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  • 6d, 5h
    Taco Tuesday

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    Here's to life!

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    Those of us that have ever worked in the service business...

    ...have always had some choice phrases to say to our more... complicated customers. But we don't say it, because it would probably get us in trouble.

    So, without spilling the story behind it to keep it confidential and such, I invite you to say exactly what you've wanted to say. Just write it in the comment section, as if you were saying it to their face.

    Only things:

    Make it a creative one. Anyone can go and say: F**k you! You must have thought something better than that!

    And second, no personal info, no names, no companies mentioned, nothing that can be traced to a point of origin. Just say the exact thing you choked back.

    I'll start.

    "Sir, you wouldn't know good manners if they organized a university-endorsed exploration party and spelunked their way up your ass and out your nose, only to slap you several times with guidelines."

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  • 4w, 6d
    This is the kind of mentality about writing...

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The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragments

Chapter 5: On a Cross And Arrow

By Wanderer D

Based on the Original Story by Conner Cogwork

Warning This is the APRIL FOOL'S CHAPTER!

o.o.o

“Sweepy? I heard you shout! Is everything okay?” Elusive called again.

Both Sweetie and Sweepy looked at each other, eyes wide.

“I-” Sweetie stammered.

“We’re-” Sweepy sputtered. “I-”

“Okay, I’m coming in!” the voice said and the door knob started to turn.

Sweepy panicked and grabbed Sweetie, pulling her into the shower and behind the curtain as the door opened and Elusive walked in, eyebrow arched.

“I thought I heard something, Sweepy,” he said, stopping and looking around the bathroom.

Sweepy smiled, grinning like an idiot and struggling to keep Sweetie under the shower and behind the curtain. “Uh, you did? W-well, yeah... I- I dropped the soap!”

Elusive looked at him blankly. “You... dropped the soap and screamed like a little filly?”

“Y-yeah! Uh, Scooteroll once told me what happens to pretty-faced stallions in prison when they drop the soap and-”

Elusive started sputtering and coughing as he shook his head in disbelief. “He what?! How did he hear- no, wait...” he took a deep breath and glared at his younger brother. “Sweepy...”

The colt smiled. “Yes, Elusive?”

“Why is the shower-curtain moving like you’re hiding a pony behind it?”

Sweepy looked to the side, where the curtain was being pushed outwards by Sweetie’s hoofs as she tried desperately to get out of the water and the shower. “Uh... because... because of... the... uh, vapors?” he suggested lamely.

With a sigh, Elusive conjured up his magic and the curtain was pushed aside. “Now, I’ve told you before that you three can...” he stared. “Oh, my... Sweepy, is that a filly in the shower with you?”

Sweetie glared at Sweepy, using one of her hooves to push away the wet mane from her eyes. “The hay were you thinking?!”

“I don’t know!” Sweepy countered, looking back at her. “What did you expect me to do?”

“Something other than throwing me into the water just like that!” Sweetie snapped. “Aw... my mane is really wet now!”

“Well, you just appeared in here! What was I supposed to think! Besides, I don’t even know you!” Sweepy retorted, shaking his head.

Elusive tried to hide a smile. “Well, she does look familiar. I wonder...” he took a couple of steps towards them, his magic flaring again to turn off the shower and wrap a pair of towels around both youngsters.

Sweepy and Sweetie glared at each other from under the towels.

“Yeah... I think I do recognize you from somewhere...” Sweepy finally said. “Have you been to Ponyville before?”

“I live here!” Sweetie huffed.

“Well, I’ve never seen you before!”

“Well, I haven’t seen you either!”

“Now, now, Sweetie, Sweepy, just dry yourselves and we can talk a bit before bed time, okay?” Elusive instructed calmly.

“Okay, Elusive...” Sweepy sighed as he started drying himself.

Sweetie, for her part, was staring at Elusive, towel forgotten. “Wait... how did you know my name?”

Elusive’s smile grew as his eyes twinkled in excitement. “Oh, I just knew it! This is the BEST POSSIBLE THING!”

She stared at the grinning stallion in front of her, staring as those familiar words echoed in her brain. Nopony else used those words except her sister. And this stallion... white, purple mane, blue eyes... was he actually...

“R... R-Rarity?”

and everything faded to black.

o.o.o

As her blurry eyes adjusted to the light around her, Sweetie could just make out voices, although she couldn’t understand what was being said. Her eyes tried to focus on a pony that looked familiar. Purple coat, dark blue for the mane, with dark pink and violet highlights.

“Twi- Twilight?” she groaned, closing her eyes. “What happened? I had the weirdest dream that Rarity was a stallion...” She tried to sit up. “Did I cast too many spells again? Why am I lying down?”

“It’s okay, Sweetie Belle, you just passed out,” a voice said soothingly.

Not recognizing the voice, Sweetie’s eyes snapped open as she looked around. She was in the library, everything was the same as normal except...

“Twilight! You- you’ve been turned into a colt! Did I mess up a spell!?”

Dusk chuckled, settling back. “No, Sweetie, it’s okay, my name is Dusk, and I am Twilight’s counterpart... you see, you are in a world that is just like your own, only everypony that is a filly in your world, is a colt here.”

Sweetie’s eyes widened. “You mean...” she looked around again, noticing Elusive looking at her. “That’s... Rarity? Only, a colt?”

Elusive nodded. “That’s right, Sweetie. Rarity told me about you, and that’s why I knew who you were.”

“Oh... so you’ve met Rarity?” Sweetie shook her head. “I thought I was the only pony travelling to different worlds!”

“Well, we managed to send her home, and I think I’ve almost got the spell ready to send you home too,” Dusk said.

Sweetie’s eyes were wide open now. “Really?! You can do that?! I thought I’d be stuck bouncing around dimensions for a while!”

Dusk chuckled. “It’s no problem. We have everything ready, but we wanted you to be awake so that you wouldn’t have any trouble getting home once we send you to your world.”

“So what do I do?” Sweetie asked.

“Just, stand right there...” Dusk pointed to a mostly empty area of the library, where a vase stood. “I’ll begin casting the spell now.”

“Okay!” Sweetie hurried to take her position as Dusk’s horn started glowing.

The vase next to Sweetie started glowing and energy extended from it, creating a magical field around Sweetie.

“Sweetie, say hello to Rarity for us!” Elusive cried.

“I will!” Sweetie Belle promised.

The field started shining brighter and brighter. “We’re almost done!” Dusk shouted.

At that moment, a pink flash of energy sent both colts flopping to the floor.

Dusk gasped as he struggled to stand up, he looked towards the vase to find it broken, with no sign of Sweetie.

“Sweetie?!” Elusive turned to look at Dusk worriedly. “What happened?!”

“I... I don’t know? Maybe she made it?” Dusk shook his head.

A feminine laugh, derisive and rather maniacal filled the library. “Oh, she made it alright!”

Dusk’s head whipped around in surprise, looking for the origin of the voice, which he couldn’t mistake anywhere. “Eris! Show yourself! What’d you do to Sweetie?”

“Oh, Dusk, always soooo serious! She’s fine! I just sent her to another world!” Eris said, her disembodied head floating out of the bookshelf, grinning like an idiot as it bounced through the air.

The rest of her body opened the door to the library, stepped in, closed it and walked up to them before Eris’ head floated down and reattached itself.

“Eris! This is serious! She’s just a filly; she can’t deal with your craziness! She’ll get killed!”

The draconequus laughed. “Oh, Elusive, you kill me! She’s scheduled to stop at the Wastelands next anyways; Don’t think that filly is as useless as you think she is!”

“She’s scheduled to go where?” Dusk shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but-”

He stopped when Eris’ finger gently pressed against his lips. His eyes widened as she batted her eyes at him. “It’s okay, honey, let’s see what she’s up to, okay?”

Elusive snorted. “And how are we going to do that exactly?”

Eris grinned and snapped her fingers. Suddenly, in a puff of pink smoke, the three of them were sitting in a pair of loveseats, Elusive comfortably settled on a smaller, normally shaped one, while the larger of the two, shaped like an enormous heart, had sloping sides that sent Eris sliding into Dusk’s lap.

The lights had dimmed and there was a bowl of popcorn in between Eris and Dusk. “Well, TV of course!” she laughed, pointing at a large screen that had suddenly appeared.

o.o.o

“Oof!”

Sweetie landed painfully on a metallic surface of some sort.

“Ow, where am I?” she gasped.

“I have a better question for you,” a strange creature asked. “How did you get inside the TARDIS?”

“The whatnow?” Sweetie slowly stood up. “I don’t know. I think Dusk must have messed up the interdimensional travel spell.”

“Well, it’s highly unusual, let me tell you that,” the creature said, hurriedly running from one side of the room to another. “But, if some sort of teleportation went wrong, I shouldn’t be surprised; the TARDIS seems to be a beacon for strange occurrences.”

“So... I’m in a TARDIS... and who are you again?”

“I’m The Doctor.”

“Oh, I’m Sweetie Belle!”

The creature stopped. “Aren’t you going to ask me for the rest of my name?”

“No... should I?”

The Doctor chuckled. “Guess not. Well, Sweetie Belle, we’re about to arrive in the early 800s in England.”

“England? Where’s that? Is it near Equestria?”

The Doctor blinked. “Equestria? Never heard of it.”

Sweetie gasped. “But... how?”

“We’ll have time for that later,” the Doctor assured her. “Right now, I have to stop a catastrophe from happening, you see, there is this... thing, from another dimension, like you, I would say, although, not a unicorn, and it is going to disrupt time in such a way that it will completely destroy everything around it...” He frowned as he waved some sort of device over her. “You also have an intriguing amount of tachyons and and interdimensional stuff all around you.”

“Stuff?” Sweetie shook her head. “I’ve been travelling to other worlds, so that’s probably the reason.”

The Doctor shrugged as the whole place shuddered and then stopped. “Well, we’re here. Are you coming?”

Sweetie nodded, curiously looking at the small doors as they opened. When she stepped out, her eyes went over the whole green fields around them. “Wow, this reminds me of home! And you say this place is called Ingland?”

“England, yes,” the doctor said.

“Okay! So where do we go now?” Sweetie asked, just as a group of creatures like the Doctor, only covered in metallic armor and riding horses stampeded past them.

“I say we follow the knights!”

The pair followed the knights as they rushed to a great creature that tore the ground around with rays coming out of its bulbous eyes.

“Hm, just as I was afraid of,” The Doctor said, raising an eyebrow. “A Neutronian Reaver, nasty bit of technology, that one.”

“Wh- what does it do?” Sweetie asked as the monstrosity’s rays obliterated two knights. The group seemed to take note of the Doctor and Sweetie and galloped away from the mechanical monster, which turned around and proceeded to to start excavating the earth, something that it had seemed to be doing before the knights attacked.

“I’ll tell you in a moment,” the Doctor said, keeping his eyes on the approaching knights.

“Greetings,” the lead knight, wearing a green armor said, raising his hand. “Judging from your clothes and the fact that you are conversing with a unicorn, I must assume you to be some sort of wizard.”

The Doctor looked perplexed, but after a moment of hesitation, nodded.

“As you can see, we are in dire need of help, wizard,” the knight continued. “In the name of the King, I bid you help us!”

“What king?” Sweetie asked.

“Why, King Arthur of course!” The knight answered. “Allow me to introduce myself, I, am Sir Galahad and I have been entrusted by my king to deal with that creature, but by ourselves, there’s little that we can do.”

The Doctor nodded. “Well, the Neutronian Reavers are infamous for being almost unstoppable once they get started, once they get in contact with the surface of a planet, they will dig a tunnel to the center of said planet and consume the energy residing in it, effectively destroying the world.”

Sweetie gulped. “But... is there a way to do it?”

“Well, there’s always a way... I just don’t know how we can get it off the ground long enough for it to lose its connection to earth, keep it distracted long enough for it to deplete its energy and finally attach a tachion-dislocation device on it so that it gets thrown into a place where it cannot damage the multiverse,” the Doctor listed.

Sweetie raised an eyebrow and looked at the machine. “Well... if I were as strong as Twilight I could levitate it but... my magic is not strong enough to keep it floating more than a few seconds.”

“Hm, we need a full minute at least and-” The Doctor shook his head. “Wait a moment, you said you can levitate it?”

“Yes?”

“Then we might have a chance!” The Doctor smiled. “Sir Galahad, we will need the help of you and your knights to keep it distracted, but we can do this!”

“I will rally my knights, good wizard!” the Knight said.

“Okay, but first, here’s the plan...”

The Neutronian Reaver stopped its excavation when the knights attacked again. Raising to the challenge, it began to shoot its deadly rays at him, but this time the knights kept enough distance that they could dodge them. It never seemed to realize that it was no longer touching the ground.

Inside the TARDIS, strapped to several cables and wearing a strange contraption on her head, Sweetie concentrated hard on levitating the robot, as the Doctor had called it. Had she not been plugged in, as it were, she knew that she wouldn’t have been able to even pick it up a bit, much less high enough to keep it off the ground and this long! “Hurry Doctor!” she groaned. “I’m doing as much as I can, but I’m almost completely out of energy!”

She watched in the screen how, as the knights were distracted, the Doctor creeped up to the monster. Once he was within reach, he quickly attached the device he had onto the base of the mechanical creature.

The moment he did, all of the Neutronian Reaver’s devices pointed at him as it produced an ear-splitting screech. The weapons charged... and sputtered as the last of its earth-based energy left it. The device attached to it beeped...

And the world fizzled around Sweetie.

o.o.o

“That was really intense! I thought the Doctor wouldn’t make it!”

Dusk’s eyelids were halfway down as he stared forward with a decidedly annoyed look. “It was... but... please get off of me, Eris.”

The draconequus pretended to be hurt. “What? That’s very cold of you, Dusk dear...”

Elusive snickered. “She is right, Dusk ‘dear’, you shouldn’t leave a lady hanging like that in her time of need.”

Dusk closed his eyes and grit his teeth. “Where is Sweetie now, Eris?”

“Well, why don’t we find out?”

o.o.o

Sweetie shook her head. “Doctor?”

“Well, the unicorn speaks,” a voice said. “This is clearly a symptom of my delirium.”

“What are you talking about?” Sweetie said, rolling off of the dusty sofa she had landed on. “Where am I? Who are you?”

The human she was looking at was tall, although he was slouching on a couch, his left leg extended as he strummed a guitar. His hair was cut short, and he had a stubble... Rarity would have been appalled at how little he seemed to care for his appearance.

His head leaned back as he looked down at her with slightly watery eyes. He frowned. “That’s unusual: hallucinations usually know your name given that the stimuli comes directly from the brain. You seem rather benign for a drug-induced nightmare.”

“I’m not a Nightmare!” Sweetie said, shaking her head. “My name is Sweetie Belle, and I asked your name.”

The man looked out a window, momentarily seeming to ignore her. She took advantage to look around the room she was in.

There were clothes scattered around, what looked like vinyl LPs, and a lot of empty little bottles with tags on them.

Sweetie was about to remind him that it was rude not to answer when something on his belt beeped. The man slowly looked down and pulled a black little machine up. “Well, my unicorn friend, it seems I have to go; please feel free to use my humble abode.”

“Wait!” Sweetie said as the man stood and started limping towards the door. “You can’t just do that! Don’t leave me alone!”

He looked at her steadily for a minute before shrugging. “Well, I could never say no to a little girl. Come on, I’ll drive.”

“Thank you...” Sweetie sighed. “I don’t know much about the human world. I’m usually only with other ponies...”

The man chuckled. “And here I thought you would insist on driving. That’s what all the other hallucinations do.”

Sweetie shook her head as she walked out of the door politely held open by the man.

“So what was your name?” She asked again as he looked it.

“Dr. Gregory House, but most just call me House.”

o.o.o

“Oooh! A medical drama!” Eris giggled, cuddling up to Dusk, who threw some popcorn into his mouth and refused to acknowledge her, the giggling Elusive, or the blush developing on his cheeks.

o.o.o

Doctors and nurses and patients and visitors all stopped and stared as House walked into the  Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital followed by a filly unicorn.

“Now, if I were an annoying pest, where would I be?” House mused as a nurse stopped dead in her tracks, releasing the wheelchair she had been pushing, letting it roll right out of the automatic doors and into the parking lot. “Aha, my office!” he declared triumphantly as he started limping towards the elevator. “Come on, Sweetie Belle, there’s wannabe doctors waiting!”

Sweetie smiled nervously at everyone as she followed House into the elevator. Turning around, she waved goodbye as the doors closed. She looked at the numbers on the wall as they lighted one by one, until, with a ‘ding’, the elevator doors opened once more and the pair walked down a corridor and into a large office with glass walls, where a group of three doctors waited.

“House, finally!” a female doctor with brown hair turned around at the sound of the door opening. “We’ve been wai-” She stopped immediately to stare at the little unicorn that walked in after her superior.

“Dr. Cameron. Dr. Chase. Dr. Foreman.” House nodded at each of the doctors. “If you can see her, my unicorn friend’s name is Sweetie Belle. And if you can’t see her, things are worse than I thought. Now, what seems to be the problem?”

“But- that’s a unicorn!” Dr. Cameron snapping out of it. “How... why is there a unicorn with you? Aren’t they supposed to only go to pure little girls?”

“Is that true?” House looked at Sweetie, who shrugged.

“Galahad said the same thing, but I never heard of any unicorn even meeting a human before me,” Sweetie replied.

House smiled pleasantly at the three doctors, who, once more, were staring at the talking unicorn. “See? Myths and defamations.”

Dr. Cameron slowly placed her hands on her face. “Why... why am I even surprised? If there was anyone that could possibly bring a freaking live, honest-to-God talking unicorn to the hospital, it would have to be you.”

“So, you called and we are here,” House said. “What is the problem?”

“We have a patient... she... she’s delirious... she um...” Dr. Foreman hesitated.

“Yes?” House insisted.

“She... she thinks she’s a unicorn named Lyra Heartstrings...” Dr. Foreman said slowly. “We did some tests but couldn’t find anything in her blood and...”

“Lyra?!” Sweetie Belle jumped in front of them. “How? Is she okay?”

Chase looked at the filly. “You know a unicorn called Lyra?” He closed his eyes and massaged his temple. “Of course you do, why wouldn’t you?”

House smirked. “Well, let’s see what ‘Lyra’ has to say.”

The group followed House and Sweetie Belle down to the medical ward, where they could soon hear shouting.

“Let me go! Damn it! It’s not funny! Not even Mollari tried to keep me trapped like this! I demand a lawyer! Or at least a lyre! For the love of Celestia, humans! I’m one of you now!”

“Well, well, well, Miss... Lyra,” House said as he stepped into the room, drawing the attention of the young lady with gray hair and blue bangs. “To what do we owe your presence in our world?”

“You don’t believe me,” Lyra growled. “Nobody here does.”

“Well, you have to understand,” House smiled. “People lie. It’s a fact. Part of being human.”

“Well, I’ve only been human for an hour!”

“It just so happens that I believe you,” House said. “After all, unicorns haven’t lied to me yet.”

Lyra frowned. “What unicorns? There aren’t any other unico-” her eyes widened as she looked to the right of the human doctor. “Sw- Sweetie Belle?! How did you get here?”

“Lyra! It is you!” Sweetie jumped on the bed. “How did you get here?”

“I found a box that could transport me to different worlds... so I took Twilight, Octavia and Vinyl with me and at one point I was told that I could be turned into a human so I... um... I shoved Twi and the others out of the way and um... here I am...” she cringed. “Can you help me?”

“Um... I don’t know how?” Sweetie sighed. “Do you want me to turn you back into a unicorn? I could try...”

“No!” Lyra shouted. “I’m okay! I just need to get out of here!”

“But... you don’t know how to act like a human,” Sweetie argued. “Hold on, I think I might have a spell for this...”

“No... please, Sweetie...” Lyra begged. “I finally have my hands...”

Sweetie sighed again. “Fine,” she looked up at House. “She’s actually a good pony, and a very good musician... if you could teach her how to be a human I’m sure she’d be okay...”

“You can’t be suggesting what I think you are...” Chase spoke up. “She’s cute, she shouldn’t be left alone with House!”

“Pleeeeaase?” Sweetie begged, looking with big watery eyes at House, who rolled his eyes.

“Fine, she can stay with me, but she has to clean Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. And also get a job.”

Lyra nodded. “I will! Thank you!”

“I can’t believe this,” Chase groaned.

“What, you wanted her for yourself?” Dr. Cameron asked, elbowing him.

“What about you, Sweetie?” Lyra asked as Dr. Foreman reluctantly removed the restraints.

“I don’t know, I’ve been randomly-”

The world fizzled around her.

“-being transported...” she finished with a sigh.

o.o.o

“Seriously? You’re just going to change the channel?” Dusk asked, glaring down at Eris, who was resting her head on his lap.

“Well yes, Dusky, we all know how that ends... House and Lyra fall in love, they have crazy sex and then they end it over a fight because House is being House and he remains bitter, she finds a good job, gets together with another girl after discovering her true sexuality and they all live happily until House shows up again.”

Dusk sighed, shaking his head. “So, what’s next?”

o.o.o

“Ow!” Sweetie exclaimed as she landed on the hard asphalt of a dark, dimly lit street. “Ugh, great, where am I now?” she grumbled to herself, rising to her hooves as quickly as she could, wincing from the few cuts and bruises she gained from the hard fall. She had hardly gotten up before she was almost run over from behind.

“H-hey, watch where you’re going!” Sweetie exclaimed, barely leaping away in time, her jump far from graceful.

“W-what?”

As Sweetie took a closer look, she saw yet another oddity, but tried to analyze it rather than be stunned by it. It was fairly large, over three times her height, and appeared to be constructed mostly of metal, though its head appeared to be made of glass, the contents of which were glowing somewhat, showing a fish. Sweetie was shocked as its mouth moved, and she heard, “I-I’m sorry, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah,” she replied absently, still staring at the large creature. After a moment of silence, she continued, “I’m Sweetie Belle. Who are you?”

“Minion,” it replied shortly, staring right back at her. “I... what are you?”

“I’m a unicorn,” she replied, only slightly indignant. “What are you?”

“What, you’ve never seen a talking fish before?”

“Well... No, I haven’t, but then again, I’ve seen a lot of things today that I’ve never seen before,” she admitted, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof. “So where are you off in such a rush to?”

“Away from here,” it replied, huffing slightly.

“Why, what happened? Is there a monster coming?” Sweetie asked, starting to prepare some magic, just in case.

“Code: I don’t want to talk about it,” he answered, looking away.

“Huh?” Sweetie tilted her head to the side, frowning. “Code... what?”

Minion blinked, before facepalming the glass sphere that contained his body, lamenting, “I forgot that you wouldn’t know the code, sorry.” Looking back up at her, he leaned down towards her, lowering his voice as he inquired, “If I teach you the code, do you promise not to tell anyone else?”

“Yeah, I promise!” Sweetie replied eagerly, excited at the chance to learn some more new information. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

Minion blinked as the unicorn made some odd motions with her hooves as she chanted her reply. “A-alright... Anyway, I’ll just keep saying things in ‘the code’ until you get it, alright? Now, code: I’ve never seen a unicorn before.”

Sweetie frowned in thought, trying to figure out what he could possibly be trying to say.

Code: it looks like it’s going to rain soon,” he continued, stressing the word ‘code’ a little bit. “Code: I hope you don’t hate wet hair,” he added, making quotation marks with his mechanical fingers.

Blinking in realization, she questioned haltingly, “Code: are you saying that the code is just adding the word ‘code’ in front of whatever you want to say?”

After a surprised, if a bit forced, gasp, Minion answered, “Code: I can’t believe you broke ‘the code’ so quickly!” Recovering, he added in a thoughtful voice, “Code: you’re more intelligent than I first thought...”

Taking a step backwards, Sweetie replied, slightly confused, “Code... umm, thanks?”

“Code: you’re welcome!” Minion smiled, holding out a mechanical hand. “Code: want to be my friend?”

“Code: sure!” Sweetie replied, holding out her hoof, allowing him to shake it warmly, if with a bit of a strong.

“Code: great! Want to get donuts?”

“Code: that’d be awesome!” Sweetie exclaimed, eyes brightening. “Code: I haven’t had anything to eat in hours!”

“Code: great! Hop on,” he finished, motioning to the contraption he was standing on.

“Code: thanks!” Sweetie jumped aboard, clutching tightly to Minion’s leg as it started down the street at a much higher speed than she thought possible.

o.o.o

As Sweetie downed another donut happily, she mumbled around the food, “Code: so where were you going? What happened?”

“Code: I was betrayed by this guy I knew who might have kinda, sorta been a bit of a jerk,” Minion replied darkly, the table bearing the full brunt of his sullen gaze.

Frowning as she took another bite, she pressed further, “Code: what did he do, and why did he do it?”

Looking away, Minion responded quickly, “Code: he totally refused to listen to what I had to say, and was being totally selfish, so I left to find some place where I’d be more appreciated.”

Swallowing, Sweetie levitated a napkin to wipe her mouth absently, before saying slowly, “Code: so you’re not even going to try to forgive him?”

“Code: no, why should I? He won’t listen to me!”

“Code: so? Just because-”

Sweetie was interrupted as she saw a tall, blue creature of similar size and shape, save for an overlarge cranium, to the humans she had run into earlier. She and Minion watched in silence as he stopped a woman nearby, talking to her for a little while, before the woman walked off in the rain, leaving the blue man standing there, alone.

Sweetie turned back to continue her conversation with Minion. She saw how distant he seemed as he watched the blue man slowly walk off, depressed and, after a moment of contemplative silence, she asked quietly, “That was your friend, wasn’t it? The jerk?”

“... Yeah,” Minion answered quietly. “I told him that the bad guy never gets the girl, and then he said that maybe he didn’t want to be the bad guy anymore then, and...”

“... You’re bad guys? Why?” Sweetie asked, surprised. He seemed rather nice. How could they possibly be evil?

“Well... because,” Minion answered, waving his hands helplessly. “It’s not like we were accepted for anything else, so since everybody expected it of us, we jus-”

“Wasn’t there a part of you that wanted to prove them wrong?”

“Well... Maybe a little, tiny piece,” Minion admitted.

“So why not try it? Your friend is willing to try, and it sounds like you’re willing to consider it, so why not give it a chance? He’s your friend and you should always be able to forgive your friends, even if he did do some stupid stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but we have to find him first.”

“Well... what is he likely to do now?” Sweetie asked, gazing intently at Minion.

After thinking for a moment, he chuckled to himself, answering, “Probably turn himself in to the police to be arrested, if I had to guess, since he does stupid stuff like that when he’s depressed.”

“Well then, what say we break him out of jail then?” Sweetie asked, quirking an eyebrow as she grinned.

“Code: I would really appreciate your help,” Minion suggested back, grinning a little.

“Code: you don’t have to ask! Come on, let’s go free your friend! Code: do you have any ideas?”

Frowning in thought, Minion looked down at his hands, playing with the mechanics of them, when something on his wrist flashed, causing him to smile. “Code: I think I have a great plan, but I’ll need help getting past the guards.”

“Code: let’s go do this then!” Sweetie cheered, holding her hoof out, which Minion pounded gently.

“Code: yeah! Let’s get to it!”

o.o.o

The world fizzled and sizzled again in what felt like being in a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey....stuff and suddenly Sweetie was seating on a couch, right next to Elusive, who waved a hoof at her.

Dusk and... Discord? No... it was female... and it was kissing Dusk.

“What’s going on here?” she finally asked.

Elusive smiled. “Well, Dusk and Eris finally confessed their love for each other and I managed to bring you back with the ‘return’ button on this control thing...”

Sweetie blinked. “I swear Twilight gets in the weirdest relationships...”

Elusive chuckled. “Well, you won’t be going anywhere while those two are making out, want to watch the rest of ‘Megamind’ and see how Minion did?”

Sweetie sighed. “Pass the Popcorn.”

o.o.o The End! o.o.o

Happy April Fools! XD

It took us about 4 hours of solid work (with one looong break) to finish this, hope you enjoyed it!

WD, Magical Trevor & Undestated Hyperbole

#1 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Well, that was different. One look at the word-count already spoiled the joke but it was a nice read. But when does the real chapter 5 come?

#2 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Well, I was hoping for the actual next chapter, but that was pretty good too!

That bit in there about the wasteland, does that mean that we will be getting a FO:E chapter after the On a Cross and Arrow chapter?

#3 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Lolwat.

#4 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

What? No G3? I am dissapoint.

#5 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Dafuq? :rainbowhuh:

...

Goddamnit, now I want a real House crossover! Someone indulge me!

#6 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I don't even. This was most delightful!

>>393146

Wasted potential! :derpytongue2: Oh well, can't have everything.

#8 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Heh. April Fools. Woohoo. Nice little read, but you failed this one - I'm still too tired to care, and since I'm a prereader, of course... :derpytongue2:

#9 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Word count and lack of a proper chapter title made it so obvious, but you know what? I read it anyway. And it was just... I'm not sure how to words anymore.

#10 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Nope. I reject that this is not canon, and instead, I demand that this somehow be implimented.

DO IT NOW BITCH!!! :twilightsmile:

#11 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

(Just in self defense to me, I got no time to proof it, as I was/am at Church, so... XD)

Considering we did this in just a few hours nonstop, I'd like to think we did at least an okay job... *cuts comment short, because service is starting*

#12 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I lost it when Sweetie ran into House.

#13 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>393213

I know Skywriter's written one that he hasn't posted here; go pester him about it.

#14 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Lulz. :trollestia:

#15 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Oh geeze... even Sweetie is acknowledging the weirdness of the Twilight ships now! :rainbowlaugh:

That was an awesome chapter! The crossover with your Lyra CYOA was perfect.

#16 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

*sigh* I'm gonna have to use this again aren't I? :derpyderp1:

#17 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>388101

Actually, I was just joking. But anyway...

YAY! NEW UPDATE! Though April Fool's, but still.

#18 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Code: Some folks appreciate the joke.

Still waiting for moar! :twilightsheepish:

#19 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I have to say, I think you should make an entire series of Sweetie Belle invading TV programs. The hilarity is just overwhelming.

#20 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

:facehoof: You got me.  I didn't realize until I read the comments.  Happy April Fools.

#21 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Should have done a chapter where Sweetie ends up as a desktop pony.

#22 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I was too tired to realize that this was an April Fool's joke at first. That and I was really excited to see Anything in the world of "On A Cross and Arrow" again (loved that fic). Though this whole was rather funny and I facepalmed soooooo many times that my face is stinging.

Also, it was great how yo incorporated you Lyra CYOA into this. I was laughing the whole time during that part. Can't wait for the next actual chapter, WD.

#23 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

The sad part was I honestly thought this WAS the next chapter, and I enjoyed it so much.  Hell, it could outright BE the next chapter for all I care; I love randomness and this chapter was nothing but random.  I know it's not sticking, but I can dream!

#24 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

:facehoof: Was so excited...

:unsuresweetie: Don't tell me...

Was the Cross and Arrow chapter SUPPOSED to be an April Fools joke?????

Was there no real Cross and Arrow chapter planned?????

Please tell me there was...

please...

#25 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

BAHAHA!:rainbowlaugh: why is April Fools Day being awesome this year? Seriously Toonami, Yu-gi-oh abridged and now this... oh man the House bit is too rich:rainbow kiss:

Edit: I really need to watch Megamind

#26 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I am totally down for reading more 'Sweetie in TV shows' chapters, even though this was an April Fool's joke

I applaud your chapter, good sir.

Wanderer D
Moderator
#27 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>393879 It's real :pinkiesmile: And it's progressing well you'll see it soon.

#28 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>393912

I just died inside.

#29 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I knew this was a joke, but read it anyway. Loved it. :unsuresweetie:

#30 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I find your lack of Metal Gear, disturbing

#31 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh:

I love April fools day.

#32 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

When I first saw this, I was like, 'No, this is  too good to be true, this has to be an April Fools :trixieshiftright:'. then I started reading it and was like, 'oh, I guess this its not:pinkiehappy:' Then as I kept reading I was like, 'what the hell is this?!:flutterrage:' about half way through I was like, 'Okay, this can't be real, I'ma skip to the end and see if it ends with a big old 'April Fools!', now I'm like :ajbemused:

#33 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

...... Meanest April fools joke ever......:ajsleepy::applecry::fluttercry::fluttershysad::pinkiesad2::pinkiesick::raritycry::raritydespair::twilightangry2:

#35 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Just to let you know, I REALLY don't want to read this because I know what day it is. Also, since I know for a fact this is an April fool, I have to say that you could have posted the regular chapter and then we still would have had plenty of laughs considering rule 63:applejackunsure: Oh well, I shall endure your monstrosities to your own literature, or whatever.:trollestia:

#36 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I had thought that this was definitely... different from the usual chapters. Still, it was entertaining to read although I haven't seen most of the places where Sweetie went. :twilightsheepish:

I'm looking forward to the real chapter soon, I'm sure it will be worth it.

#37 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Ha ha. Very funny. That has to be one of the best chapters yet.[/sarcasm] When do we get the REAL Cross and Arrow chapter?

#38 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Eris said Sweetie was going to the wasteland after she was done in a Cross and an Arrow.

I'm predicting either FO:E or End of Ponies.  Either way it would be amazing.

#39 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

“Is that true?” House looked at Sweetie, who shrugged.

“Galahad said the same thing, but I never heard of any unicorn even meeting a human before me,” Dr. Chase replied, somewhat slackjawed.

House smiled pleasantly at the three doctors, who, once more, were staring at the talking unicorn. “See? Myths and defamations.”

Despite the fact that this is an april fools joke I have to ask, at what point in the story did Dr. Chase meet Galahad? I think I missed that part... and i'm really sad I did, it must have been an entertaining conversation...

Wanderer D
Moderator
#40 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·
#41 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

That was actually a pretty good chapter. I think you should leave it as is.:unsuresweetie:

#42 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

So this chapter was just a joke?:rainbowhuh:  I thought it was just part 1 of 2  :ajbemused:

#43 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Ive loved all these april fools chapters! :D

#44 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

This was hilarious. Mean, but hilarious! I @#$%ing CRACKED when Sweetie met House!

#45 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>394402

Yes, exactly like that... Well with more stripping, but otherwise, yes.

#46 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>396134 Hmmm.... *nosebleed*

#47 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

Maybe we should just be thankful that poor Sweetie didn't end up in South Park...

#49 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>396369 *swats at screen, trying to catch mouse* Nooo, Derpy~~!!! That's my mouuussse!!!!

#50 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

>>396369

Oh lordy...that is just adorable. :rainbowkiss:

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