20,000 years ago, a dark king ruled over all of Equis. He was defeated, cast into the void. But now, he awakens, and Equis will never be the same. With his rising, new worlds are discovered, all having been affected by him at some point. They all must band together to stop him, but Luna and Celestia will face the most difficult choice in their lives- do they stay loyal to old and new friends, or to family? Old adversaries return as allies in this fight. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
A halo and mass effect crossover.
First story in the Lone universe
Chapters (29)
*raises eyebrows*
In all seriousness however, this seems pretty good!
This is gonna be gud.
Also, the Elements of Harmony are usually capitalized. Just sayin.
>>MegaManGeoAce
Noted. What do you think in terms of concept?
Not so sure I'm happy letting ponies touch advance tech. Oh and how in the holy hell was a cruiser destroyed by a Rainbow the shields on UNSC cruisers are able to withstand a 10 to 6 bolts of covenant plasma be for they give in.
interesting seeing few chief fics I just hope you do your homework on Halo. Also limit the songs to authors notes or something like that anyways good luck
Bold things like this or just have a more flash back like scene where the character actively thinks back to the events
>>slykiller9136
You do realize Discord is involved in this, right?
you actually are doing pretty well I just found this awkward sentence. you could initiate dramatic pause, discord smirking or both but the inner writer in me kinda has trouble with the double for there.
>>Shadow-Dancer
Right. what do you think of Discord as I've portrayed him so far, because he can be serious when he needs to be, and I think I made it obvious that Lone only takes him seriously when he's acting that way?
I think you meant to put this in parenthesis
curiosity why the secrecy to help Luna?
>>Shadow-Dancer
If you were Celestia, would you trust a random pony who just happened to walk in and said that he could help with Luna's problem, even if she made this public knowledge?
interesting will read as it comes out with new chapters not all that bad for a first story.
Now that's a twist!
can you slow down a little too much too fast and little explanation overall. One curiosity just wondering when the crossover characters will get a slightly bigger role as of now they seem like side characters.
Love this comment and I agree hell I've been to eastern Kentucky and Fairdale and never heard "darn tootin". (More likely to hear hell yes, yes, fuck yea, ect)
5993485
Noted. Next chapter is meant to help flesh out the OCs and give the others time to grow, as well as get the main romance up and running.
5993542 I love what you've done with the place (story) Since I gave you my oc.
For the chief, you should have more emotion in him, due to the death of cortana, as well as his thoughts about being called a machine persae, si you should have more emotion coming from the chief
...
i like how this story is going so far, but so far its giving the chief no recognition he deserves, as well how is it that he could be taken out with one energy blast, he isnt just any old spartan, hes The Master Chief, and with the accelerated genetic evolution and decades of fighting he should have been able to handle a energy blast easily
yay John pulled into this thing with Twilight. I kinda feel sorry for him being pulled into something he really dose not want to be in but is doing it just to be nice.
Where's the ODST's
6225613 7/10
Not enough ODST -IGN
Ha, custom weapons, pffft.... Custom energy swords are better.... Such as one on a rotating frequency so it can be stabbed into something, without any pain, and slowly torturing said thing with ever increasing heated plasma
Woohoo ready to drop
That ending was confusing.
6305469
The unknown is the portal destination.
Traitors. Heh
Another confusing ending
Why did it have to be the Gravemind??!!
So many plot twists...
It's always the prëcûrsórs...
How is it that you can keep doing plot twists?!
6225613 wu
6266417 6.9/10*
Whoa.
Noøöòóôõ!
Problem with this is that the flood was the reason that the war started, humans were "Aggressively expanding" the Forrunners unaware of the flood started war with the humans to protect themselves. The Forerunners then after winning the war found out about the flood and built the shield worlds (Didact) and Halos (The head consul-man I think the builder or something like that.)
I can let it go because this is AU for all of the universes
One question where the hell did the twilightXJohn ship come from because their is little overall action with the two mentioned or shown. Also AU or not the whole Spartan 2 Augmentation thing kills sex drive and he was trained fro 6 like all Spartan 2's to be highly lethal in combat and to follow orders without a question making the Idea of relationships even more unlikely. So unless the AU changes the whole Spartan 2 augmentation process then the relationship between the two is nigh impossible unless Twilight/Metamorphia forced it on him and he is a slave to her magic.
Sorry I'm very picky about lore for games I like and having read a good amount of the books know a bit about the Haloverse (Halo being a huge one)
Please just don't get me started on halo 4 establishment of the librarian's death and the one in the game being only memories left behind by the Librarian.
End rant.
6350676
For John and Twi. Offscreen. For the Librarian, I think I said that the Nexus is where people like the Librarian, those who have done a lot to help their dimension in one way or another, go when they die. The memories thing. That is true, but I'm taking things from Spartan Ops. How else do you explain her knowing Halsey, and Jul being outside the portal and knowing what he wanted?
6350685 overall story was good just two little things mostly the first that just feels unnatural to me if I follow the lore of the games and books really just a peeve.
6351501
I'll keep that in mind as best as I can with the sequel, as most of the Destiny lore is speculative outside of some stuff.
One question will we be seeing all three super abilities from TTK in fight seen chapters? Seeing as you brought Destiny into the mix of things in the sequel. You are working on a sequel right cuz this was a kick a** story!?
6375689
Indeed I am. And I got some mind fucks prepped and ready with it.
Oh wonderful. can't wait!
Props for a strong start
I've played all of the masseffects to know your right
Ok, that's it, I have to talk about this story. The idea, while interesting, feels like its just to add something to the story when it doesn't need it; you could have made all of the events going on here happen without the inclusion of Halo or Mass Effect into this, and even then, this feels harder to follow than a Matrix movie. Too much information in too little time, literally adding more and more info to the story which doesn't really need it, can be explained in segments or could be phrased better for understanding. You make the characters speak as if everyone can understand what they are saying and won't ask questions, as well as making them talk for long periods of times which could have been done with fewer and more natural words; not to mention that the reactions that they get feel forced or unnatural all together. You got a good idea in trying to add twists into the story, but doing it so often, and at the same time that we are trying to wrap our heads around something else, its just too much. "Oh town people are acting weird? BAM! They are colored changelings; they act all angry and untrusting, now they are allies." I know this story is finished and done, but for the love and mercy for any future readers, rework this story and get a proof-reader and an adviser; because you need a lot of literature practice. And that's saying something since I'm not that great either!
what about cadence
6614292 "Of Equestria" is what Celestia said. Cadence rules the Empire.