After being brutally rejected by Rainbow Dash once again, Scootaloo is left distraught. that is until a kinder pegasus comes into her life and shows her some compassion.
Picture by Kloudmutt http://kloudmutt.deviantart.com/
Wow. Incomplete? Finish it up. You've got something special here, though it is quite rough.
>>2988929889 Incomplete is reffering to the fact that i'm tossing around some ideas on how to continue the story. I dont want to leave it this short
also, i would like to blame the roughness on the fact that i wrote it in an hour
and you have no idea what reading 'You've got something special here' meant to me.
After seeing so many pieces of fan art taking pot shots at Scootaloo, I agree she needs some love too. I haven't seen one like this before, replacing Rainbow Dash with Fluttershy, so far I am impressed and I hope to see more, 'casue she needs a happy home. ~Celestia's Paladin
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
Lovely work you have here. It is something I definantly haven't seen before and would love to read more of! The errors while noticable didn't take away from the story. Please continue
>>2991829918 Thank you, and as for the errors, feel free to point them out to me and i'll fix them on the double, pinkie pie swear.
My only complaint is that this wasnt long enough
>>2999729997 there'll be more, don't worry
Interesting, keep writing. I'd like to see Fluttershy berating RD.
That will be interesting to watch... from canon we know never, ever piss off Fluttershy
This is very good. It's more subtle and emotional then most stories around here, yet still retains similarities to the show.
My only criticism is that you use t-too much stuttering in dialog. I know it's to better show their speech patterns, but It just gets in the way after a while. But other then that, it's really great!
Rainbow's obviously forgotten to get a healthy intake of citrus
You never truly appreciate what you have until it's gone, Rainbow Dash.
This fic is adorable, by the way.
one complaint is the rarity line (Sense we ALL saw rarity and sweetie parents, surprise that rarity dad was magum, though i could still see her taking care of sweetie as her parents seem to be vacation 24/7 type so it still works.
And awesome story thus far (Looks like RD is missing scoot.)
>>3255532555 Yeah, I was afraid that it would come across as overpowering, the stuttering is my way of getting across the awkwardness and shyness of the characters, but yeah i should probably cut back on that. Thanks for the comment
>>3255932559 I lol'd hard
>>3260732607 I'm guessing that they showed up in sisterhooves social right? i have actually yet to see that episode... i need to but havent gotten around to it...
dammit canon! Why you change on me!
And suddenly Rainbow Dash realised that she was madly in love with Applejack
... Or not.
Well at least your story (which is great btw) isn't relying on Rarity and Sweetie Belle living together so it's not that big of a fix
Nice. Althought I think now they'll switch roles. Dash will go after Scoots, but Scootaloo will be reluctant to talk to her and will hang out with Fluttershy.
>>3287832878 that idea! Me gusta! I might just use that!
Interesting, btw heres sisterhooves special sense i read you havn't seen it)
I love this story thus far i also enjoy that pic its actually quite fitting for this story.
and if you don't mind me asking... have you read Cutie Mark Cold Shoulder
by ~DuplexFields (On deviantart) and was inspired by that fic (Cause if not forget i asked.)
>>3305033050 no, i havent read that one. Is it any good?
And thanks for the link, when i get a chance to watch it, i will
>>3320733207 it actually pretty short (And is one of the rare fics of scootaloo having a biological family. (though it has fluttershy as her sister.)
>>3326533265 hmm... i may have to give it a read at some point
great story thus far now hurry up and write the rest. please?
Well, it's not the best writing I've come across. But, that hasn't done anything to dampen the emotion this story carries.
Sweet and heart-warming, just one of those slice-of-lifes that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Yay.
So, now Dashie all guilty about her yelling... niiice)) Good to see Scootaloo's focus shifting from dangerous and stupid adventures to dancing, she's good at that. Fluttershy just perfect, quiet, encouraging, supportive and kind. She's much better role model than Fluttershy. Also, I think Scoots finally gets all this 'quiet comfort' and 'listening to the nature' thing.
You know what would be funny? If Dashie's parents wanted her to be dancer long ago, she refused, yelled at them and went to Junior Speedsters camp, and now seeing Scootaloo enjoying herself while graciously dancing around Dash may expirience some angst and understand that parent really wanted her something nice. A little angst and guilt for Dash - for all her arrogance, brash attitude and pridefulness.
>>3409534095 GAAHHH! You keep having good ideas!!!!! I want to use them!!! and probably will
it needs a bit of work in some places but its a very nice story I enjoy reading it keep them coming.
Wow, cool. I dunno how I an having all those ideas, probably because I read a shitload of fanfics (400+) and my head is full of plots and twists.
I don't cry manly tears often... Oh who am I kidding! There is just something about sad pony storys that just make me start tearing up. and sad foul storys is like 10x worse. I'm Tracking this.
As long as your head is not full of twist's plot
Hey, if you're willing to tell me what sort of work it needs i'll be more than happy to make the nessicary fixes
Oh, so my story is not only sad, but you think that it's foul!?!?!? [/sarcasm]
If just this made you tear up then I feel very satasfied with myself, although (unless you enjoy crying(which i enjoy from time to time)) you should probably stay away from better sadfics such as painless or bittersweet.
thanks for the comment
I c wat u did there
Aw, that is kind of cute as I can see Fluttershy doing this.
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great idea like this one.
Hah, continuing to enjoy this.
It's good to see Scoots getting something other than the stick end of the lollipop for a change.
Been looking for a good Scootalove fanfic and this is it!
Very nice work and hope you the best when it comes to future chapters
(so going to track this fanfic
have to say its a great story i was really getting sick of all the grim dark/extremely sad stories
Wow, it's not going to be simple, right? When they'll met it wouldn't be the same... and I get a feeling they'll see each other at this talent show...
this is great keep up the good work
Glad to hear it fits your wants
No, I'm gonna have them meet and everything becomes better instantly and the plothole that creates get ignored.
That was sarcasm by the way
Well... okay, I guess I'll write more
I will, I promise!
Maybe this will have something to do with the g3 scootaloo's cutie mark being a butterfly?
>>4369443694 Copycat scootaloo lol
I must say for such a great storyline idea as Fluttershy overseeing Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash realizing how important Scootaloo is in her life, is something else.
This is truly a great and emotional storyline so far and a great job in showing the mothering skills of Fluttershy.
I have to say I never thought Rainbow Dash would care that much over the little orange filly, but I guess I was wrong. Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
Nice, I always thought of Rainbow Dash as a bit insensitive (still second favorite... (Of course we all know Fluttershy is best pony...)) and this seems like something she'd do... P.S. Scoots sleeping in the clubhouse seems to be a common theme... I bet Hasbro is going to introduce her parents just to troll...
Wait 'her gaze softened from one of apology to one of kindness'....is her apology stare like her rage stare then?
I made an account JUST to track this <3 it is that great
HOW ADORABLE <3!
Lol.. something orange.
... Is it bad that I didn't realize that G3 scootaloo existed?
Well RD didn't care... until she realized that nopony was cheering for her all the time, then she realized what she was missing.
Well of course Fluttershy is best pony! Who would suspect different?
um... maybe? I dunno lol
Really? WOAH! Well now that you have an account why don't you track some of the fics written by actual writers? Cause really, I'm not that strong of a writer in comparison to some of the others
yes, something orange. Problem?
Awww… What a sweet story…
You, my friend may have the best story idea i've read, ever, keep it up!! I am in love with this story
After some cajoling by a friend, I finally caved and agreed to submit to EQD. I just sent the email, wish me luck
Awww Poor RD she feels bad about Scoots. Glad that Scoots and Flutter are doing well together. I can't wait to read what happens next.
I am this
I was then when it went to Rainbow I was
how! T-touching!!! T^T manly manly tears shed! Now to read the rest of this.
This is pretty good.
Some little grammar mistakes here and there, the "mommy" at the start feels a little too fast and out of place, but I really like what you've got going on.
Hoping Scoots and Dash can find a good middle.
the one thing im confused about is, its been an entire season right? wouldn't RD and shy have talked at some point, and shy would have mentioned scoot at some point? or even if RD and shy didnt talk during then, shy did talk to rarity about it right? did dashie go reclusive on us?
more!! I have to know how this ends!
ooh, ima gonna track this :D
D'aaawwww. thats adorable. I'm a 15 year old male saying something is adorable, you can have my man card! i got ponies!
I almost constantly see minor mistakes. Like "All she really knew about the filly was that she liked to was Dash do her tricks." when instead of 'was' you meant to say watch. All in all I like it. It is not the best I've read, but it is one of the better Flutter Fics. Most people don't do Fluttershy well, but you have just enough timid in there to make it feel right.
I am many things in many places. Here I am Not.
This reminds me of the fan-fic 'My Little Dashie,' But there's no humans. Anyway, it's pretty good!
Heh, I'm hoping I can find them a good middle
Well, I tried to imply that everypony was stuck inside most of the winter, and yes Dash did go a little reclusive
I'm a 15 year old male WRITING this story. Keep your man card, I HAVE PONIES!
This is really good, Scootalove gets me every time.
the time for moar is... nao.
This chapter needs to serious proofreading. There is poor grammer and tense shifting all over the place.
Besides that storyline is interesting and worth seeing through to the end...
Hey, if you're willing to invest the time to give it a proofread, or anyone for that matter, I'd gladly accept it.. If someone would like give the chapters an edit job I say power to you. I'm really not a good self editor and would greatly appreciate the help
The only thing i didn't like was all the stammering... T-t-t today junior. It was just annoying to read, but still a cool cool story.
Dear makers of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic.
I would like you to read this story, tell the writer he is doing a fantastic job
and then I want to to take this story (once the whole thing is done, (which I hope won't be for at least another 20-30 chapter)
and make it into as many episodes as it take to make the story as amazing in the show as it is here,
thank you for the great show and I hope you have a wonderful day.
all bronies and pegisisters
"This chapter needs to serious proofreading."
Oh, the irony.
Why is it that Dash never thought to ask Apple Bloom or Sweetie Bell where Scootaloo was?
Um... because plothole?
In reality, Dash doesn't know them that well, but yeah... that is a little weird isn't it
I want more! :)
and what about she's just too proud of herself to go ask lil fillies about Scootaloo? it's just like admitting guilt... She only asked Twilight's advice after all.
uh, yeah. sure. Let's go with that. I-I mean that's how I planned it all along! I deffinatly dont make this story up as I go along, that's be absurd
Her scooter, near the chicken's coop.
I see what you did there.
What're you takilng about, what did I do?
GAH! These cliffhangers drive me to insanity! Oh wait... I'm already there. MOAR!
i concur, more please
Gimme that cliff hanger
ARGH, now here's something I've been putting off for a while now...okay, let me get this quickly out of the way: I like this story. I like the concept, I like the interactions(though you go overboard with Fluttershy every now and then, in my opinion) and I can plow through most of it without coming across any really jarring faults.
WITH THAT SAID
There is one major issue I did have with this story though. This chapter doesn't go much into it, but the earlier ones sometimes really made me cringe and that is: nopony gives a flying fuck about Rainbow Dash apparently. Yes, there was a little pep-talk from Twilight and Applejack, but overall I kept getting the feeling that either no one really seems to care. Sure, I guess it could be blamed at winter to some extent, but I'm pretty sure they would in no way wish to pretty much lose contact with each other for a whole season, not to mention somepony really could have noticed something might be amiss. I personally thought even Fluttershy would talk to her about this, to be honest. In any case, it's still an interesting read, it just leaves me with a slightly nagging feeling in the back of my head. XD
I burped when she said 'mom'.
Well. About that. there are two main reasons why that's happening. Reason One. Dash has been doing her best to hide her feelings, and when everyone was stuck inside during the winter, she was stuck inside, In her cloud house. Nopony, save fluttershy, could get to her. That said I do hope to have some happy reunions between the characters
Reson two. I personally do not really care about Dash being happy. That's just me. I for some reason don't find having that character happy all the time to be all that important, so life isnt being easy to her. That's my fault, a little bit of me rubbing off onto the characters. I like rRD, but she's a bit of an asshole so...
SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN
Two ponies one bunny.
I see wat u did thar!
Covered in balls?! Hahaha!!!
And when Dash enters Scootaloo doesn't recognise her.
Curse you, that pinkie, physic defying smile made me laugh with coke in my mouth
ARGH. Dammit, now I have to write a new ending
Uh-oh, it was bound to happen sooner or later, but I hope Dash can take the news of where Scootaloo has been all winter.
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
This is amazing. You're amazing.
I..I just... Marry me, for real.