to see more, 'casue she needs a happy home. ~Celestia's Paladin

    #6 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Lovely work you have here. It is something I definantly haven't seen before and would love to read more of! The errors while noticable didn't take away from the story. Please continue:scootangel:

    #8 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>29918 Thank you, and as for the errors, feel free to point them out to me and i'll fix them on the double, pinkie pie swear.

    #9 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    My only complaint is that this wasnt long enough:unsuresweetie:

    #10 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>29997 there'll be more, don't worry

    #11 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Interesting, keep writing. I'd like to see Fluttershy berating RD.

    #12 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>30270

    That will be interesting to watch... from canon we know never, ever piss off Fluttershy:flutterrage:

    #13 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This is very good. It's more subtle and emotional then most stories around here, yet still retains similarities to the show.

    My only criticism is that you use t-too much stuttering in dialog. I know it's to better show their speech patterns, but It just gets in the way after a while. But other then that, it's really great!

    #14 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Rainbow's obviously forgotten to get a healthy intake of citrus :pinkiehappy:

    #15 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    #16 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You never truly appreciate what you have until it's gone, Rainbow Dash.

    This fic is adorable, by the way.

    #17 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    one complaint is the rarity line (Sense we ALL saw rarity and sweetie parents, surprise that rarity dad was magum, though i could still see her taking care of sweetie as her parents seem to be vacation 24/7 type so it still works.

    And awesome story thus far (Looks like RD is missing scoot.)

    #18 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

    #19 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>32555 Yeah, I was afraid that it would come across as overpowering, the stuttering is my way of getting across the awkwardness and shyness of the characters, but yeah i should probably cut back on that. Thanks for the comment :pinkiehappy:

    >>32559 I lol'd hard :rainbowlaugh:

    >>32607 I'm guessing that they showed up in sisterhooves social right? :twilightblush: i have actually yet to see that episode... i need to but havent gotten around to it...

    :raritydespair: dammit canon! Why you change on me!

    #20 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    And suddenly Rainbow Dash realised that she was madly in love with Applejack :ajsmug:

    ... :rainbowderp: Or not.

    >>32627

    Well at least your story (which is great btw) isn't relying on Rarity and Sweetie Belle living together so it's not that big of a fix :raritywink:

    #21 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Nice. Althought I think now they'll switch roles. Dash will go after Scoots, but Scootaloo will be reluctant to talk to her and will hang out with Fluttershy.

    #22 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>32878:pinkiegasp: that idea! Me gusta! I might just use that!

    #23 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Interesting, btw heres sisterhooves special sense i read you havn't seen it)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy4ouUsm89I

    I love this story thus far i also enjoy that pic its actually quite fitting for this story.

    and if you don't mind me asking... have you read Cutie Mark Cold Shoulder

    by ~DuplexFields (On deviantart) and was inspired by that fic (Cause if not forget i asked.)

    #24 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>33050 no, i havent read that one. Is it any good?

    And thanks for the link, when i get a chance to watch it, i will

    #25 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>33207 it actually pretty short (And is one of the rare fics of scootaloo having a biological family. (though it has fluttershy as her sister.)

    #26 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>33265 hmm... i may have to give it a read at some point

    #27 · Chapter 2 · 79w, 1d ago · · ·
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    great story thus far:twilightsmile: now hurry up and write the rest. please?

    #28 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 19h ago · · ·
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    Well, it's not the best writing I've come across. But, that hasn't done anything to dampen the emotion this story carries.

    Sweet and heart-warming, just one of those slice-of-lifes that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Yay.

    #29 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 17h ago · · ·
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    So, now Dashie all guilty about her yelling... niiice)) Good to see Scootaloo's focus shifting from dangerous and stupid adventures to dancing, she's good at that. Fluttershy just perfect, quiet, encouraging, supportive and kind. She's much better role model than Fluttershy. Also, I think Scoots finally gets all this 'quiet comfort' and 'listening to the nature' thing.

    You know what would be funny? If Dashie's parents wanted her to be dancer long ago, she refused, yelled at them and went to Junior Speedsters camp, and now seeing Scootaloo enjoying herself while graciously dancing around Dash may expirience some angst and understand that parent really wanted her something nice. A little angst and guilt for Dash - for all her arrogance, brash attitude and pridefulness.

    #30 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 14h ago · · ·
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    >>34095 GAAHHH!:raritydespair: You keep having good ideas!!!!! I want to use them!!! and probably will :pinkiesmile:

    #31 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 8h ago · · ·
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    it needs a bit of work in some places but its a very nice story I enjoy reading it keep them coming.

    #32 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 7h ago · · ·
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    >>34201

    Wow, cool. :rainbowhuh: I dunno how I an having all those ideas, probably because I read a shitload of fanfics (400+) and my head is full of plots and twists.

    Fin
    #33 · Chapter 1 · 79w, 5h ago · · ·
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    I don't cry manly tears often... Oh who am I kidding! There is just something about sad pony storys that just make me start tearing up. and sad foul storys is like 10x worse. :applecry:  I'm Tracking this.

                                                                  -Fin

    #34 · Chapter 3 · 79w, 27m ago · · ·
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    >>34530

    As long as your head is not full of twist's plot :twistnerd:

    #35 · Chapter 3 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>34480

    Hey, if you're willing to tell me what sort of work it needs i'll be more than happy to make the nessicary fixes

    >>34573

    Oh, so my story is not only sad, but you think that it's foul!?!?!? [/sarcasm] :trollestia:

    If just this made you tear up then I feel very satasfied with myself, although (unless you enjoy crying(which i enjoy from time to time)) you should probably stay away from better sadfics such as painless or bittersweet.

    :rainbowkiss: thanks for the comment

    >>34641

    :trollestia: I c wat u did there:trollestia:

    #36 · Chapter 1 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Aw, that is kind of cute as I can see Fluttershy doing this. :yay:

    Please do keep up the good work upon such a great idea like this one. :scootangel:

    #37 · Chapter 3 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Hah, continuing to enjoy this.

    It's good to see Scoots getting something other than the stick end of the lollipop for a change.

    #38 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    nice

    #39 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Been looking for a good Scootalove fanfic and this is it!

    Very nice work and hope you the best when it comes to future chapters

    (so going to track this fanfic :yay:

    #40 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    have to say its a great story i was really getting sick of all the grim dark/extremely sad stories:scootangel::yay::rainbowderp:

    #41 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Wow, it's not going to be simple, right? When they'll met it wouldn't be the same... and I get a feeling they'll see each other at this talent show...

    #42 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    MOAR! :fluttershbad:

    #43 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    this is great keep up the good work

    #44 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>43488

    Glad to hear it fits your wants :twilightsmile:

    >>43530

    No, I'm gonna have them meet and everything becomes better instantly and the plothole that creates get ignored.

    That was sarcasm by the way

    >>43546

    Well... okay, I guess I'll write more :pinkiesmile:

    >>43548

    *Salute*

    I will, I promise!

    #45 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Maybe this will have something to do with the g3 scootaloo's cutie mark being a butterfly?

    #46 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>43694 Copycat scootaloo lol

    #47 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I must say for such a great storyline idea as Fluttershy overseeing Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash realizing how important Scootaloo is in her life, is something else. :yay:

    This is truly a great and emotional storyline so far and a great job in showing the mothering skills of Fluttershy. :scootangel:

    I have to say I never thought Rainbow Dash would care that much over the little orange filly, but I guess I was wrong. Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one. :rainbowkiss:

    #48 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    nice

    #49 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Nice, I always thought of Rainbow Dash as a bit insensitive (still second favorite... (Of course we all know Fluttershy is best pony...)) and this seems like something she'd do... P.S. Scoots sleeping in the clubhouse seems to be a common theme... I bet Hasbro is going to introduce her parents just to troll...

    #50 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Wait 'her gaze softened from one of apology:flutterrage: to one of kindness:fluttershysad:'....is her apology stare like her rage stare then?:rainbowhuh:

    #51 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I made an account JUST to track this <3 it is that great :rainbowkiss:

    #52 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    HOW ADORABLE <3! :rainbowkiss:

    Lol.. something orange.:moustache:

    #53 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>43694

    ... Is it bad that I didn't realize that G3 scootaloo existed?

    >>43747

    Well RD didn't care... until she realized that nopony was cheering for her all the time, then she realized what she was missing.

    >>43763

    Thanks~

    >>43821

    Well of course Fluttershy is best pony! Who would suspect different?

    >>43829

    um... maybe? I dunno lol

    >>43873

    :pinkiegasp: Really? WOAH! Well now that you have an account why don't you track some of the fics written by actual writers? Cause really, I'm not that strong of a writer in comparison to some of the others:twilightsheepish:

    >>43882

    :rainbowkiss: yes, something orange. Problem?

    #54 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Awww… What a sweet story… :fluttershysad:

    #55 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    You, my friend may have the best story idea i've read, ever, keep it up!! I am in love with this story:scootangel:

    #56 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    After some cajoling by a friend, I finally caved and agreed to submit to EQD. I just sent the email, wish me luck

    #57 · Chapter 2 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Lovin this!! :pinkiehappy:

    #58 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Awww Poor RD she feels bad about Scoots. Glad that Scoots and Flutter are doing well together. I can't wait to read what happens next. :heart:

    #59 · Chapter 3 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Cookies:scootangel:

    Rainbow :fluttercry:

    I am :heart: this

    #60 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I was:pinkiehappy: then when it went to Rainbow I was :fluttercry::pinkiesad2:

    #61 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Poor RD :fluttercry:

    #62 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    :raritycry: how! T-touching!!! T^T manly manly tears shed! Now to read the rest of this.

    #63 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    This is pretty good. :twilightsmile:

    Some little grammar mistakes here and there, the "mommy" at the start feels a little too fast and out of place, but I really like what you've got going on.

    Hoping Scoots and Dash can find a good middle.

    #64 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    MOAR!!!

    #65 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    #66 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    the one thing im confused about is, its been an entire season right? wouldn't RD and shy have talked at some point, and shy would have mentioned scoot at some point? or even if RD and shy didnt talk during then, shy did talk to rarity about it right? did dashie go reclusive on us? :derpytongue2:

    #67 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    :flutterrage: more!! I have to know how this ends!

    #68 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    ooh, ima gonna track this :D

    #69 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    D'aaawwww. thats adorable. I'm a 15 year old male saying something is adorable, you can have my man card! i got ponies! :pinkiehappy:

    Not
    #70 · Chapter 3 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I almost constantly see minor mistakes. Like "All she really knew about the filly was that she liked to was Dash do her tricks." when instead of 'was' you meant to say watch. All in all I like it. It is not the best I've read, but it is one of the better Flutter Fics. Most people don't do Fluttershy well, but you have just enough timid in there to make it feel right.

    -----

    I am many things in many places. Here I am Not.

    #71 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    This reminds me of the fan-fic 'My Little Dashie,' But there's no humans. Anyway, it's pretty good!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

    #72 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>44177

    Heh, I'm hoping I can find them a good middle

    >>44221

    Well, I tried to imply that everypony was stuck inside most of the winter, and yes Dash did go a little reclusive

    >>44375

    I'm a 15 year old male WRITING this story. Keep your man card, I HAVE PONIES!

    #73 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This is really good, Scootalove gets me every time.

    the time for moar is... nao. :trixieshiftright:

    #74 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This chapter needs to serious proofreading. There is poor grammer and tense shifting all over the place.

    Besides that storyline is interesting and worth seeing through to the end...

    #75 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>44585

    Hey, if you're willing to invest the time to give it a proofread, or anyone for that matter, I'd gladly accept it.. If someone would like give the chapters an edit job I say power to you. I'm really not a good self editor and would greatly appreciate the help :pinkiesmile:

    #76 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    The only thing i didn't like was all the stammering... T-t-t today junior. It was just annoying to read, but still a cool cool story.

    #77 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Dear makers of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic.

    I would like you to read this story, tell the writer he is doing a fantastic job

    and then I want to to take this story (once the whole thing is done, (which I hope won't be for at least another 20-30 chapter)

    and make it into as many episodes as it take to make the story as amazing in the show as it is here,

    thank you for the great show and I hope you have a wonderful day.

                                                                                                                                                                     sincerely

                                                                                                                                           :scootangel: all bronies and pegisisters :scootangel:

    #78 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>44585

    "This chapter needs to serious proofreading."

    Oh, the irony.

    #79 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Why is it that Dash never thought to ask Apple Bloom or Sweetie Bell where Scootaloo was?

    #80 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 21h ago · · ·
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    >>46515

    Um... because plothole:twilightsheepish:?

    In reality, Dash doesn't know them that well, but yeah... that is a little weird isn't it

    #81 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 20h ago · · ·
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    I want more! :)

    #82 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 20h ago · · ·
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    >>46915

    and what about she's just too proud of herself to go ask lil fillies about Scootaloo? it's just like admitting guilt... She only asked Twilight's advice after all.

    #83 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 20h ago · · ·
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    >>46953

    :pinkiecrazy: uh, yeah. sure. Let's go with that. I-I mean that's how I planned it all along! I deffinatly dont make this story up as I go along, that's be absurd:pinkiecrazy:

    #84 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 19h ago · 1 · ·
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    Her scooter, near the chicken's coop.

    I see what you did there.

    #85 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 19h ago · · ·
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    >>47002

    :trollestia:What're you takilng about, what did I do?

    #86 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 19h ago · · ·
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    >>47004

    OH SNAP :raritywink:

    #87 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 18h ago · · ·
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    GAH! These cliffhangers drive me to insanity!:flutterrage: Oh wait... I'm already there.:pinkiecrazy: MOAR!:flutterrage:

    #88 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 18h ago · · ·
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    i concur, more please :twilightsmile:

    #89 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 18h ago · · ·
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    Gimme that cliff hanger:rainbowwild:

    #90 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 17h ago · · ·
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    ARGH, now here's something I've been putting off for a while now...okay, let me get this quickly out of the way: I like this story. I like the concept, I like the interactions(though you go overboard with Fluttershy every now and then, in my opinion) and I can plow through most of it without coming across any really jarring faults.

    WITH THAT SAID

    There is one major issue I did have with this story though. This chapter doesn't go much into it, but the earlier ones sometimes really made me cringe and that is: nopony gives a flying fuck about Rainbow Dash apparently. Yes, there was a little pep-talk from Twilight and Applejack, but overall I kept getting the feeling that either no one really seems to care. Sure, I guess it could be blamed at winter to some extent, but I'm pretty sure they would in no way wish to pretty much lose contact with each other for a whole season, not to mention somepony really could have noticed something might be amiss. I personally thought even Fluttershy would talk to her about this, to be honest. In any case, it's still an interesting read, it just leaves me with a slightly nagging feeling in the back of my head. XD

    #91 · Chapter 1 · 77w, 17h ago · · ·
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    I burped when she said 'mom'.:applejackconfused:

    #92 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 17h ago · 1 · ·
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    >>47062

    Well. About that. there are two main reasons why that's happening. Reason One. Dash has been doing her best to hide her feelings, and when everyone was stuck inside during the winter, she was stuck inside, In her cloud house. Nopony, save fluttershy, could get to her. That said I do hope to have some happy reunions between the characters

    Reson two. I personally do not really care about Dash being happy. That's just me. I for some reason don't find having that character happy all the time to be all that important, so life isnt being easy to her. That's my fault, a little bit of me rubbing off onto the characters. I like rRD, but she's a bit of an asshole so...

    #93 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    OH SHIT

    SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

    #94 · Chapter 2 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    Two ponies one bunny.

    I see wat u did thar!:rainbowlaugh:

    #95 · Chapter 3 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    Covered in balls?! Hahaha!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

    #96 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    And when Dash enters Scootaloo doesn't recognise her.

    The End.

    Derp.:derpytongue2:

    #97 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    Curse you, that pinkie, physic defying smile made me laugh with coke in my mouth

    #98 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 16h ago · · ·
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    >>47164

    ARGH. Dammit, now I have to write a new ending :facehoof:

    :derpytongue2:

    #99 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 14h ago · · ·
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    Uh-oh, it was bound to happen sooner or later, but I hope Dash can take the news of where Scootaloo has been all winter. :rainbowlaugh:

    Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one. :scootangel:

    #100 · Chapter 4 · 77w, 14h ago · · ·
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    This is amazing. You're amazing.

    I..I just... Marry me, for real.

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