Chapter 12: Reunion Party
Reunion Party
Fluttershy stared at Chris, as she contemplated the question that had been asked of her. Although she would on occasion pick up a book on the subject, she didn’t consider her reservoir of scholarly knowledge regarding animals very vast. In fact, most of what she knew had come naturally and from hooves-on experience.
“I’m not sure I understand that question…” Fluttershy said in her usual soft voice. “Is there something specific you had in mind?”
Chris shook his head no in response. “What I mean is, apart from your woodland friends, what do you know about the animals that inhabit the Everfree and other places like it?”
“Oh…you mean the more scary kind of animals, like cockatrices, hydras and timberwolves?” Fluttershy clarified. “Well, I’ve only ever seen a few that had come from the Everfree. That place is just so scary. But Twilight did give me a book on the known critters that live there and some are quite frightening. Just thinking about the Everfree makes me nervous,” Fluttershy concluded.
“Maybe if you understood them more, you wouldn’t be so afraid,” Chris reasoned. “I remember when I was terrified of spiders. A pretty common fear back home, but after handling and learning about them, it wasn’t long before I came to like them. I’ve even got a rose hair tarantula of my own now.”
“You keep a spider? That’s, um…nice.”
“I wouldn’t call her nice; she’s the most hateful thing on eight legs,” Chris said with a light chuckle. “She’ll show her fangs to anyone, including me, and flicking hairs at Keon is her favorite pastime. I’ve lost track of how many times he’s threatened to squash her for it.”
“…Oh, Keon really shouldn’t get angry with her, I’m sure that’s just her way of showing affection,” Fluttershy said, appearing rather upset.
“Actually, I think she just likes to antagonize him but don’t get the wrong idea, Keon’s not actually serious about his threats,” Chris said, as his lips creased into an amused smirk.
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said quietly, as her ears fell to the side of her head. “…I didn’t mean to accuse your friend of being cruel.”
Chris waved her apology off. “It's fine, I should have thought about how sensitive you are before I said that. You’ll have to forgive me; my sense of humor can be a bit…mordant.”
Fluttershy smiled. “It’s nice to hear you talk about yourself... not that you have to…it’s just uh, humans are so interesting, no, I mean… oh, never mind,” Fluttershy stammered, as she became quite interested in her own hooves.
Chris merely looked thoughtful. “I guess I have been sorta tight lipped about who I am as a person.” He shrugged. “To be honest, it all seemed kind of moot when I have such an uncertain future here. I guess maybe I thought who I am, is a bit trivial in the scheme of what’s going on.”
“Oh, but it’s not trivial at all,” Fluttershy countered, as she turned back to face Chris. “…I mean, we may as well get to know each other with the time we have right? We’re friends after all.”
“Friends?” Chris muttered to himself, too softly for Fluttershy to hear. ‘Are we friends? Acquaintances seem more appropriate, but obviously they have different social norms than people,’ Chris mused. After a moment he grinned at Fluttershy. “Yeah, we’re friends.”
Fluttershy beamed before raising a question of her own. “Um, Chris, I’d almost forgotten, but why are you suddenly interested in the animals of the Everfree?”
Chris hadn’t realized that they had gotten away from his original question, and his expression resumed its exuberance, as he answered her. “I just had an interesting talk with that diamond dog you saw, and he mentioned some things that piqued my interest.”
“Really?” Fluttershy asked, giving her full attention. “What kind of things?”
“He said something about the seven anomalies…” Chris was suddenly cut off by Fluttershy letting out a shrill squeak in fear.
“What’s wrong?” Chris asked with concern, moving towards Fluttershy whom had dived for cover, now shaking like a leaf.
“Heavens, Darling, why would you be interested in such ghastly places?” Rarity suddenly spoke from the door that had been left ajar. “Sorry to intrude, I came to assist Fluttershy in her search for you and couldn’t help overhearing your conversation.”
“That’s Rarity talk for, 'I was eavesdropping',” Rainbow Dash cut in, as she pushed the door fully open.
Rarity turned her nose up in protest. “A lady does not eavesdrop.”
“Well, you kinda were,” Dash shot back while directing a smug grin towards Rarity. “I bet you were trying to see if Fluttershy had an ulterior motive for coming alone, like, say, wooing Mr. Hands?”
Fluttershy hid her face behind her mane in an attempt to appear invisible. “I-I wouldn’t d-do that,” she stuttered in an inaudible volume.
Rarity’s eyes widened. “Why, I would never,” she protested, her tone overdramatic, not convincing anyone of her innocence.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” Dash mocked, giving Rarity a knowing look, before turning her attention back to Chris. “So, what do yah wanna know about the seven danger zones?”
“Ahem,” Rarity interrupted, “anomalies, Darling.”
“I know that,” Dash said, as she folded her forelegs and frowned. “'Danger zones' just sounds cooler and more dangerous.”
Rarity rolled her eyes at Dash before addressing Chris. “To answer your question, Darling, the seven anomalies are magically unstable terrains found throughout our world. I’m told some have very inhospitable conditions, making them far too dangerous for ponies to venture into.”
“Well, not too dangerous for me, but you get the idea.” Dash added in, sporting a cocky grin to boot.
“So, what are the seven?” Chris asked curiously, as he took it upon himself to pull out his notepad.
Rarity smiled nervously. “I’m afraid their names escape me, apart from the Everfree forest and the Frost Jungle, of course.”
“Frost Jungle?” Chris said as he scribbled down the name.
Rarity nodded. “I took an interest in that one, for the elusive ice sapphire can only be found there. It’s one of the three great gems and the most beautiful of the trio. It’s shaped as a snowflake and shines like the brightest of stars. Oh, if I could only have one!” Rarity chimed, her eyes practically glowing at the thought of obtaining the rare gem.
“I’m pretty sure he wanted to know about the jungle, not some stupid gem,” Dash said, trying to coax Rarity out of her fantasizing.
“I’m so sorry, Darling. Forgive me for having been side tracked,” Rarity said before picking up where she had left off. “Now, if I recall correctly, the Frost Jungle is in the far south. It’s an old and very dense jungle that had seemingly been flash frozen a few millennia ago. Even now, the magic that had frozen the jungle continues to whip around in the form of a violent snow storm, with winds as cold as －70 °C. You can imagine that any creature that calls such a barbaric environment home would not make for very good house company.”
“You’re kidding? All the tress and foliage are still there, just frozen?” Chris asked, as he found it hard to picture an arctic jungle.
“Why, yes, it’s a jungle literally frozen in time,” Rarity said. “I dare say, I’d fancy a trek through the Everfree as opposed to that giant ice box.”
“With winds that cold, I don’t figure it’s a place much explored,” Chris reasoned.
“You’re right…it really is the least explored…of the seven I mean,” Fluttershy chimed in, having finally managed to stop shaking. “It’s just so cold; nopony can stay for very long, or they’d f-freeze to death.”
“Aside from the ice sapphire, there is really no incentive to visit that place,” Rarity added with a slight look of disgust on her face. “You’ll find nothing more than unbearable cold or facing a dreadful beast. Celestia forbid you encounter a snow fairy.”
“A snow fairy?” Dash scoffed. “That hardly sounds tough.”
“Um…they’re actually quite dangerous,” Fluttershy countered. “I read that they will attach themselves to anything warm, and shroud it in frigid wind. The cold drains any strength you would have to fight it off of you, and well…you’d die.”
“Oh…well, still nothing a pony as awesome as me couldn’t handle,” Dash said, her tone betraying her self-assurance.
“So, you do know about these places?” Chris asked.
“Only a little,” Fluttershy answered. “I do know the other names at least. There’s the Tilting Island, the Mirage Desert, the Roaring Canyon, Gluttony Woods, and the valley of the changing seasons.”
“At least that’s a start,” Chris stated.
Canterlot
Vinyl Scratch absentmindedly picked at one of her forehooves, as more and more high class ponies began to file into the ballroom, all chatting among themselves, clearly eager for the festivities to begin.
As she surveyed the attendees, she noticed Queen Deerling entering into the room, flanked by two very large buck guards. She was soon followed by an antelope, a griffin, a minotaur and finally a zebra.
Finishing her sweep of the area, Vinyl couldn’t help but snort in annoyance. She admitted to having a love-hate relationship with any party hosted by Celestia. Being that she loved the money but hated the guests. They were usually uptight, fat pocketed snobs, in her opinion, that wouldn’t know fun if it kicked them in the flank. Parties thrown by ponies on the lower end of society was more her scene; however, putting fun ahead of business didn’t always pay the bills.
So, here she was, spinning the records for yet another potential snore fest. Although, the abundance of alcoholic beverages, the mysterious guest of honor, and Pinkie Pie being the party planner gave her high hopes for having a good time.
Finishing off her second cup of Pinkie’s special punch, she tossed the cup into a nearby trash bin and cracked her neck. She prided herself on her high tolerance for alcohol; however, the punch already had her feeling buzzed. She grinned at the prospect of lightweight nobles drinking the stuff. “Alright, let’s do this,” she said, placing down a suitable record on the turntable for the guests pouring into the ballroom. The tunes were mellow, just something to add the appropriate atmosphere. The hype music would come later, preferably after a large quantity of choice drinks were consumed.
“Alright, Vinyl, it’s almost show time!” Pinkie said having suddenly appeared at Vinyl’s side.
Vinyl recoiled slightly at Pinkie’s unexpected appearance. “Pinkie? How did you…oh, never mind,” she said, deciding not to question the enigma known as Pinkie. “So, what’s up? When are the princesses and the mystery guest supposed to get here? Some of these ponies are looking kinda restless.”
“Oh, they’re on their way now. I just ran down here super fast so I can work the lights,” Pinkie explained, as she produced a large controller with numerous dials on it.
Vinyl raised her shades to look at the contraption for a moment, before simply shrugging. “You know, Pinkie, I have to admit, this setup is impressive,” she said while gesturing at the ballroom. It was decorated with hundreds of blue and white balloons, party streamers, colored effect lights were hanging overhead and there were even a few fog machines that were strategically placed throughout the room.
“Thanks to the princess I didn’t need to spare any expense,” Pinkie said with a toothy grin, as she looked at a clock on the far wall. “Oh, goodie it’s almost time to partay!” she exclaimed, as she turned one of the dials on the controller, dimming the lights in the ballroom. The crowd began to settle down and cease their chattering once the lights had dimmed. Hitting another dial, a spotlight illuminated a stage at the head of the ballroom.
A moment later, Celestia stepped from behind a curtain to the sound of very refined hoof stomps and headed towards the podium, in the center of the spotlight, to address her citizens. Naturally, they were giving their undivided attention to their monarch as she approached the podium.
Meanwhile
“Is an intro like this necessary?” Keon grumbled to the only pony present to hear him, as he watched Celestia address the guests from his vantage point behind a large set of velvet curtains.
“So, even you know stage fright?” Luna said with an amused grin. “Do not worry; I’m sure your… charm will win them over.”
“I’m not scared,” Keon countered. “It’s not like I haven’t given my fair share of school presentations. Besides, I’m not looking to win anyone over. If they don’t like me, they can kick rocks for all I care.”
“Kick rocks?” Luna repeated, looking rather confused.
“Maybe I’ll teach you human lingo sometime,” Keon offered. “Then again, maybe I shouldn’t. You might not like me too much if you knew what half the shit I said actually meant.”
“Implying that I like you, how amusing.” Luna chuckled.
“Damn, that’s cold.”
“I thought sardonic was your preferred take on humor,” Luna said, sounding as though she regretted her choice of response.
Keon sighed. “You’ve still got a way to go, when it comes to witty banter.”
“I see, we were still engaged in sarcastic exchanges,” Luna observed. “This is harder than I would expect. How is one to know where the line should not be crossed?”
Keon shrugged. “I don’t know? Everyone draws their own lines. But I seriously doubt you could think of anything that would hurt my feelings, so have at it.”
Luna nodded. “So, anything my heart desires?”
“Yep, anything you’ve got is fair game,” Keon said, having noticed that Celestia had finished his introduction and was now gesturing with an eager expression for him to come out.
Keon took a deep breath. “Looks like I’m needed on stage.”
“I wish you luck,” Luna said with a bright smile and gave Keon a gentle nudge towards the stage.
Revealing himself from behind the curtain, Keon was greeted with complete silence and a few bright camera flashes as the audience took in who or what had just sauntered into the spotlight. Heading towards Celestia, Keon scrutinized the sea of ponies in the audience. Although it was pretty dark, he could make out that most of the ponies were finely dressed and that they came in every shade on the color spectrum.
Finally, he stopped at Celestia, who took a step back from the podium, allowing Keon to take her former position.
“My esteemed guests, I give to you, Mr. Keon Ikner,” Celestia announced.
“Whoa,” Vinyl mouthed. “This guy is what everypony has been keeping secret?” she asked Pinkie, only to realize the bubbly mare had already vanished. “Where did she get too now?”
Meanwhile, Keon grinned and cleared his throat as he addressed the audience. “So, are any of you gonna pick those up?”
Finally finding her voice, one mare dared to ask. “Pick what up?”
“Your bottom jaws,” Keon quipped.
The mare, along with a good many of the guests, found themselves chuckling at the joke. Even Celestia stifled a giggle.
‘Nice, didn’t expect that preschool joke to go over,’ Keon mused. “Now that the ice is broken, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for the warm greeting. You ponies really know how to make a guy feel welcome in your land.”
“Yah gotta admit his wit is impressive,” Spike commented to Twilight, as he struggled to reach for the ladle sitting in a punch bowl. “He tries to make a joke out of everything.”
“Can’t argue with you there, although the keyword is 'tries',” Twilight replied, absentmindedly using her magic to grasp the ladle and pour a cup for Spike.
“Thanks, Twi,” Spike said as he grabbed the cup from Twilight’s magic and downed it in one go. “Whoa, that punch has some kick to it.”
“Wha…” Twilight incoherently mumbled before her eyes widened. “Oh no, I forgot Pinkie added alcohol to some of these punch bowls,” she said, as she eyed the bowl and, sure enough, found etched in large pink letters, "Pinkie’s Special Punch". Even a tiny disclaimer was there with a warning to "drink at your own peril".
Twilight sighed in frustration. “Why have I been so careless around you lately, Spike? First with that video, now I’ve let you drink.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, Twi,” Spike groaned. “Besides, I keep telling you, I’m not a baby.”
“I know, I know,” Twilight said. “But regardless, I’m still your guardian, I want what’s best for you, and my negligence is inexcusable. I mean, I just gave you alcohol! Wait, I know, maybe I can use my magic to purge it from your stomach.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Twi… there’s no way I’m about to let you force me into throwing up. Anyway, I feel fine: This punch mustn’t be as special as Pinkie claims. So, forget it already and let’s just listen to Keon’s speech.”
“Well, if you’re sure.” Twilight relented hesitantly, turning her attention back to center stage.
“But all jokes aside, your princess thought it would be a good idea for me to come up here to spare a few words,” Keon said. “So, with that in mind, I wish I could say I came here with the purpose to bring your world great and new things that you couldn’t have dreamed of. Unfortunately, I didn’t arrive here in a badass spaceship, loaded with sweet weapons and gadgets.”
“Actually, my being here is a total fluke. So, all I can give you are bad jokes and insight into the world I come from, maybe a little bit of my culture here and there,” Keon continued. “Even with so little to offer, here I stand in my monkey suit as humanity’s ambassador, talking to all you good uh…ponies, deers, minotaurs, antelope, griffins, zebras, and whatever the hell else that’s in this audience. And, if I may, try not to think badly of humankind because of all the dumb things I might or, better yet, will do. Believe me, we’re a decent bunch, once you get to know us. I’m sure both princesses can vouch for my upstanding character.”
Celestia quirked her brow, as Keon turned his head towards her with a devilish grin on his face. “So, please come say hello and have a drink with me. I promise not to bite, unless you’re into that kind of thing. I am, so don’t be shy. Well…yeah, I guess that’s it. Enjoy the party,” he finished, giving a satisfied bow to a flabbergasted crowd.
Keon grimaced. “Damn, I knew I should have written a speech instead of improvising it,” he muttered to Celestia.
“I believe you did splendidly,” Celestia said with a sincere smile. “Your demeanor may just take some getting used to for them.”
“Well, what’s everypony waiting for? Let’s get this party started!” Pinkie shouted, as she wheeled a behemoth of a cannon into the center of the ballroom, instantly gaining everyone's attention.
“What the hell is she about to do with that thing?” Keon asked, as Pinkie lit the fuse and covered her ears.
“I suppose this will be interesting,” Celestia mused, as she signaled for her guards to stand down, some of them having appeared ready to apprehend Pinkie.
“You guys might wanna cover your ears: This is my deluxe party cannon after all,” Pinkie warned, not two seconds before the cannon went off with an earsplitting boom. Massive amounts of streamers, confetti, and candy erupted from the cannon and rained down upon the guests. “Welcome to Equestria!” Pinkie shouted, stomping her hooves for emphasis and soon enough she was joined by the hesitant guests in her stomping.
Keon smiled at Pinkie and gave her a two fingered salute. “I guess she knows how to get a party started better than I do,” Keon said, as he turned to walk away with Celestia to rejoin Luna behind the curtain.
“Your speech was very moving,” Luna teased as Keon and Celestia joined her backstage. “The part where you mentioned biting our subjects was definitely a crowd pleaser.”
Keon rolled his eyes. “Keep it up, Luna, and you might get to be half as funny as me. Then again, that’s like shooting for the stars, aim a little lower.”
“I command the night, surely the stars are within my reach,” Luna countered.
“Touché,” Keon replied just as Pinkie bounced up to the trio.
“Heyah, so what did yah think, awesome right?” she said, excitement written on her face. “Were gonna have more fun than an anteater on an ant farm. Just wait until you see all the games I’ve set up and all the drinks, oh, and the cake too!”
“Not that I have anything to base this off of, but I’ve gotta hand it to you, you’ve outdone yourself,” Keon said, as scratched the back of his head bashfully. “Thanks a million, Pinkie, this means a lot.”
Pinkie’s grin nearly split her face in two, before she leapt up and wrapped Keon in a bone crushing hug. “So, you like it!?”
Keon looked at Celestia and Luna nervously from over Pinkie’s shoulder. Celestia was merely wearing an amused smile, while Luna appeared rather surprised at Pinkie’s display of physical affection.
“Y-yeah, Pinkie it’s awesome,” Keon choked out. “Now, can you let go? I can’t breathe.”
“Ohmygosh, I’m sorry,” Pinkie said as she released her hug.
“I think you might be stronger than the guards that took me down,” Keon assessed, as he rubbed his chest. “But never mind that, there’s more pressing matters that need to be addressed.”
“Pressing matters?” Celestia echoed.
“Yeah, there’s a party going on and I’m still sober, that needs addressing,” Keon jested. “So, why don’t we go out and get loose? You guys put on this shindig after all, let’s not let it go to waste.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Pinkie said before darting back out into the ballroom.
“I thought she was supposed to be like my date or escort or whatever,” Keon said with a shrug. “Oh well let’s have some fun, shall we?”
“I actually have some minor business to attend too,” Celestia chimed in. “I shall see you in a short while, please try to enjoy yourself…but not too much,” she added with a coy smile before walking away.
“Well, lets go. I’d hate for your subjects to get the wrong idea about what we’re doing back here all alone,” Keon said as he began walking towards the stairs, deciding not to enter the party via the stage.
Luna trotted up to Keon’s side and fell in stride with his pace. “So, I see your friendship has remained stable with Pinkie Pie, even after your mishap.”
“Huh… oh, yeah, she hasn’t even mentioned anything about the bathroom incident. Tell yah the truth, she seems even more eager for me to stay since then. Hell, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she has a little school girl crush on me or something, and if that’s the case Pinkie’s even weirder than I thought,” Keon said as he and Luna entered the dark ballroom, where ponies were mingling with one another, some even dancing or trotting in place, he couldn’t really tell the difference. “But what do I know, it’s not like I’ve known Pinkie long enough to say that just isn’t how she normally acts. Maybe I should get off my high horse.”
“It’s a pity you have such little faith in your own self worth,” Luna said, taking note that the crowd had been giving both her and Keon a large amount of space as they walked. She weren’t sure if it was due to the fact that she was royalty, or if they were simply too apprehensive of Keon to venture close.
“My self worth issues probably stem from being only one of, like, seven billion more people. Besides, the girls weren’t exactly throwing themselves at me back home,” Keon explained as he and Luna found themselves at a table, an assortment of drinks littered across it.
“It goes without saying that I’m not privy to how human courtship works, but perhaps you simply weren’t recognizing the signs,” Luna theorized.
“Signs?” Keon repeated with a shake of his head. “If telling me to get lost at a kegger is a sign of interest, then sure.”
“I mean body language,” Luna corrected. “Maybe a flick of the tail, eloquent prancing, or perhaps excretion of pheromones…”
“Listen,” Keon interrupted. “It’s flattering and all that you think my failure in getting woman was me not seeing the signs, but you don’t have another human here to see just how undesirable I really am. Besides, why are we having this conversation?” Keon said as he stared at Luna attentively.
“It’s just small talk,” Luna explained. “Is this an embarrassing subject for you?”
“No, it’s just an awkward one. Listening to love advice from a pony princess is too weird, even for me,” Keon said, as he went to studying the drinks on the table splayed out before them. “At this rate, I think I’ll be the only one wasted by the end of the night,” Keon said, realizing that only the fruit punch bowls seemed to have any type of dent in them, while many cups of god knows what were still full to the brim.
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Luna retorted, as she squinted to read the tiny disclaimer on the fruit punch bowl. “It says here, 'drink at your own peril'.”
“Nice. I doubt any of these ponies thought about reading the fine print before pouring a cup,” Keon said as something bumped into his thigh.
Looking down he noticed it was Spike. “Aye, little homie, having a good time?”
Spike looked up at Keon’s face with half lidded eyes and rosy cheeks as he swayed to and fro. “Keshaun, jus' the pony I wus looking' for,” he slurred.
“What the hell? You’re already smashed? It’s been like what… five minutes?” Keon said as he knelt down to Spike’s height. While Luna only looked on at the scene. “You look like the cat that ate the canary.”
“I…luv… Larity.” Spike muttered, sporting a shit eating grin.
“Who?”
“I wuv Rarity!” Spike shouted to the heavens.
Luna chuckled nervously as a great deal of eyes found themselves on the trio, while Keon and Spike paid them no mind.
“N-next time I see her, I’m gonna tell her. Jus' wait and see,” Spike claimed. “That sounds like a great idea right?”
Keon chuckled. “I’m sure it does, with you having liquid courage running through your veins at the moment. Let’s see how you feel about it after the alcohol and your hangover wears off.”
“No, I have to tell her now, it can’t wait,” Spike argued.
“Listen, I know next to zilch about romance, so little in fact Luna thought to school me on it, but still I doubt a drunk confession is a good idea,” Keon said, although half-heartedly thinking it would at least be entertaining for the dragon to go through with it.
Spike frowned. “Wha…you know what, I think you just want Rarity for yourself.”
“Wait, what? How’d you come up with that? I don’t even know who the hell Rarity is,” Keon shot back.
Spike stomped on Keon’s foot, much to the human’s annoyance. “Alright, put em up,” he challenged. “I’ll fight for the mare I love.”
“Relax kid, as great of a story it would make, I’m not about to fight a hammered dragon over nothing,” Keon said as he stood to his full height. “There’s nothing more annoying than a violent drunk,” he grumbled to himself.
“Didn’t peg yah for a chicken,” Spike goaded, as he stomped on Keon’s foot yet again.
“Ouch! You little bastard, that was my big toe,” Keon said before looking at Luna awkwardly. “How should I handle this? Last thing I want is to get bit by something that snacks on diamonds like they’re skittles.”
Luna smiled. “Allow me,” she offered, as Spike became incased in an aura of blue magic. “Sleep now young one,” she cooed, as Spike’s eyes slowly closed and he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. “I’ll place him somewhere where he will not be disturbed,” Luna said, as she trotted away, carting Spike away with her magic.
“That’s definitely a first,” Keon said, just as a large arm wrapped around his shoulder. Looking to who the arm belonged, he was surprised to find that it was Strong Horn accompanied by Starly. “So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
Strong Horn chuckled. “No need to be so stiff with us. We just wanted to have a drink with you, if the offer still stands. Besides, it’s not like any of these skittish ponies will take you up on that offer,” he said while pulling out a golden flask from inside his coat. “Now, forget that watered down pony stuff, I’ve got something that will burn the hairs off your muzzle, beak in your case,” he added to Starly.
Starly rolled her eyes while Keon rubbed his goatee in mock thought. “I kinda of like the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin, adds to my sex appeal.”
“It’s called ursa killer,” Strong Horn continued, ignoring Keon’s fake protest. “All the way from Ferrum Mons. One shot of this and you might wake up in the hairy arms of a goat named Molly, or worse, Captain Starly.”
“I take it you know that from personal experience?” Keon asked.
“He wishes,” Starly said with disgust. “A smelly minotaur, no thanks, I’d sooner lay with you.”
Keon quirked his brow. “I like where this is going.”
Strong Horn roared in laughter. “Kid, I like your spunk, but I’m afraid a tiny thing like you wouldn’t survive the night with a griffin. They have a tendency to get rough,” he finished, as he took a mighty swig from the flask and pitched it to Starly.
“It was just a joke, buddy. You didn’t think I’d really… no offense to you Cap, I’d wager you’re a pretty hot griffin,” Keon said to Starly while she drank from the flask.
Starly smirked, as she wiped her beak and handed the flask to Keon. “None taken kid. Besides, you’re way too fragile looking for my taste anyway. I mean, are all humans so scrawny?”
“Well, damn, I didn’t think I was that small,” Keon responded as he brought the flask to his lips and took a swig. His eyes widened in surprise at just how strong the alcohol was. “Holy… shit… that… kills, it’s worst than Everclear,” Keon choked out after managing to swallow the substance. “Feels like it’s burning my stomach lining off.”
Strong Horn patted Keon on the back, with more force than was necessary, sending him falling to the ground, causing ponies that were too close to scamper out of the way.
“Damn it, watch it with those frying pans you call hands,” Keon barked as Strong Horn grabbed him by the wrist and lifted him back to his feet as though he were no more than a rag doll.
Strong Horn chuckled. “I’m impressed you managed to get any of that ursa killer down, with you being so puny and all.”
“I get it already you talking side of beef, I’m small. That doesn’t mean I can’t drink your ass under the table,” Keon shot back.
“Ah, so hyomans have a competitive streak, do they?” Strong Horn asked, with a look of smugness. “Very well, I’ll be the first to show you the fearsome might of the minotaur, your challenge has been accepted.”
“Alright, twenty bucks says you throw up before I do,” Keon wagered.
Strong Horn rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “The loser shall deliver twenty bucks to what exactly?”
“No, I don’t mean kicks, I mean currency,” Keon explained. “The rules are simple: Every fifteen minutes you have to drink something. That sound fair?”
“Make it ten,” Strong Horn demanded.
“You’re on,” Keon said as he grabbed a cup from the table and downed whatever was in it. Smacking his lips he grinned. “Pretty damn tasty.”
Pinkie had chosen that moment to reappear at Keon’s side. “Oh, there you are. Sorry I left you; I was just so excited I’d almost forgot I’m your escort. Silly me, right? So, whatcha doin'?”
“Just agreed to spank this guy’s ass in a drinking competition. He’ll learn that a human’s alcohol tolerance is not to be trifled with,” Keon explained.
“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh!” Pinkie squealed excitedly. “Competition means games right? And I’ve got oodles of fun games lined up for you, so come on!” Pinkie said, not giving Keon much of a choice, as she bit down on his shirt and started leading him away into the crowd. “Sorry I have to steal him from yah Mr. Big Horn and Ms. Griffin,” Pinkie said through a mouth full of Keon’s shirt.
“I expect you to hold up your end of the wager,” Strong Horn called after Keon, before he and Pinkie were swallowed by the crowd. Eyeing the flask in his hand, Strong Horn began to whistle in what he thought was a nonchalant manner before dumping the contents into one of the safe punch bowls. “That ougtha liven up this bunch a bit,” he muttered before strolling away with Starly.
“So, can you really beat that minotaur in drinking?” Pinkie asked, still dragging Keon along.
“Not a chance in hell,” Keon responded. “Not only does that guy have like five hundred pounds on me, if he’s anything like a modern cow he’d have a four chambered stomach. If we’re getting technical, it’s impossible for him to throw up by definition, since vomiting is defined by bringing shit back up from the stomach, and that’s impossible for a bull when the other chambers are in the way. But that’s all assuming he abides by bull biology from back home. I mean, can you throw up?”
“Of course I can, Silly, just like any pony else with a tummy ache. Why wouldn’t I?” Pinkie asked curiously.
“The valve in a pony stomach only opens one way, you shouldn’t be able to throw up,” Keon explained with a shrug. “I guess I’ll have to throw anything I thought I knew about your biology out the window. Regardless, Strong Horn still has the weight advantage.”
“Okie dokie then,” Pinkie said, clearly not having understood. “But why’d you accept a challenge you can’t win?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I want to see a minotaur get drunk off his ass. Besides, I promised him twenty bucks and my money is worthless here. So, basically he’s getting nothing but a piece of fancy paper from me.” Keon laughed, finally starting to feel the effects of what he’d drank. “Oh, by the way, Pinkie, you don’t have to drag me along. I promise, I’m not going to run away,” Keon said, prompting Pinkie to let go and look at him with a frown. “What’s with that face all of a sudden, are you mad at me?”
Pinkie shook her head. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at everypony else.”
“Why? You were just happy as hell two seconds ago,” Keon asked curiously.
“That’s before I realized this,” Pinkie said, as she pointed to the pony guests that seemed to be going out of their way to keep a clear distance from Keon. “I know you’ve noticed…”
“That all these ponies are ready to shit bricks?” Keon finished for Pinkie. “Like I told Luna, I’m not here to win anyone over, and maybe that’s pompous of me, but I’m not about to go out of my way to make everyone like me. If they start to warm up to me on their own, that’s cool, but if they don’t, those are the breaks.”
“But that’s not fair,” Pinkie protested. “This party is for you, and they aren’t being welcoming at all. In Ponyville they’d welcome you, well, maybe not in the first minute, but once I told them you are nice they’d like you, I just know it.”
Keon was quiet as he surveyed the ponies present. He noted most of them were unicorns and at least three fourths, if not more, looked to be female. “This is the royal city, high society right? Are you really surprised the ponies here aren’t chomping at the bit to be friends with a guy like me? Besides, I’ve got uh…Strong Horn, Starly, Luna, Celestia, Twilight, Spike sorta and well, you, don’t I? That’s all I need to have a good time.”
Pinkie grinned from ear to ear. “Must…resist….urge…to…hug. Oh, who am I kidding?” she said before yet again snatching Keon up in a crushing hug.
Keon allowed a small smile to grace his lips, before he slowly returned the hug, feeling too buzzed to care for the odd stares that were being directed towards them.
Elsewhere
Chris stared in awe at the amount of luggage that was waiting for Rarity once they had stepped off the train car.
“Oi, Rarity, did you plan on moving here and I missed the memo?” he asked, as he assisted her in loading her suitcases onto a large wooden cart.
“Since I seldom visit Canterlot, I may as well treat this opportunity as a holiday,” Rarity reasoned. “And thank you for the assistance, you’re quite the gentlecolt.”
“It's common courtesy to help a lady with her bags,” Chris reasoned, as he stuffed the last of Rarity’s luggage into the cart. “That’s what my mom tells me anyway,” he finished before grabbing the handle of the cart, intent on pulling it as well. “So, what’s the plan?” Chris asked of the group, noticing that night was soon to come. “Would it be wrong to ask for an audience with your princess at this hour?”
“Ah'm sure the princess will understand,” Applejack chimed in. “'Sides, Ah hear Princess Luna has a night court session anyway.”
“The hour in question isn’t really the problem here,” Rarity cut back in. “There’s a chance both princesses could be dreadfully busy with the ambassadors.”
“Well, I doubt standing around out here all night is gonna solve anything,“ Dash interjected. “Let’s just go to the castle and see what happens. I mean, it’s not like we’re the elements of harmony, escorting a tall lanky creature from a different world or something like that.”
“Um…Rainbow Dash has a point,” Fluttershy mumbled softly. “I’m sure the princesses will be eager to meet Chris.”
“Then it’s settled, we depart for the royal castle immediately,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Lyra, looks like your two legged friend is headed for the royal castle. So, what do we do now?” Bon Bon asked, as she watched from her vantage point at a nearby café table as Chris and company begin to head off. “Didn’t you hear me, I said…” Bon Bon paused as she realized Lyra had left the café table and was talking to a donut vendor.
Bon Bon sighed as she got up and trotted to her friend.
“Yeah, I’ll have a jelly filled one and a honey nut glaze… ow,ow,” Lyra cried, as she found herself being unceremoniously dragged by the tail, curtsey of Bon Bon.
“Here I am having let you coerced me into following this guy around like a complete creep, only to find you’re off trying to buy…donuts!” Bon Bon said in frustration. “Can you take anything serious?”
“What? I was hungry,” Lyra replied innocently.
“You can be such a filly sometimes, you know that?” Bon Bon said in the tone of a mother scolding her child. “All this was your brilliant idea, remember? That makes you the ring leader of this little escapade.”
“Okay, you’re right. I won’t let it happen again,” Lyra promised, before swiftly turning on her hooves and darting back to the vendor. “Don’t worry, Bon Bon, I’ll get the donuts to go, that fair?”
Bon Bon merely rolled her eyes in response.
Meanwhile
Keon swayed, as he trailed behind Pinkie with a goofy grin on his face. He couldn’t believe how hard one shot of what Strong Horn had given him had hit. Hardly a minute ago he’d only been feeling tipsy at best, but now he was full on drunk.
He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination, but a great deal of the ponies seemed to be losing their inhibitions towards him and weren’t tripping over their own hooves to get out of his way anymore. He wagered that whatever they had drunk was starting to hit them as well and that was the reason for it.
“Are you feeling okay?” Pinkie asked Keon, as he nearly tripped over a pony he hadn’t noticed.
“This ursa killer is kicking my ass,” Keon responded with an even larger, stupider grin on his face. “But I’m still good for some games and more booze.”
“Well, alrighty. What should we play first?” Pinkie asked. “Cider pong, bits, flip the cup, brain damage, spinners, twenty-one aces, guess the not, cider races, fuzzy duck, up and down the river, cider bungee…”
“Damn, you’ve set up that many games?” Keon cut Pinkie off before she could continue down the list. “How about we go kick some ass in pong?” he suggested.
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said, as she led him to a ping pong table with an array of cups filled with hard cider sitting on it.
“Doesn’t look like anyone knows how to play, or maybe they’re just too uptight,” Keon said, having noticed that the game was set up perfectly, yet no one had touched it.
“So, are any of you ponies brave enough to take us on?” Pinkie shouted to the ponies that had been watching Keon and her as they stood in front of the table. “Well?” she pressed on, just as the crowd that had been watching them split, allowing Celestia and Luna to step forward.
“We shall be your opponents,” Luna said with a toothy grin, while Celestia merely giggled as they took positions on the opposite side of the table. A large crowd soon formed around them.
Keon whistled. “Didn’t expect the royal sisters themselves to step up to the plate.”
Celestia spoke up. “Pinkie Pie, please explain the rules for us.”
“Sure, we just take turns trying to throw these balls into each other’s cups. When you make one, your opponent has to drink the cider from the cup the ball landed in. First team to get a ball in every cup wins,” Pinkie finished.
Celestia smiled. “My, how very simple, yet clever.”
“I feel I should warn the both of you,” Keon piped up. “The more I drink the better I get at this, and I’m already feeling pretty good, so you don’t have a chance.”
Luna lifted a ping pong ball in her hoof and tossed it into one of the cups opposite of her, sinking it easily. “To the contrary, I like our odds,” she said with an air of smugness.
Ten minutes later, Luna had found she couldn’t have been more wrong in her confidence for victory. Celestia had turned out to be an absolute horrendous shot, while both Keon and Pinkie played as though they were professionals at the little drinking game. Their side had nearly all cups remaining, while she and Celestia were down to one.
“Come on, Tia, if you make this one, we can then mount a comeback,” Luna cheered Celestia on, as Celestia stared at her goal with immense concentration. Unfortunately, Celestia missed by a long shot, and Luna slapped herself with her hoof in defeat. “I couldn’t have been saddled with a worse partner,” she grumbled to herself.
“This one’s for all the marbles,” Pinkie said while tossing a ping pong ball up and down in her hoof with her tongue sticking out in concentration. “Well, here it goes,” she said before genteelly tossing the ball towards the final cup, making the shot. “Woohoo!” Pinkie cheered in triumph, while Keon responded with an enthusiastic, “Fuck yeah!” before he ruffled Pinkie’s mane, much to her delight.
“I’m sorry, sister,” Celestia offered Luna. “We may have been defeated, but it was still an enjoyable experience, was it not?”
Luna looked at Celestia, whose cheeks had turned a rosy red from the amount of cider she had drank and smiled. “Yes, it was…quite enjoyable.”
“Ahem,” Keon interrupted the two, beaming like an idiot. “I think Pinkie left out the part where you both have to finish off our remaining cups of cider, penalty for losing.”
“Very well,” Luna said as she used her magic to retrieve the remaining six cups. “But mark my words, next time you shall experience the cold sting of defeat.”
“Not if me and Pinkie are a team we won’t,” Keon claimed. “Ain’t that right Pinkie?”
“Yep, nopony stands a chance against us,” Pinkie added.
“I want next,” a random pony in the crowd called, followed by more ponies shouting to take on the pair of Keon and Pinkie.
“Well, have a look at that,” Keon said as he watched the ponies bicker among themselves for who would get next game. “I guess they may be starting to warm up after all.”
“Sorry everypony, we won’t be taking on anymore challengers right now,” Pinkie explained as they groaned in protest.
“We won’t, why the hell not?” Keon asked.
“Because it’s time for us to spank the planks!” Pinkie said, smiling wide. “Come and dance with me!”
“Dance?” Keon echoed as he looked to the crowd of dancing ponies and shook his head. “Oh no, I don’t think you ponies are ready for my kind of dancing.”
“Actually, I’d like to see it myself,” Twilight suddenly cut in. “By the way, you haven’t seen Spike, have you? I’ve been searching for him all over this ballroom.”
“I’ve sent him to rest in an undisclosed location,” Luna answered. “You needn’t worry for him.”
“Oh…well, as long as he’s not getting into trouble,” Twilight relented before turning her attention back to Keon. “So, will you show us your culture’s way of dance?”
Keon looked between Twilight, Pinkie, Luna and Celestia whom all seemed eager to see him dance.
“Well, alright, but this will probably be the most vulgar shit you’ve ever seen,” Keon warned.
“I think that’s starting to become a recurring theme with you,” Luna jested.
“You should count yourself lucky you’ve got saddled with a human that knows how to dance, no matter how raunchy it is,” Keon retorted before turning his attention to Pinkie. “I’m gonna need a partner, so how about it?”
Pinkie beamed. “I’ll do it!”
Keon leaned down to whisper into Pinkie’s ear. “Just a heads up, things are gonna get a bit suggestive and if you’re uncomfortable with it, let me know.”
Keon’s breathe tickled Pinkie’s ear causing her fur to stand on end. “S-suggestive?” she stuttered.
“You’ll know what I mean soon enough,” he ended with a lecherous grin.
Elsewhere
Chris thought back on the walk he’d just had through Canterlot. He could definitely tell that the place catered to the nobility. Unlike in Ponyville, almost every pony he’d come across were finely dressed and walked with their noses held high, with a metaphorical stick up their ass.
Most of them were content to show very little interest towards him. Apparently too caught up in their own self-absorbed lives to even bother wondering about what he was. It probably helped that he was towing Rarity’s cart, giving them the impression that he was merely an exotic pet tamed for physical labor, perhaps from some land that was too far removed for them to have heard of it. Unfortunately, that misunderstanding opened up another can of worms regarding ponies that did show interest. They would commonly stop Rarity to ask her to name a price for him or ask where they could get one of their own, much to the unicorn's chagrin.
He admitted, being thought of as Rarity’s pet stung in a way; however, that was neither here nor there. For now, here he stood, outside of the castle that had been his goal since his arrival in this odd land. The structure itself was impressive to say the least, composed of multiple spires and breathtaking fountains that emptied themselves off the mountainside. Once again the ponies proved themselves amazing architects. He couldn’t help but feel nervous, knowing full well that his future lay just beyond those walls, and hopefully his best friend.
“Well, Sugarcube, we’re finally here,” Applejack said to Chris, who was quietly staring up at the castle. “I’d reckon yer feeling a bit nervous bout all this.”
“Only a little,” Chris said, before Fluttershy tentatively nuzzled his hand.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be with you the whole time,” she assured him.
“No use in waitin' for the grass to grow, let's get a move on,” Applejack said, as she led the group across the draw bridge and onto the castle grounds.
A pair of castle guards wearing gold armor wasted no time in confronting them. Both of them eyed Chris with suspicion before one of them spoke.
“Aren’t you the creature we wrestled down a couple of nights ago? What are you doing roaming the castle grounds, shouldn’t you be…” The guard stopped as he looked to who had been accompanying Chris. “The Elements of Harmony, what are you doing here?”
“Wrestled? You mean, you fought with another guy like me?” Chris asked urgently, cutting back in. “What happened, what did you do to him!?”
“Wait, so you’re not the same one?” the guard asked, as he scrutinized Chris carefully. “Now that I think about it, you’re a different shade of color than that other one.”
“You’re not hearing me: I said, what did you do to him?” Chris demanded, having taken a threatening step forward towards the guard.
“Easy, Darling,” Rarity responded to Chris’s urgency. “I’m sure your friend is just fine, isn’t that right?” she directed her question towards the guard.
The guard nodded confidently. “Yes, in fact he should be enjoying his welcoming ceremony as we speak.”
“That means there’s a party we’re missing, so take us to him already,” Dash piped up.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t make a decision like that on my own accord,” the guard explained. “I can escort you somewhere to wait while somepony retrieves the princess, and she will take over from there.”
“Ah guess that sounds plenty fair,” Applejack said. “Will that be alright with you, Chris?”
Chris nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
The guard pony nodded as he turned to his partner. “Please inform her highness of the situation. We’ll be waiting in the throne room.” The guard saluted before trotting off to complete his task. “Alright, follow me,” the guard said, just as another pair of guards came along, escorting two trenched coat figures with them.
“Lieutenant Brave Hoof, we found these two skulking around the palace grounds, thought it best to let you know,” one of the guards said.
“That so?” Brave Hoof said as he batted away the fedoras from atop their heads. “Any particular reason two suspicious looking characters like yourselves are sneaking around out here?” he asked as they simply grinned at him nervously.
“Lyra, Bon Bon?” Chris spoke up. “What took you two so long to catch up?”
Brave Hoof looked at Chris. “These two with you?”
Chris nodded, along with Rarity, Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy.
Brave Hoof shrugged. “You two return to your post,” he ordered the guards. “Alright, let’s get going,” he ordered the group.
Both Lyra and Bon Bon scampered over towards Chris’s group, quickly getting in line with them.
“Thanks for covering for us,” Lyra whispered to Chris. “That was real nice of you.”
Chris looked down at the mint green mare with a raised brow. “I can’t help but think you being here isn’t a mere coincidence, care to explain?”
“Yeah, ah think we’d all like to know that story,” Applejack cut in.
Lyra grinned bashfully. “Oh…well, believe it or not, but it totally is a coincidence.”
“Trench coats, fedoras, sneakin' around, what kind of fools yah take us fer?” Applejack asked.
“The gullible kind?” Lyra said innocently.
“Best to just let it be, Applejack,” Chris said, already having a pretty good idea of what they were doing there. “I’m sure they have their reasons,” he finished casting a final glance at Lyra.
“Isn’t he just the coolest?” Lyra whispered to Bon Bon.
Bon Bon sighed. “I’ll admit it’s cool that he’s willing to overlook the creepiness of us stalking him, yeah.”
“Wait, you think he knows?” Lyra asked with wide eyes. “He’ll think we’re a pair of weirdos.”
“You don’t say?” Bon Bon deadpanned.
Meanwhile, Chris stared around in fascination as they entered the castle. He felt as though he’d just entered a prestigious museum. Everything from the fine carpets, the high ceiling and the stained glass gave off a sense of grandeur.
Rarity smiled, as she observed the look of wonder on Chris’s face. “It’s quite fabulous isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing,” Chris whispered, as Brave Hoof opened the door to Celestia’s throne room.
“The wait shouldn’t be long,” Brave Hoof said, directing the group to some seats. “I’ll be just outside the doors,” he added before taking his leave.
Hardly even a minute later, the doors that Brave Hoof had left through were flung open and Celestia proudly stepped through, followed by Twilight.
“Holy shit,” Chris muttered to himself at seeing the size and radiance of Celestia. Her flawless coat that seemed to glow, along with her flowing mane had his brain reeling. Her majestic beauty was unrivaled by anything he’d ever seen.
“Mr. Chris, my little human, how splendid it is to see that you are safe and sound,” Celestia greeted as she stopped in front of Chris.
“You know my name?” Chris asked, having been taken slightly aback.
Celestia nodded. “In his stay here, Mr. Keon has told us so much about you.”
“Good things, I hope,” Chris said. Having seen that the others gave a sort of bow to Celestia, he chose to do the same and took to a knee. “Your highness,” he said, although unsure of himself.
Both Celestia and Twilight looked at one another for a brief moment, before they shared a laugh.
“You needn’t address me as your highness, Celestia will do just fine,” Celestia stated.
“That’s interesting. I didn’t expect that he would bow to you, Princess, Keon never did. I assumed out of human pride,” Twilight said as she observed Chris carefully before she finally took notice of the others in the room. “Girls…Lyra and Bon Bon, what in the name of Equestria are you all doing here?”
“Ain’t it obvious?” Dash answered. “We were bringing this guy here to meet the princess and find his long lost friend.”
“Speaking of his friend, how’s the feller doin'?” Applejack asked. “Chris has been worried sick about him.”
“Judging by those injuries, I’d say he’s had an easier time of it than you have,” Twilight said, as she got closer to observe his bandages. “What happened, did you get these injuries in Equestria? Where exactly did you arrive?”
“Twilight Sparkle, you can ask all of your questions at a later time,” Celestia intervened. “As for now, there’s a reunion in order.”
“You’re absolutely right, Princess,” Twilight agreed. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time afterwards.”
Celestia smiled at Chris. “Please, follow me,” she said as she began to move towards the door she had come from and Chris followed, soon joined by everyone else.
“I’m not sure if it’s my place to ask, but Keon has been...behaved, hasn’t he?” Chris asked cautiously. “What I mean to say is, he hasn’t offended you in any way, right?”
Celestia stared down at Chris, quietly studying him. “He’s been very cooperative with us. Answering all of our questions to the best of his ability and sharing in human culture with us as well. He was even willing to instruct us in the style of human dance.”
“Dance?” Chris repeated with a look of worry on his face. “You mean he showed you what he calls dancing?”
Celestia nodded. “Yes, although I’m afraid ponies clearly aren’t built for dances such as stick and roll it, twang entertain, and the cupid shuffle. However, my subjects have taken to the dance he referred to as… grinding, and not that I mean to offend but it’s the most provocative style of dance I’ve ever witnessed. Humans must be extremely comfortable in their sexuality to favor such a dance.”
Chris grimaced, having a sick image of multiple ponies bumping and grinding on each other pop up in his mind. He reasoned it came off as pretty smutty for clothed humans to do it, but for naked ponies it would look more like an orgy than dancing.
Chris slapped his hand over his face, much to Celestia’s surprise.
“Is there something wrong?” Celestia inquired.
“It just blows me away that even being in another world, that guy doesn’t know how to not act like an ass,” Chris answered.
Celestia quirked her brow. “I find that how he remains true to himself in spite of his circumstances is Mr. Keon’s most endearing quality. Whether it’s his crudeness, vulgarity or his humor, he never tried to hide that aspect from us. We can never truly hope to understand your kind if you hide the real you behind a façade, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Is understanding all you hope to gain from this?” Chris asked skeptically.
“I believe that the more you understand others, the more you can then understand yourself,” Celestia explained. “I've been told that you’re an aspiring zoologist, correct? Surely, you of all beings can see the value of understanding the lives of those around you.”
Chris chuckled. “Funny, I remember telling Fluttershy something similar only a couple of hours ago.”
Meanwhile, Twilight turned to her friends. “So, how exactly did you girls meet Chris?” she whispered.
“Poor feller came outta the Everfree pretty banged up and was sleepin' it off in the Cutie Mark Crusaders' club house. Mah sister and her friends found him that followin' mornin',” Applejack answered. “Hear tell he was in tha Everfree for over ten hours.”
“Ten hours?” Twilight gasped.
“Yeah, he’d even had a run in with some timberwolves in there,” Dash added in. “He seems pretty tough for such a light weight.”
“I see,” Twilight said with a nod. “I just can’t believe how lucky we are that you girls found him. He could have ended up anywhere in Equestria, but he landed right in your hooves. Keon was so distraught, thinking he might never find his friend.”
“Wait, are you saying there’s another human here?” Lyra cut in into the conversation. “What’s this one like, and are they really from another world?”
Twilight stared at Lyra for a moment before she said, “Well, from what we’ve gathered so far, all evidence points to yes. We’ve seen their technology and how strangely magic affects them. Not to mention, the means by which they arrived has historical backing, as well. Besides that, Keon doesn’t really act like anything from this world I’ve ever met. He’s very…well, you’ll have to meet him for yourself to understand.”
Lyra beamed. “This is so exciting, right, Bon Bon?”
Bon Bon clearly didn’t share Lyra’s apparent enthusiasm. “How come every time something weird happens around here you girls are always in the thick of it?”
“It’s probably got something to do with us being the elements of harmony and all,” Dash reasoned. “Weirdness just kind of follows us around now days.”
“That’s about as good of an answer as I could give,” Twilight said as music began to be heard in the hallway, indicating that they were getting closer to the ballroom.
“Heavens, what is that awful racket?” Rarity asked with a frown. “Surely a formal event should play much more refined music.”
“No way, this beat rocks,” Dash argued. “By the sound of it, Vinyl must be here spinning her custom tracks.”
“Oh…the DJ with the wild mane,” Rarity said with a hint of distaste, as Celestia opened the ballroom doors and Rarity found her ears instantly assaulted by the blaring music. “Such boorish music,” she grumbled, although her complaining was drowned out by the music.
Chris’s eyes went wide as he observed the ballroom. “I won’t lie: I didn’t expect that high class ponies partied this hard,” he said to Celestia, taking note of how rowdy the ponies were. Not only were there several of them passed out on the ground, but most of them were currently taking part in drinking games. Varying from simple card games, to two ponies actually tied to one another via bungee cord battling it out in some odd game of tug-of-war.
Celestia looked bashful. “In truth, a party this wild has never been held in Canterlot. I just can’t recall when the party became so chaotic.”
Chris observed Celestia carefully, taking note of her rosy cheeks. “Looks like you’ve had a few yourself.”
“In light of things, I felt it appropriate,” Celestia reasoned. “And I lost in a game to your friend,” she added sounding somewhat embarrassed.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy muttered as she looked around nervously. “Are those ponies…uh, doing it?” she squeaked her cheeks turning cherry red.
Applejack grimaced. “Almost looks that way, don’t it?”
“That’s the dance that has been dubbed grinding,” Luna interrupted, letting her presence be known, as she cantered up to the group. “Fascinating, is it not?”
“Fascinating!?” Rarity shrieked. “That’s the most uncouth form of dance I’ve ever paid witness to! Surely, something of that sort should be done behind closed doors, not in public.”
Luna hadn’t paid much mind to Rarity’s protest, as she was too focused on Chris. “My stars, to think you would find your way to us so soon,” she said, as she trotted around him, inspecting him from every angle “Keon will be thrilled.”
‘So, this must be Princess Luna,’ Chris thought, as he took in her appearance, mostly focusing on her mane that was somehow even more impressive than Celestia’s.
“Speaking of Mr. Keon, where has he gotten off too?” Celestia asked.
Luna pointed her hoof to a corner of the ballroom looking sympathetic. “I’m afraid he’s had a little too much to drink.”
Chris looked to where Luna had been pointing, and sure enough, he spotted Keon on his knees huddled over a trash bin next to a shockingly pink pony that was rubbing his back soothingly with her hoof.
Chris found his feet moving towards his friend before his mind could catch up, and in a matter of seconds he was looming over the pair. “Well, don’t you look like a pile of shit?” Chris started struggling to contain the excitement in his voice.
Pinkie was the first to look up, and a large grin soon found its way to her face. “You’re… you’re… CHRIS! And I’m Pinkie Pie!” she shouted, as she began to bounce up and down in place excitedly. “Now I’ll get to throw a Keon and Chris reunion party, it’ll be funarific!”
Keon pulled his face out of the trash bin to look up at who had spoken, and he did a double take. “Chris… why, you son of a bitch!” he shouted as he hopped up to his feet, forgetting about how sick he felt and quickly pulled Chris into a headlock. “If you weren’t so ugly, I’d kiss you,” he said, as he pressed his knuckles hard against Chris’s head.
“Likewise, you dumb bastard,” Chris said, as he tried to fight out of the headlock and noogie.
“So, that’s human friendship?” Twilight noted, as she watched the exchange carefully. “What an odd way to show affection.”
After breaking free of Keon’s grip, Chris grinned. “Why am I not surprised to see you getting drunk off your ass with the locals and teaching them how to dry hump each other?”
“You think being in some weird pony world is gonna keep me from free booze and actin' a fool?” Keon said, swaying slightly on his feet. “Fat chance.”
“I didn’t think, I’d hoped,” Chris said. “By the way, where’d you get the new threads? They’re real snazzy.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” Rarity added. “The workmanship is flawless. Who, exactly, was it that designed your ensemble?”
Keon looked at the pony that addressed him in silence for a brief moment. “Wait a minute, who are you anyway?” he asked finally having taken notice of all the new ponies that were crowded around him. How he’d missed the yellow pegasus that was giggling as she played with his dreads like a cat would with yarn was beyond him. “Actually, who the hell are any of you?”
“Oh, oh, let me, let me. I can tell you who they are!” Pinkie said while bouncing around in excitement. “There’s Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Lyra and Bon Bon, they’re all my friends! Keon meet friends, friends meet Keon, who’s also my friend, so should I just say friends meet friend?”
Not even a second after Pinkie had finished her version of an introduction, Keon found himself nose to nose with Rainbow Dash.
“Just in case you didn’t catch it I’m Rainbow Dash, the one that’s everything awesome,” she said proudly. “So, what’s with that mane of yours, and why do you look like you’re made out of chocolate? Who’d win in a fight, you or Chris?”
Pinkie gasped. “Now that you mention it, he does look like chocolate,” she said before rearing up on her hind legs and boldly licking the side of his face. “Nope, not chocolate,” she deduced.
“Pinkie Pie!?” Rarity gasped in shock. “Respect a ponies personal boundaries.”
“What? I needed to know,” Pinkie replied with innocence.
Meanwhile, Keon grinned at Dash ignoring all of her questions and the fact that Pinkie had just left a trail of saliva on his face as he said, “You should totally let me ride you.”
Dash looked taken aback by the seemingly random request. “Why in the hay would I let you ride me? That’s just weird,” she stated.
“Come on, I just had the greatest vision of us flying around this ballroom,” Keon started to plead but stopped when his previous nausea returned, and he lurched for the trash bin and hurled into it, much to everyone’s disgust.
“Oopsie, looks like Keon’s tummy still won’t agree with him,” Pinkie said, as she went back to rubbing his back.
“Man, you seriously have to learn your limits,” Chris said, as he shook his head. “Is this how we should represent our people?”
“It’s this ursa killer,” Keon moaned. “Note to self, never drink what a seven hundred pound minotaur considers hard liquor,” he managed before he finally passed out, his face hitting the floor with a loud thud.
The ponies all stared around in shock, all except Pinkie, who was grinning from ear to ear.
“Honey, what in Celestia’s name are you smiling about?” Applejack asked in confusion. “Your friend just keeled over in his own sick.”
“Because I succeeded!” Pinkie explained, clearly happy with herself.
“Succeeded in what?” Twilight cut in.
“In throwing the kind of party Keon wanted,” she beamed. “He told me that…”
“Let me guess,” Chris interrupted Pinkie “He said you can’t end a good party without someone on the floor, preferably him, right?”
“Correctamundo!” Pinkie exclaimed.
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Update?
Yes!
I'ma read it right now!
i need me some of that Minotaur booze.
also, he taught them grinding? oh keon...
hm... what proof would Ursa Killer be? 190? 195?
Awesome and funny chapter dude. I shall wait for the next one!
So much fun. I love this. No messing about with contrived plots just stick in the humans and let everything happen naturally. Love the cover by the way.
Finally!
there is no word or combination of words that can describe how much i laughed at this chapter. im just going to let you know that im in trouble with my neighbours from laughing so loud and hard. its 00:25 over here and my neighbours banged on my door telling me to shut up. totally worth it though
AWESOME!!!
I LOVE THIS STORY!!!
1999189
I think it's 220.
A bunch of drunk ponies grinding on each other, some of which are most likely naked?
... Accidental Buggery may occur.
(If you got that reference I fucking love you.)
It's all fun and games until somebody passes out, then it's a party!
Sweet update, and awesome cover art.
Also, I need some ursa killer, just to see how my Irish drinking immunity would handle it XD
YES!
My grin just got bigger and bigger as I read this....now my face hurts and I can't stop laughing.
Love the new cover art
and ur alive, yay!
Damn my withdrawal symptoms haven't subsided yet....MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurray! Liquor!
YAY!
Now THIS is exactly what i was freaking hoping for!!! This has been an awesome party!!!! I sure as hell wouldn't mind if the next 2 chapters were more of this very party!!!
Granted that would slow the pace of the story down though, and it looks like you've set yourself up for a very VERY long adventure. It's chapter 12 and it's barely been a few days.
1999378 220... 110% impossible. statistically impossible
Somehow I wanted the chapter to end with.... "well... Where is the duct tape?"
1999189 magically enchanted 96%?
The party is back together. Took a while.
This is a great fic so far, being a new take on the human in equestria story. Keep it up.
lol
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
That sounds delicious!
I think you mean Mirage Desert
Moral of the story: Humans can only party when they're drunk out of their goddamn minds.
This is brilliant!
Hurray for drunk ponies! I must get my hands on some of this Ursa Killer... Great chapter, classic Keon. Keep up the good work!
Yay for update!
Yay Update!
Finished Reading!
Back to acquiring acute withdrawal symptoms!
Anyone else think of Cirno from Touhou when they talked about the snow fairy?
Also, great story so far!
You just wanted to name a chapter 'Highway to the Danger Zone', didn't you?
1999678
It's Equestria, dafuq were you expecting?
1999785
Magically enchanted 9001%, actually.
Party isn't over yet. They still need to use the rolls of duct tape, stop watches, dice, coins, an extremely large chess board, cardboard boxes, rope, and more.
2000168
...yes.
Funny thing, just before I pulled this up, I was hanging out with one of my friends, who had never played Touhou but had been wanting to, and I pulled out EoSD and PCB. Sadly for me, though we both suck at it, he sucks less on his first try than I do after at least a couple years. Well, I'm about half a year rusty, but still...
I digress, great chapter.
Author person! Please don't take so long if you can. My soul yearns for more, you foolish mortal!
Yes.
I was grinning ear to ear reading this, great job! :D
1999189 I'm guessing it would be pretty high proof, but there's probably something else in there to give it an even bigger kick. maybe it's not even alcohol at all.
Then Pinkie said
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4635649248856691&pid=15.1
He passed out without taking his shoes off. Chris totally has to draw dicks and stuff on his face. It's party tradition.
Sleep for school tomorrow? Fuck sleep. Sleep is for the weak. Ponies take precedence.
it had to end right now
Best. Ending. Ever.
2000332
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23046301.jpg
*ahem*
That is all
Im starting to think that Chris is the brains of this operation, and Keon is just.... everything else
First update I have been to since catching up with this story. I simply love these characters and cannot wait to see what you do with the seven anomalies. Great chapter, lots of laughs and a great reunion. I look forward to the next chapter.