Sunny never knew about her father. Twilight had never told her. Then, for the last moments of breath for Twilight, the whole story is told, for good or for bad.
This is my first published fiction! It is not complete in any way, we have plenty to go. If you see anything in the way of misspelling or grammatical issues/inconsistencies, feel free to post that. I'd love feedback as well. I hope you all enjoyed the first part!
Father is Rainbow Dash I assume. Twilight also appears to be an Asari due to that.
dem character tags so kinda blew up the suspense in this chapter
but oh well
;D lets see where this goes
Some of the wording is awkward, such as
Her entire body was grayed, making it not radiate with the normal violet hue it had when she was a filly, but instead not radiate at all, as if she were a rock or large piece of slate.
You didn't need to say radiate twice, instead it could have gone something like She had grayed from the radiant violet of her youth to the color of worn slate. Or something along those lines. It helps to read your story aloud. Other than that i am intrigued, have a thumb and a track.
Not going to say you're right, nor am I going to say you're wrong. Thanks for the comment.
Yeah, I know, but what are you going to do? Did the best I could under my circumstances. Thanks for le comment.
Thanks! I'll edit that and try and find any other redundant statements.
Tracking for the potential of TwiDash.
Yay, that was fun. Feel free to correct anything, hope you all enjoy!
That was a great chapter I can't wait for the next one.
like they said ^
do go on
I will finish this story! Probably! Someday! But first: cliffhangers! Because regardless of word count, the cliffhanger must be there. Oh, and chapter updates will be stupidly irregular because I bought Fallout: New Vegas and because of that I have been forgetting to eat regular meals, let alone updating a story. But do not worry! I will finish!
goddamned steam and your selling stealing souls
and i hate cliffhanger, is sooo hard to not drop
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
cliffhangers...we meet once again