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52w, 5dShipping
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3w, 3dWhat Did I Just Read?
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Celestia trotted silently into the garden, looking behind herself every so often to make sure nopony was following. She checked every direction, including above her, to make sure that absolutely nopony was nearby.
She stopped trotting and everything was silent. Not a soul was to be heard. Celestia smiled, she had waited to see her beloved for so long.
Waiting for the silence to remain for a few seconds, Celestia concluded that there was, indeed, nopony around. Taking in a deep breath, she smiled slyly. She approached her partner, and without any hesitation pounced on him.
She brought Discord to the ground, licking him all over. She had waited a long time for this moment.
"Oh, Discord, you're rock hard." Celestia giggled as she continued.
Suddenly, a letter appeared out of thin air, the green magic that had carried it confirming that it had been sent from Spike. She reluctantly got off of Discord, unraveling the scroll. She read the contents out loud.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
Discord is a statue. Stop it. It's creepy.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle"
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oh god. Rainbows chapter was just... Oh god.
Dude not trying to be mean but if this is how you really fell its pretty funny i could not take any of these outcomes in a real manner i just laugh at ever ending it was to funny.
Image: http://thoseshirts.com/images/square-large-lol.gif
Braeburn was walking to the orchard to find some apples to pick for pie, when he saw something very strange.
The tree that had just arrived (as a present from his cousin) now had an enourmous boulder next to it.
He stared at it for several moments, before exclaiming,
"What the buck?"
This. This story right here. Give this author an award. Also, it seems this is going to quickly become featured. I approve, and got a good laugh from this.
Image: http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x175/basschop/chuck-norris-thumbs-up.gif
Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTUX5nlSYSECorHeUCNxXPkfMz7wOlwOhF8XCB8blsqNvTn5yrQhA
The only ship that I would see and go "That has a chance at working"
Is Rarity x any stallion in Canterlot save Blueblood, mostly because Rarity showing interest in the opposite gender is canon in the show, hence why she would be the only one that would pursue a relationship.
As for the other ponies, there are a lot of ships that I don't see any flaws with, but I couldn't see most of them happening. So for now the only ships that I think would actually work is Rarity and Stallions.
Maybe Big Mac and Cheerilee.
But I don't do shipping, so I just stay out of the subject usually.
I laughed upon seeing this, because I hate how every ship works out from the start. Which is why shipping, (if it's on the side of a non-romance story) should be (IMO) randomized, I.E. rolling a die/dice before a chapter for each pairing, or something, and working off of that. Yes, authors, even for the character that represents you. That makes it slightly more exciting, because I can't just guess how each shipping is going to end. So far, I've never seen a character leave another. The only way that they ever end is successful (marriage), or with death (of one or both characters)... And even then, death is more for drama. The concept of randomization makes the story more dynamic. I'd like to see someone do this, and if someone already has, you should mention it in an A.N.
*fave*
This is how I reply to all this
This story and my comment is how our shipping gets started in some muti-verse out there xD
Good job Brony.
Adieu~
What's this? A story with chapters shorter than five hundred words each? Meh, some kid tried to dabble in fiction again. But meh, I don't have the time for anything longer. Let's check this out, if only for the smug smirking factor...
This... this actually wasn't so bad...
Hah! Good one! That's how I feel reading some of those impossible ships too!
So true! So true!
All right, all right, here's my thumbs up... and... *grumble* a favorite. Appreciate it, young lad: back in my time we were glad if we could favorite ten stories at most, and I still try to keep it minimal! But kids these days, favoriting the blong out of every single story... *grumble*
P.S.: Technically, there's nothing against Bon Bon × Lyra. Just like there's nothing for it either. But it isn't as absurd as the others.
"Oh, Discord, you're rock hard."
Image: http://webtrax.hu/myfacewhen/faces/lineart-memes/you-dont-say.jpg
A few moments of brilliance. I hate to say it but I'm worried that these stories don't quite... get chemistry most of the time. Or maybe that's taking this a little too seriously. I don't mean to detract. But to call this realistic is a bit of a farce. You basically end up with an anti-ship fic with about as much logical consistency and emotional motivation as any other ship-fic.
Fluttermac -- Oh hey they're both quiet. You could use this as an opportunity to elaborate on the pitfalls of matchmaking when the parties are uninterested but instead it ends up 'gee isn't this boring!!'
Twilestia -- Okay I tried to write this ship and ended up with Slice of Life instead, but both ponies are really OOC here and you're just kind of using Celestia as an insert for author commentary.
Rarispike -- Same thing here. I seriously doubt Twi would break this couple up, at the very least, not before having words with Rarity. But the whole 'but mom!' thing is pretty fun as a comedy.
LyraBon -- More metafiction than examining a relationship. Could work as a running gag if you embraced it but it seems immediately dropped.
TaviScratch -- This one is a lot more funny because it actually renders the characters more believably (although contains an unsightly slam on DJs, shame on you) and I think works best. You have a motif of the characters and their likes/dislikes and it ends up with the popular characterization of Octavia being something of a high-class snob being their downfall. The reason this ship is so popular is become opposites are notorious for being attracted to one another and a personal friendship can often overcome those and even make the relationship more interesting. That being said this is probably the best done section and is at least a believable alternative.
EveryponyDash -- H urr hurr Dashie isn't a lesbian. (See it works both ways). The 'kitchen sink' style ships of Rainbow Dash can be funny but instead this just turns into a whiplash of opinion-dropping. We don't KNOW what Dash is, and if all goes well we probably never will. Or any of the girls for that matter. (EDIT : Okay Rarity is a fair bet with much of her development and dialogue around trying to snag herself a stallion. But I'd be reluctant to assume in any other case.) This is as much presumption as any shipping fic and really misses an opportunity to ham on the fandom that thinks she's a perfect match for EVERYTHING.
Dislestia -- A bit chuckle-worthy but tainted with just a bit of OOCness with Celestia and Twi but I don't know it kind of works as a parody. Even if it does fall askew of what most people consider the Dislestia time frame.
Maybe I'm painting myself as someone who is taking this far too seriously. But that's because I see real potential in the execution of say, the Taviscratch portions and utter letdowns in others. Plus, you have the 'REALISTIC' descriptor and a lot of comments are along the lines of 'yeah this is totally how they would get along!' Tone is everything in this kind of comedy and it's a liiiittle inconsistent between genuine fun-having and soap boxing. Fanfiction is all about making presumptions and running with them. Sometimes that presumption is trying to extend the world naturally beyond its borders in the show. Sometimes that's asking a 'what-if,' and many ships latch onto this question of 'what if these two had a relationship? How did they get there, what are their problems, what is their relationship like?'
Dating, romance, ultimately love, isn't something logical or predictable. Once you've experienced (or even just been around enough) people who go through it, and watch enough older people in their relationships, you start to get that relationships are TOTALLY whacked. Logically they make no sense but somehow the chemistry works. And interpersonal chemistry is something that's wildly unpredictable, even if we can identify moments where it seems to work. In other words, just because shipping seems implausible, that doesn't mean it isn't thoughtful or interesting! If the shipping you're seeing/reading contains more macking and mayonnaise than intrigue and emotion, then maybe you should be thinking more deeply about what you're choosing to look at. 
I see a lot of potential with this kind of ficlet but you're going to have to embrace it and decide what you REALLY want to do with it. Because there's about as much dignity in being an anti-shipper as being a shipper, and a whole lot less sincerity. Some forewarning.
They're MAGIC ponies in a much different setting. Granny Smith is at least a century old, unicorns you can imagine getting super-old. Pegasi are a mystery! But with a centuries life-span in the hat and no one flinching at Celestia being at least a thousand years old, it's very, very unlikely that they share the same biological consistencies as ponies from our world.
>>598178 I agree with a lot of your points, but LyraBon had to be meta because neither of the ponies have personalities that are separate from fanon, since neither of them talk or do much in the show, so if I was going to portray any flaws with their relationship, I wouldn't be able to find any because the only basis I have is all the fanfiction that has them shipped and working perfectly together.
Fluttermac and the "pitfalls of matchmaking when the parties are uninterested". That seems like I'm just stealing from the episode where Cheerilee and Big Mac are forced to be together, so I avoided that. Plus, the only pitfalls I'd be able to identify would be that they wouldn't talk much to each other, or be too shy to even bother.
Twilight breaking up the relationship seems totally regular in my head canon, considering how protective she is of Spike and how quick she is to hit Spike when he gawks over Rarity, not to mention how Twilight wouldn't even allow Spike to date considering she's the mother figure in Spike's life.
EveryponyDash was an inevitable stab at the brony's idea of her, but if I write more chapters expect a lot of flawed Dash shipping.
As for the rest of your very helpful criticism, I haven't read a single ship fic. Ever. I've just taken the popular couples I've seen and found humorous ways to point out flaws with their relationships.
I'm not an anti-shipper either, I'm totally for shipping, I just don't read it. I just think that a healthy bit of satire against anything is good for it, because it allows people to step back and have a good laugh. Nonetheless, some shipfics are brilliantly written and I know that, and some of them can create very convincing arguments for why certain couples would work out (so I've heard). Either way, a couple minutes and my boredom led to this story, which I haven't even fully edited yet, and probably will in the future.
I'm being mostly goofy here, but tonality has the tendency to... disappear over the internet. 
Don't feel threatened by my tendency towards verbosity! I assure you I am quite harmless. Sorry if I 'sound' somewhat confrontational? 
I do admittedly see statements made like the life-span of the ponies and want to use it as an opportunity to dispel some of the popular myths. Or I guess if people want them to die really quickly they're entitled to that. 
I am... aware that my commentary pushes the TL;DR envelope pretty hard, but that's because I actually like some of the author's writing and really want them to push to where they shine.
I guess my thoughts are that fanon isn't about adherence to canon so much as doing what you find interesting and entertaining. Sometimes that interesting and entertaining idea IS staying as close to the show as possible, and that makes for great reading. I do set out to write pieces that 'fill in the blank' as close to canon as possible, sometimes, but even those are shots in the dark. I don't think anyone in their right mind actually goes 'This is a 100% accurate representation of this fictional reality and all of the universal consequences that entails!' Your presentation and the opening of your work establishes a contract with the reader, and if that contract is 'I'm going to make these deviations from the show,' then it's fair game.
Regarding Fluttermac, you already 'stole' the setup of Hearts & Hooves Day, a variation on a moral is fine especially if it's exceptionally entertaining! Unless these two are UTTERLY uninterested in one another on any level, they're going to have something to work with. They COULD just want to be friends or friendly or have something to say since they're both close to someone. Even if that's them sharing their feelings later with someone they're comfortable talking to, like Rarity or a pony doll. I guess ultimately it depends what you want to accomplish.
I'd be willing to entertain that particular take on Twi's connection to Spike... maybe you're hitting on the center of the more interesting story there!
I am definitely on the same page with Dash. It drives me up the wall when people assume that she's a Lesbian. Or anything else. People have made assumptions about MY preferences based on superficial details and it sucks--I'm sure a lot of people in the fandom actually experience this, come to think of it--and I don't want other people to do it, too. If nothing else it starts a bad practice. So, I'm not disagreeing with you per sey.
I guess you don't need to have read any shipping in depth to tackle any of this, though it does lose an opportunity for some in-jokes and popular rebuttals. The size of your work does make it easy to read and offer feedback on... I'm glad you're going to keep at it. I'll keep an eye on it and try not to be too obnoxious. 
Well horseapples my Swahili is next to nil.
I'm willing to admit when I've gotten carried away, but in no way meant to insult anyone. That would be just awful! 
Dissenting opinion is important to a lively discussion as long as everyone can be respectful.
Kama sisi kukutana tena chini ya mbalamwezi, basi, na maua.
Kama nilivyosema, Kiswahili yangu haipo. Hii ni zaidi kwa ajili ya kufanya wasomaji giggle. Jaribu Kufikiria kusoma mengi ya kifahari kupambana na ledsagas kamba na harakati za ajabu. Wewe ni nzuri, hivyo mimi si nia aina hii kitu yote kwamba mengi. Na wewe, zaidi ya hapo, Hatua ya mbali na translator. Hiyo ni gag yangu.
Je, kweli unajua Kiswahili? Kwa sababu hiyo inaweza kuwa pretty kutisha.
Sweet Celestia, the fanbase takes every basic situation, magnifies it 100x and dissects it cell by cell.
Then, it spits out an assumption based on a small group of cells and a buckton of speculation.
Not that said speculation isn't fun to read, but, thank Luna, somepony is finally looking at the whole picture.
>>598178 None of the characters are gay, and the mane 6 will never EVER be in a relationship. The only real way to make a shipping fic work is if it's an OC, and there's apparently a stigma in fanfiction (I get it if it's a self-insert, but I haven't come across that many).
None of these ships are possible, even in the fanon, and you do come off as a guy who's taking this too seriously, like this author is attacking you or something. This is a fic on why ship-fics are bullshit. It's satire, nothing more. This is fanfiction, but there are people who have shipping goggles and really do think that these ships are possible, and this author systematically crushed them with logic.
Big Mac and Fluttershy never looked at each other in the show (two completely quite characters, especially one that barely ever talks), Twilestia isn't possible (someone can't tell what a joke is, either) for obvious reasons, Rarispike is almost pedophilia (unless he get's taller all of sudden that's not based on his emotions); LyraBon is pure fanon, so is TaviScratch. Rainbow isn't a lesbian, and Faust had to come out and say that (poor creator, actually having to say that out loud to a bunch of grown ups), and do I even have to point out Dislestia? Of course it was OOC; this is supposed to be funny and to the point. These are the basics on why these shippings would never work. I mean, read the title of this fic. How more obvious can it get?
The response you're going to make might contain the words "creative liberties," or something of that nature. Oh, and before you say anything about me being an anti-shipper, look at my favorites first. Well, just some of them, anyway.
This is great, the RD one had me laughing the most though, they are all expectantly waiting, then 'boom', "I'm not a lesbian".
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3lkivROWj1rvx5r7o1_500.jpg>>598757 Hey, it's party pooper device heretic! Hello! Taking things too seriously again, are we? Can't tell what satire is as usual? That one-sentence curve stomped any chance that ship of ever happening (especially since Celestia is only friends with Twilight and isn't a mother figure in any way. In fact, Celestia raised Spike, not Twilight. She only commuted to the palace until she was old enough to live there), and they're not even gay to begin with. Besides, it's not like you can use creative liberties and just do your own thing, right?
Edit: Oh look! He got rid of his comment! Both of them! He really can't handle this fic at all! Wow.
Ahh, I've been being rambly and obtuse. You're right, it's not taking its premise as seriously as I originally took it as. I fell the story's trap, as it were, giving it a greater degree of success. Plus it makes people talk about these things, which is important.
Anything can work in fanon, because it's not claiming to be true. It's just claiming to be speculation. Speculation can be wrong, but that doesn't mean it isn't speculation.
Your taste is fine. 
And I'd never put words in your mouth, either. That'd be seriously rude! 
>>598913 Well now, I think I like your style! You're definitely the kind of commenter (and from what I can tell, really good writer also) I can get behind. You're taking this a lot better than device heretic. He seemed genuinely offended by this fic. He left a few comments, I replied to one, and he deleted them all. It seems like he thinks that TwiLestia has a chance of being canon.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I don't mind shipping (my favorite types are 2nd person fics, like Crowly, GentlemanCreeper, TimeBomb, etc. I don't even mind if it's a human, as long as it's written well) and I even like some of these pairings.
Hey, I like your avatar art. Did you draw that yourself, or was that from a fan? I like my current avatar, but I do like it more when users use art like that.
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