• Member Since 5th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 3rd, 2015

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Source

There is a hidden side that asks a question.
Are we good enough?

What happens when one cannot find the answer? When one's family and friends can't understand.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 52 )

:pinkiesad2: I stayed up just so i could read this when it came out

Also is Sweetie suffering from Stockholm syndrome

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584797
584874
585305
Thanks for commenting on my story that has no views. It means a lot to me.

Interesting perspective. Saw a couple of errors and could use a bit of polishing, but not bad. Not bad at all.

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585619
Please do point out the errors.

....Welp, I guess it's time to go cut myself again.
Holy depressing story Batman! That was... I don't want to say awesome, but this was far from bad. I absolutely loved your tone, and writing style throughout the story. Just a little editing, and this is EqD worthy (not because I noticed any gramatical mistakes, but because I can't notice any gramatical mistakes). Just saying. If you want moar views, EqD's the place... seriously, do it :twilightangry2:

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585641
I submitted it, but not sure if it is socially taboo, and also not sure about the ending.

585644 A mysterious ending is always good for a writer. Leaves the reader to end the story based upon their imagination. For example, I'm not entirely sure if this is what you had in mind (and I curse myself for amusing this initially if I'm wrong)
**POSSIBLE SPOILER**
that Sweetie hung herself?

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585652f
UH....
I hate when characters die and it is explicitly stated to some extent...
Okay you got it.
My fic is making me cry in a corner all the time now.

585644 Like here's a good example of a story that uses that method. Maggie, a girl of the streets. At the end, she supposedly becomes a prostitute and kills herself. The writer leaves that vauge, of if she becomes said prostitute, if she kills herself, and the method of suicide is left completely blank for the reader. All you know is that it happened.

585659 We can cry together :fluttercry:

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585662
yes... song this is a good song. I love mysterious endings. IDK if I want to add a epilogue. This ending doesn't really leave the message I exactly want it to.

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585662
I mean, it would be ironic to make it so that she got her cutie mark.

585673 Psh... go for it. Though try to keep that sense of mystery (at least that's what I think) maybe something from Rarity's (or any pony you want's) point of view :twilightsmile:.

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585681
I'm thinking of having adult Scootaloo and Applebloom look back. ;A;

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585693
This is going to take me a while to write though. i write too many things at once. And read too much. 17 mil isn't that much though is it?

585678 Now that would be depressing. Your talent is dying, so you should go die. I wonder what it looked like.

585696 You can never read to much :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:.

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585698
I am crying so much more now ;A;
Yeah, I'm finally getting around to reading your fic. Sawwy.

n

585710
D'awwwww

585621 *Long comment warning!*

'There had been many times where she had bravely dared to hope, hope that was torn asunder and desecrated in the end.'
Replace with: '...dared to hope, but that hope was...'

'...to fend for herself casted the dark shadow of doubt.'
'Casted' is incorrect. 'Cast' is the correct term.

'she was left alone. Left alone and afraid.'
Switch the period to a comma.

'She brooded the questions for a while, too paralyzed to do anything. Every day, she took a more abuse, and her shell, while hard, was also brittle.'
1) It should be 'brooded over'.
2) 'a' shouldn't be there.

'smiled less. Never had the energy for crusading.'
Again, switch the period to a comma.

'They worried, but couldn’t bring themselves to pry beyond the surface. Wouldn’t even. Instinctively, it scared then,'
1) Restructure the sentence: They worried, but couldn’t, wouldn't, bring themselves to pry beyond the surface.
2) It should be 'them'.

'An unhealthy obsession almost,'
Replace with 'It was an almost unhealthy', else the entire sentence is just a fragment.

'a changeling, leaching the love that she did not deserve'
The correct spelling is leeching.

'but the animal instinct lead her home.'
The correct spelling is led.

'Shouting, rough and harsh, make the shell break'
It should be in the past tense.

'Raw untamed magic, screaming to be used flooded out of her horn,'
You need some commas here: 'Raw, untamed magic, screaming to be used, flooded out of her horn,'

Those were what I saw (I'm half-awake right now). I think I might have missed one or two, I'm not so sure.

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585739
Thanks

do you actually like dubstep

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585886
Yes, but more of house.
Nobody knows about house in my area though.

Nice. Just nice, would have been interesting if Sweetie Bell told Twilight, or Applejack, or heck, even Rainbow Dash. Kinda makes me wonder what would happen...

WE DEMAND A SEQUEL.

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586110
No one will ever know

586112 Did you not see me demand a sequel? Or at least a chapter two. Or an epilouge....Or are you going to force us to write fan-fics OF a fan-fic...Jerk

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586136
Maybe an epilogue. Sweetie Belle telling someone is more of a spinoff.

One must ask... If it was so sad, what was the point of writing this? I'm not bashing writing skills, or anything but there must be a reason the author wrote something so morbidly depressing (and completely non-canon, I might add).



~Jack

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586383
An idea

586386 Real-life experience? What outside source? Or did you simply think it up?

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586394
In a dream.

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586406
Not today, not really.

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586418
No, not really. Writing this took a lot out of me is all.
Also, I don't know if I want a homo hug. I'm not exactly homosexual, even though I'm not homophobic.

586421 I... Didn't realize how homo it was. Sorry, I'm not gay either.

Guess I killed my chance to listen to you, then huh?

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586427
Nah... All I have is unintelligible gibberish right now.
A clopfic is next... That's why.

586429 Heh... Okay... I'd tell you that probably isn't necessary... But you wouldn't listen.

Should I leave you with a funny pic?

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586431
No that's okay. I'm good. I'm good. Frost's stream is making me laugh.

586433 Cool... Wwwaaaaaaait... I WASN'T INVITED?!

;A;

Okay.

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586435
Just join up lol.

Rarity being a heartless bastard is perfect. Poor Sweetie and her hopeless life. Nice one-shot.:raritywink:

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587110
Thank you... How are you people finding this???? I so confuse

587113 Lol, I just scrolled the new stories earlier and bookmarked it to read later. Or maybe it's Magic. :pinkiecrazy:

You've gone and done it again.:pinkiesad2:

Nice job.

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714889
Depressing is my better writing area lol

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