In Equestria, the Earth Ponies and Unicorns use the land, and the Pegasi soar through the sky! So who occupies the sea? Enter Syren, a young mare who belongs to the equine species of (The) Capricore. Follow her as she lives her life in the abyss of the ocean, being told that the land Equestrians won't welcome her species. And she believes it, until she meets a meek, animal-loving Pegasus.
Thank you Ice-tea for editing and proof reading!
And thank you Doodle Drop for the fantastic cover art!
Chapters (6)
'They still exist in the expanses of the abyss to this day, observing the actions of the three other species of equine dissent.'
That word should be 'descent', as in 'descended from'. 'Dissent' is a different word entirely.
For the love of all that is Celestia; why didn't you take this perfect opportunity to bring in a callback to the seaponys from G1?
images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13200000/Sea-Ponies-my-little-pony-13228834-431-349.jpg
These fellows right here. There's no need for you to create another race when that race already exists, and think of all the callbacks you could do! Think of the research that you do on the original toy-line to try and recycle names, just like the actual show! That would have been awesome!
But here, your actual story seems somewhat shaky...
This is a beautiful beginning, although it feels a bit rushed. Try to slow things down a bit.
BTW, evil cliffhanger is evil. I'm looking forward to more!
584174
Damn iPod auto correct
I apologize for any misspelled words like that
584198 Ever been to a site called 'Damn You Auto-Correct'? If not, you should.
584231 Ok, look at this
cdn.damnyouautocorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/yard-work-dylan.png
Ok found this too
cdn.damnyouautocorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/juice-nathan.png
584321 LOL, yup, that's Auto-Correct for you!
584340
Ya I've seen those lol
I actually do all my writing on my iPod so if something like that comes up, u no what's to blame... Definitely not me!
Ok, I loved it. I really want you to keep making this. If you give me a description, I can make a picture for this if you want.
Love the story though, and I really like how you describes the capricore
Short, but then again so were the first two chapters.
And nice use of 'Still Alive'. Portal reference FTW! Though I wonder what the second verse would have been in this case...
Anyways, why did Fluttershy turn around, and throw the picnic basket at Syren? That's a little unclear.
Looking forward to more!
594505
I was leaning more towards the situation were Fluttershy forgot some object or something and went back to retrieve it. Upon returning she hears Syren singing and walks over to the rock to investigate. She has the picnic basket in her mouth so when she sees Syren and gapes, the basket falls into the water. I don't intend any confusion. I'll have to put something in the next chapter.
594618 Maybe have next chapter from Fluttershy's perspective? Perhaps... send a letter to Celestia? Who as we ALL know, is nowhere NEAR as ignorant of affairs anywhere in Equestria as anypony seems to think.
594623
Fixd!
amazing! you need to make more chapters. i was dissapointed when i saw i was on the last chapter. the anticipation is ripping me at the...... everything.
Funnily, (yes that's a word) when I was writing the idea for Syren's pet, Jet, I was stumped. I actually have a stuffed Batray named Jet that often sits casually on my bed. So when I was writing that part I was trying to think of ideas for a pet. Here's what I did:
derping around, trying to find an idea for a pet
glance over at stuffed Batray
stares at it, processing idea
ding! Idea!
Anyways I just wanted to put that out there.
Why are you the only brave soul in this world of seaponyless fanfiction?
I agree! And don't worry, I'm coloring the cover now! Btw, what does ray look like?
616329
Just search Batray on google images. It's all the same. Thnx again for making a cover for me!
It's been bugging me, how will you send it to me?
The length.. It burns us
I am really looking forward to how this story plays out, so I am a little disappointed in how little there was in this chapter. Nonetheless, I am eagerly following this story. Not a lot of stories involving sea ponies out there, and I'm sure a good amount of them are crack fics (fics written while high on crack, hence the name). Keep up the good work!
Don't see too many stories involving sea ponies, let alone ones with music numbers and school of fish used as synthesizers and background singers.
Looking forward to what else you have in store.
Aaaaand Syren is going to be in SO much trouble when word of this gets back to the other Seaponies (seriously, it's easier to call them that than Capricorns). Oh, well, at least she's talking with a surface pony!
Now we can has adventure times?
704142
You have a point there with the Seapony thing, but I call them Capricore for a reason. If someone was to read the summary and they read Seapony instead of Capricorn, they'd lose interest on the creature itself. However, if it was Capricore, someone would be like "Hm, I wonder what a capricorn is? I'd better read the story and find out." and that's my logic
Also I just noticed this:
Desert. Desert! DESERT!!! O_O
Not enough face-hoof...
Ok, I am so sorry it took so long, but the cover art is FINALLY done:
:
[img]@hannahkbos: http://t.co/PdsxoCUz[/img]
'Twas a fun and awkward first meeting. Can't wait to see how this turns out.
728143
Do you think you can email the image to me? It's not showing up correctly on my screen.
Lucario247@gmail.com