Twilight is down on her self esteem when she sees all the colts so easily taken by Rarity. But when she discovers that residents of Ponyville are myseriously dissappearing, there's little time for jealousy.
Author's Note: This was my first mlp fanfic, and consequently is not the best and very angst-y. That's what happens when you write fanfiction when you're in high school.
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Sorry for not reading, but it screams at me. RARIPIRE!
Now make a story where Twilight/Rarity become vampires themselves!
Excellent read BTW.
Make more.
OOOOOH SHIT
582820 no. Twilight and Vampire will NEVER be in the same sentence when I'm still alive.
583116
Whaaaaaaat?!
Then... you must be dead because of meeeee!
583107 I don't know why but I really like that comment :D
583170 it was a twilight reference..
but still. I hate Twilight. (The BOOK series, mind you.)
I didn't like it. The story seems a bit too contrived, with these incredibly powerful vampires just living in a clearing in the forest. Also, Talon seems far too much like a flat, passive character. He's just too emotionless and unmotivated for someone in his position. Also, Twilight seemed a bit out of character when she was just jumping at shadows in town in the middle of the night.
I'd love to see more by you though! Don't stop writing!
583497
Oh, don't worry. I dislike the books as well, but what I don't dislike is having Twilight Sparkle becoming a vampire.
(which I'm currently writing) <--- This explains my comment to you.
583116 Me too, whoops. You can play it interestingly, just don't load it up with tacky romance. And cheesy things.
Reminds me of this one fic by the same name I read back in july which never updated past chapter 2.
Wow, lots of vampire stories popping up lately. I may even get one out in the next day or two.
583497 I'm not afraid to admit I read the Twilight series just so I could criticize with authority.
583516 Yeah I noticed while editing that she seemed a bit out of character, but this story was written pretty quickly. Keeping characters in character is something I still need to improve upon.
Typical. Twilight gets grouchy about Rarity getting all the stallions and it turns out that the first to REALLY show an interest in her is a vampire lord that decided to kidnap her and her friend rather than meet her himself.
Poor twilight... it's terrible being a weirdness magnet. First the elements of harmony being certifiably insane, and a dragon with an interspecies romance with an older mare, a pet phoenix... now a vampire love interest. WHY FATE WHY!?
585339 Well, depending on how old Talon is, it makes sense for him to have control of his emotions. However, it would be interesting to see him loose his cool and rage... perhaps heartbrokenly depending on the exact situation, and I would perhaps write a sequel to this... though if Talon simply gave up on Twilight that would make no sense. Perhaps he did something else instead... perhaps the griffons attack and go after the elements of harmony, and he protects her, leading to a strange alliance? Perhaps Twilight finds a better option than becoming a vampire... in that she can change the vampirism with magic into something fundamentally different? OR just reverse it, but to do so requires an epic quest of some kind.
I think Talon might be a bit awkward for a name... maybe Black Heart or Dark Heart... or something like that.
You said that the rest of the vampires were asleep in the clearing as the sun was coming up. Does that mean that Talon left them to burn because of what they had become?
604823 maybe ;)
763599 thank you so much! you're very kind. Unfortunately I hadn't really planned on anything taking place after, eventhough I have had a spinoff idea or two. I guess I'm just focusing too much on two other fics that I'm afraid if I start another I wont be able to handle it.....but we'll see. There's always hope
Honestly,this story is pretty dark and interesting,I was always trying to find some vampire story involving Twilight,but it's a rare aspect in the fandom.Only a few stories exist with Twilight becoming a vampire and more of Rarity.While I did really feel upset that Twilight didn't really become a vampire, I did however, enjoy the story still. The concept of the vampires and Twilight wanting to become a vampire to feel loved is rather well down as well as the main antagonist.
I liked this story, mainly because of Talon even though he has quite a short appereance. Far too often in fiction and in fan fiction especially the antagonist or the bad guy is just a raging asshole for the sake of being a raging asshole. Most of the time that just seems like a cheap attempt to funnel sympathy towards the protagonist regardless of his/her charecter.
Talon is actually a pretty decent guy. His in control of his emotions and after Twilight's rejection he keeps his cool and even let's Twilight, Rarity and Bonnie go instead of forcefully transforming Twilight. And when his plan to help his children failed, rather then let them continue existence as mindless monsters, he let them perish instead.
If after Twilight's rejection Talon would have gone the ordinary antagonist route and started raging and tried to forcibly chance Twi, either followed by her escape or transformation, I would most likely have found this story to be "meh".
The only problem i have is i cant even look at it cause its a wall of text. no paragraph spacing makes it incredibly hard for me to read. None the less i shall give it a good go!
1161239 thanks!
583116
Wait which Twilight are you referring to? 
KILL THE NON-BELIEVER!!!
If it's the Twilight series then yea those were not vampires. Vampony Twilight however,
is Fluttershy approved.
1174803 How could I be trashing Vampony Twilight? I hate the book series, (Don't we all?) and I like vamponies.
1176679
I like the BOOK serie(not the movies).
Whew! I am so sorry, people! I didn't realize that I never retooled all the chapters to be readable. I just finished fixing it all. I corrected some things, changed a few sentences, and converted it from a wall of text to something much easier to read. So, enjoy!
I want to apologize in advance if I sound dickish in this comment. English ain't my first language and sometimes I find myself sounding harsh when I don't intend to be like that at all.
Well, I must start off by saying that I'm incredibly disappointed with the picture, as it was very misleading. I thought this story was focused around Twilight becoming a vampire, but this never happened.
Then I must say that I'm a little confused with the concept itself. I mean, vampires itself are a great concept I haven't seen in any other MLP thing before (unless you count Changelings), but the result seems a little lacking.
For example, why, amongst all the possible scenarios, does it simply end on 'You are bad and should feel bad, so let me go! - Okay you can go.'?
I was hoping for more character development, as I haven't exactly seen a reason for these internal decisions.
I could name more questions, but I don't to drift off into saying this story is bad, which, by all means, is not the case at all. It has its moments, but it's questionable.
To give credit where credit is due, I like the build up romances with Talon.
In the end it's an okay story, but certainly not the icing of fictions. It just has a lot of wasted potential and it's a shame, seeing how the general concept was pretty interesting.
2654248 I agree. It was meant to be a short warmup kind of story. It was my first real mlp fic and I was just trying to get back into the swing of writing fics. (I hadn't written in years.)
I'm a little unsatisfied with it, but I have a tendency to get way too ambitious with my story ideas, and this was meant to be short. I knew if I aimed for a long story at the time it would never have gotten finished.
I personally believe this is my worst fic, and the others still need work too. I'm doing my best to improve.
Thank you for your comment! I value everyone's input.
Dude, you gotta make a sequel. Also, i kinda got the impression of Talon looking kinda like SlenderMane.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/300/4/0/slendermane__gimp__by_3p1cn1nja-d5j5t71.png
ZOINKS, SCOOB!