Rainbow Dashes First Hooficure

by Mocha Star

First times the charm

Rainbow went to work clearing clouds just like she always had, zipping through the sky and kicking the clouds, moving them to specific spots, gathering them together to make larger clouds that created heavy shadows. Finishing fast she landed on a cloud and laid down, enjoying the softness and warmth of the sun.

As she laid on the cloud the hovered over the hamlet of Ponyville she took into account the various ponies as they went about their day.

It was midday so the cutie mark crusaders were at school, Rarity was no doubt making a dress or hat or doing something girly or at the spa.

Standing up she contorted her face Rainbow screamed so loud it echoed. Ponies across Ponyville looked up at her on the cloud. When she finished life went back to normal. “I have to go through a full spa. Oh no,” said Rainbow out loud.

Opening her wings she flew as fast as she could to the spa, ]i]I’m going to get this over with right now, thought Rainbow . She had made a Pinkie promise to get a hooficure just to placate the pink mare one day after being bombarded with a repeating phrase, Rainbow Dash dashing the rainbows.

Hanging her head she entered the spa and heard the other five shout her name in greeting, “Oh, Rainbow darling. It’s so good to see you, why are you here? Are you going to relax? You deserve it after everything, I’ll pay,” said Rarity, shaking a wet hoof at the cyan pony.

The others nodded heavily with full smiles. "No, I Pinkie promised, and I have to do this, I'll pay for myself," Rainbow said.

"You made a promise to get a spa day? That sounds kind of silly," Twilight said.

"Yeah, but a full spa day, and that includes the hooficure," Pinkie interjected.

Nodding Rainbow walked to the hot tub and climbed in, the warm water instant relaxed her in a weird way, ‘must be magic’ thought Rainbow as she sank under the water. Breaking the water fast and feeling her mane float up then fall heavily onto her back made her remember taking baths when she was a filly.

Rainbow instantly felt her stress melting away, replaced with calm and happiness.

“This magic stuff isn’t so bad,” smiled Rainbow as she leaned back and breathed in the steam that cleared her lungs and warmed her blood. She could feel the steam working its way through her body as she slowly began to fall asleep.

“DASHIE,” shouted pinkie, startling Rainbow awake, “Time to get a massage,” she said with that creepy pony smile.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go,” said Rainbow as she climbed out of the hot tub, feeling a little heavier from the weight of the water. Picking up a towel with her mouth she tossed it over her back and stood up on her hind legs and began drying herself, leaving her wings alone. Fluttering her wings heavily she hovered lightly then landed.

“Thanks Sugarcube,” said applejack as all the mares looked at Rainbow. They were all soaking wet again.

Didn’t they just dry off completely? There’s no way my wings had that much water on them, thought Rainbow as she smiled awkwardly.

Drying off again the group went and lay down on the tables set up for them and got a relaxing massage. As the masseuse worked Rainbow back she felt so much relaxation so began to moan. The others laughed, thinking the moan sounded very sensual.

As the masseuse began massaging Rainbow wings her whole body stiffened and she let out a louder moan making everyone in the building giggle, all thinking the same thing. Rainbow loved her wings being rubbed massaged and preened, it was her favorite part of the spa.

After the massage the giggling gossiping group went to lie down on chairs to begin the last stage of their treatment. Getting their faces covered with a fruit and vegetable paste and cucumbers on their eyes they all dozed and relaxed as the spa employees gathered their equipment to do the hooficure.

Looking at each other they knew Rainbow would fly away and make a huge scene, probably making a mess, and then would fly out of the spa screaming. The mare standing by Rainbow sat on a stool and waited calmly preparing internally for the reaction.

Taking off the cucumbers the group began talking about the crystal kingdom and how lovely the crystal ponies were, “How can they be transparent and made of crystal but still be ponies? Even for magic that is some crazy stuff,” Twilight said.

The others nodded and laughed agreeing, “Ya know, spike would love to go there again, what was his name there again? Super honorable spike that saved our city by falling from the tower just in the nick o' time?” joked Applejack as her hooficure began, all the others laughed heartily.

As all the others began to get their hooves filed and clipped the one in charge of Rainbows hooves tightened her grip and held her head back as she lean into her. Looking at her hooves, Rainbow cringed and gripped the sides of her chair, ‘here we go,' thought Rainbow.

The file touched her hoof to the surprise of everyone. The attendant began filing slowly and cautiously. Feeling her hoof filed and the vibrations tingling her ankles Rainbow giggled and relaxed into her chair. The others began cheering and stomping their hooves on the floor or clapping them together. "She's doing it!" Rainbow heard a voice call, echoing in the distance of her mind.

Ignoring the ruckus Rainbow smiled, she was not only doing it, but it felt great. Never before had she felt anything like this, letting out another giggle her friends laughed, “Why do you all laugh and giggle when I moan and giggle? Is it that weird to hear me enjoying myself getting this done? Do you know how much flocking I'll get when everyone in Cloudsdale finds out?” Dash said with an awkward smile.

“We’re just all happy to see you enjoying yourself, Rainbow ,” Twilight said with a laughed, "and who cares about what the other Cloudsdale ponies think of you, we like you for you."

“Whatever, I love this, I’m gonna do this a lot more often either way,” smiled Rainbow , her eye twitching as she shuttered, giggling again, softer this time. Everypony erupted into laughter startling Rainbow who sat upright and looked around at everyone, This world is so WEIRD, thought Rainbow .

After leaving Rainbow bounced and felt her hooves balance on the ground better and lighter than ever before. Taking off she flew and did a few barrel rolls landing in front of her friends, “Oh. My. Gosh. That landing was so smooth I barely felt the ground under my hooves,” Rainbow said with a look of awe.

“Dearest Rainbow, why do you think we do this? It’s great for the spirit I always say,” Rarity said, putting her arm around Rainbow .
Laughing as they walked Rainbow Dash just couldn't stop thinking about how awesome she was for facing her fears, The wonderbolts will be so impressed to find out I have no fear.

The end

Author's Note:

Thanks for the advice on what to edit, I think I've gotten the story worked out in a readable manner, please, let me know. I'm open to constructive criticism.

Comments

[Lady Lorelei]

Cute story, I enjoyed Rainbow embracing her feminine side a bit more.

It could use better spacing, and perhaps a read through before posting?

It's not bad by any means, the story was a bit repetitive in places, and the moan thing seemed like an out of place running gag.

Overall this was a promising effort and earned a hoof up in my book.

Bravo!

[Mocha Star]

5855362
Thanks, I'll edit it in the morning, I really appreciate the comment.

[Wireless Fidelity]

I enjoyed the read but I didn't enjoy the read. It was ok. ;)

[hawthornbunny]

Dawwww. A few issues here and there, but it was cute. I liked it. ^^

[FreelanderScoons]

A lot of technical errors here, and story errors here as well.

Rainbow went to work clearing clouds just like she always had, zipping through the sky and kicking the clouds, moving them to specific spots, gathering them together to make larger clouds that created heavy shadows. Finishing fast she landed on a cloud and laid down, enjoying the softness and warmth of the sun.

First off, there are WAY to many comma's here. Comma's are used to combine two seperate thoughts into one sentence, or as a list (well the basics of comma's anyway). Using them to pause is a common rookie mistake. Everyone stops at different times, and forcing them to will break the immersion of the story.

As she laid on the cloud the hovered over the hamlet of Ponyville she took into account the various ponies as they went about their day.

It was midday so the cutie mark crusaders were at school, Rarity was no doubt making a dress or hat or doing something girly or at the spa.

I get that you're trying to set up an atmosphere, but this just doesn't do it. It needs a little more substance, a little more prose (though don't go overboard on the prose).

Standing up she contorted her face Rainbow screamed so loud it echoed. Ponies across Ponyville looked up at her on the cloud. When she finished life went back to normal. “I have to go through a full spa. Oh no,” said Rainbow out loud.

Well then. That escalated quickly. No time to really take in the opening scene, or any of the scenes as this story moves fast as Rainbow Dash does!

Standing up she contorted her face Rainbow screamed so loud it echoed. Ponies across Ponyville looked up at her on the cloud. When she finished life went back to normal. “I have to go through a full spa. Oh no,” said Rainbow out loud.

The other five who? I'm assuming that you're talking about the other Elements, but a little more detail would remove my assumptions. And I don't like to assume things.

You made a promise to get a spa day? That sounds kind of silly," Twilight said.
"Yeah, but a full spa day, and that includes the hooficure," Pinkie interjected.

Uhh.... Why exactly did Rainbow Dash agree to a day at the spa?

As the masseuse began massaging Rainbow wings her whole body stiffened and she let out a louder moan making everyone in the building giggle,

Woh. Either that's a really loud, and spacious building, or the walls can't absord sound that well.

All in all this still needs a lot of work. Hope I helped!

[Mocha Star]

5855902
You did, as a rookie writer I know I have a long way to go, and commentary helps...
If I had a proof reader it would help too since I can only write with a slight outward thought process past my own linguistics at this point, if that makes sense.

Learn through the mistakes of others they say, writing is the exception.

Thank you. Keep em coming!