I LOVE it! Keep writing ! Just pay attention to your grammar

Not bad. A few grammer errors here and there, but I could overlook them easily. Keep up the good work.

also this is my first fanfic so thanks for anyone pointing out issues.

Oh boy! I can't wait to see where this is going!

I know what could go wrong more ponies that like him.

Let's focus on the more ponies liking him:

Twilight-His knowledge

Fluttershy-His kindness

Rainbowdash-A new experience

Pinkie Pie- She's just going to join in

Dave's main problem

Image: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFm9vNjJJUmZmNEJHeUttUEkxRXRRdFEAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg

and there is the question: "What could go wrong?" the invitation for something to go wrong

This is my first comment, but, I have to say, everything was going good until out of nowhere you suddenly have Twilight just fall head over heels for the guy, like AJ. Now, there isn't really much build-up between the two, and another thing, why are you starting out with every pony going suddenly after this dude with the whole sexual build up but with "convenient" interruptions? That will get old fast. Try to limit this with some more general development in between, like with some kind of crazy outing with the CMC or with Spike, Twilight experimenting on him with her machines, etc.; or just go for the gold and make it mature with it being a clop-fic, which this is mostly leaning towards. Other than these things, everything is fine. I will be tracking this.

i wonder who will be next

flutershy that whould be awesome :

aw snap!!!!!!!!!!! stuff got real!!!!!

Uh-oh! Great chapter, though.

WELL THAT ISNT VERY GOOD TO HAPPEN LOL

soo good

another good chapter

hi im dave nice to meet you ........annnnnnnnndddddd prepare for a shit storm of questions

>>610373610373 true that

bad karma dude

They are dead. They can't stand his wrath. Nice chapter.

death

Oh boy!

Why am I imagining discorded Rarity holding onto Dave and shouting "MINE!"

Boy is he protected. One, never piss off Rarity or you are screwed. Two, he is resistant to magic, sorta. Three, He has a princess on his call list. Boy can he win any battle or crowds with them. Nice chapter.

Aj;    “Like what ya see?”

     Dave stared at her flank “yeah…” he quickly grabbed a hold of himself “the cutie mark I mean”

smooth dude.............like sand paper

Ouch that got to hurt in the morning, or in his case, a few minutes.

damn i thought bigmac woulda been more understanding after all

all he did was forget to turn of his swag and look what happened the last time bigmac forgot to turn off his

Image: http://mlkshk.com/r/8GRE

big macs gonna have some fun

and big mac jumped over the barn (with some help)

oh no he forgot to turn off his swag!!!!!!!!!

hes gonna get covered in bitches if he dont turrn it off soon

Image: http://mlkshk.com/r/8GRE

lololol

i swear that dragen must have the biggest troll face right now

damn he wrecked another tree i have somthing to say

"your paying for that"

More

This is getting hilarious!

He's just getting himself in more and more trouble.

Fluttershy: Love

Twilight: Love

Rainbow: Love

Rarity: Love

Applejack: Love

Celestia: Love

Luna: Love

Pinkie: The only one who doesn't. Yet!

He is screwed

if this keeps up and they all fight for him... i think pinkie may need to host a

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/9223297.jpg

and on an unrelated note cause it made me lol when finding that picture

Image: http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2012/1/6/b7ac7b06-c8bd-40ae-a57e-0ada94da5608.jpg

Methinks Celestia x Dave is more interesting.

hahahha the end of the chapter lol.

el problemo? dave?

Make the Dave x Celestia stay. You know how rare Celestia ones are? Especially human relationships.

To everyone who has given this story a fave so far... thank ya kindly, i really appreciate it as i wasn't expecting this to come as far as it has (or expecting people to like it) And i'll be sure to try and put up a new chapter tomorrow (that is if sleep doesn't get the better of me )

>>778797778797

How rare are the Human x Celestia relationships? Just checking for future reading of course

>>778866778866

Very, like finding a super rare weapon in skyrim

>>779278779278

That (strangely) seems to sum it up quite well

>>778866778866

I've only seen 2.

3 including this one.

This is so bad and it just keeps getting worse. I keep reading but I'm not certain whether it's because I'm enjoying it or because it's entertaining how bad it is.

This whole thing is totally a wish fulfillment fantasy for some guy who obviously has self esteem issues. Every woman wants him, and every guy gives him excuses to either beat them up or shrug off their attacks, which he does of course because he's all super magically strong and powerful.

It's just...bad. Total Marty Stu wish fulfillment fic.

"He can stay in my basement."

"Or my barn."

"...my animals wouldn't mind sharing space."

"I have an entire spare room for him"

"I have...CANDY!"

Winning bid, Pinkie Pie.

I love you fic keep up the good work

wow what the buck his brain is an flank hole

or maybe its not realy his brain..... maybe hes secretly been possesed by somthing.....

or maybe he needs to lay off the crack.

ether way

Image: http://cdn.styleforum.net/3/31/31e871cd_Go_On.jpeg

Now that's interesting. the voice hates Celestia but Dave 'loves' her, and the opposite with the other girls.

Who are you Mr Voice, and whyyyyy?

>>785088785088 The voice of overused ideas

More

i just know that everything for dave is going to start falling apart

damn luna you so crayzee

such is what happens when sompony has multiple relationships each one kept hidden from the other

He got quite the animal charm going on there...

Just had to mention the ''I just ended the earthquakes'' bit, didn't he?

Sure, if there is anything worth bragging about it would be that, but damn!

>>779624779624 I've seen 5 if you include 3 clopfics...

>>818866818866 I realized that already when she were spying on his bedroom.

Wow yesterday I read this and there was only 2 chapters, now he added 17 more chapters within my first 24 hours of reading this.

Major props!

Uh okay is he superman or something?

Sweetie Belle finished her sandwich before picking the ball up “Why would you use your hands in a game called football?”

Dave shrugged “I have absolutely no idea”

^ made me ->

Oh wait...

... goalkeepers? At least the ponies won't hand ball and give away penalties in extra-time.

I'm also surprised that Luna doesn't care much that she nearly crippled Rainbow Dash, I mean... that's some serious stuff. Like really serious, as if Dave should have looked at her and said, "I am dissapoint".

I don't mind you took a crack at American football even though I play it, but it does make sense that ponies should be able to play the English football.

Us Americans call it football because there is this one guy who kicks the ball... That makes sense. Right?

>>834003834003 im british and that sort of makes.sense in my books but i hate football after my 'accident' many months ago

Oh man! This is awesome! Keep up the good work.

the final line in this chapter also goes out to you all, just send me a message and any questions that are good that i couldn't think of i will steal oh i mean... borrow

OOH OOH PICK ME!

ask him if he has been infuencing the ladies

a test........a freaking test...........tia this is just low

Whoa! A test? What is she thinking?

personally like the idea of a harem devolping  but if it was only one why couldn't it of been rainbow or apple jack

Finally!

Odio or whatever your name is DO Not fuck this moment up

Probably a bit late to start asking now but... Does anyone know anyone who would be willing to make some cover art or something please? i feel like it should be slightly necessary at this point to have something and i don't trust myself at drawing

P.s. new chapter up tomorrow... hopefully

Whoa!  If I had a nickle everytime something crazy happens to Dave...  Awesome job!

the day shining armor saw the gates of hell

NOOO

i dont want him to be a pony

i certainly didnt liked the idea of Dave turning into a pony, so im glad that it seems that odio can fix this

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY

I require moar sir

oh snap

oh my

Image: http://inlinethumb19.webshots.com/32466/1134928216054232196S425x425Q85.jpg

please let him change back

please let him get a harem

please let the bad guy be complete bad ass

please let there be a giraffe in the next chapter

seriously though the first 3 is fine

Image: http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?hl=en&safe=off&sa=X&biw=1920&bih=955&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnsfd&tbnid=SnZ1FDpeuei91M:&imgrefurl=http://www.addfunny.com/pictures/funny/7213.html&docid=3pBjOIlzy4X-XM&imgurl=http://www.addfunny.com/funnypictures/mylittlepony/58/mlpseason2.jpg&w=500&h=520&ei=TUsDUJW_A6qN0wXcp_WgBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1231&vpy=615&dur=210&hovh=229&hovw=220&tx=96&ty=199&sig=102842339095265434418&page=2&tbnh=144&tbnw=150&start=51&ndsp=61&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:51,i:252

>>918711918711

I can guarantee 3 out of 4 but you will have to wait and see

there had better be a giraffe and a harem

NOOOOOO!!!! dammit

dun dun dun

DUN DUN DUN

Image: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/PGYjr5cBhp8/0.jpg

i wonder who said that at the end

LOVE IT please just let Dave choose all of them i hate it when he just choose celestia

dave needs a harem after the shit he's been though

No i would respect your choice as the writer but there is only four other harem fic on this website and there crap. I think you would greatly benefit. because look at the scene the girls hate each other if they all got what they wanted then it could work. you have amazing skill and creativity and your character is well designed the way you portray him is excellent. think about it you the first person to do a large non crappy harem fic. there are about 4 crap harem fics and that is it i have faith that you could make the first excellent one and would bring in shit loads of reviews.

im guessing celestia and Dave are going to have problems the reason im suggesting this is because everyone wins people would troll you to add the character they want Dave to end up with but this way if you do it right everyone wins and you as a writer get a challenge of making a believable scene where Dave choose them all.

if some one dislikes your work

Image: http://duuude.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/beat-a-motherfucker-with-a-mother-fucker.jpg

>>930758930758

Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS09xc8f6Ty9Q_l8Ay1DmxXoC7heZnGjPLSWNoxdMZnEY43E16EWByjSdBJ

No i would respect your choice as the writer but there is only four other harem fic on this website and there crap. I think you would greatly benefit. because look at the scene the girls hate each other if they all got what they wanted then it could work. you have amazing skill and creativity and your character is well designed the way you portray him is excellent. think about it you the first person to do a large non crappy harem fic. there are about 4 crap harem fics and that is it i have faith that you could make the first excellent one and would bring in shit loads of reviews.

im guessing celestia and Dave are going to have problems the reason im suggesting this is because everyone wins people would troll you to add the character they want Dave to end up with but this way if you do it right everyone wins and you as a writer get a challenge of making a believable scene where Dave choose them all.

if some one dislikes your work

Image: http://duuude.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/beat-a-motherfucker-with-a-mother-fucker.jpg

i defiantly think that you could do an awsone harem fic  it if you want to chat more add me on msn

adamgoudie@live.co.uk

.....

Image: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/281/2/a/me_gusta_by_megustaplz-d30cns2.jpg

enough said

hmmmmmm what is going to occur here *waits for the clop chapter*

>>704400704400 damn man thats an awesome picture made me insta-roflmao