Looking Glass, P.I: Coins and Crowns

by Kavonde

Epilogue

Dear Queen Chrysallis,

As I predicted, Crown Jewel overplayed his hoof. Not only has it cost him his life, it's disrupted all of the plans he made concerning the coup. Our potential alliances with the griffons and minotaur are now shaky at best. Additionally, Crown's short-sighted murder of Silver Coin despite our request, coupled with the arrest and deportation of several of our infiltrators within the First Equestrian, have brought our current operations in Fillydelphia to a rather abrupt halt.

Fortunately, Your Majesty, I am not without contingencies. Several of our most highly-placed agents are still functional. As well, Crown's death and downfall have opened a power vacuum within the city that we can capitalize on. I have already begun identifying new targets among the various factions vying for control. However, I will need at least five more talented infiltrators to proceed fully. I will make arrangements for them to be brought into the city and blended until their targets can be assigned.

I assure you, my queen, that despite our recent setbacks, our plans will come to fruition.

Your Faithful Servant,

Lady Shatarra

Comments

[Stereo_Sub]

AW SHIT SON.

[Feefers]

An excellent and involved story very much a tribute to Marlowe, I personally liked the pulp detective style a lot and you really have recaptured it perfectly in this.

[DicePony]

Definitely got to check this out, I love Detective stories and wanted to do a Pony one of my own.

Love the character name and sounds ace!

[Xerzes]

I couldn't resist the pull from the mention in the Blueblood stories. Fine story. Really deserves more likes and whatever.

[ServerOfTheAlter]

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh

This was amazing.

And the title suggests a series maybe?

[Kavonde]

945750
There is a sequel planned and partially outlined! However, I'm currently sidetracked by an ongoing series of stories about everyone's favorite inexplicable royal, Prince Blueblood. Once that's done, though, I do plan on getting started on "Looking Glass, P.I: Savage Nights." Griffons, changelings, gang wars, and more freakin' politics. Should be fun

[Frozonfire]

Please make this a series! I loved this one and would love to see more! You are a very talented writer. I hope to see more from you!

[Kavonde]

1189787
That's... a tricky question. "Hands" don't really exist in Equestria, but, "hands" is also the unit of measurement for determining a horse's height. So let me just stroke my mustache and waggle my eyebrows mysteriously at you while I say something cryptic.

Ready?

Yes.

[NoClop]

How is this still languishing at less than 400 views? This is criminal!

[paul]

smiles.smile-o-pack.net/8070.gif
smiles.smile-o-pack.net/8071.gif
Thank you for the story!
Pretty good style and well written.
I'm looking forward for the sequel :)

[Lucky Roll]

I would say this story really struck the noir mood, though I didn't read enough noir to be allowed to say such things. Either way, from what I can tell, the mood was really enjoyable, the pacing felt right, and the editing was solid - although since I read the .txt file, I think I'm not too competent in this last regard. Since I'm not a noir or dark fan, I had my doubts (slight as they were), but fortunately you proved me wrong!

The only moment I would criticize is Nightingale sparing our hero's life. I mean, Looky already knew too much, and Nightingale could enact his plan herself, without his help. Or alternatively, if not she herself, one of her henchponies.

Also I would've kinda liked to see our protagonist ending up with his ex again, although I understand that noir is not a genre for knights in shining armor and happy endings. It still felt a little dissonant when he demanded for the safety of a mare he just met a few days ago, but not for her ex - but I guess he just couldn't forgive her. Kind of a shame.

What I didn't like, though, is the epilogue - I mean, obviously you wanted a sequel hook, but this letter felt rather out of genre. You could've just written an author's note or something, but the epologue made me feel that almost everything our hero accomplished (and consequently, the story itself) was sorta pointless. (Not to mention that the sequel never arrived. Although I'd place my money on Nightingale being the changeling spy!)

I loved, however, the guns - horseshoes analogue. That bit was a nice touch!

[ServerOfTheAlter]

947180 So its been a year