• Published 2nd Apr 2015
  • 3,653 Views, 47 Comments

Clop Clop! - ThatOneWriter



Pinkie Pie has a clopping problem.

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 3,653

Clopclopclopclopclopclopclopclop!

Pinkie Pie loved to clop. She clopped all the time, every single day. She clopped when she was bored. She clopped when she was in the road. She clopped when she was alone. She even clopped in front of her friends, who were less than appreciative of the gesture.

Indeed, there weren’t many ponies who put up with Pinkie’s perpetual clopping. The Cakes did, right up until she started clopping around Pound and Pumpkin. They were even less tolerant when her clopping in front of customers started to chase away business from the Sugarcube Corner. The customers themselves got really mad about her clopping, which Pinkie didn’t get. Didn’t everypony clop at least occasionally?

At least there were a few ponies who were willing to put up with her clopping. Big Macintosh still stuck around.

“She’s family, more or less,” he said. “If her own family won’t stand by her, who the hay will?”

Some ponies not only tolerated the clopping, but celebrated it! Vinyl Scratch, for instance, mixed the sound of Pinkie’s clopping into her music, much to the chagrin of everypony else. Photo Finish also came to town. The boldness and defiance of Pinkie’s clopping wherever and whenever she wanted, regardless of how others felt, was a great inspiration for Photo Finish, and even spawned a new fashion line that was in style for a full twenty minutes! That record-long time to hold the fashion world’s sway would not be matched for years to come.

Scientists arrived, hoping to study Pinkie’s clopping habits. If she could be understood, perhaps she could be cured, and ponies with similar compulsions would never again have to live with the shame and ridicule their habit brought them. If nothing else, it was another reason to get some extra research funding.

Finally, however, Twilight had had enough. Pinkie’s clopping had disturbed her too much. Not just emotionally, either. The constant noise had disturbed her reading, disturbed the peace of the library, and even disturbed her sleeping on the night Pinkie had slept over. When Pinkie clopped, it was loud and disruptive, and there was no focusing on anything else.

Twilight and her friends stood outside Sugarcube Corner. She heard hooftsteps. Somepony was approaching the door! Every muscle in Twilight’s legs tensed as she crouched, preparing to leap as soon as she saw that poofy pink mane. Twilight nodded to her friends, who snuck a little closer to the doorway.

On three, she mouthed. One… The doorknob rattled. Two… It slowly turned. Three! The door swung open, just in time for the five friends to pile upon Pinkie.

“We’ve got her!” Twilight cried. “Applejack, quick! Tie her up!”

“Noooo!” Pinkie wailed as her hooves were tied together. “Now I can’t cloppy-clop anymore!”

Rarity put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. The gesture ended up a bit more awkward than planned, mostly due to Pinkie being trapped on her back instead of upright. “Pinkie, dear. We don’t mean to interfere with your ability to clop. But please, don’t clop in front of us.”

“Why not? Clopping is fun!”

Rarity coughed. “Ahem. Well, yes, it can be. But a proper lady does not go clopping in public. She composes herself with grace, dignity, and above all—” She grabbed Pinkie’s hoof, which had somehow slipped free of its knot. “A lady does. Not. Clop.” Rarity narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, who merely tilted her head. “Ever.”

Pinkie frowned. “But everypony clops sometimes. I’ve even heard you clopping, Rarity!” Pinkie bounced. “Remember? Last week when we were walking?”

“Well, erm, that was… different, Pinkie.” Rarity looked away, choosing to toy with her mane instead. “It was a very stony street.”

Sighing, Twilight wrapped a foreleg around Pinkie. This turned out slightly better than Rarity’s attempt, since Pinkie was now able to stand, even though two of her hooves were still tied. “Pinkie, nopony can avoid clopping. It’s a sound everypony makes when they walk.” She looked at Pinkie, who stared back. “But constant clopping is really annoying. Nopony can focus!”

Pinkie pondered this. She nodded. “Okay, I think I get this! You don’t like my tapping, even though my tapping usually has a beat to it.” Pinkie smiled. “I’ll just stop, then!”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Fluttershy said.

“Buuuuut…” Pinkie’s smile faded as she continued to tap her hoof against her chin. “I really want to learn how to play the drums like my mirror world self! How can I do that if I don’t practice?”

Dash grinned. “I’ve got you covered. My buddy Thunderlane used to be in a band. Only, he realized pretty early on that they all sucked, and that he was the worst of them. So he gave it up.” Flying up to a cloud, Dash returned with part of a drum set. “He played the drums, too. Was so fed up, he offered to give me the whole set for twenty bits. The rest of it’s at home.”

Pinkie’s eyes glowed as she took the drums from Dash. She ran her hooves over the skins.

Twilight smiled. “Well, that’s that problem solved!”

Pinkie slammed the drumsticks against the drums. She mercilessly beat them to what was at least a pretty solid rhythm.

“... And another one created.” Twilight clasped her hooves over her ears. “Ugh. If you need me, I’ll be studying soundproofing techniques.”

It was then that Pinkie Pie began to dance. Most ponies said that she danced to the beat of her own drummer, but nopony had said before that she danced to the beat of her own drumming. In that regard, those ponies were wrong. Pinkie danced and played. She played and danced. She danced and played and played and danced the rest of the day.

Back at the treehouse, Twilight slammed the door. She yelled up the stairs. “Spike!”

Spike came running down the stairs. “Yeah, Twilight? Whattaya need?”

Twilight collapsed in her chair. “I need you to write a letter to Princess Celestia.”

“Uh, okay.” Spike pulled a sheet of parchment and a quill from the desk. He dipped the quill in ink. “What should I write?”

“Dear Princess Celestia,” Twilight said. “If you’re already annoyed with your friend’s clopping, don’t help them start banging.”

Author's Note:

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I will never do this ever again. Or at least for a few months.

Thanks for reading! Want to let me know how terrible a person I am? Comment below! I promise I'll only cry a little!

Comments ( 47 )

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My first thought was that it wasn't a euphemism, but for the longest time, you kept me guessing.

Story of the year, right here.
:eeyup:

Before I read this, I'd just like to let you know some information regarding the spoiler in your description:

Definitely not the product of an April Fool's joke. Lookit. It's already over! That makes this totes serious.

As of this comment, the time zone I deal with still has an hour left. :trixieshiftleft:

Edit: After reading, I'm not entirely sure if I should react like :facehoof: or :rainbowlaugh:...
Eh, have a fave and upvote either way. :derpytongue2:

5813593
That's why I debated on marking it Mature. But then I realized I'd have people freaking out on me for the bait and switch, and I didn't go far enough with the innuendo to really sell that. So I just marked it as Teen. Another innuendo fic to add to the list.

... Man. A look through my stories list reveals just how terrible my taste in comedy is.

5813622
Pffft. Story of the day, maybe. General consensus amongst my (rather small) pool of feedback is that I did a great job with the bait and switch, so I would accept that much. Especially if April 2 is just a runner-up prize to April Fool's itself.

5813645
Ah, Pacific time, eh? Yeah, I didn't actually think this would be posted so quickly. It was already past midnight here in the Eastern #mastertimezone, so... yeah. Especially given the wait times I've been hearing about, and the time it took to post Icky-Sicky. Cheshire was quick on the draw.

5813707

Eastern #mastertimezone

Perhaps obviously, I disagree. Perhaps not as obviously, I'd argue that claim belongs to Central Standard Time. It's an excellent mediator. :twilightsmile:

5813732
But Eastern is my time zone. And RainbowBob's. If I don't secure its spot atop all other timezones, surely he does.

I laughed, I laughed hard. Good show! :pinkiehappy:

I've gotten good at calling twists before they happen. Not sure how to feel about that.

5813776
Well, the Teen rating probably made it a bit easier to guess than it should have been. But yeah, it's usually pretty obvious with these fics.

That glorious pun at the end!

Take a lel and a T2 fave. I chuckled. :twistnerd:

Too much clopping, not enough banging. 10/10

Oh my celestia, I like puns I like pinkie you got me with this. Pinkie pie always serious :pinkiecrazy:. To me the length of the fanfic made it kinda predictable, I already knew that it wasn't what it was supposed be.

It'd be Funny if at the end. ...

"So you all don't have a problem with my compulsive masterbating?"

"No that's fine. "

Okay, you got me. I laughed at the end.

tow behave yourself

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

You're awful.

:heart:

I came, I saw, I clopped.

5813792
Every now and then, I come up with a good line. That one happened to come from nowhere.

5813827
Mission accomplished!

5813991
No, see, the banging is in the sequel. :raritywink:

Just give me a year to come up with one.

5814103
Eh, I didn't actually intend to post it at first. I just happened to get on a roll with the puns, and then people suggested I publish it, so I did. I'm a sucker for peer pressure like that.

5814340
"No, no, that's fine. Nothing weird about that. Everypony does it." :rainbowlaugh:

5814364
Probably the best pun, honestly.

5814384
nevar

5814672
Aw! That's so sweet! :heart:

5814716
:heart:

5815024
ew clopping :P

:trollestia:
To my dearest student,

You gave DRUMS to PINKIE PIE???? I'm sorry, I thought that only smart ponies got into my School for Gifted Unicorns. This one's on you, and you'd better sort it out before I lose my patience and handle it myself. As the old saying goes, "In space, nopony can hear you drum."

I can make the sun tick like a clock if it'll help you work faster.
~Yours truly, Princess Celestia

I saw that coming from the start

10/10, would bang again.

Alright you got me. That was pretty funny.

I wrote a review of this story; it can be found here.

Well, given I don't read clop and I was expecting this to be a satire, I wasn't too dissapointed ^^.
I feel like you could have kept it up for a little longer, but it was a good laugh so I'm not complaining :pinkiehappy:.
(um.. don't take that the wrong way XD)

5828483
Well, considering I didn't even write this for the site at first, I'd say it turned out pretty well. I just wrote this up in a short amount of time for my April Fool's blog (where the subversion probably worked better), and then someone suggested I post it to the site. Since it just squeaked by the minimum, I just posted it and kinda left it.

It was just a fun little thing to write. I probably could go back and add more jokes, but I'm not too worried about it. Hope it was enjoyable anyway!

5830954
Fair enough :).
It was fun, so thanks for putting it up here anyway!

This was a horribly amazing story. I have no idea what the hell to even say about this. Except one thing:

5849745
Heh. My sense of humor is pretty terrible.

If you think Pinkie's banging is horrible, then just wait until you see Cloud Kicker's drumming skills.

Cloppity clop clop.

That ending was adorably silly. So very Twilight. So very MLP to say things like that and her not realizing the double entendre.

I don't know why I didn't fave this when it first came out.

Today I set that great injustice right.

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I will never do this ever again. Or at least for a few months.

Too late! You've already done it in front of everyone. You'll just have to live with it now. :derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh:

6315861
Nooooooooooooooooooo--

Okay. I can deal with that. Let's be honest here, it could be worse.

This was great XD :rainbowlaugh:

LOL I GOT THE DOUBLE ENTENDRE:rainbowlaugh:

am i alowed to record and upload this to youtube?

what does clop actually mean?

OMCCB

I was thinking of the fandoms definition of clop the whole beginning and couldn't stop laughing at how "Pinkie clopped everywhere" X'D

ohhhhhh. you meant the clopping of their hooves as they walked! :rainbowlaugh:

Uh......not exactly what I thought I was reading....

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