• Published 27th Jul 2015
  • 14,265 Views, 614 Comments

A White Mare - RandomBlank



Celestia lands on Earth as a common Arabian mare. Without magic, speech, not knowing the language, she seeks her way home. First though, she needs to make some friends and restore her freedom.

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Epilogue

I was jogging through the Canterlot Gardens. Celestia was catching up to me in a light trot. Several royal guards were flanking us, keeping a respectable distance.

“Did the nobles finally accept there's nothing unregal about exercise?” I gasped out.

“They still grumbled that a president is not the same level as a princess, but when I asked what their motivation was behind trying to degrade my physical health, they ceased their protestations.”

“Really? Can you even get sick?”

“Hush. Sick, no. Fat, yes. They don't need to know the details and real motivations.” She laughed.

“Extra cake?”

“Hush, you.”

She took off at a gallop for another round, then took to the air. I watched her fly, swooping and circling with grace only befitting a princess. I kept running while she flew around me, showing off.

At last, she flew to her quarters in a sleek tower, while I returned to mine. A quick bath, a change into some more formal clothes, and I headed to the throne room, where Celestia would open the day court shortly.

Still, as I arrived through a side door, it was Luna on the throne. Celestia was standing at the foot of the dais, with Twilight by her side. And despite the toony appearance, I recognized the man being led from the main exit by a squad of guards, cuffed in chains. He stopped next to Celestia.

“Celestia and Twilight Sparkle versus Tresher,” the chancellor, an elder unicorn with long mustache, announced. A crystal hanging behind my ear translated the singing language into English for me.

“We, Luna, Princess of Equestria...” Luna began, but she was interrupted.

“I refuse to acknowledge the authority of this farce of a court!” Tresher yelled. A choker collar on his neck translated his words to Equestrian. “Every action I performed in my country was legal under its jurisdiction. Equestria has no authority over Earth, and this is a kidnapping! You have no right to hold me here or try me for any alleged crimes I might have performed while I was on Earth!”

Luna sighed. “I suppose he is right, sister. We ought to return him to Earth.”

“Luna,” Celestia spoke, her face filled with worry. “They will lynch him the moment they see him. He won't last ten minutes, never mind until a fair trial.”

Tresher's face paled. “Can I ask for political asylum?” he said, meekly this time.

Luna Spoke. With capital S.

“Either you accept the law in full, or denounce it in full. You rejected our law, calling the trial a farce. Consequently, you rejected the authority of law of Equestria, including the right for asylum. Your request is denied.” Luna met Celestia's worried gaze, then she turned back to Tresher. “I believe, though, that I know a method that would allow your safe return and survival. You're well-advised not to reveal your true identity, because in that case your safety will not be assured.”

“Uh... whatever you say, Princess... I submit to your authority...”

“Chancellor, get the servants to bring us the wand of ponification, and the trap mirror that had pulled my sister to Earth.”

Tresher frowned. “Wand of...”

“As a pony, on Earth, you will be tended to and cared for, in exchange for patient work, giving joy to human children. As long as you are not discovered for who you really are, you will be safe.”

“No, no...” he muttered, backing off. Meanwhile, the items in question were brought forth: a short, golden wand on a purple pillow, and what would probably be a large, oval, full-body mirror hidden under white cloth.

Without further ado, Luna picked up the wand with her magic, and a ray of light shot off it, hitting Tresher right in the chest. There was no transformation sequence, just a flash, and a brown pony with a short, brushy off-white mane stood in his place. The manacles dropped to the floor.

Two servants jerked the cloth from the mirror, aiming it at the new pony. He screamed as an invisible power pulled at him, and he was sucked into the mirror.

The cloth slid back into place, covering the sheer surface again.

“This concludes the night court session,” Luna said. “There is five minutes of recess, after which my sister will begin the day court.”

As the ponies dissipated, Celestia and Twilight walked up to me.

“Do you suppose he will be okay as a pony back on Earth?” Celestia asked me.

“Not at first, no,” I replied. “He will try to refuse the work, he may be aggressive, dominant, disobedient at first...”

“What would change that?” Twilight asked.

“They will geld him.” I shrugged.

Twilight frowned at the unfamiliar word, while Celestia raised her hoof to her mouth in shock.

“Surgical removal of testicles, Twilight,” I explained.

“That's cruel!” she exclaimed, wincing.

“He will be a much happier pony afterwards, I assure you. It will do him good.”

* * *

Celestia was leafing through various reports while I brushed her coat. Logs of wood crackled in the fireplace, the flame radiating warmth into her chamber.

There was a knock of hooves on the balcony.

“Come in, Luna.” Celestia's voice carried warmth and joy.

Luna stepped in between the drapes. A scroll floated by her in blue glow.

“Oh. Business.” Celestia's voice lost some of the warmth.

“It's the night court hours. I'd hardly stop it for a pleasant chat. Do you know what these symbols mean? This writing is strange to me. This has just arrived at the emergency beacon in the throne room.”

Celestia's magic took over the scroll. She unrolled it. A frown creased her brow, but soon it was replaced by amusement. She passed the scroll to me.

The message, written in English, formatted to fit the circle of the mandala, read:

To:

Princess Celestia,

The Council of United Nations,

following unanimous vote, asks you humbly:

Please, extend your rulership

over Earth.

“The world I was stuck in is asking to join Equestria.” Celestia shook her head. “Can we take them in? I kinda... left them hanging...”

“You just couldn't hold back, could you?” Luna raised her eyebrows.

“I tried, Luna, I swear I tried. I messed up one small thing, then to fix it I kind of... crashed their economy, so as as an... apology...”

“Like a foal dragging sick puppies home.” Luna shook her head, smirking. “Alright, I'll get to creating a permanent portal.”

“Thanks, Luna! You're the best!”

Author's Note:

Celestia's mercy, Luna's grace, it's complete. It took way longer than it should have. AlicornPriest is very thorough but not very fast ;) Still, here it is, a story that's been bumping around in my mind for past two years or so. Celestia as a common horse. The old "Why did they turn into humans?" reaction to Equestria Girls taking shape, and a blatant self-insert. Lots of elements are taken straight out of my common life, with rough modifications. Some are crossovers of different real elements (Tresher's stable is at a location of one, with character of a different one) Many others are "likely" - the farm in the glade is made-up, but the area is real. Others are based on tinfoil-hat theories that don't seem all that crackpot if you look close at the facts (that of Poland being controlled by a mafia; too many suspicious suicides among the higher-ups of our country).

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. If you did (or didn't) please, comment! I'm a sucker for lengthy, critical comments!

Comments ( 389 )
Comment posted by Iron Sky deleted Jul 27th, 2015

6249893
Sorry for deleting the comment but that's a bit too early for spoilers. BTW, 1) about 2000% boost in efficiency, 2) why wouldn't they?

6249962

1 people generally put pride before efficiency.

2 the fact that they manufactured something to make the process easily repeatable implies it's something they do often.

6250044
1) Why do humans invent gods? What inner desire does that fulfil? Also, just look at the face of the world of the final chapter. Humans *want* to be good, given the chance, they just don't know *how* most of the time; the efforts wasted or futile in the long run or thwarted by greed, laziness or incompetence of others. Seeing they actually *can* make a difference makes all the difference!

2) Why, yes. There are many who petition for it, and it's not much more complex than the Breezie spell.

Brom #5 · Jul 27th, 2015 · · ·

Just finished it, was pretty sweet. The only constructive criticism I can offer is that some scenes didn't have much explanation/setup (where are they? Who is present? How much time has passed?) before just diving right into dialogue.

The scale of the story escalated quickly. Not that it's a bad thing, it just caught me off guard.

It's late. Very, very late. I'm going to sleep.
Good story, hopefully I'll have some hella cool dreams.

EDIT: Congrats on making the featured box! I knew this story would make it.

really like this story. hope to see a sequel.

Other than some of the issues that I had with some of the tack (see previous comments) this was a nice little story that had a very intriguing premise. one that wasn't "pony lands on 'murica because reasons" tale.

6250306
No paperwork whatsoever? Doubtful.

As for the riding style, while the stable advertises "both" it's more of a "bastard blend".

6250543
She has a tablet with net access, lots of resources for beginners :)

...That was amazing:rainbowlaugh:!

I won't spoil, but damn that ending, who knew how much damage Celestia could do by just being Celestia:trollestia:

Funny thing, I had a similar idea for a story, well similar concept anyway (pony in equestria as a normal horse), but you took it to such extremes that my idea has been totally eclipsed by yours.

The one little criticism I have is the romance is quite insubstantial, kinda like 'Bam there in love now!'

But overall, it is rare that a story totally bowls me over, I commend you good sir:pinkiehappy:.

will there ever be a sequel?

6250680
Nope, it's self-contained. No sequels planned. But if you like princessly badassery, check my other stories :)

I am shocked and disgusted with this story.

Only 48 likes? and 7 dislikes to boot?

I... This is awful. I can't believe nobody has seen this before.

I mean, I just learned about this story right before it was featured, so i'm hoping that this story gets the statistics it deserves.

Thank you for your words, RandomBlank. We'll keep in touch.

6250859
I guess these, who hate My Little Dashie downvote without reading, and these who love My Little Dashie downvote after finding how much this one isn't it.

6250875
Read the description, saw no correlation at all to MLD. Going to look at it and see if it does look like an MLD fic.

Edit: Read the description, I saw no signals to indicate that this was close to My Little Dashie. To me, it looks like "pony gets stuck on Earth" as it should.

This was a very good story. It shows what one very clever version of Celestia could do to us if she so pleased, I especially enjoyed how her efforts to slowly heal the world made us all but plead for her to still help.

The romance was...a bit of a let down to be honest, it just felt kinda tagged in and I feel that this story might have been better off had they just been very good friends. That said, an extra chappy focusing on their relationship could very well heal this problem. Basically it's whether you can be bothered to write a bit more or not.

Good - Plot was very fun to read.

Grammar was pretty solid.

Character's were nicely written too.

Bad - Romance felt tacked on, but could be better with an extra chapter focusing on it.

Story can be a bit hard to follow for those who don't understand stock/maths/computer lingo.

Worse - By almost fucking over all of humanity to break our poor protagonist out of jail, Celestia is proven to be a certified troll. :trollestia:

Loved it! On phone so no long review, but daaaamn Tia way to show off 1000+ years of wisdom!

6251015
It already got featured but it seems if it gets 500 upvotes, it will have 250 downvotes as well.

One of the best I've read so far

It's over already? That was glorious. Congratulations on getting into the featured box, this story deserves so much more. Any sequel planned?

My only real complaint about the story is that having P=NP is huge. Insanely huge. Honestly, it wasn't even necessary to have as part of Celestia's bag of E.T. tricks, since as far as I saw, she never actually used it for anything after breaking the bank on the online casino, when a NP problem to P problem converter offers so many ways to improve or shatter the system.

If that piece was replaced with Tia using that general prime finder equation to make a billion+ digit prime, that would qualify her for about half a million dollars in rewards from the EFF, and each of those classic unsolved math problems have a cool million waiting for a winner. It makes a lot more sense that she'd look for people willing to buy the next step in human mathematical advancement instead. Breaking SHA-512 to collect a hundred thousand is insane, let alone telling a human they have access to an equation that could quite literally destroy the economy overnight if it got out.

Also, from a sci-fi reader's POV, it's seen in way too many stories as an indicator of "oh look this character is super intelligent" when an author either simply doesn't grasp how scary such a proof could be, or simply doesn't care enough to let the full implications deviate the story.

6251116
strip the file, leave the host,

Whoa. I haven't even read this yet, but just going from the description alone, this sounds awesome. The storyline sounds really unique! I'll re-comment again in a little bit after I've read the whole thing.

6251127
I'm only learning about these rewards from you.
Besides, could she do it anonymously, without need to travel, and on a really tight schedule?
also, besides the casino hash, she cracked the Bitcoin miner. Only the market size limited her profits from that.

In that case, you might have noticed that she did cease to use it once she realized how deeply humanity depends on it.

6251131

Now I have to go install something to let me go on the onion just to satisfy my curiosity :raritycry:

This is one of those crazy 'Did the research' stories. And an extremely good one.

6251131

Oh sweet Celestia what the hell is it trying to load this is like the largest text file thing ever

OK, just finished.

That. Was. Magnificent!!!

Gladly added to my favorites list. This was such a well-written piece. I really can't find anything to critique. I was smiling the whole time I was reading this. Huge kudos.

Good story from the beggining. After episode about Celestia putting Uncle Sam on its knees story became a bit crazy. You got cool russians here.
Romance line isnt developed properly.

I'm speechless.

Just read this whole thing in one sitting.

To:
Princess Celestia,
The Council of United Nations,
following unanimous vote, asks you humbly:
Please, extend your rulership
over Earth.

......Nyet, Nyet Nyet that is not something that I could ever imagine happening. Especially consider how varying the human reaction would be. You can't just have ONE ruler control ALL of Earth especially considering we're a SPECIES and Equestria is a NATION.

“I tried, Luna, I swear I tried. I messed up one small thing, then to fix it I kind of... crashed their economy, so as as an... apology...”

Like a foal dragging sick puppies home.” Luna shook her head, smirking. “Alright, I'll get to creating a permanent portal.”

Cringy way to describe things chalk full of unfortunate implications if used in any other context.

Don't worry though, that doesn't mean this fic is worth a downvote. I just don't like this bit is all. :)

Fuck. I didn't even realize I was still reading until the end.

This is an impressive work of literature. Your Celestia has an impressive character, and feels real, and full of life. Since she started mining btc, my brain instantly compared her to a "transapient" from the setting on Orion's Arm. (Basically, a being far beyond normal sapient intelligence)

I really don't think I am able to properly transmit how much I enjoyed reading this. But from the very beginning, when Celestia started learning human numerals, this fic captivated me.

Thank you very much for sharing this whit us. It is a shinning example of the best this website, and in fact, this fandom, has to offer.

And now, to check whatever else you may have written.

That bit at the end (where the humans ask Celestia to take over) felt a bit over the top, but okay.

When it turned out they could turn Tresher into a pony, I half expected the narrator to do the same; he's emigrating permanently, after all.

fantastic story! this is something special right here. definitely wont be forgotten anytime soon :)

6251645
She's not such a braggart :)

6251737
errrrrr...yep. Mixed up the units. Kilo, Mega.

Well buck...

This is the best story I've read in a while. ..

Can't give you enough props. ..
I'm flabbergasted. ..

:moustache:

I enjoyed this very much; read it all in one go (there went my morning, so much for being productive today).

It DID get more and more rushed towards the end; it feels like you fell victim to something that's happened to me on occasion--when the end of a story comes into sight, you get caught up in the adreneline rush and just sort of sprint to the finish.
It hurts the story a bit; everything after the villain abducting Celestia feels very loose and often difficult to accurately parse, but by that point you had built up enough goodwill with this reader that I just went with it, and the ending still felt fairly satisfactory.

Overall a very enjoyable read, and a nice surprise from a story whose premise had me more than halfway dismissing it even as I opted to read just a few pages, to see what it was like.
Thank you for sharing, this one will stick with me, I think.

Well, never mind all the rushed plot, the logic gaps and everything else, this story was fun.

It is full of problematic tropes and any critic would probably tear it to shreds, but you just totally made my evening, so I'll forgive you for each and every one of them. :twilightsmile:

Really awesome story.
Some passages went a little (to) fast and the end was a little... over the top, but I really liked your Celestia.

Lengthy and critical you say hmm... Does it work if i spam: 'This is a hell of a great story and i enjoyed it immensely (especially those feel moments).' 100 times? :rainbowhuh:

All jokes aside, this is ... yeah, quite speechless... GREAT STORY!:twilightsmile:

6251453

I was going to read this fic, but this comment made this fic gain an instant:

From me.

The UN doesn't have the authority to hand rulership of Earth, that is made up of hundreds of countries to some... princess from a back water nation that is completely culturally different to the thousands of Human cultures.

Hey Dave!

Yeah, Bob?

Hey, what do you think of this idea? We hand total control of our planet... over to a talking white horse from a technologically inferior nation on a different world. Huh? Huh? What do you think, Dave? Great idea, I know. High f-

i.imgur.com/g2Yo3.gif

I will be honest with you. The only reason I even clicked on this story is for two reasons. The main reason was because it has a romance tag, when added to the general idea of the story, I found my curiosity piqued. However, I quickly found myself disappointed that this story has little to no romance in it. If I’m to be honest, the story overall is rather cliche and lackluster. The only thing that really stood out to me was the fact that it was going to have romance, or so the tags had me believe. I honestly feel, as others have said, that the romance was simply a tacked on addition and was never really a leading force behind this story. You could’ve simply made the two of them friends and the same events would’ve transpired.

This story would’ve benefited greatly from a slice of life approach. Maybe a few chapters where he met Celestia and would feed her, having her be more cautious around humans, but in time they would create a bond. That didn’t happen though, in less than a few hours, Celestia takes his drawing pad and shows her intelligence. It begs to question, if she was this irrational, why didn’t she try to ‘talk’ to the owner? Character inconsistencies like that will mostly be ignored, but not to someone like me. It falls into the ‘perfect protagonist’ syndrome, where it was the right place and right time, despite said character having an ample amount of time to contact other beings.

So as a side note, I think you should remove the romance tag and instead replace it with a AU tag, seeing as the universe the humans inhabit is different when compared to our own.

Having said that. I will say that I found it interesting to learn about your countries laws and how they differ from my own. Because of the laws, that created an interesting dynamic to how situations were approached, while also giving a deeper look into the corrupt part of that system. I will favorite and thumb up this story, because despite my earlier words, I did enjoy it. I mostly came for the romance and found this story lacking in that department, but still a good read nonetheless.

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
Why did you have to make the humans so pathetic? :raritydespair:
This story was epic, Überhorselestia X Human romance with sunbutt being awesome and cool but you really had to write that last article...

Anyway, fave and upvote alone for the horselike celestia + kind and gentle human thing. :heart:
Still, tone down the 'misanthropic' thing a bit?:twilightsmile:

6252268
Well, sure Dave has a better idea how to bring peace to Middle East or how to solve the global warming problem, sure, he's just been shy and didn't speak up...

Great story, strange ending. Very nice.

6252520

Well, sure Dave has a better idea how to bring peace to Middle East or how to solve the global warming problem, sure, he's just been shy and didn't speak up...

How is handing control of 120 independent states going to bring peace to the world?

If anything, it's going to make the world more violent.

You think the Americans are going to let this happen?

You think the Polish?

The Irish?

The English?

You just turned all of Europe into Freedom Fighting groups against the UN. You turned America against its own creation.

And the Middle East? A region dominantly controlled by religion?

You think Israel's going to let someone waltz onto their door step and claim rulership?

Hell no. Israel, which is smaller than New Jersey and small enough to fit into Lake Michigan ( and this was before Israel claimed the Gaza Strip and the West Bank) launched a preemptive strike on a 14 country coalition.

They won the war.

In Six Days.

But no, Celly's going to bring peace?

Let's talk about the religious fundamentalism going on over there. You think the Taliban and ISIS are going to submit to Celly?

Nope, terrorist attacks skyrocket.

6252520
I am in Beirut right now. Lebanon is far less stable than say, the Gulf. I assure you, many of my brethen would find it insulting if you suggested Celestia would know better than us on how to bring peace to the Middle East. Especially considering her view would be a simplified Western-through-media-only interpretation of events.

Not hostile. But please do not suggest things like this. Your ending already wreaks of colonialism. The two nations, I am from, Armenia and Lebanon, suffered because of this romantic idea that some hero like figure could govern the little puppies.

6252558
I do not support Israel for complicated reasons Celestia would never understand, but spot on comrade. Anyway, tis 2 in Beirut, must sleep.

6252558
The answer to your questions: Just read the goddamned story. What you're doing is the epitome of judging a book by its cover.

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