Every mother's day, Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor visit their mother. However, on Twilight's first mother's day since coming to Ponyville, she finds herself going alone. She has to confront the guilt from her past, and try to have her mother's frogiveness.
Comments are appreciated, as this is my first story.
The cover is from mystic alpha on deviantart.
I realize that her mother in the story is quite different than in the series. Because I changed her so much, I labeled it alternate universe.
Chapters (1)
Well written, if a bit short. My only complaint is Spike's line, for some reason I just can't see him saying "mother" - it sounds too formal.
Other than that though, this is great for a first fic.
EDIT: Forgot to mention something pretty important - a few things in the story are inconsistent with canon (for example, her mother's cutie mark).
Umm, Twilight's mother ain't chocolate-colored. Wait let me check..
Eeyup, right here. Twilight Velvet. http://images.wikia.com/mlp/images/1/13/Twilight1.png
A tear was shed
A single Tear Was Shed. Might want to pop on an alternate universe tag though...
Good story, but it needs an alternate universe tag. Twilights mom was not that color or cutie mark, and as stated above me she's still alive.
I like this story. It's very well written, but I can't help but echo what a few others have commented. This is very inconsistent with the canon of the show. 1. Twilight's mother in the show looks nothing like the description in this fic. 2. Twilights mom was at Shining Armor and Candence's wedding. I would like this a lot more if you put an alternate universe tag on it.
I'm adding the tag (I forgot to add that earlier). I'm also changing Spike's line. You're right, it is too formal.
591360 i fixed the tag. Thanks for poonting it out!
I liked it despite the fact you got Twilight's mom wrong. And why exactly did she have a sandwich lying on her desk?
Made it, never ate it, I suppose. She was probably interrupted by her mother and her fighting.
Wow, that was sad....just...
No more words coming from me.
Well, not All ponies go naked all the time. Hehe...
To be honest, I wrote this really late last night. Usually I wait until I have had more sleep to check it, but I had to post it to try and get it in time for mother's day. That didn't happen, because I failed to take into account how long it takes to go through the queue. Oops!
Any way, I'll have more time to check for plotholes with the next story.
I dunno, maybe you should make twi's behavior worse in order for it to seem more believable. I mean it was an honest mistake, her mom did eat the sandwich herself, it just so happened to be daisy. Nothing to hold a grudge over
why she eat daisy sandwich
poor twilight's mom dead
Thank you! It's my daughter knowingly let me eat something that could kill me, I would be really mad too. Especially if it actually resulted in my death. Plus I couldn't imagine twilight doing anything worse. I originally what is going to have twilight push her mom of something, but I couldn't imagine her doing that without saving her.
Wait wait...
The mother’s day after that horrible night, Shining Armor chatted happily to their mother. Twilight sat far from them, glumly chewing oats. She knew she wasn’t wanted.
Wouldn't that mean Twilight's mom survived the sandwich?
I was trying, up until the very end, to hide the fact that she was dead. But if you think of it in terms of a graveyard it still works. Because when you do see a loved one's grave, you usually do chat to them...but I can see how that's confusing. I'll have to work on that.
Solid story, though I don't usually like sad stories.
It kind of reminded me that maybe I should make some more friends. I've always really related to Twilight since she's addicted to knowledge like I am; it's not really a good thing. I used to look down on materialistic people for coveting goods, but I realized that I covet facts just has greedily.
Just one suggestion if I may: you used Twilight's name a lot when referring to her. You might dice it up a bit by referring to her with pronouns more often. That's small change though. The important thing is that you've got a compelling story. Good work.
I relate with her too. But for me, it's mostly because I freak out over little things.
I am originally had more pronouns, but I had to change it because you couldnt tell when was talking about her mom or her
I...I teared up a bit...Just a bit but it was cute.
MOAR!
Im working on a few stories right now. But with finals soon, it may be a while
I had a bad feeling about this (felt that I would get depressed as fuck) and I read it anyway, what the fuck is wrong with me?
oh man, the feels! (but twilight's mum is different colours)
593821 i think it means she sat in a graveyard eating oats