Looks pretty good to me. I'll definitely be keeping track of this.

Cool fic, bro! U get a fave.

Of course the missing box was the towels. Why wouldn't it be the towels?

On a different note, I like this and hope to see more of it soon.

I hold the mighty lance of the first comment!

This is gonna be interesting.

Ha classic Derpy. Now go live it up tonight Colgate.

Excellently well-written.  That's all I've got so far.

First impressions...yeah

I bet the plaque was for highest tab ever and had Berry's name on it.

keep up the good work

Ha!  Berry Punch knows how to throw down a mean bottle.

This is random and cool in all the right ways.

this is good cant wait to find out more about "Ginny"

this is good, i like where you're going with this.

And now for the heartwrenching backstory...   Good thing I brought popcorn!

Just thought I'd let you all know that this is the new Colgate in my head cannon....

Thanks for all the positive feedback so far.  I'm so glad everyone is enjoying the story as much as I am.  However, looking over chapter "4" (that is, chapter 3), I must say it feels a little sub par in terms of the quality of diction and word choice.  A little too much repitition of sentence structure and the like.  Writing drunk people is suprisingly hard.  I think I'll be going back and doing some fixing up in that chapter.  (all the major events will be unchanged just...prettier.)  Chapter 5 wont be affected and will be up in the next few days regardless.  

It's important to me that if ever anyone feels like there is a degreadation in quality, that they feel ok letting me know.  I meant what I said at the end of the prologue, I want this to feel, look and sound good.

It’s not like I could just leave her here, not after buying me dinner, drinks and being good company to boot.  

Yes, her brain said sarcastically, this isn’t like kidnapping at all.  If you were a stallion, this would be beyond creepy.

Shut up.  I’ll…sleep on the sofa.

Oh Colgate, you dirty pony, you.

Anyways, I'm hoping we get to see more Drunk Punch so we can hear her colorful thoughts on the rest of the Mane 6.

Right, I've satisfied my anal retentiveness regarding chapter 3, er chapter 4.  Mayhaps I should just rename the prologue chapter 1 and go from there, so this is all less confusing.  What do you all think? Better I do it now if I'm going to do it than around chapter 20 or something.  (I guess that comment also tells you poor bastards the kind of long haul you're in for huh?)

we need more colgate stories

You know its funny, I've always liked the way Colgate looks cause she's my favorite color and all, but you rarely ever see stories about her. I love your portrayal of her and how she got her fan name as well considering her cutie mark is an hourglass. Can't wait to read more =) . Also the part about Rarity that Berry was saying? That was hilarious

>>609565609565 ^what he said basically

Man do I love this fic. Please update soon.

Oh...that could have gone better. I hope they smooth this bump in their budding friendship out.

So, Colgate is lez?

Ooookaaaayyy, then.

Ah, zee romance, it blossoms like pesky weed, no?  It got killed before it could take zee roots into zee ground.

>>618691618691

I blame the hangover. The aftereffects of alcohol are pretty much emotional roundup. Killed those weeds before they even touched soil.

So...Am I the only one that's a bit creeped out by carnivores ponies?

>>627871627871

It is strange for me too, but you can't really have the kind of evolutionary changes that predate tool making and civilization without a high fat, high protein diet.  Those growing brains need nutrients.

WOOOOOHHH!!!!!! Finally!!! Someone else used her real name!

Meat... Well, that's a plot element that rarely surfaces. The most I've seen is Rainbow and bacon, and the fact that ponies shouldn't eat too much of it. Pretty much never seen a fanfic with ponies as omnivores. Also, don't they need a specialized teeth structure for meat, or is gnawing at it enough?

>>631878631878

Interesting, but still a bit odd when one considers the number of sapient and partially sentient animals in Equestria. Still, I think it's commendable that you're making a go at justifying it.

>>669991669991

Well, nothing really says they couldn't have a more human-like tooth structure; they certainly differ from terrestrial ponies in enough other ways.

Ok, you really won me with this chapter, I love the way this story is going.

This is really good. You get a thumb and a favorite.

Side note what they do for a living does not necessarily need to do with their cutie mark. Looks interesting read later.

>>586789586789

Fail

How did I miss this until now? Berry Punch and Colgate?

Image: http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-gifs-want.gif

uhm yeah, just wondering... did you get this idea from a tumblr blog?

Well this update was quite a pleasant surprise! This is quickly becoming one of my favorite stories, I can't wait for the next chapter.

*sees only two comments about carnivorous ponies*

*doesn't see any idiots flipping their lids over it*

...damn, you've created ponies that eat flesh without causing a shitstorm of morons instantly assuming Cupcakes. Just for that, you get this here Favorite-Star...thing. And a thumb-up, because why not?

Off-Topic: And I'd still like to see a fanfic, just ONE fanfic, write 100% carnivorous ponies in a somewhat believable manner that avoids being dark or over gory in any way. And it has to actually be decently written, too. But that isn't happening, is it?

>>730116730116 yes how did you mis that whey are usualy together in the background

I can't wait for the next chapter! This is such a awesome story :3

YES a update!

>>730167730167

While I do love this tumblr for Berry Punch, I had actually begun writing this story before I knew about it.  

http://berrypunchreplies.tumblr.com/

You guys should check it out, it's really well drawn.

That was so fluffy and sweet I thought I was reading cotton candy. I seriously love this fic.

>>730537730537

Ah, you misunderstand me. The laws of shipping have made Berry Punch x Cologate one of my favorite pairs, even when they aren't romantically involved. I wasn't sure how I could have missed this fic when I went on a shipping frenzy last months.

Towels. LOL. Anyways, I love what you're doing so far. will look for errors- everone should seek constructive criticism, right?

Can't wait till Pinkie finds out about the new pony...

>>733022733022

Absolutely, any kind of error correction is welcome.  

>>733147733147

Oh yes, the party train is coming, and it has no brakes.

"Oh!  Yes now I remember, Twilight moved to Ponyville right after that.  She left with such abruptness, not even a fare-you-well.  Melodia was quite offended."

Minuette tapped a hoof to her chin.  "Well when you put it like that, I see what you mean.  Princess Luna always seemed less...personable than Celestia.  I feel like I could just walk up to her and tell her my concerns."  Minuette shook her head.  "I know that's silly, and Celestia is probably nothing like that up close, but she has an excellent rapport with her subjects."

This doesn't flow very well. As far as I can tell both of these paragraphs are Minuette speaking, and they're about entirely different subjects.

1...2...and...Poof!

COLGATE learned FUTURE SIGHT!

>>739109739109

Fixed it.  I think.

GAD DAMN IT, MY CURIOSITY DRAGGED ME INTO ANOTHER LONG ONE!!

it's okay

I like my coffe hot and strong. Like i like my protagonists, hot and strong......with a spoon in them

A Colgate fic that got featured?

*adds to "read later" list*

It 's finally featured, as it should be!

>>733758733758

Image: http://www.ibrony.com/file/pic/photo/2012/05/df7592f2332daa3f1df2802bf33b7b07_500.png

Might not be such a good idea to let Pinkie command the train...

I'm liking the story so far . One of the very few that I've found that has Colgate and no Doctor Whooves.

Eugh, cream and sugar? I like my coffee like I like my MTG cards: Black, and strong enough to kill a mortal. Also, you used You're instead of Your. (I think you're father and grandfather would be proud.)

>>740636740636

Thank you, fixing.

Uh...have you been unpublishing your chapters to make your edits? Because you can edit chapters without doing that, and in fact it's recommended because unpublishing and republishing bumps your fic and some people get annoyed if you do that too much.

>>739173739173 POKEMON REFERENCES FOR THE WIN!

>>730355730355 Do you mean omnivorous ponies? Because I might like to try my hand at that. Carnivorous, on the other hand, would probably be much harder.

>>740800740800

oh god, thank you for explaining that to me.  I was wondering what the hell was going on.  

that was a funny ending, i like it so far.

52% battery left... ANOTHER CHAPTER IT IS!

ouch... a bit harsh.

heavy. this looks like it could go really well or extremely bad, i like the uncertainty, you are quite the writer.

I don't drink coffee, but this story is cool anyway!

All right everypony, with the new chapter posted the next week or so is going to be me editing and tidying up what's already up there.  Don't worry, I'm not going back and changing major things, just making everything flow a bit better and adding some content.  Example:  the prologue is in dire need of some TLC as applejack would say.  It's wall-of-texty, it's short compared to the other chapters, blah blah blah etc.

Once again, if you see anything you don't like, even in the edits, neigh, especially in the edits, let me know and I'll get it fixed.  The right way this time. (thanks again banjo2e)

P.S.  For those ponies wondering where the other half of the tagged cast is, the next chapter has Cheerilee in it.  And Derpy.

But not Bic Mac.

I was going to comment at the end of the currently written chapters but... many tears have been shed.

Oh Berry... this is why I read your stories. When they are handled with delicacy, care and emotion you become one of the most tragic figures since the days of the Greek masters and their Roman imitators.

And THIS is Slice-of-Life, defined, distilled and perfected! The daily doings and life matters of ponies. The real being behind action and adventure.

3 am... time for more chapters.

My heart... when I saw it was a dream and not a time skip... it broke

I think I liked it.

And I like where this is going. Bumpy relations are like abrasive grit in a rock tumbler. They smooth things out so they end up beautiful.

I echo the large, imposing man above in his demands for additional content. If that's alright.

I love this story so far and can't wait to read more. It's actually the first thing I've read to feature Colgate, which is odd cconsidering she's suppose to be popular.

I may have found a tiny typo though.

"Where in the *bowls* of Tartarus...."

I am neither denying nor confirming that Tartarus has lovely china, but I think you meant "bowels". That's the only typo I found though. Onward to more reading.

MOAR. GIVE TO US MOAR.

>>755421755421

Thank you, fixing.

The fifth comment is the most powerful, and I do say this story will be great! RAINBOW DASH INVASION!!

THIS IS GREAT! MOAR!

Please tell me berry is NOT pregnant.

I'm calmer now. This is a good work, the interactions, the dialogs, the way the characters are behaving. I really like it.

The spider is cool, the fact that luna is putting and taking souls  out of things at will is still Creepy though.

How about berry not liking rarity? Will that develop into some interaction, it seems like a possible interesting thing.

>>780181780181

Berry is not pregnant.  There!

>>780915780915

I'm glad somepony likes Desmond.  As for Rarity, most things I mention will be revisited in the future.

Absolutely Everything, huh

I c wut u did thar  

whats the eta on chapter 6

>>781196781196

>most things I mention will be revisited in the future.

Cool, it shows how you know what you're doing.

Gentle, funny, and poignant with sweet low-key take on our favourite pony-town.  Nice!

I like the outside perspectives on Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight, and the sequence at the start of the  Chapter 4 had me going.  What a frighteningly thorough imagination the clock-maker has!

Oh, and it might be a lack of sleep talking but  DesmondxLuna is my new OTP.

How could some assholes dislike this story, this is my second fave mlp story ever, first being  Mothers by KnightMysterio

>>822873822873

Mothers is one of my favorites too, I love the tone and the message.

Awesome, an update!

*starts reading*

Uh-oh. Brace yourselves, major misunderstandings are coming.

>>910648910648

DUN DUN DUNN!!!

Comedic misunderstandings! Hangovers! Prime numbers! Hehehe. Excellent.

Ook, i have been waiting for this one for a long time. I really like this story. But this chapter had two things i really don't like. Pinkie being aware of being a character in a story makes the story kinda meaningless to me. And pinkie doing her cartoony stuff "for real" gives me the same sense of, this is all just a story.

I still like the story though. And i'm sad it was such a short chapter.

Naahh why did you cut the chapter just where there is the most of the suspense?!

...

Anyway. Great chapter.

Sinrar.

PS: where is that love button?!

That is the best rendition of Derpy I've ever read. She was all lovable and ditzy while also being Sherlock Holms smart. Awesome Pinkie part to. I give to you all of my awesome sauce.

Great story... Great story... Oh, I'm completely yanked out of the story cause pinkie is aware she is in a story... Again. Bleh.

More Colgate and Berry tiems?

>>911091911091>>910994910994

Truly you both have articulated my greatest concern involving putting her in the chapter.  All I can really tell you is that I have a personal preference for stories in which she is aware to some degree.  (I find it cute.)  But this is a perfect example of why I'm never writing a story for the mane six.  There are camps of fans out there that want a specific rendition of the character, and to appease one group is to alienate another.

...That said, I've had my fun, so from this point on no flow breaking awareness.  I meant what I said at the beginning, making the story compelling takes priority over everything, even my desires as author.  Sorry if it ruined the atmosphere for you.

>>Kail

After seeing a few images online portraying her as such, I fell in love with the idea of Derpy being some kind of autistic savant.  It made her character so much more interesting.

>>911115911115

It's not a character complaint, just a narration complaint. And story type. It is cute, but really only fits over the top comedy. This is more dramatic, so it only takes away from the story you are telling.

But I still can't wait for more.

Y U TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE? I honestly forgot this story existed.

Also, this Ditzy seems almost mildly autistic - smart and observant, but her mind tends to wander... a lot.

>>911115911115

Well, in my opinion( which i don't like to express because i feel really bad criticizing something i can't do) the relationship and interactions of the main characters and the ones that will make a difference in their lives are things that make the story compelling. In the previous chapters you have proved your skill at presenting them and their feelings and qualities and defects in a great and smooth way.  

>>911115911115

the Pinkie bit I found a little... I dunno, It just felt out of place. I understand pinkie breaking the fourth wall here and there with minor things, like maybe a small comment, but I think Pinkie was a little overboard in this chapter. So it just felt a bit out of place.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Though I give you huge props on your rendition of Derpy, that was just wonderful!

It feels like I have been waiting forever for a update for this story. It's currently one of my favorites. It has a sense of uniqueness and is something fresh. over all just an enjoyable read. I eagerly await the next chapter.

>>910908910908

YOU.  I see you everywhere.... It's like we read exactly the same fics.  Eh, great minds think alike, as they say.  I like your taste in pony!

Also, autistic-savant Derpy?  That was a bold move, I think it played off well on the other characters.  You've vastly increased her intellect while still maintaining the sort of awkward klutziness she's usually known for.  Bra-vo.

Okay, your Derpy is exactly like my head-cannon in that she is brilliant in all the wrong ways and otherwise confused and confusing. Awesome. (Nice Fluttershy too. the way she still reminds herself not to listen to Iron Will is great.)

>>911747911747

It would appear you have excellent taste. As you wrote "Echo" this seems to be confirmed. Plus I read lots of romances concerning Diamond Dogs, Changelings and interspecies love. Plus some adventure tales of particular types and certain comedies. And ships! If you see me a lot, you must like some things. Twinkie, Appledash, Flarity, Scratchtavia, Berrygate, Derpytop, and Braeheart. There are others (I think I once calculated That, including OC ships, I had over 30 pairs I liked) but those are most common or most loved at the moment.